Fifty Shades of Chemo
by Liza Dreamer
Summary: Phoebe is 9 months old. Three months after she is born, Christian finds a lump in Ana's breast and she is diagnosed with cancer. From Christian's perspective, it tells of his and Ana's struggle as she under goes a rigorous course of chemotherapy, I intentionally have left the specific type or cancer and treatment un-said. This is a work of fiction, not a reality series.
1. Chapter 1

The large Audi SUV pulls into Escala's underground garage, its wipers rapidly beating away the sheets of rain that have blanketed Seattle all day. It stops by the elevator's entrance. Sawyer emerges from the driver's side to open the back door to allow me to step out. He then leads the way to the elevator, pushing the button, and then stepping in to enter the penthouse code when the doors open. He holds the door for me to enter. Our eyes meet, but all he does is nod before returning to car. When the elevator opens, Taylor is holding the door open. Although our eyes meet, neither of us speaks, as there is no need. Everyone knows the drill by now, and I just hope we never have to do this ever again.

I walk through the great room straight into the bedroom. The duvet has already been pulled back, which allows me to lay my wife gently on to it. Only then do I move my arms, gently stroking her cheek, and am rewarded with a small smile. I lean down and kiss her forehead.

"We're home, baby."

She opens her beautiful eyes, so huge these days, and looks at me.

"I made it. Told you I could do this."

She reaches up and strokes my cheek. Although I want to scream out my fears and frustration, I instead smile back her and say,

"Yes, you did. Now you have to keep you end of the bargain and start gaining weight."

A small frown appears on her brow, but she smiles again,

"Yes, I know. And, you promise when I get back to my original weight we'll go back to France for a second honeymoon."

"Promise."

I smile back at her. Leaning down I kiss her.

I become aware of someone was entering the room, and look up to find Mai Lu quietly standing at the foot of the bed. She has her bag with her and our eyes meet.

"You spoke to Dr. Sellers?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey. He gave me his orders. I'm going to restart her fluids now and continue to Zofran around the clock. She's due a dose now."

I nod and look at Ana again, who appears to have drifted off again. I know it's because of the additional doses of Ativan they had to give her, and a pang of guilt hits as I remember my behavior at the infusion clinic that precipitated its necessity. I sigh, knowing I'll have to apologize to Ana later, but now is not the time.

Mai Lu kneels down next to Ana, lying her bag on the floor next to her. She reaches a up and gently rubs Ana's shoulder,

"Hi, Mrs. Grey." She stops in response to Ana's small frown.

"I mean, Ana." Not opening her eyes, the frown disappears.

"I am going to hook you back up to some IV fluids and give you another dose of Zofran. Are you in any pain; would you like a dose of morphine?"

Ana quickly shakes her head no.

"Are you sure, baby? It was a long drive home."

She opens her eyes, looking first at Mai Lu then me. I see her setting her mouth in her defiant way, knowing it means she won't, but I had to ask.

"No. Maybe some Vicodin in a little bit, but I'm fine, Christian, Mai Lu. Thank you."

I nod in acceptance as I watch Mai Lu pull the IV fluids and pump out, before reaching into the neck of Ana's gown for the connection to her port-a-cath. She swabs the cap well before hooking the tubing up, and then begins to program the pump. Once it begins to run, making the gentle whirring sound that reassures me it's giving Ana the fluid she needs, she pulls out a syringe and vial. After drawing the drug up, she scrubs the side port of the IV tubing, before slowing injecting the Zofran.

I gently stroke Ana's back as all this is done, trying, as has been constant for the endless weeks prior, to ignore the anxiety that threatens to well up as I feel every rib and bone of her spine through the thick fleece blanket she has been wrapped in since we left the clinic.

I hear Taylor clear his throat, and turn to him standing at the door.

"You have a phone call, Sir. Your Mother." I nod.

"Tell her I'll be right there." Looking back at Ana I ask her,

"Do you want to get out of the blanket and under the duvet?"

She shakes her head no. I kiss her forehead.

"Sleep, baby. I'll be right back. Mai Lu is right here if you need something. OK?"

Not opening her eyes, she nods and snuggles into the pillow, her head scarf shifting off. I pull it away and stroke her bald head. Will I ever get to bury my nose in her long tresses again?

I'm told it will grow back, now that she done with the chemo, but I am having trouble believing that we'll ever be the way things were before this nightmare started. It's been so long.


	2. Chapter 2

I walk into the great room and pick up the cordless phone.

"Hello?"

"Christian, how are things going for you both?" My Mother asks sympathetically. I sigh as I run my free hand through my hair.

"We just got home. It took a lot longer today because her weight had dropped enough from last time that they had to re-mix everything with smaller doses."

Initially, my Mom says nothing in response, and then speaks.

"Christian, I heard about what happened at the clinic today, and I had warned you that no good would come of you saying anything."

I sit heavily on the arm of the couch as tears threaten again.

"I know, Mom. But, I had to try! Surely seven doses of the stuff was enough! She's lost so much weight and is so weak, I'm so afraid this last course will prove to be too much for her small body and that I'm…"

I choke on a sob as tears spill onto my face.

"Listen, Christian. I'm leaving the hospital and want to stop by. Is that OK?" I take a deep breath, trying to pull myself together.

"What about Dad? Won't he expect you for dinner with the children?"

"You've obviously forgotten that Elliot was taking Ava over today. The weather is too bad for his crew to be out, so he had the entire day free. He and Ava will be staying until after they eat. Your father and the children will be fine."

"Ok. Yes. Please come."

"I'll see you in a little bit. Hopefully the traffic has died down by now."

"Do you want Sawyer to come pick you up? Since Taylor is here with us, I was planning to send him back to the big house anyway. He can take you once you leave here."

"No, that's not necessary, dear. I'll be fine. See you shortly." She hangs up just as Mai Lu walks up to me.

"Mr. Grey? Ana wants you, Sir."

I get up and stride back into the bedroom to find Ana sitting up in the bed looking at me.

"You are a fine sight, Mr. Grey." She sweetly murmurs. I can't help but smile. She almost sounds like her old self.

"Why, thank you Mrs. Grey. What can I do for you?"

"I need to pee." She still blushes, which is so sweet. My heart melts. I chuckle.

"Ok."

I lean down as Ana wraps her arms around my neck, I gather her into my arms. She's so light, almost like a tiny bird. I nuzzle her neck as I carry her into the bathroom, Mai Lu trailing behind carrying the bag with the fluids and pump in it. I set her on her feet, then pull the back of her gown up, and gently lift her on to the seat, all the time she is keeping her arms wrapped around me. We figured out months ago that panties where wasted energy to deal with on days like today.

She rests her head on my shoulder as I rub her back and kiss her. I long ago, out of necessity, won the battle for privacy with her. She is too weak to walk any distance and she finally had to accept my presence when she goes. My motive was two-fold, to insure she not fall, and that she is making adequate urine.

After her 3rd course when she was hospitalized with acute kidney failure due to dehydration, I have insisted on someone being present to insure she is making adequate urine after she gets the chemo. She hates it, especially if it is someone other than me, but I don't give a shit. She almost died because she was too sick and no one was paying attention that she wasn't making urine, and I'm not letting that happen again.

I take some paper and hand it to her. She sits up and finishes while I reach back and flush.

"Ok, Mrs. Grey. Better?" She nuzzles my neck, kissing me as she nods.

"While you're up, do you want to wash your face and brush your teeth?"

"Yes, please." She murmurs.

I stand up with her in my arms, grabbing the bag with my free hand and carry her to the chair in front of her sink. It's tall enough for her to reach the sink, which allows her to use it without needing to stand, but I keep one arm around her waist to steady her anyway. Turning the water on, she takes the toothbrush and applies the special paste she needs to prevent sores, and brushes. I look for any signs of blood when she spits it out, relieved to see none. She finishes washing her face and applies some moisturizer. I took into her eyes.

"You are so beautiful, Mrs. Grey. Do you have any idea how much I love you?" She smiles and kisses me.

"Thank you, Mr. Grey. And, yes, I know you love me, because they say love is blind and for you to think this skinny, bald female is attractive means you got it bad! But, I'm grateful because I can't imagine how I could have possibly gotten through these last few months without you."

Tears threaten me again, but I quickly pull her into my arms to hide them.

"Well, you know I couldn't be anywhere else except with you. You are my life, Ana."

I choke. She hugs me harder, running her hand on my back, as she kisses my neck.

"It's Ok, Christian. It's going to get better from now on. I promise."

I nod into her neck, knowing it's a lie, but not wishing another argument that will upset her. She still has to survive the effects of this last course of chemo in the next 7-10 days. Even though Dr. Sellers told me he reduced the dosage significantly, I know what has happened before and dread having to watch Ana suffer through it again.

I pick her up and carry her back to the bed, reluctantly letting her go as she lies back down.

"Can I get you to eat or drink a little something?" I ask.

"Not right now. In a little while, I promise." She strokes the stubble on my cheek that I love so much.

I nod, knowing she'll have to be pushed to take something, but I'll wait. Sometimes Mai Lu has better luck than I do, and I can trust her to coax some calories into Ana. So, I leave it.


	3. Chapter 3

I hear activity coming from the great room, knowing that my Mom has most likely arrived. My suspicion is confirmed when she walks into the room. As always, my Mom's presence calms me and I send a prayer up that she rescued me so long ago, because she still is rescuing me.

She smiles when she sees Ana awake.

"Hello, Ana. How are you feeling?" Ana turns and smiles at Mom, as she squeezes my hand.

"I'm doing well, Grace. I finished!" She grins up at me looking for my confirming nod. I manage to arrange my face in a manner to convey my pleasure, which she either accepts as genuine or ignores the true emotion behind it.

"Yes, dear you have. Congratulations. I knew you would, but I'm so glad it's over."

Mom walks over to the side of the bed. I shift towards Ana's head to make room for Mom to join us. Ana gives her cheek for Mom to kiss as she sits on the bed.

"I know why you're here, Grace. Because Christian won't stop fussing over me until I've received the Dr. Trevelyan seal of approval. So, you can reassure him that I'm fine, so he can stop worrying." My Mother laughs at Ana while looking into my eyes and winks.

"Now, Ana! I came to see you! I don't think anything I say is going to affect Christian's anxiety. That's your job, by getting better now that the chemo is behind you."

"Yes, I know." Ana's eyes begin to droop.

"Why don't we leave you to rest for awhile, then we'll discuss what you are going to have for supper." I say as I stand up. Mother kisses Ana one more time before getting up as well.

"Yes, dear. Rest. I'll call in tomorrow."

"That's sweet of you Grace, but it's really not necessary. It's just a matter of riding out the effects of this last chemo and as soon as my counts are up enough, I'll be back at the big house with the kids. I miss my babies so much."

"I know you do, dear. But, they are doing fine. Your and Christian's "business trips" are just part of their lives and they cope with your absence really well." My Mom pantomimes quotation marks, when she says" business trip".

After Ana's hospitalization with dehydration, Dr. Sellers felt it would be better if Ana was not around the children when her counts dropped. Ana was dead set against it, but it was too hard on the children for her to be physically in the house, but separated from the children. When her white count was non-existent, I forbid her to have physical contact with the children, knowing an infection could potentially kill her. She was livid with me, but I wasn't budging on that. The staff was well aware that I'd fire their asses if they aided Ana to see the children.

My Mom suggested us staying at Escala, telling the children we were away on business. It allowed me to focus solely on Ana, and the kids weren't upset that they couldn't see her. We do Face time, but the kids are no wiser that we aren't out of town.

Mother and I head out as I see Mai Lu whisper into Ana's ear, hopefully encouraging her to drink or eat something.

I quietly close the door, and Mom puts her arm around my waist as we walk into the great room.

"Christian. It's almost over, just hang in there. I know this has been hell for you, but I'm so proud of you. You've handled Ana's illness much better than I initially feared."

I sigh as we sit together on the couch. I lean forward and put my head in my hands.

"I don't know Mom. I've really had no choice. The treatment and Ana have dictated everything. I've just been along for the ride. I still don't see why she had to take this last course. Her odds of a cure were good, even without the chemo, and Dr. Sellers did say that other patients have survived 5 years on a shorter course out of necessity because they couldn't tolerate the full 8 treatments. How could he really look at her weighing barely 80 pounds and say she could tolerate this! That's what upsets me!"

Mom rubs my back as I talk, knowing I just need to vent my anger and frustration to someone. I take a deep breath, working to keep it together. I don't want to start crying in front of her. No one gets to see that. I do that alone because I'm being selfish. I know so much of my fear is the thought of losing Ana and how it would just destroy me. I have no doubt about that. I can't live without her at my side.

"Dr. Sellers and Ana still won't budge on feeding her, either into the vein or feeding tube. I just don't understand it. He said once her counts are up, if she doesn't start gaining weight, he'd consider it. I'm tempted to get another opinion."

"Christian, we've been through this before. You are the one who found Dr. Sellers and insisted he take Ana's case instead of the specialist Dr. Green wanted her to see. You can't fire him if you don't like how he is treating Ana. Ana has already called you on that and she has the final say."

"I know, I know, Mom." I sigh again. I look up at my Mom; her eyes are warm, but tired. I forget she's had a full day at the hospital and needs her rest.

"You should get home. You've had a long day. We're fine, really. Mai Lu is here and will be monitoring Ana tonight. She's getting fluids and Zofran, so will hopefully won't have the nausea and vomiting again. I hope she sleeps through the night. Maybe Mai Lu can slip her a dose of Morphine so she will."

"Christian!" My Mother warns me. "Stop it! If Ana's not in pain, she doesn't need to have narcotics. It's more likely to cause nausea! Promise you won't. Please."

"Ok, Ok." I acquiesce. I won't."

Mother stands, picking her coat off the back of the couch.

"Call me if you need anything. Ok?"

She looks me directly in the eye, then draws me into her arms. Since I met Ana I've discovered how wonderful her embrace is. I choke on a sob.

"I can't lose her, Mom. I just can't! So much of this is beyond my control. I hate it!" She holds me closer.

"You just have to keep the faith, Christian." I nod was she steps away, turning towards the door where Taylor quietly stands waiting to escort her downstairs to her car.

"You sure you wouldn't like to leave your car here and ride to the big house with Sawyer? I intentionally had him wait in case you did."

"No, Christian. I'll be fine, but if it would make you feel better why doesn't he just follow me there? That way you won't have to worry."

"Ok."

I look up and see Sawyer at Taylor's side.

"You heard that, Sawyer?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey. I'll walk you down, ma'am." Sawyer says.

Mom kisses my cheek and heads towards the door.

"Give Dad and the kids our love." I call after her.

"I will, dear. Good night, Christian."

They disappear into the elevator.


	4. Chapter Four

Taylor remains stationary by the door.

"Will there be anything else, Mr. Grey? Gail had food sent over. It's in the refrigerator ready to warm up."

"Thank Gail for us. I want to make sure Ana takes something, and then I'll worry about eating myself. But, no. There is nothing else. Thank you."

I dismiss him and head back into the bedroom. Only the small lamp on my chest of drawers is on, casting a small orb of light onto the carpet. It takes a minute for my eyes to adjust to the gloom and I can see Ana's form in the bed. God, she looks so small, and, so unbelievably strong. Once again her inner toughness leaves me shaking my head in wonder.

I look to the corner where Mai Lu has settled for the night. She has a small lamp shining on a book she is reading. She looks up and me and gives me a reassuring smile. I walk over to her and lean down to whisper.

"Did she take anything?" I ask.

"Some Boost, maybe half a can. She also took 2 Vicodin. I offered her the morphine, but she said she doesn't like how it makes her feel. I did, however, talk her into taking 2 tabs instead of the one she asked for. Otherwise, everything looks good. She got up and urinated again."

I stand, glaring at her.

"You let her walk! Why didn't you call me, for God's sake! Why did I bring you here to keep an eye on her if you're not going to call me when she needs to go to the fucking bathroom! She could have fallen, for God's sake!"

Mai Lu quakes in her chair.

"Christian! Stop it now!" I turn and find Ana sitting up in the bed glaring at me.

"She started to go get you and I told her it wasn't necessary. I can walk, I wasn't as woozy as I was earlier, and you need time with your Mom. If you're going to yell, yell at me, not her!"

He blue eye are flashing and I find myself smiling at my enraged wife. I cross the room to her side and look down at her as she turns the side light on. She frowns at me.

"What?" She snaps.

I sit on the edge of the bed and kiss her forehead.

"I'm sorry for waking you baby. You know you should let her get me, that's what she's here for."

"No. She's here to take care of me, which she was. Christian, stop it! You're going to drop dead from a coronary. And, why are you still smiling?" She glares at me.

"Because I love seeing the old Ana emerge. I'm sorry, baby. And, I'm sorry Mai Lu." I look over at the girl.

"Please accept my apology. I know how stubborn my wife can be." She nods and goes back to her book. I look back down at Ana.

"Gail sent some food over. I bet she made her special macaroni and cheese. Would you eat some with me if I warm it up?" I see her eyes wander about the room before returning to look at me. She smiles.

"Yes. I'll have some with you. Will you sit on the bed with me while I eat?"

I gently kiss her lips, and get up.

"Yes. I'd be delighted to join you on the bed to eat! Let me go warm it up. Would you like some tea as well?"

She smiles back at me, and for an instant I see the beautiful, healthy girl I met 3 years ago instead of the innocent victim of an awful disease that no 24 year old should have to fight.

"Yes. That would be great." She lies back on her pillow.

I head to the kitchen and busy myself boiling water and sticking the casserole in the microwave, carefully following the written instructions Gail taped to the plastic cover. I pull the tray out and set the tea pot, Ana's cup and tea bag, along with bowls, silverware, and napkins. The microwave beeps, and I carefully stir the food before re-setting the timer. It smells good, and I hope it will entice Ana to eat. I pour the hot water into the pot just as the microwave beeps again. I take a towel, as Gail instructed, and lift the dish out and onto the tray, then carry it back to the bedroom.

Ana has her eyes closed and I panic that she's fallen back asleep without having eaten anything. I always never know whether waking her up to eat is a good idea. She usually refuses; mad at me for waking her. But, at the sound of my approach she opens her eyes, seeing me standing at the foot of the bed with the tray, she sits up pulling her legs up.

"It smells good!" She says.

I set the tray on the bed in front of her. She takes the tea bag and dunks it into the pot of steaming water a few times before pulling it out and laying it aside. She looks at the tag.

"Decaf! Christian! You know I don't like this stuff!" She crinkles her nose in displeasure.

"Doctor's orders, remember?" Grace pointed out caffeine can raise her already elevated heart rate.

"Your mother is not my doctor." She huffs as she returns the bag to the pot for a few more dunks. "It takes forever for any taste to come through."

I dish up a small amount of macaroni, knowing too large a portion panics her.

"Mai Lu, Christian brought an extra bowl and fork for you. Will you join us?" Ana asks.

I am not happy having to feed the medical staff, but it's easier to just do it rather than listen to Ana whispering that it's rude not to offer. As I expected, Mai Lu declines the offer, but I know Ana is happier because I remembered the extra things. She mouths a, "Thank you." And I melt at her smile.

She takes the food and a spoon. I watch her until she takes a small bite before turning my attention to my food.

We sit in companionable silence eating. I try not to fixate on her every bite, but I'm reassured by the steady clink of her spoon on her bowl. It stops, but I look up to see her pick up the pot and pour some tea into her cup. I almost speak up to tell her I could have done that for her, but our eyes meet and her look tells me that she knows what I was about to say, as well as a silent rebuke. I shake my head, amused. Ana smiles at me, taking a sip of the tea.

"This is good. Thank you, Mr. Grey."

I look up and smile, actually feeling myself relax a little.

"You're more than welcome, Mrs. Grey. Could I interest you in some ice cream for dessert? It's vanilla."

She shakes her head, setting the bowl back on the tray.

"Thank you, but no. Maybe tomorrow."

I get up and set her cup of tea on the side table, then pick the tray up.

"I'm going to take this back to the kitchen, then will get you up so you can brush your teeth."

I look at her hard, conveying my expectation that she stay put until my return. She pouts, but it's for my benefit because she breaks into a grin, enjoying the joke. I scowl at her, knowing it won't have any affect. It doesn't. Her smile gets bigger.

In the bathroom, she urinates again, then washes her hands and brushes her teeth, followed by the medicated mouthwash. I help her into a fresh gown, then pick her up and carry her back into the bed. She settles back on the pillow, but doesn't let go of my neck.

"I love you, Mr. Grey." Ana whispers. "Will you join me?" She asks.

"Not quite yet, baby. I just need to check my e-mails. I'm going to sit over on the couch, so you can sleep. When you need to go pee again, just let me know."

I kiss her forehead before I pull the duvet over her boney shoulders. I look over to Mai Lu, who is watching. I know she's paying attention, so I head to my office to grab my lap top.


	5. Chapter 5

My phone has been off all day. Everyone knows I wasn't to be bothered today, that all of my focus was on my wife. Whatever came up, they would just have to deal with it until I surfaced.

I look at the clock, realizing it's not as late as I thought. I sit down at my desk and call Roz. She answers on the 2nd ring.

"Christian. I'm surprised to hear from you today! Is Ana Ok?"

"Sleeping, hopefully. We did it, she's done. All we have to do is get past the dip in her counts and we can hopefully resume some semblance of a normal life." I sigh.

I hear Roz drag on her cigarette over the phone.

"Dammit, Roz! It's bad enough that you won't totally quit smoking that crap, but you know better than to do it over the phone with me!" She laughs her smoky laugh and I know she's ignoring me yet again. Despite Ana's diagnosis and threats to dock her substantial pay if she didn't quit, she carries on.

"Simmer down, Christian. It's out. Jeez, lighten up!" She coughs, and I rub my eyes. I didn't realize how tired I am.

"Anything I need to know about?" I ask, knowing she would have sent me an e-mail, which I haven't bothered to check yet. But, I'm the head of my company and I prefer talking to people because I can learn more by being able to ask questions and gauge voice inflection of whomever I'm speaking to.

"No, Christian. European markets and industry were all closed for some holiday and Asia is quiet. I let Andrea go home early. Tomorrow I have a video conference with the productivity staff in Taiwan to go over the last quarter's numbers, which were excellent. I'm doing it more because I don't want them to get the idea that we aren't keeping a close eye on them just because one quarter was up. I think we finally have the right people in the right places over there. And, I hate to say it, but you were right about getting rid of Chung. It seems everything began to finally gel once he was out of the picture. I know, I know," she laughs. "I should know better than to question your calls when it comes to personnel. Guess that's what makes you the boss, Boss."

"Yes, Roz. You should know better. I'll check with you tomorrow. If Ana continues to do well, I'll let know I'll be reachable. I have a nurse in to give her fluids and nausea medicine throughout the night, so we'll hopefully have a good night."

"Give her our love, won't you Christian? And, leave the damn phone off tomorrow. If it's really important I'll call Taylor and he can decide whether to bother you or not. Otherwise, it's all good. Spend time with your wife. Ok?"

"I'll do that. Thanks, Roz. Love to Gwen." I end the call and head back to the bedroom with my laptop. I was toying with getting a glass of white wine, but decide I'm too tired. I need to be clear headed to check my e-mails.

Mai Lu is kneeling next to Ana on the floor. I look at the clock and am pleased to see she is keeping to the schedule for the Zofran. Ana doesn't stir. I go into our closet to grab some clothes and head into the bathroom. I quickly brush my teeth and change into shorts and a tee shirt.

As I re-emerge, Mai Lu is back in her chair. I lean down and am reassured by Ana's steady breathing that she's sleeping soundly, and again pray she stays that way, before settling down on the couch. There's just enough light from the lamp on the chest of drawers for me to see. Ana scolds me that I need more light than that because it will strain my eyes, but I don't want to disturb her.

I quickly log on and skim my mail. Roz was right. I've received fewer messages than I normally do on a weekday. I open and scan a few that have to do with the companies I have most recently acquired or am considering on buying, but tonight the numbers aren't making any sense. I shake my head in frustration. This used to be so easy. Am I losing my edge?


	6. Chapter 6

I open a message from Brian Holly.

"Christian-

I know today Ana is receiving her last chemo and I wanted to let you know the entire congregation is praying for you both. If either of you need to talk to me, or want to pray over the phone with me, you know my number. Don't worry about the hour. I can drop off again after we've spoken.

Yours in Christ,

Father Holly"

I stare at the ceiling to stop the tears that have welled up into my eyes from spilling onto my cheeks. His reassuring message reminds me that, despite my lone vigil at Ana's side, I'm really not alone. I offer my first real prayer up to God since this morning. I keep telling Father Holly that I'm working on getting better at remembering to thank God for what is going well, not just ask for help with everything that isn't.

When Ana was first diagnosed, we were lost. I focused all my energy on finding out all I could about her diagnosis and what treatments were available. Ana, initially, immersed herself in her work and the children. Only at night would we cling to one another and voice our fears. Then, one evening before she was to start the chemo we were together on the sofa enjoying the quiet getting to kids down brings, Ana hands me a small book.

"This is a new author we decided to publish. He's an Episcopal priest here in Seattle, but his writing just spoke to me. I can't really explain why. And, what's odd about this, Christian is I decided to publish this before I even knew I was sick. Isn't that odd? It's almost as if fate knew what I needed even before I did. I'd like you to read it. It's a short book; it won't take you very long to do so."

I scowl at the title, "When Your Perfect Life Isn't So Perfect". The author was listed as Father Brian Holly.

"Is this another one of those feel good, Jesus loves you and wants you to be rich, shit? I can't stand that drivel, and I thought you couldn't abide by it either!"

"No, it really isn't. I promise." She says. "Just read it. I want to know what you think."

I look at her still confused.

"But, you've already published this." I say, looking at the Grey Publishing logo on the cover. "Why ask my opinion now?"

She takes the book from me and crawls into my lap, resting her head on my chest as I wrap my arms around her and nuzzle into her hair to inhale her wonderful scent. She runs her hand over the book's title as she speaks.

"I don't know. Like I said, his writing spoke to me. It is almost as if he wrote this book to me, and answered some questions I've had for awhile." She looks up at me.

"And, then I called him, as I do with many of the authors whom we are considering for publication. He is a remarkable man and he seems to be able to explain faith in a way that makes sense to me. When I was first diagnosed, for some reason I had this overwhelming need to call him and tell him. I initially felt awkward because I was telling him some very personal news when our prior conversations were more business related, but he almost acted as if he had expected my call."

She turns her head to look out onto the sound.

"I told him that, and he said the oddest thing. That he did expect my call because he had a premonition that God was calling to me, using the book to do so. I told him I didn't really believe in 'divine intervention'. And Father Holly asked me why I had decided to publish his book months earlier. I could no more put into words why then than I can now. I just decided. He said that was all the proof I should need to know that God was calling me specifically."

She looks up at me, then looks out over the sound again as she talks.

"Christian, meeting and falling in love with you changed my life is so many ways. Since then, my life has been a true fairy tale: handsome, sexy husband, two beautiful, healthy children, a job I love and am succeeding in, wealth beyond my wildest dreams. It is so perfect, but I kept feeling as is something was missing. I couldn't figure out what, until I read this book.

"You know, growing up in Montesano, Ray and my Mom belonged to the Lutheran church there. We went every Sunday, and I was involved in the youth group until I left for Texas. When I came back, most of the kids in the group were busy with jobs or had left for college. I guess Ray was depressed as well, because he quit going when we left. I think he didn't want to show up alone, even though most of the town knew what had happened. I really never bothered to go back. Church was a part of my life that was over when Mon and Ray's marriage ended. But, Father Holly's book brought back memories of how good it felt to be a part of a Christian community, and to have a closer connection to God."

She looks up at me again.

"And, you know what? It was then that I realized what I felt I was missing was God. My life was perfect, except I wasn't bothering the thank God for it all, like an ungrateful child. Then, when you found the lump, I quickly realized that I needed God to help us get though this in one piece."

She takes my left hand and toys with my wedding band.

"I want to visit Father Holly's church this Sunday and take the kids. I'd like you to come with us. I know you quit going when you were in your teens, but I think it would be good for us as a family to go. I feel the kids need to grow up going to Sunday school, don't you?"

And, so our journey together began. When I hit puberty, I rebelled against everything I had been raised with, including my faith and the church. I reasoned that if there was really a loving God, I would have been spared the hell I grew up in, and no clergy person could give me any sort of acceptable explanation that rebutted my assertion. When I became Elaina's sub, she expected me to spend as much time away from school with her. While I trained to become a Dom I spent my weekends at clubs, not to mention how off the wall it would be to show up in the pew after a night of flogging and fucking countless women whose names I didn't even bother to learn. Not until Ana got sick, did I start to think about faith.

Despite reading the book I remained dubious until I had a chance to talk to Father Holly privately. He invited me to join him for tea one afternoon, and we met in his study. It was a comfortable room, his desk cluttered with papers and books, something I found unusual. Just like Ana, he seemed to know I had questions in need of answers. It was unsettling. How could he know?

"Christian. I greatly appreciate you taking time form your busy schedule to meet with me. I have had a feeling you needed to talk to me and ask me some hard questions. Am I right?"

I'm immediately suspicious that Ana has talked to him about my early childhood and the thought angers me. She knows that I prefer no one know about that part of my life.

"Did my wife say something?" I demand.

Father Holly looks at me and smiles.

"No, Christian, we've never spoken about you other than her saying you stopped attending church when you were a teenager. A time of life when many young people turn their backs on the church. I'll just say I am able to sense these needs in people, and I sense it in you. Was I right?" He asks again.

I stare at him debating. I have unloaded on Flynn, and reluctantly shared with Ana, but I otherwise never speak of it. It's always so painful to talk about, then having to deal with the horror and pity my story usually provokes. It's just not a pleasant subject. I look at Father Holly, who is sitting back in his chair sipping his tea. He is middle aged, probably Dad's age. Although he is wearing a clerical collar, I am mildly surprised to see him in worn jeans and tennis shoes. His eyes remind me of Mom's. They have the same kind, reassuring look, and maybe that's why I decided to tell him.

"Father Holly…"

"Brian, please." He interrupts. I start again.

"Brian. I don't know how much of my past you know." I begin. He sets his cup down and pours himself more tea, gesturing towards my cup offering to refill mine as well. I shake my head.

"Well, I know you were adopted as a young child. That your parents are highly regarded in Seattle and have a charity that specifically helps parents with young children who have drug or alcohol problems. By that I surmised that you perhaps came from such an environment."

He looks at me expectantly.

"Yes. You are correct. My birth mother had a drug problem, that's what killed her when she was 23. I was 4 at the time. But, that is just the bare facts. The reality was she prostituted herself to pay for her addiction and her pimp was abusive to both her and me. Her frequent absences and drug binges meant I was neglected and starved, on top of the abuse the pimp loved to deliver for his own sadistic pleasure. When she OD'd I was alone with her body for 4 days before the pimp came and found her. When the cops came, I was taken to the emergency room where my Mom was working.

As a result of my early life, I've struggled with a mountain of psychological and emotional problems ever since. It wasn't until I met Ana 3 years ago that I was able to begin to find any peace of mind. My parents were involved in the church, Methodist, and I went because as a kid I really had no choice. But, no one could tell me how this supposedly loving God who can count all the hairs on my head could allow a totally innocent child to suffer as badly as I did. No one. When I became old enough to make my wishes known, I refused to go because I decided church, and God were a sham."

I look up at him and wait for the platitudes to start. He has his hands steepled together as he gazes at me. After a moment, he sits forward.

"Christian. Let me ask you a question. Can you tell me what you know about Jesus?"

I blink, surprised by his question. Jesus? Ok.

"Well, what I was taught was that God sent him to the world as a human to preach about God's love and to draw people back to him."

He nods.

"And, what else? What happened?"

"He came and he preached, but there were people who didn't like what he was saying and had him killed."

"Yes. Then what?" He gently coaxes.

"That he came back from the dead and that we are told to believe that we will join him in heaven."

Father Holly looks at me expectantly. Seeing nothing but confusion on my face, he adds.

"But, in order for Jesus to rise again, he had to die, did he not?"

I am getting irritated because I don't see what any of this has to do with me.

"Yes, he had to die first. What are you getting at? I'm not in the mood for a bible quiz!" I growl.

"Jesus suffered and died on the cross. God's own son, suffered, then died. Granted he was resurrected and is now in heaven, where we are promised to join him. But, for a time he suffered. He suffered greatly."

He sits back and continues,

"Christian, I have no easy answer as to why you suffered as a small child. God didn't spare his own son from suffering. But, have you considered what happened next for you? That the woman who would fall in love with you when you must have been a frightful sight, enough to adopt you and make you her son, just happened to be working in the ER the night you were brought in? Can you see that perhaps God was there for you then? And you speak of the huge impact Ana has had on your life. She told me, she was not the person who was supposed to interview you that day, was she?"

I look at him, speechless, as I mull over what he is saying.

"I believe God does love you, and he has had an impact on your life in countless positive ways, even if he didn't spare you from the hell you endured as a small child. Once more, have you considered how your early childhood experience has shaped who you are now, and how you look at the world? I believe you are very active in the area of feeding the poor and providing help and resources to people in need across the globe and I suspect your early childhood fuels that passion. Am I right?"

I look at him, but still have nothing to say. My mind is racing to examine whether the points he has just made make sense to me.

He reaches over and places his hand on my knee.

"Christian. God made the physical world and, in it, bad things happen where innocent people are injured or killed, not to mention young, healthy women are struck with breast cancer. Why he allows these things to happen is a mystery to us, but if you try, you'll see how, out of the hurt and chaos, God is present just the same."

I mutely nod, still trying to process what he has just said. I look up at him surprised when I hear him chuckle as he stands. I, in turn, stand up as well.

"I think our talk has provided you with enough things to reflect on for awhile. I hope you will continue to think about this and discover all the ways he has impacted your life. Then, give thanks to him for those things."

He looks into my eyes, and I again see the same light I see in my Mom's.

"May I pray with you, Christian?"

Again, I nod. He takes both of my hands, and as we stand facing one another he begins.

"Heavenly, father. Thank you for Christian, who despite a terrible beginning as a child, has managed to become a faithful son, husband and father. Help him as he resumes his journey of faith, allow him to feel your loving presence and give him your peace when he is in turmoil. We thank you for the gift of your son who suffered greatly in this world, but returned to reassure us of what is to come for us all in the next. Amen."

Father Holly has been with Ana and me throughout this horrible ordeal, but he has respected our privacy, usually sending an e-mail or text and waiting for an invitation for him to visit. It's been a rare Sunday Ana was up to going to church, although she insisted the family attend the early service Christmas Eve, wanting the children to experience the magic of the season. When we are home on the sound, Father Holly will bring Ana communion. She tells me she feels that she needs all the help she can get, and that Father Holly's visit always helps her feel better.

I'm still somewhat dubious. Father Holly and I have had a few spiritual conversations, but all I'm really interested in right now is my wife getting better. If it is within God's power to have something to do with that, I'll be happy. Brian keeps reminding me that, in addition to praying for Ana's recovery, that I need to also thank God for the blessings in our lives, which I must admit are plentiful.

I scrub my hand over my face. I'll maybe call him tomorrow.


	7. Chapter 7

I think I should call Flynn tomorrow as well. Since he moved back to England to teach at Cambridge, I've not had another counselor. I can Skype him, but by the time he left, we had worked through many of my issues. Once I took it all seriously, motivated both by wanting my relationship with Anastasia to stay strong, and a desire to be the best father for my kids, I have been able to release a lot of my old issues. Oddly, Farther Holly has helped.

I lean my head back, resting it on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling. The lamp shines up and creates a spot on the high ceiling. I look about the room, remembering how proud I was when I first moved in. This place was proof I had actually _made_ it. No expense was spared when this was done. I insisted on the best marble from Italy for the kitchen, and the bed was custom made. My playroom upstairs had every available apparatus, custom made, for any type of kink I imagined.

I snort, amused at how much I've changed since then. I cast my gaze on the sleeping form of my wife. How she has changed me. My life was filled the finest "stuff" money could buy, but I was empty, soulless, and angry, until that beautiful girl fell into my office. She looked straight into my soul, and saved me. Now, I'm trying to save her and all of my wealth and power seem to have no bearing on the outcome.

I close my eyes and I see Ana and me making love. It was shortly after she had weaned Phoebe because she wanted to increase her hours at Grey Publishing. Having kissed and nibbled down her neck and throat, I drew one nipple into my mouth and began to tease it. Ana jerked in pain, giving a little yelp. I looked at her in surprise. She ran her finger through my hair, and said,

"It's Ok. I'm just a little sore. Phoebe was really good at latching on. Please, don't stop."

But, as I resumed I could feel hardness near the nipple. I stopped and began to use my hand to explore the area.

"Ana, how long has this lump been there?" I ask.

Running her hands through my hair, she looks down at me.

"I don't know, Christian. I just figured it was a blocked milk gland. I really hasn't hurt, and I figured once my milk dried up it would go way."

I look at her, my anxiety starting to well up inside me.

"But, it hasn't, has it? Ana, it's really hard. I don't like it. You need to have it checked."

She scowls at me. .

"What happened to making love? You're going all fifty on me and I'm horney!" she pouts.

"Stop changing the subject." I scold. "I want to call Dr. Green in the morning, or I will!"

"Ok, Ok. I'll call her in the morning. Now stop being the CEO of my breasts and suck on my other one, dammit."

I gladly obey her, shoving my anxiety to the back of my mind while we enjoy a rare opportunity to get really down and dirty with my sexy wife. That was really the last time we did actually get down and dirty. The next few weeks were a blur of mammograms, ultrasounds, MRI's and the biopsy. Then, the waiting.

Dr. Green obviously was very concerned, because she quickly shot down Ana's blocked duct theory and insisted the mammogram be done that day. A week later we sat in her office in stunned silence when she reveled the biopsy results. My perfect world came crashing down by the word, "cancer". My perfect bride, flawless and innocent, cancer. How? Why? She has no family history I argue.

"Well, Mr. Grey, in every family with a history someone has to be the first. Unfortunately, your wife seems to be that one. Ana, I'm starting you on a medication that blocks estrogen since the tumor tested positive for its uptake. I suspect your pregnancies and breast feeding allowed the cancer to get a jump on things, so we need to move quickly. "

Along with the prescription, she provided us with the names of a surgeon and plastic surgeon who frequently worked together to perform the mastectomy and reconstruction at the same time, as well as an Oncologist. Ana mutely takes the papers Dr. Green handed to her and passes it on to me. She knows I will research them all to decide whether they were the best available, and would ask my mother if she knew them. I folded it up and slipped it into the pocket of my jacket before taking Ana's hand again.

I asked for copies of the scans and biopsy, which I showed to Mother. She set her mouth in a thin line, slightly shaking her head.

"I'm sorry, Christian. This is a pretty aggressive cancer. Dr. Green is right that treatment needs to start immediately."

Ana opted for a double mastectomy, which was scheduled the following week. I didn't give a damn. All they were to me now were harbingers of death and all I wanted was that tumor cut out. If that meant my wife lost her tits, so be it. All I wanted was her to be cancer free as soon as possible.

After her surgery, which was extensive and painful, Ana did well. She healed beautifully, and did manage to put some weight on at my insistence. Everything I read talked about chemo talked of nausea, loss of the ability to taste things well, as well as the mouth sores. I knew eating was going to be a battle once she started her chemo and wanted her going in with a little extra. Not that it mattered by this point.

Dr. Sellers had given Ana an 85% five year survival with surgery alone, but it went up to 94% when chemo and radiation were added, although he cited a newly released study that indicated chemo alone had the same survival rate. Ana opted for the chemo over my objections. I argued, unsuccessfully, that the sentinel node procedure resulted in just 3 nodes being taken and they were all tumor free. Wasn't that indication enough that she didn't need to do the chemo?

"Christian, I want to be her to see my children grow up, and I want to grow old with you. If adding the chemo increases my chances of that happening, I need to do it!"

Dr. Sellers believed in giving us all the information about the drugs used in the protocol he wanted to use on Ana. They got worse the further down the list I read. 'Nausea', 'vomiting', 'anemia', 'bleeding', 'infection', 'mouth sores', 'sterility', 'death'! God, no! Surely there was another way. Hadn't I heard that chemo had gotten gentler, weren't the drugs better at controlling the nausea? What about medical marijuana? Maybe we should get some.

Ana was stunned, and furious.

"Christian! NO! You of all people suggesting marijuana! I'm surprised at you! No, we will use the drugs Dr. Sellers prescribes, and only the drugs he prescribes!"

I attempted to breach the subject with the doctor after her hospitalization. He shook his head.

"I appreciate you want your wife to be more comfortable, but there are too many variables with the substance. I don't prescribe it, and although I suspect some of my patients self medicate, I am not an advocate of its use. We'll just have to adjust out arsenal of approved drugs."

But, I don't think it made much difference. Initially, she did well after receiving the chemo. The first time she was tired and her hair fell out in huge clumps, but otherwise the 3 weeks passed uneventfully. It was during the night after her second dose that she awoke with the vomiting, continuing to retch despite there being nothing left to bring up. All she had was pills, which she couldn't keep down. It seemed to take an eternity to call the doctor on-call for something else, and then have Taylor pick it up at the all night pharmacy. All the while I held my wife while she retched and cried, feeling so powerless. It was a suppository and once it had a chance to work, she drifted off to sleep.

When she woke up, she was able to take the pill. At the suggestion of Dr. Seller's nurse, Margie, I made sure she took it around the clock to prevent her from going off again.

I insisted we do the same after her 3rd treatment, but she skipped a dose the following morning. There was a meeting at Grey House I absolutely had to attend that morning. It had been postponed twice before and the client was getting testy. A bigot, he refused to have any dealings with Roz. I set it as an early breakfast meeting hoping the early hour would result in him suggesting a later date and time, but he agreed.

Ana rolled her eyes at me when I suggested I reschedule because I didn't want to leave her.

"Christian. I'll be fine. Gail and Sawyer are here, and the Nanny will be with the children. All you will end up doing is wasting the day watching me either sleep or read. Go and be master of the universe. Please?"

I reluctantly went. The meeting ended up being a colossal waste of time. It took a face to face meeting to confirm what I had already suspected, that I had no desire to deal with this sorry excuse of a man, or his shitty little company. I would get my ship parts manufactured elsewhere, or else start a company here in the U.S. to do it. Roz liked that idea and set about looking into how we could achieve that.

But, when I got home around mid-morning Gail met me at the door looking distressed.

"She wouldn't let me call you. I'm sorry, Mr. Grey. I really wanted to, but she insisted that it wasn't necessary."

"What's going on?" I ask as I start up the stairs.

Gail follows me up as she speaks,

"She started vomiting soon after you left and so far the suppository hasn't seemed to have made a difference. She's in the bathroom."

I stride into the bathroom to find Ana curled up on the mat next to the toilet, covered with her bathrobe. She is so pale; she almost looks like she's dead. My heart lurches into my throat as I kneel down next to her.

"Ana."

She opens her eyes and looks up at me.

"Christian. How was your meeting?"

"Baby, tell me what's wrong. What can I do for you? Are you cold?"

She slowly sits up, holding onto the toilet to steady her.

"I'm good. Really." She gives me a small smile.

"It was just easier to stay here in case I have to, you know, throw up again."

I caress her face, so many emotions racing through me. I take a deep breath, calming myself and deciding what to do next.

"Let's get you back to bed. The pail is there, and I'm here now so I can carry you back here if you need to again. Do you think you can keep a Zofran pill down?"

I realize I should have had Gail make sure she took her dose of Zofran which was due at 8. What was I thinking? I know she wouldn't have done it herself! I silently scold myself as I lay her in the bed.

She looks up at me, her eyes so beautifully blue.

"I'll try." She says.

"Ok, let me get one and some water. I think you should take one of those Ativan pills as well, baby. Margie told us if the suppository doesn't work you should try to get the Ativan in, even if we just have to put it under your tongue"

As I speak, I am searching through the pill containers on the top of the chest of drawers where we keep them at both houses, away from busy little fingers, trying to locate the Ativan bottle.

"Oh, Christian! I hate how the Ativan makes me feel, all I do is sleep." She whines.

I take the 2 pills over to her and sit on the edge of the bed.

"I'm sorry, baby, but it's better than you to continue to dry heave. Here, take these."

I hold my hand out with the 2 small pills in my palm. She picks them up, and with a small sip of water, takes them.

"Can you drink more of this water? Please?" I beg.

She takes a few additional swallows, then starts to gag. Her eyes water and I hold my breath. God, please, keep the pills down!

She takes a deep breath, then lies back down as I pull the duvet over her.

"Thank you." I kiss her.

"How did your meeting go?" She asks again. Stubborn woman.

"Just as I expected. My suspicions were confirmed. He's a jerk and I suspect the numbers he supplied us were pure fiction. I told him we were no longer interested in doing business with him. You would have been proud of me. He went off on me; I just walked out of the conference room without another word. I had Taylor escort him out of the building."

Her eyes close, as she replies,

"Well, I'm glad you were able to meet with him and end your negotiations while things were still in the early stages."

"I should have stayed home. You didn't take your pill, did you?" I realize my tone is more accusatory than I intended, but I'm upset.

Her eyes fly open as she looks at me. She frowns, and shakes her head, no. I sigh and run my hand through my hair.

"I'm sorry, Christian. I was asleep and forgot. The next thing I knew I woke up with it in my mouth. If the bucket hadn't of been there, I would have gotten it all over the bed and the carpet.

"I don't give a shit about the bed, or the carpet! I read about aspiration pneumonia, you could do that in your sleep! You're sure you didn't get anything down the wrong pipe?"

Gail, who apparently is standing by the door answers.

"I was here Mr. Grey, putting fresh towels in the bathroom. I got her up to the toilet quickly. I didn't hear or see her choking. She really didn't have much to bring up, just a little liquid."

I nod acknowledging her report as I turn my gaze back to my wife. The Ativan must already be working, as the small furrow on her brow has smoothed out. I kiss her cheek.

"Sleep, baby. I'll be right here."


	8. Chapter 8

I note the time Ana took the Zofran and calculate when I need to wake her up for another dose. Gail remains at the door.

"Nanny took the children over to your brother's with Sawyer. I called and asked if they could join Ava for a play date when things got rough."

"Thank you Gail for thinking of that. It's hard to explain to a 3 year old of the need to be quiet, especially when his name is Teddy Grey."

I can't help but smile as I say that. Our Ted is a handful. He's a sweet boy, but he's all boy and in constant motion. Luckily, Phoebe seems to be more laid back like her mother, although how can you really tell when they're only 7 months old? At least she sleeps through the night. I rub Ana's back as I think about our children.

Ana was so right that I would love being a father to my 2 beautiful children. She wanted more, but the chemo means that any others will have to be done by IVF, assuming the eggs they harvested can be successfully fertilized and implanted. Boy that was a battle royal.

"No, Christian. I'm not taking the estrogen blocker until Dr. Green can harvest my eggs. She said my cycle was going to allow her to try Friday, even without the booster hormones, she feels there's a good chance she can harvest a few."

Ana wrapped her arms around my waist and pressed her head into my chest.

"I wanted to give you lots of babies, Christian. This way, I still can. At least a few more."

She gazes up at me, and I know the argument is over.

When it's time for another pill I sit on the edge of the bed and gently shake Ana to wake her. She doesn't stir and I debate whether to let her sleep or try harder to wake her up. I decide she needs to wake up and take it, plus eat something.

"Ana, baby, wake up." I gently shake her again. She still doesn't stir. I take her shoulders and turn her onto her back. Something's wrong. Her eyes are still shut and she feels like a rag doll under my hands.

"Ana? Anastasia! I need you to open your eyes for me!" I try to keep the panic out of my voice. I lean down and hold my ear to her chest. Her heart is beating, but it's really fast. Too fast. I hold my hand close to her nose and mouth and feel her breath. Her eyes are sunken into her head and her lips are chapped.

I pull out my cell and call Gail.

"Yes, Mr. Grey? Is there a problem?" She answers concerned.

"Are you aware of Ana urinating at all today?" I try to keep my panic in check.

"Um, no, Sir"

"O.k. Thank you" I hang up and immediately phone my mother.

"Dr. Trevelyan speaking."

"Mom, something's wrong with Ana. I can't wake her up! I don't think she's urinated since some time last night! Her heart is beating really fast. She started vomiting this morning and hasn't had anything to drink in hours!"

My words spill out of me in a rush. I gasp for a breath, trying to calm myself. Panic isn't going to help in this situation.

"Christian, it sounds as if she's dehydrated. You need to bring her in so we give her some IV fluids. Call 911."

"No!" I interrupt. "Taylor driving will be faster. We'll be out of here in less than 5 minutes!""

"Ok, Son. I'll Dr. Sellers and let him know she's on her way in. Keep her warm and hurry."

I hang up and grab a throw off the back of the couch. I pull the duvet back and wrap Ana up in the throw, scooping her up into my arms. She feels too light and still has not responded to me. This is bad, really bad!

As I rush to the stairs I begin to yell,

"Taylor! Car! Now! We need to get Ana to the Emergency Room! She won't wake up!"

I slow my steps down and carefully take the stairs down as I talk. Taylor, having emerged at my calling his name, has already opened the front door. The large SUV is right outside where he left it when we returned from Grey House. I step into the back seat, as Taylor moves to the driver's side. Gail is right behind me.

"Don't worry. Nanny and I will watch the children. They're due back any moment. God speed."

She closes the door as Taylor starts the engine.

"Mr. Grey, I strongly suggest you buckle up. I am assuming you wish us to make it to the hospital as quickly as is safely possible."

I settle Ana on my lap and pull the restraint over and fasten it. I know I should belt her as well, but I don't think it's safe to do so. Besides, I have to hold her. I can't let her go right now and I pull her closer to me, arranging the throw to keep her covered.

I try to shake Ana and wake her, but she isn't responding. Christ, Taylor, can't you drive any faster?!

I lean down and gently kiss Ana's head. She's warm, maybe too warm? Hell, what do I know?

"It's Ok, baby. You're going to be Ok." I quietly tell her in between my kisses. I feel as if I can't breathe.

I close my eyes and pray that whatever is happening can be set right. I groan in frustration. I should have paid attention whether or not she was peeing! That meeting meant I wasn't here to make sure she took her pill, or drank something. It's not Gail's job! It was mine, and I failed her.

My silent rebuke continues as Taylor speeds towards the ER. I'm sure it really was a quick trip, but it seemed a lifetime before the sign directing us to the ER entrance is visible. As soon as the car has rolled to a stop, Taylor jumps out and runs to open my door. I have released my belt and I step out and briskly walk through the automatic doors into the reception desk.

I'm relieved to see my mother standing there in her lab coat.

"Christian, this way. We have a spot for her. Dr. Sellers already called and left orders."

She leads me through the doors and off to a room on my left. I lay Ana on the gurney. In the bright lights of the room, she is a grayish color. Oh, God! She looks dead! I lift my panicked gaze to my mother who had her hand on Ana's throat.

"Her heart rate is really high, but it's strong. Darling, I'm sure she's just dehydrated, and maybe her body salts are off. But, that's easily correctable. You'll see. We get some fluids in her and she's going to look much better."

Mother comes over and guides me away from Ana's side.

"Let the nurses access her medi-port and draw some blood, then they can start the fluids."

She directs me to sit in one of the chairs against the wall of the room as a nurse in teal scrubs come in, followed by a woman carrying a clipboard.

She leans down to hand me the clip board and a pen. A short red headed woman is taking Ana's blood pressure.

"Mr. Grey, we have all of your wife's pertinent information on file already. I just need you to sign this consent for treatment and financial responsibility so we can formally admit her and they can start treatment."

I quickly sign where she points and hand it all back to her. I see the nurse drying her hands, having washed them in the sink. She walks over to me and smiles. Her eyes are kind and she looks at me with what seems compassion.

"Mr. Grey, my name is Joan; I'll be your wife's nurse while she is here in the ER. Dr. Sellers called orders in and I going to get everything started. Then, we can go over the events of the last few hours, once we have the blood work being processed by the lab and the fluids are going. Ok?"

I nod, looking over at Ana.

"Yes, thank you."

Joan looks at the hospital bracelet the other woman handed her.

"Mr. Grey, can you please tell me your wife's birth date?"

"Um, September 10, 1989."

"Great! Thank you." She replies as she fastens the bracelet around Ana's slim wrist, and then cuts the considerable excess off.

She lays her hand gently on Ana's shoulder.

"Mrs. Grey, my name is Joan. You're in the Emergency Room and we're going to take great care of you. I'm going to pull your gown over so I can access your port-a-cath. OK?"

I watch, dazed as she expertly cleans Ana's skin, and then quickly inserted the special needle into the port. Her hands are so fast I really didn't see her stick the needle in. That was pretty cool. I've never actually watched how the use that thing before.

Joan deftly applies a dressing, then attached a device on the end of the tube and beings to pop different colored tubes into it, pulling them out and gently mixing the blood by inverting them a couple of times before she lays them each on the small tray. She attaches a syringe fluid and rapidly injects it.

"What was that?" I ask.

"Just saline. Salt water, we call it flush. I was just clearing the blood out." She smiles at me kindly, as she sets the empty syringe down and takes the end of tubing attached to a large clear bag of fluid. Most of the bags I've seen on Ana have been smaller, and some were vivid colors.

"More saline." She says in answer to my unspoken question.

"Once her labs are back, Dr. Sellers may decide to change what he wants to run, but this will just rehydrate her for now."

Joan inserts the tubing into a pump and sets about programming it. I watch the pump pull fluid out of the bag at a furious rate. Joan scan's Ana's bracelet, then a strip of labels. She sets about placing the stickers on the various colored tubes, then gathers them up and deposits them into a bag with Biohazard label on it. She pulls up the side rails.

"I'll be right back, I'm just sending this off to the lab."

My Mom returns to the room. I hadn't even noticed she had left. Dr. Sellers is behind her. He strides into the room and shakes my hand, then sits down on the chair next to me.

"Christian. Your mother gave me a brief idea of what happened. Why don't you tell me what's been going on since you left the clinic yesterday morning?"

I look first at my Mom, then Dr. Sellers. What has happened? How did it go? I shake my head to gather my thoughts.

"Um. We were doing what you suggested, which was for her to take the Zofran pills around the clock. Last night I made sure she did, and I would make her drink when I did, but I guess it wasn't enough. I had a breakfast meeting and Ana was due another dose about 8, but I wasn't there to give it to her."

I look up and both Dr. Sellers and my mom are looking at me expectantly.

"I guess about 9, Gail was in the bathroom and heard Ana cry out, then begin to vomit. She had the pan next to the bed, but wanted to get to the toilet, so Gail helped her. Gail went and got a suppository, and somehow managed to get Ana to let her put it in. I got home about 30 minutes later. Ana was still lying on the mat by the toilet. She didn't want to go back to bed because she was afraid she'd be ill on the covers.

"I carried her back to bed and managed to get her to take a Zofran and an Aitvan pill. I tried to get her to drink, but she started gagging and I was afraid she'd bring the pills up. She fell asleep. When I went to wake her up about 40 minutes ago, she wouldn't wake up. She was... just floppy, and hot. We got her here as quickly as we could. I didn't want to wait for an ambulance. We're so far out."

Dr. Sellers nods then stands up. He looks at a clip board Joan hands him.

"Put her on the monitor, do a 12-lead EKG and insert a foley." He looks up at Joan, who heads out the door again.

He sets the clip board down and begins to examine Ana. He pulls her lower eye lids down, then opens her upper lids, shining a light in each eye briefly. He opens her mouth and looks at her tongue. He takes the skin on her arm and pinches it. Taking his stethoscope, he listens to Ana's chest and belly, before taking it off and hanging it around his neck.

"She's pretty dry. She was beginning to show signs of renal failure and her potassium is too low. That's a body salt that is easily lost when someone vomits. I'm going to tweak her fluids and give some extra potassium. She obviously needs to be admitted, at least over night, while we rehydrate her and correct her labs. I'll continue the Zofran IV around the clock, make some pain medicine available. When she comes to, just clear liquids, you know jello and broth. Hopefully, by the morning she'll feel up to taking something more."

He looks kindly at me as he places his hand on my arm.

"You did well. If you hadn't noticed something was wrong, she could have been in much worse shape. Don't worry. I hope to have her home in a day or 2."

He walks out calling for Joan. I take Ana's hand. My mother steps behind me and rubs my back.

"Ok, son? Everything is under control. I need to get back upstairs. Send me a text with her room number and I stop by later. And, don't worry. I'll call Gail and let her know what's going on."

I nod, still looking at Ana, willing her to wake up. Mom kisses my cheek and walks out of the room.


	9. Chapter 9

This story initially came to me in a rush, which is why I was able to post so many chapters so quickly. But, like most of us, I have a job and other demands on my time. I'm enjoying where the story I started is taking Ana & Christian, but I want to make sure each chapter is fully ready to post, which is taking me time. I don't type very fast! So, please be patient and thank you. Liza Dreamer 


	10. Chapter 10

After more time and paperwork, Ana is moved upstairs to a private suite. When we arrive outside her room I see Taylor standing by the door, he quietly steps over to me and reports his security sweep has deemed the room secure.

"I've set into motion for the security personnel we engaged during Mrs. Grey's last hospitalization to return. Sawyer will obviously be here with Mrs. Grey the majority of the time with Ryan or me serving as his relief. Until the additional personnel are in place I have left strict instructions for Gail, Nanny and the children to remain on the property. Everything should be in place no later than this evening."

We talk quietly in the sitting room portion of the suite as the staff settles Anna in. They pull the partition between the 2 spaces explaining they need to insert a catheter as Taylor returns to his post by the suite's door. This portion of the suite resembles a hotel room, with its dark wood floor and cabinets. There's a sofa bed, 2 arm chairs and a flat panel television, with a desk against one wall, as well a dining table that can seat 6. A large fresh flower arrangement sits in its center. In the corner there is a sink and small refrigerator with a sideboard that has a bowl of fruit on it.

Ana's side obviously looks more clinical, although the bed has a dark hardwood footboard. Still it is roomy and comfortable with large windows that stretch the entire length of the room.

This is the same unit she was on when she had the children, as well as her cancer surgery and some of the staff remembers us. Most large hospitals have units such as this one. Access to it is limited, every visitor is buzzed through the door by a security guard. Yes, it is much nicer than the other rooms in the hospital-at a considerable cost, but it's a gilded cage. The tabloids would have gladly paid thousands for a photo of Christian and Anastasia Grey's new-born child, or twisted her breast surgery to say she had a boob job. Places such as this are essential for our privacy and security.

Finally the partition is pulled back and I can go to Ana. I pull the chair close to the bed as I gaze at my wife who still isn't awake. Is it the lighting in here, or is she pinker now? I kiss her on her chapped lips as I sit down. I need to get her lip balm, I idly think. I see the catheter bag hanging off the bed, but it only has a small amount of dark amber fluid in it. The pump continues to run at a furious rate. I see" 999" flash on the screen, noting that over half of that bag is almost gone.

I am holding Ana's hand, feeling so lost and willing her to wake up.

She stirs. I lean in, and kiss her.

"Ana? Can you open your eyes for me?" I stroke her cheek as I speak. Please wake up, baby!

"Baby, I had to bring you to the hospital. You were really dehydrated and wouldn't wake up for me."

She moves her head again and moans.

"Ana? Can you hear me?" I call her again.

"Head hurts." She tries to lick her lips, and then frowns. "Thirsty."

Oh thank you God. Thank you! I sob in relief.

"Christian?"

I look up and she's looking up at me, and then gazes around the room. I quickly wipe my face on my shoulder and pull myself together.

"Hi, baby." I smile. You have such beautiful eyes and I'm just so glad they're finally open!

She looks around the room again, frowning.

"Hospital?" She asks, looking at me confused.

"I'm sorry, baby. I know you hate the hospital, but you were in a really bad way. I didn't pay close enough attention to how much urine you were making and didn't make you drink enough. You were really dehydrated. I'm so sorry, baby. "

She is gazing at me, but still has a confused look on her face.

"We needed to get some fluids in you. I'm so glad you are awake. I was so scared when I couldn't wake you up. "

She still has a small frown on her face, but nods. I think she's starting to understand me. She licks her lips again.

"Can I have something to drink? I'm really thirsty. " She asks.

I look around for an ice bucket or something, and see over on the side board several bottles of water. I go over and grab one, screwing the cap off. I cradle her head while I guide the bottle to her lips.

"Just a couple of swallows. Ok?" She swallows several times before I pull the bottle away and lay her head back on the pillow.

She sighs, closing her eyes while she licks her lips.

"Oh, that is good. Thank you." She says.

I kiss her forehead, then press the call light. A petite African-American girl comes in. I remember her from last time. Wanda? Yes, Wanda. She's a nurse's aide.

"Yes, Mr. Grey?" Seeing Ana awake, she smiles.

"Oh, Miss Ana. You're awake! What can I do for you?" Ana looks Wanda, but has a that slightly confused look on her face again. She looks at me expectantly.

"I think my wife would like some chipped ice and cold water. I didn't see anything except the bottled water." I motion towards the side board.

Wanda moves over to a side table near the bed and removes the lid of an ice bucket I hadn't noticed before.

"There's ice in here, but I'll freshen it up after we get some out for our lady here."

She has a soft, southern accent. She scoops ice into a glass and hands it to me. Taking the bucket, she looks at Ana.

"I'll tell Martha you're awake and will bring a spoon in with the fresh ice. Miss Ana, your lips look chapped. I'll bring you some lip balm, too"

Ana nods as she feels her lips with her fingers.

I hold the glass of ice towards her.

"You want to take some, or do you want me to feed you?"

She frowns slightly, but doesn't say anything as she reaches into the glass. She closes her eyes and sighs as she sucks on the cubes. I can't help myself. I kiss her forehead again.

"I love you Ana, so much. I was so worried." I tell her again. She looks at me; at last I see comprehension in her eyes. She smiles as she rubs my face.

"I love you too, Mr. Grey. Thank you for taking such good care of me."

My guilt threatens to overwhelm me, but I decide I'm not going to lose it again and take a deep breath. I never imagined I could love anyone as deeply as I do Ana. I kiss her forehead again. I can't seem to stop.

"Taking care of you is what I'm supposed to do, you know that. But, you're welcome."

I look up at the sound of someone entering the room. Wanda is leading the way with a small tray that I see has the ice bucket. Behind her a tall middle-aged woman in dark blue scrubs follows.

Wanda hands me a spoon and replaces the bucket on table.

"Miss Ana, here is some lip balm." Wanda hands it to me. I take the lip balm and gently apply it. She smacks her lips together, and then a small smile settles on her face again.

The tall nurse smiles at Ana, taking her hand and squeezes it.

"Mrs. Grey. I'm Martha. I took care of you a few times when you were recovering from your breast surgery."

"Yes, I remember you. You went to school in Texas, didn't you?" Ana asks. The nurse smiles, as she checks the IV pump and the dressing to Ana's port.

"Yes, that's right Mrs. Grey." I see Ana frown, but Martha chooses to ignore her displeasure over using her last name.

"I'm happy to see you waking up. You gave your poor husband quite a fright." Martha adds. She leans down to check the catheter bag.

"You're finally making some urine. Dr. Sellers will be delighted. I am waiting for the pharmacy to send up some K-runs. They're IV bags of potassium to replenish what you've lost. Hopefully, between the fluids and potassium you will make more urine and your heart rate will come down."

"How high is it?" I ask. I knew it was fast, but they're worried?

"Right now it's running anywhere between 120 and 140. I'm sure it's due to the dehydration, but it's too high, which makes it hard to maintain a decent blood pressure, not to mention making you feel dizzy when you get up. That, combined with the low potassium, there's a risk of developing an irregular heart rhythm."

Shit, that sounds serious. Maybe she should be in the ICU. Martha must have sensed my anxiety.

"Don't worry, Mr. Grey. Right now, it's just high, but steady. She's on a heart monitor which is being watched by a technician 24/7. If anything changes I'm notified immediately." She tells me, pointing to a pager her waistband. Taking her stethoscope, Martha places on Ana's chest, while she gazes at her watch.

"Still fast, about 128, but steady and strong. I know the monitor at the nurses station would tell me, but I'm still pretty old school. I like to check it myself." She states as she rearranges Ana's covers, then caresses Ana's forehead.

"Are you comfortable, Mrs. Grey? Do you have any pain? How is your nausea?"

"I'm a little queasy, but it's not too bad. My head really hurts. Can I have an aspirin?" Ana softly asks.

"Well, aspirin isn't a good choice, but you have Vicodin. You took it after your surgery and tolerated it well, do you remember? I'll bring that for your head, is that alright? As for the nausea, we are giving you the Zorfan in your IV automatically. Hopefully that will keep it at bay, but we have other drugs we can give IV if that's not working. Just let me know and I'll bring some."

Ana nods, and Martha looks at me to confirm I understand all we have to do is call, then she heads out of the room.

Ana stayed three nights. By then her nausea had resolved and she was eating small amounts of food. The last evening, I was spoon feeding her ice cream and whispering all the naughty things I would like to be doing with it if we weren't in the hospital.

She stops a spoon full of ice cream before I can get it to her mouth and looks at me.

"You still want to do those things to me?" What? Why does she feel she has to ask? Is the Pope Catholic?

"Yes! Of course! You want proof?" Just talking about it is making me hard.

She smiles with a wicked gleam in her eye.

"You have proof, Mr. Grey? Maybe you should show me!" O my! My naughty girl!

I take her hand and guide it onto my 'proof' as I smile at her.

"Proof." I confirm. She flexes her fingers. Ah! If my brain was engaged, I'd know this isn't a good idea.

I take the ice cream and hold it to her mouth.

"In lieu of you taking my proof into you sweet mouth, have Ben and Jerry!"

"Oh! A three-some!" She bites the ice cream off the spoon, then licks her lips. My eyes get huge. Did she just say that? Now my proof is beginning to hurt.

I look towards the door, then get an idea. I pull out my phone and send Sawyer a text telling him I don't want Ana disturbed for any reason for the next hour, if she needs something before then, she'll call. I quickly receive his reply.

"Oh, Mrs. Grey. This will be a first!" I say as I rub her nose with mine.

She beams up at me.

"Yes, it is! No need for rubbers or depo shots! Chemo! The world's worst form of reliable contraception!" She giggles. Oh how I've missed her giggle!

I gently lie on top of her as I press my erection into her.

"Well, the clock's ticking. Let's get started, shall we?" I kiss her deeply. She begins to pull my hair.


	11. Chapter 11

The following day Ana was released. Her counts were good, but Dr. Sellers warned us that they would start falling in the next few days and that she needed to avoid being out in public for the next week, or so. She was due back in his office for lab work early next week. She immediately got up and started looking for clothes.

"You brought me something to wear home, didn't you? I'll bathe after I'm home and have spent time with the children. Can Sawyer go get the car now? I can be ready in 5 minutes."

Although I was delighted she was released and it was so good see my Ana acting like herself, I had to rain on her parade-a little.

"You are not going anywhere until you eat a good breakfast. It will be here shortly. Then, your port has to be dealt with, plus we have to wait for the paperwork to be processed. "

She sits crossed legged on the bed pouting. I sit next to her and pull her into my lap, then kiss her nose.

"Pout all you want Mrs. Grey, but no breakfast, no see babies. Got it?"

She scowls at me.

"Mean old husband!" She says as she puts her arms around my neck. She still has her pouty face on. I gently bite her protruding lower lip, then kiss her.

"Yes, mean old husband. That's because I have a stubborn little wife who needs to eat!"

"Can I at least go ahead and get dressed, _Sir_?"

Cheeky girl. I want to spank her, so I quickly flip her over and swat her ass.

"Ow!"

She giggles, then twists so she can face me again.

"I love you Mr. Grey."

I pull her back into my arms and kiss her.

"Thank you." I say. She frowns.

"For what?" She asks searching my face, obviously confused.

"For making me so happy. I love you so much."

She gazes down for a moment, then looks back up at me.

"Back at you, Grey." We start to kiss, really kiss, but are interrupted by a knock on the door by the valet announcing our breakfast was here.

Once we are in the car heading to the house, Ana's still beaming.

"Do you mind if I make a phone call to the office?" She asks.

"Why do you need to call the office?"

"I want Hannah to send some manuscripts over."

My initial reaction is to tell her no because she needs to rest, not work. But, I realize that it would probably be good for her to read a little.

"No, baby. I don't mind. Go ahead and call."

She has to release my hand. We've been holding hands since we got in the car. I watch her as she dials and listens for Hannah to answer. She's dressed in yoga pants and a soft cowl neck sweater with a colorful silk scarf on her head. Her cheeks are pink and her eyes sparkle. She looks at me and smiles, then grabs my hand again.

"Hannah! Hi!"

"Yes, I'm much better, thank you for asking. We're heading home from the hospital now."

She listens as Hannah speaks.

"Awww. That's so sweet! I miss seeing you guys too! That's why I'm calling. Can you send Jack Pershing's manuscript over today? He was supposed to have it to us last week and I wanted to go through it."

I rub her knuckles as she listens.

"No, I probably won't be in for another week or so. I'm still under house arrest."

She glares at me as she says that. She's so funny!

"It's not the doctors, Hannah, it's Christian! I want to send him into the office today to make a few million. He's been so sweet and has hardly left my side this whole time, but I'll have Gail, Sawyer and Nanny at home with me and the kids. He needs to go be master of the universe at Grey House for awhile."

As she shares her intentions, I shake my head no. No way am I leaving her at the house today. No fucking way. Her eyes widen at my response, then she glares at me. I give her my most pointed look, followed by my Dom stare.

No contest, baby I win.

"Ok, Hannah. Get that to me sometime today, that'll be great. Thank you. I'll talk to you later. Bye, bye."

She hangs up and turns toward me slightly, taking my hand into both of hers.

"Christian, there is absolutely no reason you need to stay home today! Surely, there are things in need of your attention at the office. I'll be fine, and I promise to behave. I'll give Gail permission to tattle if I don't."

She's giving me her most contrite look, but she's biting her lip. No, I don't think I'll be going anywhere today. But, if she's feeling this good, maybe she'll be coming. Yes, I like!

I shake my head.

"Ana, I have already dealt with the pressing business already, and I have scheduled a conference call tonight with the 2 European engineering firms bidding on the new ship propulsion system after you are in bed. I'm not going anywhere! That's final!"

I give her my Dom stare again and watch her face as she calculates the odds of changing my mind. Zero, Ana. Give it up. She sighs, then smiles at me.

"Ok, you win."

I already knew that, but it's nice of you to say. She looks away and I watch her blush, before she gazes at me again. This time I see lust.

"I have to admit, I'm sort of glad you're staying home because I would have missed you while you were gone." She murmurs.

I slowly smile. We are exchanging looks that could ignite all of Seattle.


	12. Chapter 12

According to Dr. Sellers, Ana's ability to fight off any infections were going to be at its lowest between the 7th and the 10th day after her chemo and he warned us that she needed to be careful. The few days leading up to her 7th day Gail was furiously cleaning every room and surface Ana potentially may have contact with. When we went to the clinic for her labs to be drawn I made her wear a mask. She naturally objected pointing out she hadn't seen anyone else at the clinic wearing one. I don't give a shit about anyone else, she was going to fucking wear one! That clinic was full of sick people and I don't want anyone hacking all over her while we waited.

I was really pissed when I found out the blood was processed at a lab clear across town and that a courier only comes by twice a day to pick the specimens up. If Ana's blood goes out late, the results aren't known until the following morning. They may think it's Ok to take their sweet, fucking time to run the test, but my wife's well being is too important for that lazy ass attitude.

Ana was upset with me when I made it perfectly clear to the clinic staff, as well as Dr. Sellers personally, that taking a whole fucking day to get the results of my wife's blood work was not acceptable and that they needed to get their shit together. When it became apparent that no one was going to do anything about it, I had Taylor take the sample to the lab while Ana and I had an early lunch in my club. I wasn't at all pleased that it would still take most of the day for the results to be known. I'm going to talk to my Mom to see if it's possible for Ana's labs to be done at the hospital where the equipment is right there, which should mean the results are known sooner.

Ana ate fairly well at lunch, but she became dizzy when she got up from the table. If I hadn't been standing right there, she would have probably crumpled onto the floor. Instead, she ended up leaning into me, her face turning white. I immediately had her sit back down and lay her head on the table. After a couple of minutes she reassured me she was fine, that she had just stood up too quickly. I wanted to carry her to the car, but she told me she could walk.

"Christian, really, I'm fine now. It passed. Can we just get out of here without any further drama?"

She asked me glancing uneasily around the room at the people who were looking at us. I didn't give a fuck if people were watching, but the color was back in her cheeks and her expression told me she wouldn't go quietly if I did pick her up, which makes no sense to me. If she didn't want to make a scene, then she should just let me take care of it. We'd be out of the room in 10 seconds flat! But, I decide to let her try standing again-slowly. With my hand under her arm and she gets up, then looks up at me.

"See? I'm really fine, Christian. No reason to panic."

She smiles at me. Just the same, I keep my arm around her waist as we slowly head to the elevator. In the car I study her face. She has laid her head back against the head rest with her eyes closed. She still looks pretty pale. I'm calling the doctor as soon as we're home.

When Taylor pulls up at the house, I get out and go open Ana's door. As soon as she starts to step out, I scoop her up and head inside and upstairs to our bedroom.

"Christian Trevelyan-Grey, put me down this instant!"

Oh, boy. My little Misses is mad! Tough shit! I lay her on the bed, then step back and give her a little bow.

"Ok. Down you go!"

I give her my mega-watt smile. She rolls her eyes at me.

"Christian! That really wasn't necessary. I'm fine!"

"Stay put. I'm calling the doctor right now. You basically fainted, that's not good!"

"But…."

I hold up my hand as I wait for my call to connect.

"Yes, this is Christian Grey and I need to speak to Dr. Sellers immediately."

I need to get his cell number; I'm sure Taylor has it. Ana's still glaring at me. Cute!

"Mr. Grey, I apologize be he's in with a patient, Marcie's available. Do you want to speak to her?"

"Fine! Put her on." I really don't like talking to the help, but she's always been efficient and helpful.

"This is Marcie. May I help you?"

"Marcie, this is Christian Grey, Anastasia fainted this afternoon." I look at Ana who is rolling her eyes again.

"I didn't faint! I got dizzy, there's a difference!" She mumbles.

I shake my head at her with the expression that conveys it's not in my book!

"Well, I think we know the reason. In fact, I was getting ready to call you. The lab called us because her blood count was critically low. She's pretty anemic, and with counts this low, I'm sure she got a little dizzy! I had just spoken to Dr. Sellers and he wants to put her in the hospital overnight and give her several units of blood. Ordinarily, we'd just have her come into the clinic tomorrow and get it them, but her count is a little too low for comfort and he didn't want to wait."

I frown at her mention of the hospital again. Ana's going to freak. I look at her while I listen, watching her face as she's trying to gauge what Marcie's saying to me.

"I'm going to call the hospital and arrange for her direct admission. All you need to do is go straight up to the floor; they'll do all the paperwork up there. By then nurses will have orders to give Ana 3 units of packed red cells. I'm sure she's not going to be happy going back to soon, just reassure her that as soon as her tank is topped off, we'll get her out of there tomorrow."

"Ok, we'll head there shortly." Ana's eyes narrow at the mention of 'heading out.'

"Oh, and I wanted to let you know her white count is 4.6 and her platelet count is 63,000. Both of those are low, but not critically. I'm sure Dr. Sellers will want to check them again before she leaves the hospital tomorrow. But, he can tell you his plans when he rounds on her this evening."

I finish the phone call and sit down on the bed next to Ana. She looks at me warily.

"Just where are we 'heading out' to?"

"Baby, Dr. Sellers needs to put you back in the hospital."

I rush to continue when I see tears welling up in her eyes.

"Just over, night! I promise! You fainted because you're really anemic and need to get a blood transfusion. Don't you remember you had to get a unit after your surgery? It's just long enough for them to give you the blood, then we're right back home. I swear."

She not looking at me, but is drawing with her finger on the top of the duvet. Without looking up, she quietly asks,

"Why does he have to admit me? Why can't I go tomorrow and get the blood in the clinic like everyone else does?"

I pull her into my lap and wrap my arms around her as I rest my chin on her scarf covered head.

"Because it's too low. Marcie said it was critically low, and he doesn't want to wait. That's why you passed out"

She opens her mouth to again protest, and I press my finger against her lips to silence her.

"Just over night. OK?"

She sighs.

"Ok. I'm coming home tomorrow even if I have to call a cab!"

I chuckle, and tip her chin up to look into her eyes.

"You won't need a cab. I promise." I kiss her nose.

She pouts.

"I better not! But, I'm hanging onto my cell phone and a credit card just in case!"


	13. Chapter 13

Ana didn't need to call that cab because, as promised; we left right after she ate breakfast. The nurses and aides were in and out of the room all night which meant Ana hardly slept. Two nurses had to be present to check each bag of blood against Ana's hospital bracelet using a computer, which would have to be noisily rolled in each time. As the blood infused, there were frequent temperature and blood pressure checks, as well as medications she would have to sit up and take. Plus, the extra IV fluids meant she was up and down all night peeing.

I had started sleeping in the bed with Ana when she was here last time, which the nurses took in stride. She usually lay on her side, spooning against me, which meant I didn't interfere with their ability to care for her. They kept a blood pressure cuff on her arm the whole night, but it was easy to disconnect from the machine when she had to get up to pee. Ana maintained, despite being severely anemic, she could walk to and from the bathroom, but I insisted I go with her in case she felt faint again. She called me a kinky bastard. Yes, but my motivation was to make sure she was safe. I had wanted to carry her, and offered each time she sat up to go, but she would stubbornly refuse. But, towards dawn she was so exhausted I didn't even bother to ask, instead I would pick her up before her feet were on the floor. When we arrived at the house, Ana didn't argue when I immediately carried her upstairs to bed. I left her in her clothes, which were practically pajamas, and tucked her in. She was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

I found Nanny in Phoebe's room and told her that Ana needed a nap in before she saw the children. She told me Ted was in the play room, unaware we had returned. I took Phoebe into my arms.

"How is my beautiful Princess?" I kissed the top of her downy head and carried her into the play room.

Teddy has a truck and is pushing it back and forth on the floor making motor noises as he does.

"Hey, little man. What'cha doin"?"

"Daddy!" Teddy jumps up and hugs my legs. He looks up with his mother's blue eyes. I ruffle his wild hair, just like mine. Ana and I in one beautiful boy.

"Daddy! Daddy home! Mommy home too?"

"Soon, Buddy" I lie.

Ana needs to sleep first. In the car home she argued she wanted to see the kids first, but try as she could, by the time we reached the gate to the big house, she was asleep.

I sat on the floor and adjusted Phoebe on my lap, smiling at her. She reaches up towards my face, her other hand in her mouth.

"Are you working on another tooth, Princess? Let Daddy see."

I pull her hand out and try to make out where a tooth will erupt. No luck as she puts her hand back in. I jostle her on my knee as I turn my attention to Teddy.

"What are you doing, Ted?"

He brings me a truck and tells me about it before putting it on the floor to roll it while he makes his version of motor sounds. I wonder how a 3-year-old could know that trucks make that sort of noise. Cartoons, I guess. I don't remember how I knew, certainly not cartoons. I have no memory of a television in that hell hole of an apartment.

I smile and coo at Phoebe. She also has her mother's eyes and I'm hoping she will have her hair as well. Right now it's hard to know. She kicks happily in my lap with her hand in her mouth.

"Are those tasty fingers?" She is so beautiful. I'm sure Ana was a beautiful baby as well.

Ana swore Phoebe had grown during the few days she was in the hospital, I scoffed at the idea. That was no time at all. Ana just set her mouth and told me that Mothers notice those things more than anyone else because they know their children.

Ted decided his dinosaur needed to fight his truck, so he is hitting them together making crashing noises. No, his childhood is so different from mine, thank God. I put Phoebe over my shoulder and rub her back. My children, the children my wife has blessed me with, are beautiful and perfect. I silently say a "formal" prayer to God thanking him for these blessings.

Nanny appears at the door and I know I've timed my arrival perfectly. I stand and take Phoebe over to the rocker. Once I'm settled, Nanny hands me a warm bottle and diaper. While I watch Teddy play, I rock my daughter while she eagerly sucks. I always loved to watch Ana nurse because she was so beautiful. The chair in our bedroom is pulled close to the big windows that overlook the sound. I would wake up to find her bathed in the early morning light, her hair pulled over the opposite shoulder from where the baby nursed looking like a classic painting hanging in The Louvre.

In a way, I was jealous because I wanted to have that close of a bond with my children and I have to admit I liked it when the children were introduced to the bottle because it meant I could feed them as well. I burp Phoebe while Ted talks on. He is constantly talking. Ana jokes he's making up for those years I didn't talk. I really don't understand most of what he's saying, but he thankfully he doesn't seem to expect me to reply.

I carry Phoebe, trailing behind Nanny and Ted as they head downstairs for his lunch. I sit with him as Phoebe finishes her bottle. As I burp her, I call Nanny because I can smell she's in need of a diaper change. Under duress, namely, my wife's steely glare, I have performed that chore in the past, but no need today. That's why we hired Nanny!

I remember to wash my hands before I go back upstairs to check on Ana. At the hospital washing my hands was easy to remember because the nurses and aides were constantly washing or using the gel from the dispenser mounted by the door. With Ana's counts still dropping, everyone is going to have to really pay attention.

I quietly enter our room and am relieved to see Ana sleeping soundly. I really want to kiss her smooth cheek, but refrain. She needs to sleep. I go back downstairs to my office. Teddy and Phoebe are going down for naps, which gives me an opportunity to check my e-mail and call Roz. As I wait for my computer to boot up my cell phone rings, Dr. Sellers' number appears on the screen and I answer it.

"Grey."

"Mr. Grey? It's Marcie from Dr. Sellers' office calling with your wife's lab results from this morning."

I have expected this call because the results were back before we left the fucking hospital, but the nurses weren't allowed to tell us, although they did point out (with a wink) that if the results weren't good Dr. Sellers would have canceled Ana's discharge.

I held my tongue because I like the Marcie. Each time I have dealt with her, I have been impressed by her experience and knowledge, as well as how efficiently she runs Sellers's large practice while always managing to make herself available to us no matter when we call. Ana adores her.

"And, I have good news! Mrs. Grey's white count is starting to climb! Today it's 5.2! After her transfusions, her H&H is stellar, and her platelet count is stable.

"We don't need to see Ana until her next scheduled clinic appointment to check her labs before her next round of chemo. Remember to keep checking her temperature at least once a day and if it's over 100.1 call us right away and watch for any unusual bruising or bleeding. Otherwise, she has no restrictions on her diet or activity. Do you have any questions for me?"

My annoyance of earlier evaporates because I'm so relieved Ana's better! Thank you God!

"That's all great news, Marcie, thank you. I was wondering, how much weight has Ana lost since she first saw Dr. Sellers?"

I hear Marcie typing and clicking presumably looking through Ana's records.

"She... is... 5 kilograms lighter, which is about 11 pounds. For her, that's a fair amount."

Eleven pounds, shit. She isn't even half way through the treatment! I sigh and run my hand through my hair.

"Yes, I know. She's never been a big eater and she's struggled to eat since she started treatment. I mean, she tries, and I try to encourage her, but if she decides I'm pushing her too hard, she rebels."

"Well, Mr. Grey, you need to understand Ana has lost control of so much of her life. Whether or not she eats is one thing she still _can_ control."

I have never thought about that before. Ana's always been very independent and, even after the kids were born she made it all look easy. But, the chemo and its effects have stripped practically all control from her. No wonder she rebels.

"When I spoke to Ana last she told me you fed her Ben and Jerry's ice cream and how much she enjoyed that. You can mix the ice cream with a can of Boost to make a shake to get some extra calories and nutrition in her between her regular meals."

"Ok, I'll try that."

I hang up and look heavenward. I don't know if it is due to divine intervention or because the hormone shot finally kicked her bone marrow into gear, I'm just thankful!

"Thank you, God. Thank you so much. Now, please help me get some weight on her."

I push away from my desk and decide I need to go see my wife now. I can't bear being away from her for a moment longer. I just hope she's awake and I can give her some good news for a change!


	14. Chapter 14

I quietly enter our room and gently close the door behind me. I take a moment to allow my eyes to adjust to the gloom. When we had the house redone, the windows in the great room downstairs, as well as ours up here were intentionally left bare so as not to obstruct the view out onto the sound. After all, the property is so vast; there was no concern for our privacy. But, when Ana was in the hospital recovering from her surgery, I noticed she wanted the drapes closed when she napped during the day. I had black-out curtains installed before she was released. She naturally protested saying it wasn't necessary, but I didn't want anything to interfere with her rest.

I walk over to our vast bed, Ana's small form is on her side. I crawl over the covers until I am in my usual spooning position. I'd like to be under the covers with her, but this is close enough. I begin to nuzzle her neck and kiss behind her ear as she begins to stir.

"Mrs. Grey, you smell divine."

I kiss down her neck as she sighs.

"Christian." She whispers.

"Yes, my love. It's me. I couldn't stand being away from you a minute longer." She angles her neck to allow me to kiss a little more real estate.

"How are you feeling, baby? Did you manage to sleep a little?" She nods sleepily.

"Yes." She yawns.

"Good. Should I leave you to sleep some more?" She shakes her head.

"No, don't leave." I smile into her neck.

"Don't worry; I'm never far away, baby." I kiss her again.

"I know. I'm glad. I feel safe when you're next to me."

"Speaking of being safe, Marcie called with your labs and your white count is up, so no more quarantine from the children. I thought that would please you."

She rolls over to face me, her eyes still closed, but a small smile on her lips. She looks as if she comfortable and content which makes me happy. She's had a rough couple of weeks. I gently kiss each of her eye lids.

"Hmmmm. Thank God. I was praying they would go up. I couldn't stand the idea of not holding Phoebe."

As she says that she opens her eyes and stretches her arms above her head before she clasps my face between her hands. She searches my face, for what? Then she pulls me down to kiss me, but stops just shy of my lips.

"Since I'm legal again, I'm going to kiss you, Mr. Grey, so hold on to your hat!"

She pulls me to her and we kiss each other deeply. This is not a kiss that is a prelude to something sexual, but instead it's just the two of us trying to merge ourselves to the other.

We finally come up for air. She smiles as she runs her fingers down my face.

"Are the children up from their naps yet?"

"Not that I could hear."

Ted usually lies there talking to himself for awhile before he actually drifts off, which is handy because they both tend to wake up about the same time.

"At the hospital you said you wanted to soak in the tub. Would you like to do that now?"

"Ok." She closes her eyes again, but her face is relaxed.

I get up and, before I head to the bathroom I go to the small refrigerator by my closet and pull a can of Boost out. I grab a straw and begin to shake the can.

"While the tub is filling, I want you to sit up and drink this, baby."

I sit next to her and pop the can open, placing it on her side table. I look over at her and her happy, contented expression has been replaced by a scowl. Time to be the Dom.

"You are 11 pounds lighter than you were when you first saw Dr. Sellers in his office. You have how many more treatments to go? I'm sorry baby, but you have to push yourself to get some calories in.

She opens her eyes and searches my face.

"Sit up for me."

She slowly pulls herself up and looks at me. Her expression a cross between resignation and displeasure. I hand her the can.

"Try and drink all of this by the time the tub is full. OK?"

I kiss her forehead before standing up. She takes a few sips then looks up at me.

"All of it!"

I gave her a pointed look and head back into the bathroom. I check the water's temperature and add the bath gel, then strip down to my boxers before I turn the water off. Satisfied that everything is ready, I go get Ana.

She looks up at me and wordlessly hands me the empty can. I kiss her forehead again.

"Very good, thank you. Let's get you in the tub. I take her hand and she stands and we walk into the bathroom. I lead her to the toilet suspecting she has a need. She pulls her yoga pants and panties off and sits. I have noticed she closes her eyes when she goes, I suspect to block out my intrusive presence, although I've never actually asked. She knows that argument is over. As she sits I untie and remove her scarf. As I do this she looks in my eyes searching for any sign of disgust from me, but she'll find none. I kiss the top of her head. Like her I miss her beautiful hair, but I knew it would fall out even before I read any of the literature Dr. Sellers gave us. Everyone knows most people who have chemotherapy lose their hair. But, she worries I'll find her unattractive without it. It's a conversation we've had before because of her poor self image, which has taken a beating since I found that lump.

She finishes and pulls her gown off. Again, she searches my face, but I give her an encouraging smile as I take her hand and lead her over to the tub. I continue to hold her hand as she steps up and into the tub. After she's safely in, I pull my boxers off and join her, pecking her on the lips as I take the sponge and bath gel and begin to wash her. She continues to keep her eyes closed, although a small smile is on her lips. I can tell something is bothering her, but I decide not the press her about it just yet.

I squeeze more gel into my hands and begin to massage her head the way I would when I washed her hair and am rewarded with her groan of pleasure. I work my way down to the base of her skull and massage the tense muscles in her neck. I use the sponge to rinse her off, then a wash cloth to dry her head and face. I kiss her lips again.

"Better, Mrs. Grey?"

She looks at me and smiles,

"Yes, thank you, Mr. Grey."

I sit back on the bench and pull Ana back to me, wrapping my arms around her. We soak quietly for awhile. I know something's bothering her, and I suspect I know what it is; but I decide to wait figuring given a little time she'll tell me. It's so much easier when she's angry because she never hesitates to tell me exactly what has piqued her temper, but when she's feeling insecure, it's harder to get her to open up. I usually will press her until she tells me, but I don't think it'll be necessary today. I occasionally kiss her behind her ear, and glad my arousal is at half-mast hoping she'll understand I'm interested-hell, I'm always interested!-but, my kisses aren't intended as a prelude to sex.

After a long silence, I tip her head up and look in her eyes, I see pain and uncertainily.

"Ana, what's wrong, baby?" She pulls her head away and shakes it.

"Tell me, please?"

We sit in silence, and just as I'm about to ask her again, she lets out a small sigh.

"I'm sorry." She whispers.

"For what?"

"For putting you through all this."

I turn her so that she is cradled on my lap and look at her, tears are brimming in her eyes.

"Oh, baby. I'm fine. Please don't worry about that. Is that what's been bothering you?"

Her face crumples and the tear flow down her cheeks.

"I didn't know it was going to be this hard, Christian!" She wraps her arms around me and begins to sob.

I hold her, rubbing her back as I rock her. She hasn't cried like this in a long, long time, and it's obvious she has been holding so much pain in. My poor Ana, trying so hard to be strong!

I shush her quietly, as she continues to sob. My heart is breaking for her, and we'll talk this through as soon as she's calmed down, but right now I know the flood gates have opened and she needs to just cry herself out. I reach over and grab a dry wash cloth, handing it to her. She presses it to her face and sobs harder. Oh, baby.

It takes awhile, but she finally calms, blowing her nose. She pulls away from my shoulder and resumes her position on my lap, then looks up at me.

"Better, baby?"

She nods.

"Tell me what you're sorry about."

"I thought the chemo would be easier, but it hasn't, and it's made me sicker than I imagined. You've been so sweet and been with me constantly, essentially nursing me, and I appreciate it. I really do, but you've had to pull yourself away from your work to be with me, which isn't fair. You have huge responsibilies and I'm keeping you from that.

I've been too sick to be any sort of mother to either of my children, especially Phoebe, leaving their care to Nanny, like some rich socialite. I know I'm missing milestones Phoebe is achieving."

She begins to sob again, but pulls herself together. She's furiously working the washcloth in her hands. She takes a big gulping breath.

"I'm thinking I should quit the chemo before I get any sicker, but I'm afraid to because I'm so scared the cancer will come back and I'll have to go through all this again. I don't know what to do, what is going to be the easiest on you and the children. I was so selfish to decide to do this. I'm so sorry."

She begins to sob again. Oh, baby.

"Ana. Ana, look at me."

I wipe her tears off her cheeks as she tries to calm herself down.

"_We_ chose to do this, you and I, together. You were right that your odds of being here for the children and me for a long, long time are better with the chemo. I didn't know it would be this hard on you either and that's really hard on me, but only because I can't stand to see you suffering so much and being powerless to do anything about it. I'm fine, really, I am; and so are the children. They're young, and this period of our lives will be a vague memory for them, just a blip on the screen. Again, it's harder on you to be away from them, but this will pass, and you know this."

"Please, baby, _please_ try not to worry about us. I know it's against your nature, but please try to worry only about yourself. You have only one job right now, and that is to get through this and get better, nothing else. Ok?"

I look at her, willing her to believe what I'm telling her. I would trade all my wealth to have her healthy and by my side-all of it.

"Ana, I love you so much and all I want is for you to get through this and be well again. I can't be anywhere else because I have to be here with you, otherwise I go crazy. I know you worry about me being present when you are sick, but it doesn't bother me. Whatever comes out of you is just, you know, a part of you, and I love you-all of you, including the things you feel are gross. And the sicker you are the more I need to be with you, to reassure myself that you are being cared for and have no need for anything it is within my power to give you. Please believe that. I'm here as much for myself as I am for you!"

Shit, she's starting to cry again, but reaches up, and caresses my cheek.

"I love you Christian Grey, and I don't know how I was so fortunate to find you. I can't believe I'm worthy of you, but I'm so thankful you're here."

"I'm not going anywhere, Ana. Do you believe that?"

"Yes, I do." She looks into my eyes and I see no trace of doubt in them.

"Come in, let's get you out and dried off."

I stand up with her in my arms. I lean my head down while she tilts her head up and we kiss, deeply, as I carry her out of the tub.

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	15. Chapter 15

As our lips pull apart I stand her on the mat and reach for a large towel, which I wrap around her shoulders. She holds it wiping her neck and shoulders dry as I take another and quickly dry off. I drop my towel and grab another before I scoop Ana up in my arms and carry her out, laying her on the bed. I begin to dry her feet and work my way up her legs. I un-wrap her towel so that she is lying naked before me. I take her in with my eyes as I finish drying.

Ana lies there with her eyes closed.

"Ana, open your eyes and look at me. I want to see your beautiful eyes as I enjoy looking at your beautiful body."

She opens them and scowls. "There is very really nothing beautiful about me right now. I mean look at me, I'm balder than Phoebe, bruised, stretch marks and scarred, skinny as a skeleton with boobs too big for my body right now because they aren't real anymore. I wish you wouldn't lie to me just to try and make me feel better!"

Yep, just as I thought. I lie on my side next to her and quickly kiss her pouty lip.

"Well, Mrs. Grey, you are wrong on all counts. Let me tell you what I see."

I use the tip of my finger to trace the scar from her 2 C-sections, then trail it up over the few stretch marks on her stomach.

"I see this as evidence of the 2 beautiful, healthy children of ours that you carried and bore."

I trace up to her breasts, gently cupping one and then the other. They are still somewhat sensitive, so I don't linger there, but trace the few visible scars of her reconstruction.

"I see your beautiful breasts that arouse me to see them. I know, as well as you, that they are not identical to your natural breasts, but on you I find them beautiful. Yes, they are a little large in comparison to your weight, but they'll be perfect when you gain the weight back, plus I like them this size."

I cup a breast again to bring the point home. I then lean over her and caress her bare head.

"I see your bald head as a sign of the battle you are fighting. I see you as a warrior princess in the middle of a pitched battle to stay with me and the children, and I am in awe of you because one I know you will win."

I kiss where her scalp line used to be, the look into her eyes.

"Lastly, I see my Ana, my beautiful wife, who looked into my eyes that first day in my office and rescued me from an empty, meaningless life. I will always find you beautiful and desirable. _Always_!"

I begin to kiss her deeply, and after a moment's hesitation she starts kissing me back as she reaches up and pulls on my hair. My hand trails down the side of her body, then slides between her legs where I discover evidence of her arousal. As we pull apart, I move down and begin my long seduction of her feet and legs, kissing and nibbling up each one until I am at their apex.

I look up and see her looking at me the ways she has countless times before when I decide to cherish her this way. Good. I begin my slow, measured assault of her sex, building her until she is on the verge of climax, and I stop to look at up her.

"Christian, please! Don't stop! Please!"

Wonderful baby, see you're still my sexy little beast! I look down and flick my tongue to send her over the edge. I look up and take in her face as she explodes, then quickly enter her to feel the last vestige of her climax. Oh, if feels good to be inside her, just as always.

I run my nose down her, and kiss her.

"Was that nice, Mrs. Grey?"

She smiles happily.

"Yes, thank you Mr. Grey. You know how to chase my blues away."

"Let me see if I can chase a few more away."

I begin to move. It doesn't take long for us both to explode. Oh she feels so fucking good!

"No more blues? Ok? Promise to believe me."

I look into her face willing her to believe me. She looks at me, then smiles.

"Ok. Promise."

As we lay quietly, we turn our heads towards our door because we hear the unmistakable voice of our son up from his nap. I pull out of her as I peck her on her lips.

"I love you Ana Grey."

"I love you too Christian."

She caresses my face.

"Come on; let's get you dressed so you can surprise your son by being home."

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	16. Chapter 16

The next 10 days were good and we reveled in them. Ana was feeling well enough to read several manuscripts, but I wouldn't let her go to the office because I know how she'd get so involved with what's was going on there she'd forget to eat. Gail had her on a feeding schedule to fatten her up before her next round of chemo and I insisted she stay home because her only job was to eat! When the weather was nice we would walk out into our field with the children and enjoy watching Teddy run around pretending he was an air plane. Because of Ana's limited stamina we never went too far, I wanted to encourage her to walk, but I didn't want to risk wearing her out.

With Dr. Seller's approval, Ana decided to try swimming laps in our pool, but found the water so cold she would climb out of it chattering I suspect because she's so thin. The pool service is still working on that. I insisted Sawyer be down at the pool with her when she swam, something she tried to reject, reasoning there was a video feed from the pool to the security office where he could monitor her. I and Sawyer vetoed that idea because it would take too long for him to get down to the pool if she was in trouble. Until Ana finds the water adequately warm and can tolerate it, however, swimming plans are on hold. Instead, I had a treadmill placed in the great room so she could look out towards the sound as she walked.

I went into the office 3 days of last week and all of this week, although I left at lunchtime Friday to meet Ana and Sawyer at the clinic for her pre-chemo check. We were all delighted to discover Ana had gained a little over 3#. Dr. Sellers told us, based on Ana's response last time, that he was going to slightly adjust the dosage of one of her drugs in the hope she would better tolerate it this time. Otherwise, he felt she was responding as expected to the set protocol.

After the hell after Ana's 3rd course, I wanted Ana hospitalized each time, but she stubbornly refused, backed up by both by Dr. Sellers and my mother. They maintained it was not medically indicated and she would be unnecessarily exposed to infection. Marcie suggested having a nurse at the house full-time to give Ana fluids and IV nausea medications following her treatment to keep her hydrated and comfortable until the nausea passed. I liked the idea immediately, and asked Taylor to work with Marcie to have everything set up and ready to swing into motion when we headed home Monday. Ana felt I was going overboard, but did admit she didn't want a repeat of what happened last time.

" I really hate to barf. I'd make a lousy bulimic." She cracked.

We rode home in silence, holding hands. I watched Ana as she gazed out the window, knowing she was steeling herself to do it all again. I let go of her hand and released her seat belt, pulling her into my lap and wrapping my arms around her.

"You Ok Mrs. Grey?"

She leans against my shoulder and is silent for a moment, then she sighs.

"Yes, I guess I have to. This last week and a half has been so nice, so normal, like it was before I got sick."

I kiss her behind her ear. She smells so good.

"I know, baby. It's been nice, and will be again. We just have to weather this next storm front and then we'll have some more good days. Ok?"

I tilt her head, looking into her eyes as I ask her. She smiles at me.

"Ok."

Then she settles back into my embrace. I know I should make her belt up, but I decide we need this moment. She plays with my wedding ring as we sit in comfortable silence, lost in our own thoughts.

"Christian."

"Yes, Mrs. Grey?"

"I'd like us to get up and go to church Sunday. For once I'm feeling well enough and I really want to go before Monday. Would that be Ok?"

"Of course. I think it's a great idea. I had toyed with suggesting it, but wasn't sure you'd want to go. Getting Ted herded to child care is a major undertaking, you know."

I feel her smile as she settles her head back on my shoulder.

"My little man, constant motion when awake, so much like his dad."

"Moi?"

"Yes! It's genetics. You can't argue, Mr. Grey! But, we'll just ask Nanny to come with. She can herd Ted and sit with Phoebe, although the ladies in the nursery adore our baby girl."

It was a perfect day, sunny and mild and Ana was beautiful, beaming as we exited the recently acquired Mercedes-Benz Sprinter van at the entrance to the church. Teddy was dressed in a toddler sized polo shirt and khaki shorts, while Phoebe was in a sundress with matching bloomers. Ana and Phoebe were wearing matching blue hats made by Father Holly's wife, Sarah, crocheted in fine gauge cotton yarn in the style of a 1920's flapper. Ana was wearing a bo-chic skirt and top, which isn't what I usually like to see her in, but she is self-conscious about her weight loss and her perceived unnaturally large breasts. People, knowing she's been ill, tend to comment about her weight and, without meaning to, upset her. I understand she needs to hide a little, and besides, she looks good in anything. Her cheeks are rosy and she has smiled all morning.

Nanny takes Teddy's hand and heads towards the Toddler room while Ana and I take Phoebe to the nursery. As predicted, Phoebe was the belle of the nursery, headed by Sarah, who was delighted to see the Grey girls in their matching hats.

"Oh, Ana, you and Phoebe look wonderful in your hats! I knew that was the perfect color blue for you and Phoebe's eyes! Give me this precious girl, Christian, so I can eat her up! Joyce! Look! It's little Phoebe Grey, hasn't she grown?"

I hand Phoebe and the diaper bag to Sarah as Ana picks up the silent pager, not that it's necessary because both children will have a CPP watching them. We decided Taylor would stay with Phoebe, while Sawyer provided CPP for Ted; an assignment Sawyer was relieved to accept as he's much more comfortable dealing with our rough and tumble little man. Taylor, despite his outside demeanor, doesn't mind watching our baby girl, being the father to a daughter himself.

Ana and I make our way to the sanctuary and are greeted at the door by Father Holly. He gives Ana a warm embrace before shaking my hand.

"Ana! Christian! I'm delighted you could make it today! Ana you look well today, I hope you are feeling good as well! I'll see you after the service!"

I lead Ana to a pew and as we sit, she pulls the kneeler down and bows her head. I study the service bulletin and see the choir is performing both Tallis and Rutter. I've been impressed by the music led by the organist who also directs the choir, and I discovered from Father Holly, that he chooses much of the service music and hymns.

"I have a tin ear and, compared to Stephen, I know little about music. He's been doing this for so long he just knows which hymn goes best with each week's scriptures, and his leadership of our little choir has been nothing short of miraculous. There were only 12 members when he came, and now they usually have 20 or so, and what wonderful music they do! I know for a fact we are doing better music than down at the cathedral!"

We see and are greeted by several people we have met in the short time we have attended. This moderate sized parish is not the cathedral, or the massive "see and be seen" Episcopalian congregation popular with Seattle's elite, but we have felt accepted and welcome from the start. I was convinced that, once they knew Christian and Ana Grey were attending, we would be inundated with appeals for large sums of money to finance various programs or building projects, but all we have received was a letter with a pledge card during their annual capital campaign asking us to pledge. We decided to pledge a moderate amount in our names, sending any larger sums anonymously. Father Holly has indicated he believes we are the source of these recent gifts, but respects our wishes to not be publically associated with them.

I read in the church newsletter that the church is raising money to repair their 45 year old pipe organ; I plan to look into how we can help once Ana is well. The prelude starts and Ana sits down next to me, her eyes a little red, but she's smiling at me as she grasps my hand. I'm happy we could come today as I can tell it means a lot to her. Ana and I have discovered we love many of the same hymns we each learned as children, and, as I always suspected, she has a lovely singing voice, but will only sing with the congregation because she's too self conscious. I idly consider starting to play and sing simple hymns at home as a way to teach them to my children, just like my Mom did when I was little. Only difference will be my children will happily sing along, whereas I only did so in my head. Singing was something happy people did, I never felt that way until Ana. I hold the hymnal in one hand and wrap the other around my wife, so happy to be here with her.

After the service we slip through a side door to collect the children and head to the parish hall for coffee. Teddy loves it because there are cookies and punch, but Nanny and Sawyer make sure he doesn't spoil his lunch. I proudly stand next to Ana holding Phoebe, who has pulled her hat off and has it in her mouth. I wanted to rescue it, but Ana told me not to spoil her fun, the hat would wash easily enough. Ana is talking to Sarah, comparing how Phoebe is developing compared to the Holly's two girls who are our age, married with young children of their own. The misty eyed Sarah laments they both live out-of-state, which is why she enjoys our little girl so much. Father Holly joins us and gives Ana a side-ways hug, whispering in her ear. I suspect, based on Ana's expression, he's inquiring about her chemo. She whispers back and he hugs her again, continuing to speak quietly to her. She's nodding as she smiles, tears in her eyes. I look around and realize Ana was right; our life was missing something before we started coming here.

Monday morning I was up early wanting to shower and check e-mails before breakfast. Ana refused come down to eat, agreeing only to a can of Boost and a cup of tea before we headed to the clinic. It was a bittersweet evening yesterday, she held Phoebe most of the time, even insisting she put her down for the night. I could hear her sniffing as she did, but she emerged from the nursery composed. Once we were in bed spooning, I held her as closely and whispered to her that no matter what happened I would be there to take care of her. We held one another as if our lives depended on each other, because in truth, I believe they do.


	17. Chapter 17

As usual, the atmosphere of the sun drenched clinic was upbeat. The nurses and patients chatted about an awards show on television last evening, as well as the latest episode of the big HBO series; neither of which Ana and I saw. As we walked to her cubicle Ana warmly greets patients whom she had gotten to know because they are basically on the same schedule as she. I marveled at the calm, lighthearted banter that was swirling around the room given that every recliner held someone who was fighting for their life, just like my wife and seated next to most of them, people like me, fearful that the poison being dripped into the bodies wouldn't work.

The entire process took over 5 hours, a little longer than before because Dr. Sellers had decided to give Ana a bolus of fluids before the pre-medications and chemo were started. The pre-meds included Benadryl and, this time I was told, Ativan, which knocked her out for most of the chemo infusions, waking only to walk to the bathroom. I was frustrated because Ana told me on the ride in she intended to walk to the bathroom, that I was _not_, under any circumstances, to carry her.

"People far sicker than I manage to walk when they are there, so I'm going to as well!"

I didn't like it at all, especially since she was given the Ativan, but the first time she needed to get up, she gave me a pointed look.

"You may escort me and my IV pole as far as the door, Mr. Grey, but only as far as the door! I don't want people to know just how kinky a bastard you are."

She gave me a smile and a wink as she stood up.

I work on my lap top watching as each bag infused. Ana was given one more dose of Zofran before she was disconnected, but since she was going to continue to receive fluids and meds at the house; her port needle was left in place. She refused an additional dose of Ativan, despite her nurse and me urging her to do so.

"No! Absolutely not! It makes me too sleepy and I want to spend time with the children when I get home."

I feared this was not a good idea, but I saw in Ana's expression that she wasn't budging. Ana's clinic nurse told me she had called the home health nurse scheduled to meet us at the house and given her a full report. I was assured she was one of the best and that Ana would be in competent hands.

Ana stubbornly insisted she could walk with me downstairs to the car, but fell asleep on the ride home. When Taylor pulled up at the house I didn't give her a chance to argue; instead I scooped her up and carried her upstairs. The kids were still napping and I knew Ana needed to rest as well.

A short while later, Ana's nurse arrived. Evelyn is an older African-American nurse who had worked Oncology for over 30 years at the VA and, as a result, had a gentle, but no-nonsense style. I don't believe Ana ever won an argument with her, but adored her just the same. Taylor escorted Evelyn up to our bedroom where she expertly hooked up Ana's fluids. Unlike the hospital, the pump Evelyn had was very compact, about the size as 2 decks of playing cards laid side by side and ran on a regular 9-volt battery. The plastic bag of fluid was placed in a zippered pouch along with the pump, which could simply lie on the bed, or be carried by the bag's strap.

As Ana dozed Evelyn quietly told me that she would be with Ana until about 11 tonight, then be relieved by the night nurse, a girl named May Lou. She would return around 11 tomorrow morning, and remain until 8 in that evening when May Lou returned. Since Ana will hopefully be over the worst in 3 or 4 days, the agency felt the 2 nurses would suffice. She explained the medications she had available to keep Ana comfortable and what order Dr. Sellers had specified they be given should the Zofran fail to control Ana's symptoms.

When the kids woke up, Ana tried to put on a brave front by coming downstairs and resting on the couch feeding Phoebe and watching Teddy play with his train set. Although she said she didn't feel like eating, she decided to sit with us at the table for supper, but the smell of the food proved to be too much. Evelyn and Gail managed to get her into the kitchen, sparing the distress of vomiting in front of children. Ted was confused just the same.

"Mommy go?"

"Don't worry buddy, Mommy has a tummy ache. That's all."

I look towards the kitchen listening to Ana being sick. Crap! I had hoped it would be better this time.


	18. Chapter 18

As soon Teddy is through eating, I grab Phoebe from her carrier positioned by the table and call for Ted to follow me upstairs. I head straight to the nursery, calling to Nanny as I pass her door to come take charge of the children, then lay Phoebe in her crib.

"Nanny, I'm sorry, but I need you to get the kids down tonight. Phoebe had a bottle about an hour ago."

"Of, course Mr. Grey. Don't worry about a thing."

I turn to tell Teddy to mind Nanny, only to discover he's not behind me. Cursing under my breath, I head back towards the stairs thinking he decided not to follow me up, but stop cold when I hear Ana screaming. As I run into our bedroom I hear Ana in the bathroom.

"Ted! NO! Out! I need you out NOW!"

I hear Ana begin to retch again, then Ted screeching from the bathroom as well.

"Nooo! Mama! No go!"

As I get to the door of the cavernous bathroom suite, the sound is deafening. I see Ana kneeling on the floor over the commode with Ted's arms wrapped around her waist, Ana is furiously trying to push Ted away all the while still retching.

Ted is crying as he stubbornly holds on. Ana retches again, then sobbing says,

"Christian, please! He can't see me like this! Take him out! Please!"

She retches again.

All the time Teddy is screaming.

"No Mommy! No go, Mommy!"

I walk over to grab Ted as I start yelling for the fucking nurse. Where the fuck did she go? How did Ted manage to get in here?

"Evelyn! Where the fuck are you?! For the love of God, give her something to stop this! That's why you're fucking here for! Give her some god damned drugs!"

I lean down and grab Ted around his waist, which causes him to scream all the more, but I see Evelyn slip into the bathroom and kneel at Ana's free side with a syringe in her hand.

I start to pick Ted up, but as he struggles to stay with Ana he kicks me. I lose it. I yank Ted up and throw him over my shoulder as I stride out of the bathroom.

"Nnnn…oooo! Nooooooo! I want Mommy! I no go! Mommy!"

He begins to hit my back with his fists. I pull Ted away from my shoulder, holding him under his arms I look him square in the face,

"Ted! Stop this now!"

I shake him. Startled, he stops crying and looks at me, fear in his eyes. God! No! What have I just done?

I hug him to me as I carry him into his room, then kneel down and place Ted on his feet in order to look at him. He's quiet now, but he looks at me, fear and confusion on his tear-stained face. Oh, God! I promised I would never harm my children or do anything that would cause them to be afraid!

"Teddy, Daddy's so sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, son. I just needed you to come out of the room and became impatient. I'm so, so sorry!"

I hug him to me tightly, rocking side to side as tears threaten. God! How could I hurt my child? Please forgive me Ted!

After a few moments, we're both calmer, so I pick him up and sit him on the edge of his bed while I remain on my knees and look at him.

"Daddy didn't mean to be cross with you, but he needed you to leave Mommy."

His big blue eyes are red rimmed and huge.

"I want my Mommy."

He sticks his bottom lip out, tears threaten again.

"I know, buddy, but Mommy's sick right now, and Daddy needs you to help her get better by letting her rest."

"Mommy cry. She yell at me." He sniffs.

"Yes, Mommy was crying. When her tummy really hurts, just like when yours hurt, she cries. You just went in to see Mommy at a bad time. That's why she was yelling. She wanted you to leave because she doesn't want you to see her when her tummy ache was so bad."

He looks at me, I can tell he's beginning to understand what I'm telling him, but his brow furrows. God, just like Ana.

"Why Mommy's tummy hurt so bad?"

"Ted, your Mommy is really sick and the doctor is giving her medicine to make her better, but it also gives her a tummy ache."

He is listening to me, his eyes so much like Ana's when she is trying to discern my mood.

"Daddy is working really hard to find medicine so her tummy will stop hurting, but I just haven't been able to find the right medicine yet."

Ted looks at me sternly,

"Daddy try harder."

"I promise I will, son. I promise I will."

I pick him up and hug him to me. He lays his head on my shoulder.

"I love you so much, Ted. Daddy's so sorry he was angry. So, so sorry."

I sense a presence behind me and see Nanny at the door. She walks in and kneels next to us.

"Teddy, let's go brush your teeth and get into your jammies."

I release Ted and he willingly goes to Nanny's open arms. She carries him into the bathroom quietly talking to him. I hear him answer, but can't discern what he's saying. I take a deep breath, still feeling overwhelmed, but I need to get up and go see about Ana.

There is no one in our bedroom, but I find Ana lying by the toilet on the mat covered with the throw from the couch, her head pillowed on a folded towel with Evelyn sitting next her rubbing her back. Evelyn looks up at me; I see a hint of fear in her eyes. I kneel next to Ana and find her eyes closed, breathing evenly. I roll Ana on to her back, then pick her up and carry her to the bed. Evelyn follows behind with the IV bag. Once she's situated and covered, I sit on the edge of the bed and stroke her face. Her eyes are red and swollen, her complexion splotchy.

"Tell me what happened here? How did Ted get in here?"

"I really don't know, Mr. Grey. The door must have been left ajar. After Ana was ill downstairs she came up the back stairs, and ran straight into the bathroom. I immediately went to get a dose of phenergan out of my bag and was starting to draw it up when I heard Mrs. Grey yelling at Ted. I initially thought I should go get the child out, but just then you came in. I felt my best course of action was to finish drawing her medicine up and getting it into her as quickly as I could."

I nod. God, what a fucked up mess.

"Mrs. Grey was so distraught; I couldn't get her calmed down. She kept crying that she wanted to spare Teddy the horror of seeing her that way. The phenergan worked quickly, but she kept sobbing to the point she started gagging. I just decided she was overwrought and gave her some Ativan. My report from the clinic said she had one dose as a pre-med this morning, but refused a dose prior to leaving the clinic, so I knew she probably needed it."

"Why was she still in the bathroom?"

"She refused to go back to bed while she was still nauseated, and once the Ativan started working, I couldn't get her to move. I just made her as comfortable as I could knowing you'd be back as soon as you were able to calm your son down."

I scrub my face. I hear a gentle tap on the door, then it cracks slightly.

"Mr. Grey?" It's Nanny.

"Yes?"

She steps further into the room, quietly closing it behind her.

"Um, is Mrs. Grey sleeping?"

"Yes, why?'

Why the fuck does she need to know?

"Mr. Grey, Teddy is still worried about her and I can't manage to soothe him. I think if we could bring him in here to see your wife resting quietly, it will ease his anxiety and he'll be able to get to sleep."

I look at Ana, she looks peaceful. I stand up.

"Let me talk to him, then I'll decide."

I walk into Teddy's room to find him kneeling in his bed, holding his lovie, a well-loved blanket, just like mine-except his gets laundered regularly by Gail, so it smells like fabric softener, not of body odor and stale cigarettes.

I sit on the bed and pull him into my lap.

"Hey, buddy. Nanny says you don't want to go to sleep."

"No."

"Can you tell Daddy why?"

"Mommy."

He's holding his blanket and has his thumb in his mouth.

"You are worried about Mommy?"

He nods.

"Mommy's tummy hurts and she cry."

He looks up at me and his eye's are huge, tears threatening.

"Well she's asleep, she got some medicine and it's helped her feel better."

His eyes narrow, so much like his mother.

"Promise?"

"You want to see yourself?"

Another nod.

"Well, if you promise to be really quiet, we can go check on her. But you have to be real quiet so we don't wake her up. Ok?"

"I promise, Daddy."

I pick him up and carry him to our door, then set him on his feet. I press my finger to my lips, and open the door. I hold his hand as we walk to the side of the bed. Evelyn has the side light on and a scarf over most of Ana's bald scalp.

He stands next to me, looking at Ana's quiet breathing. I lean down and whisper in his ear,

"If I pick you up, do you want to give her a kiss on the cheek?"

He looks solemnly at me and nods. I pick him up like Superman and carefully position him so he can kiss Ana's cheek. He turns looking at me for reassurance. I give him a reassuring nod and carry him to the door. I set him down and walk him back to his bed. Nanny has the lights out except for his night-light. I lay him down, handing him his lovie, then covering him up. I kiss his soft cheek. Oh, I love this boy.

"Good night, Teddy. Try to sleep. Daddy loves you."

His eyes were already drooping as I kiss him again. I walk into the nursery and lean over to kiss Phoebe's chubby cheek. She is sound asleep dressed in footie pajamas, lying on her back. I stroke her downy head. She's so beautiful.

Nanny is standing at the door.

"Mr. Grey, your wife is asking for you."

Damn, that means she's awake. Shit.

I get up and return to our bedroom, but am relieved that it's quiet. I am not hearing Ana retching. I go to Ana and find her lying on her back with her eyes closed. I hope she went back to sleep, but she opens her eyes and looks up to me. I sit on the edge of the bed and lean over to gently kiss her forehead.

"I need to pee, but I don't think my legs will hold me right now."

I run the back of my hand down her face.

"No need to, I'll gladly take you. Put your arms around my neck."

That accomplished I fold the duvet back and pick Ana up. Evelyn reaches over and picks up the IV bag and closely follows us into the toilet. I lower her onto the seat as Evelyn pulls her gown out of the way, she leans heavily against me, but I hear her going, relieved it's a lot. Reaching for paper, I pull some off.

"Here, wipe."

She complies, then drops the paper. I put her arms around my neck again and carry her back to the bed.

"Are you nauseated, baby?'

She shakes her head no.

"Does anything hurt?"

Again, no.

"Ok, baby, sleep. I'll be here when you need me."

I kiss her forehead again, then look at Evelyn. She's checking Ana's blood pressure and pulse, writing her findings in a note book.

"Mrs. Grey will be receiving another dose of Zofran in about 45 minutes. May Lou will be here shortly after that to relieve me, and I will give her a full report. I'll be back at 11 tomorrow morning. With the Ativan, I suspect she'll sleep into the morning."

I nod. Ana looks comfortable. Her breathing is even and her face relaxed.

I decide I need to change clothes; I've been in these since before dawn. I head into my closet and change into a pair of pajama pants and a tee shirt, before coming out. I tell Evelyn that I'll be downstairs and for her to phone if Ana needs me. Taking my phone I head downstairs to the music room and switch on the lamp that illuminates the piano. I need to think and clear my head, so I begin to play the Marcello.

I close my eyes and allow the music to do for me what it's always done before, lift me above the constant pain and emptiness that engulfed me for so much of my life; that is, until I met Ana. Now my pain is because I can't stop hers, I couldn't stop Ted's; in fact I made it worse by losing my composure with him.

I finish the Marcello, and start it again. So many long, lonely nights, the only thing that seemingly kept me sane and even remotely focused was the music. When the piece was over, I would start it again. Once started, I needed to finish. Once finished, I needed to start again. And so, the simple process of starting, finishing, then starting again was what pulled me from one hour to the next through the endless nights back into the day when all I had was another company to raid, or another sub to flog and fuck.

This was, until Ana. When we first met, playing allowed me to hold conversations in my head, convincing myself that I wanted to groom Ana to be just another sub, just another brown headed girl to humiliate, beat and fuck, nothing more. That she was an adult, capable of making up her own mind, all the time knowing I was lying to myself, and lying badly. I would play harder in an effort to block out the truth that echoed in my head.

I close my eyes and remember the wonderful sensation of having her small body sitting closely next to me as I played, enjoying the feeling of almost overwhelming contentment just because she was there, and that she found my playing as soothing as I did. I can feel the tension leaving my body, and my scattered thoughts beginning to clear.

I finish, pause, then start a third time. What happened today can't happen again. I don't know who was more traumatized, Ana or Ted. How did we manage to avoid this up until now? Stupid luck, I guess. So, Ted can't get into our room again. Before Ana got sick, it didn't matter and we welcomed him into our room most of the time, except… Ok, simple, lock the damn door like we did when we didn't want him getting in. Except, people need to come and go, it's just Ted who needs to stay out. Maybe guard the door? Have Sawyer guard it. A former FBI agent guarding a door against a 3-year-old? No, that's a crap idea.

I continue to play.

Maybe if we moved the kids to the rooms farthest from our bedroom, except those rooms aren't really set up for children. Ok, then move Ana. Except, she wouldn't be comfortable over there. She needs familiar surroundings right now. If we were at Escala, it'd be easier. Kids upstairs, Ana and me down. Maybe I should call my Mom and ask her opinion.

Yes, I'll call Mom! I look at the clock. Shit! It's too late. She'd have a coronary thinking something horrible happened to Ana if I called at this hour. Get it together, Grey. You own how many multi-national companies? You can walk into a board room full of the most hard-nosed corporate executives, and have them murmuring, "Yes, Mr. Grey." like one of your subs in no time flat. Ana, Teddy and Phoebe are your responsibility and you need to figure this shit out!

I finish again, take a deep breath and start for a 4th time. Ana needs rest; Ted needs to be kept away from her. I'm sure he's going to be even more attuned to what goes on in our bedroom, and more determined to get in there. It's not soundproofed like the playroom in Escala, so if she's ill, or is crying he's likely to hear. Never occurred to me to soundproof our bedroom…

I stop playing and look at my hands suspended above the keys, like a movie freeze frame, and realize the solution is simple.

Take Ana to Escala. Tell the kids she went back to see the doctor. That what we told Ted when she had her surgery. We didn't want to lie to Ted, but how do you explain to a 3-year-old that his Mom has to have a major surgery and won't be home for a week? So, we told him she went 'to see the doctor'. Close enough to the truth and, in his 3 year mind, he got it. When she came home from the hospital, he understood the need to be cautious when he touched her because of her "boo boo" places which included those bulb drains.

Ana will refuse; she won't like being separated from the children. If I can just get her there before she knows it, then there can't be a discussion, can there? Done deal.

I pull my phone out and dial Taylor.

"Yes, Mr. Grey?"

"Taylor, I've decided to take Mrs. Grey to Eascla and want us to be on our way within the hour. Make the necessary arrangements. "

I'm already on my feet heading to my office.

"Yes, Mr. Grey. I'll get right on it."

"I'll be in our bedroom with her. Let me know as soon as we can leave."

"Very good, Mr. Grey. Knowing Mrs. Grey was receiving her chemo today, the entire staff has been alerted to the possibility of circumstances changing quickly."

"So, tell me what is going to happen? I do not want the security of this house and property to be degraded."

"I can assure you that won't happen, Sir. I'm sending a text to Ryan and he will be leaving his residence in a matter of minutes for Escala and complete the final security sweep. He will remain there to assist us when we arrive. Sawyer is here with me already. Once we have you and Mrs. Grey settled, Ryan will join Sawyer. The new man, Holmes, will be here at zero six hundred hours, which will allow Sawyer to stand down. Once Ryan notifies me of the all clear, we can depart whenever you are ready. "

"Good."

I hang up. I won't need anything except my phone and my lap top, which I grab off my desk, stuffing it into my bag. I take the bag and leave it on the entryway table before heading upstairs. I tap on Nanny's door, when she opens it and peeks out, I tell her of my decision. Other than Ana and I being unavailable, nothing is really going to change for her and the children, which is my intention.

"Tell Ted that I took his mother to stay with the doctor until her stomach ache is better. Hopefully we'll be back by the weekend."

I stop and check both sleeping children. I kiss their soft heads, then head to our bedroom. Evelyn and the new nurse are standing in the sitting area outside our room, the door cracked to allow them to see Ana's sleeping form.

"Mr. Grey, this is Mai Lu Castillo, she will be with your wife until I return at 11 tomorrow morning."

I nod at the new girl who is shorter than Ana, and looks to be closer to my age. She shyly smiles at me, but I'm anxious to get Ana moved, so I speak before either woman has an opportunity to say anything else.

"I'm assuming you discussed what happened this evening."

The both nod, I turn my attention to the new girl.

"I've decided to take Mrs. Grey to our apartment in the city. I'm sure when the Ativan wears off and she wakes up she's going to be worried about our son's well being more than hers. She needs rest and no distractions, which is why I want to get her to the apartment and settled tonight. I want everything to be accomplished before either my son or my wife awakens. My security detail is finalizing the preparations for us to leave in about 30 minutes. I need you to pack up all the supplies you need to continue to care for her there. I'll take care of her personal items."

"Will I be expected go there with the 2 of you?" Mai Lu asks.

What a stupid assed question!

"Yes, of course! In case she needs you while we're in transit."

I see discomfort on her face.

"Is there a problem Ms. Castillo?"

She's getting paid a fucking small fortune, what the fuck is her problem?

"Um, my car."

Christ, is that all?

"My security detail will make sure your car is at our apartment by 11 tomorrow morning. All you need do is give my man Taylor your keys. Is there anything else?"

I give her my most impassive look. I'm trying to take care of my ill wife and she's going on about her fucking car! She shakes her head no.

I get ready to head into our bedroom when Gail approaches, most likely notified by Taylor of our plans.

"I thought perhaps you would like me to pack what things I think Mrs. Grey may want for you to take with."

Oh, thank god! I wouldn't even know where to start!

"Yes, Gail, I would appreciate it, that would be very helpful. Thank you. I'm sure you have a better idea of what she may want than I would."

"I know if something she wanted wasn't there she would not mind, but I know what she's been wearing recently. I also have already packed a cooler with food I had made that I was hoping she would find appealing when she felt a little better."

"That is very helpful, Gail. Thank you for taking care of that for us."

I enter our room with Gail behind me. I head into my closet while she goes into Ana's. I change into a pair jeans, and step into a pair of moccasins Ana bought me. I come out and there is quiet activity going on in the corner of the room as the nurse's pack up their supplies whispering. Gail exits Ana's closet, and heads into our bath, I hear her moving jars around on Ana's vanity.

I stand and watch Ana. She's oblivious to the activity around her, thank god. Gail and the 2 nurses stand by the door looking at me. Evelyn steps closer and whispers,

"I think we should try to get her up to the commode before we leave."

I look at her, torn. Ana's sleeping, I don't want her awakened and become aware of the move. Evelyn, obviously sensing my dilemma tells me,

"She hasn't urinated for several hours. If she is incontinent in her sleep, it will certainly wake her up, and plus she'll be embarrassed and distressed."

I look at Ana, then back to Evelyn and nod. Gail and the new nurse quietly exit as Evelyn and I go to the bedside. I sit on the edge and rub Ana's back, then lean down and lay small kisses along her jaw and on her eyelids. She stirs.

"Hi, baby. Let's get you up to pee. Do you need to go?"

She rubs her nose into her pillow. How cute is that? I start kissing her again.

"Are you sure? It's been quite awhile and I know you'd hate to wet the bed."

At the mention of wetting the bed, she opens one eye and looks at me, a small scowl on her pretty face.

"Well? " I prompt. She begins to sit up, but I just gather her in my arms, her head lying on my shoulder, and stand up. Evelyn is close by holding the IV bag, then pulls her gown up as I sit her on the commode, then kneel in front of her, allowing her to continue to rest he head on my shoulder. I hear her start to go and finally hear her stop. Good call, Evelyn. She wouldn't have been able to hold on much longer! Evelyn takes care of cleaning her from the back, then I carry her back to the bed, resuming my seat next to her as I hold my breath hoping she drifts back off.

The minutes trick by, and she resumes her even breathing. All I hear is the climate control system blowing, and the gently whir of the pump. Evelyn gives me a reassuring smile and steps out with a wave good-bye.

A short time later Gail walks back in carrying one of the kid's duvet. She leans over and caresses Ana's cheek before looking at me. I never really noticed how hard Gail is taking Ana's illness. It's been hard on all of us, but not as nearly as hard as it's been on Ana herself.

"Taylor is ready whenever you are. I brought this, thinking you could just wrap her up in it. It's larger than the throw you had when she went to the emergency room, and it's warmer."

I nod in agreement as we slowly pull the king-sized cover off her while gently laying the smaller one over in its place. Ana shifts, but it's to instinctively move into my arms. I position her so that I can lift her again as Gail tucks the duvet between Ana and my chest. I pick up the IV bag and look at Gail who nods in reassurance Ana is well wrapped and we're ready to go.

Gail stays by my side making sure I know where the stairs begin and rushes ahead to open the front door. The large SUV is already running, its headlights a harsh glare in the night, Taylor opens the back door to allow me to slide in. The new nurse is sitting, already belted, in the front seat. Not wishing to risk disturbing Ana, I opt not to try and belt up, trusting Taylor to exercise extreme caution getting us to Escala.

We ride in silence. It's after mid-night and there is little traffic until we hit the interstate. I feel Ana moving. I lay her on my lap and pull her back to my front, hoping the position will feel like we're spooning as usual. In the new position, her head leans against my shoulder. I brush my lips on her temple and kiss her, then whisper,

"Sleep, baby. I've got you."

We pull into the garage, stopping at the elevator where Ryan is waiting. Taylor opens my door, while Ryan opens the nurse's. She quietly stands with me while Ryan walks ahead, then we follow him into the waiting elevator. I check Ana, I can't tell if she's actually sleeping, but she's quiet. When the doors open, Ryan opens the main door to allow me to walk directly to our bedroom where the bedside light is already on. I stand and watch the nurse pull the duvet back so I can lay Ana down. I decide to leave her wrapped up for now, hoping she'll continue to sleep.

I point to the sitting area right outside our door.

"You can set up out there. That chair allows you to watch her when the door is ajar, which won't be a problem because other than my staff, no one else is here. She nods and heads out to open a bag Taylor has just set next to the chair. He brings in the bags Gail and I packed and sets them on the couch. We look at each other and I give him a small nod of thanks as he walks out. I can hear Ryan unpacking items in the kitchen, opening the refrigerator a few times.

I stand looking at Ana. Relieved, but feeling lost. What now? I am so tired. I run my hand through my hair, then decide to get out of my jeans. I emerge from the bathroom and find Mai Lu checking Ana's blood pressure. She has another bag of IV fluids lying on a small towel on the floor. Once she writes in the notebook, she unzips the canvas bag and begins to play with the pump. After she's changed the bag, she reprograms the pump and it resumes its whirring noise. She picks up the empty bag and the towel and walks over to me.

"Mr. Grey, everything looks good. Your wife's vitals are excellent and she really didn't stir at all when I checked her BP. I will be giving the next dose of Zofran in a few hours. It's really late, I suggest you try and sleep. If your wife doesn't awaken to urinate on her own by then, I'll wake you so we can get her up then, if that's OK with you."

I nod and watch her partially close our door as she leaves. I'm not sure where she expects me to sleep, but I fully intend to sleep next to my wife. I go to my side of our vast bed and make my way to Ana's side. I pull the duvet over me and pull her, still wrapped in the small duvet, to my chest.

I kiss her behind the ear, and she sighs. I try to figure out what I need to do next. As tired as I am, I'm sure I have forgotten something. Before I can go over a list of possibilities, I sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

I'm awakened by Ana suddenly pulling herself up with a cry as she grabs the basin from the bedside table and retches into it. She begins to sob.

"Why am I so sick when there's nothing there? Why?" She retches again. I gently hold her shoulders feeling helpless. Suddenly, Mai Lu turns the bedside lamp on and begins to draw medicine up into a syringe.

"Mrs. Grey, I'm giving you phenergan into your IV, so you should start feeling better shortly. Try to take some deep breaths for me. Ok? Slow... deep... breaths."

Mai Lu speaks in a soft, soothing voice. Ana squints against the light to look at her.

"Who are you?"

Mai Lu gives Ana a gentle smile.

"My name is Mai Lu. I relieved Evelyn earlier this evening, and will be with you all night. Remember, we're here to help you through the worst of the nausea after your chemo? There, the medicine is in. It should start working shortly. Try to relax for me. Ok?"

Ana drops her head as she rubs her temples.

"My head really hurts."

Mai Lu stands up saying,

"Let me get some morphine for that…"

Ana's head shoots up.

"NO! No morphine! I don't like how it makes me feel, all weird and out of control! I don't want any! Please don't give it to me. My headache is not that bad, really! It'll be Ok. Just give me a few minutes."

Oh, Ana. You're such a bad liar. I'm so sorry. I'm about to encourage Ana to take the morphine when Mai Lu speaks up,

"I tell you what," Mai Lu begins,

"Let's wait a bit for the nausea to settle down, then we can try some Vicodin tablets. Ok? Do you want to rinse your mouth out?"

Ana nods. Mai Lu helps her with the glass, then stands up and goes into the bathroom with the dirty basin. Having cleaned it, she quickly returns. I wrap my arm around Ana to better support her as I give her a gentle kiss on her temple. I don't know what else to do.

Mai Lu holds up a wash cloth.

"Here, let me wipe your face off."

Ana holds her head up as Mai Lu gently wipes her face then reaches for the lip balm.

"Here, let me put this on your lips. They look chapped. There. Better?"

Ana nods and whispers her thanks. Initially, I had my doubts about Ms. Castillo's abilities, but she has impressed me by how gently and efficiently she's handling Ana right now.

"Do you want to lay back down, baby?" I ask.

She shakes her head no, then looks up at me.

"No. I don't want to get sick again. I'm Ok this way. Is that Ok?"

I kiss her temple again.

"Of course, baby. Whatever feels best."

I shift myself slightly to allow Ana to rest her head against my shoulder. Mai Lu kneels by the bed holding one of Ana's hands.

I think I doze off because I awaken with a start when I hear Mai Lu speak.

"Mrs. Grey. Is the nausea better?"

Ana nods.

"Ok. Let's see if you can drink a little of this cool water. Ok? Just a few swallows. "

Ana guides the glass Mai Lu is holding to her lips and drinks. Mai Lu sets the glass down as Ana murmurs her thanks. We sit for a few minutes more.

"Ok, Mrs. Grey, I have the tablets here. Do you think you can take them now?"

"I'll try." Ana whispers.

" a drink of the water, then I'll give you one pill at a time. This should help your head. Ok?"

Ana again guides the glass to her lips and drinks. She takes the pills in secession, and nods to indicate they're down. Mai Lu sets the glass down, then stands up. She looks at me, but addresses Ana.

"I think this would be a good time to get you up to the bathroom to urinate."

I shift and help Mai Lu finish undoing the duvet Ana's been wrapped in since we left the big house. I pick her up and easily carry her into the bathroom. Is she lighter than earlier? We get to the commode and Mai Lu moves her gown so I can sit her down. Ana goes, her head bowed. I don't think other than to look at Mai Lu, she's opened her eyes at all. Her head must really be hurting, poor baby.

Her business done, I carry her back to the bed.

"Want to try lying down?" I ask again.

Ana nods. She opens her beautiful eyes and looks at me, then Mai Lu.

"Thank you for taking care of me. I hate being such a bother."

Mai Lu beats me to the punch as she stands up.

"That's what we're here for. Try and rest, Ok?"

"Yes. I think my head is a little batter. Thank you."

She then looks at me, reaching up to caress my face.

"You look so worried and lost Christian. I'm sorry this is so hard on you, but I'm so glad you're here. I love you so much."

I find the tears threatening, so I take her hand and kiss her palm.

"I couldn't be anywhere but here with you, Ana. You know that. Would you like me to rub your back for a while?"

"Yes, that would be nice. Thank you."

She turns on her side, and I begin to run my hand on her back. I'm sure she's lost more weight; I can feel her ribs and spine more than before. She didn't eat at all day yesterday. God, she has to start eating, she's wasting away! I take a deep breath.

"_Oh Father in heaven. I am supposed to have faith Ana is going to get through this, but how? If she can't eat? Give her strength. Give us strength!"_

A short time later Ana's breathing is slow and easy. I hear the whirring of the pump. I look and Mai Lu is standing at the foot of the bed. She gives me a reassuring nod and heads back to her place outside our door. I lie down again and gently place my arm around Ana's waist. I am so tired, I drift off.

I dream I'm running my fingers through Anastasia's hair, except I feel the fingers are stroking my head. I jolt awake and look into Ana's eyes.

"Ana. Are you Ok? What's wrong?"

"Hi. I need to get up to go pee, except I can't get out of the covers."

"No problem. I'll just carry you."

Mai Lu is at the door having seen me move, but I indicate to her that Ana's Ok and she returns to her chair. I pick Ana along with her IV bag up and walk into the bathroom. Keeping an arm around her, I stand her on her feet in front of the commode as I free her cute little ass from her gown before I lift her on the seat

I sit down on the floor as Ana sits on the commode. She looks up, examining the bathroom.

"Are we at Escala?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I made a decision. We will talk about it later, but not now."

She nods, then proceeds to reach for some paper.

"I need to brush my teeth. My mouth is a cesspool."

She makes a cute little face of disgust. I stand up and lift her, sitting her on the chair by the door.

"Stay there and I'll bring you what you need. Ok?"

She's still looking around the bathroom seemingly taking her new surroundings in, but nods to acknowledge she heard me. I retrieve the oral care kit from the bag Gail packed, grabbing the basin from the bedside table before returning to the bathroom. Ana is watching me in a detached way. I can't tell if she's drugged or what. It's worrying.

While she brushes her teeth, I soap a warm wash cloth up, and after she's spit and rinsed, I offer her the cloth so she can wash her face, followed by another to rinse. Lastly, squirting some moisturizer into her hand which she smooths on. Despite her illness, her skin remains flawless. I kiss her forehead when she's done.

"How are you feeling?"

"Ok, I think. I'm a little queasy and still have a touch of a headache, but both are much better now."

"I'm glad. Can I get you to drink some Boost?"

I'm sure she picks up the anxiety in my voice.

She turns and looks at me.

"No, not right now. Maybe later. I just need to lie down now."

I carry her back to bed and get us situated. She sighs as she wraps her arms over mine and pulls them tighter to her.

"I love you Christian. Thank you for being here for me."

She mumbles the last bit of her sentence, then I feel her steady breathing.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Please don't go anywhere either.

My mind drifts. I try to convince myself it's just another, ordinary night. We have laid in one another's arms like this since the beginning. Deep down I know it's a lie, but I'm too tired to think about anything else.


	20. Chapter 20

_My mother is lying on the sticky green carpet, not moving. Ted is clinging to her crying; he cries harder as a hand grabs his arm and harshly pulls him away from her. Except it's not my mom's body, it's Ana's! She looks like one of those awful pictures of the people found in the concentration camps, skin pulled taut over her skeleton. Her lips are pulled back into a grotesque smile while her eyes are open. Sightless. Dead? Ana's dead?_

_Teddy is crying and whimpering because someone is hitting him. He struggles in vain trying to get away from the blows, but I'm holding him firmly by the arm, because I'm the one hitting him! No!_

_Teddy's face shows confusion and fear. __I stop and stare at my hand. I'm hitting him?_ No! I swore I wouldn't hit my child!

_'Yes! You're hitting your kid, because you're a worthless piece of shit.' The pimp's voice echo's in the confined space of that nasty apartment. 'You're hitting him because your precious wife's dead, so she can't stop you now! All your fucking money, all your power, that doesn't change where you came from, what you really are!' He laughs that horrible laugh he has. 'Elena knew! She knew you were a worthless piece of shit who can't help but smack your kids around!' _

_I push the pimp away from me, trying to free myself from him. _

"Christian!"

_What? NO, leave! I won't hit my child! I swore I would never do that! But, he's right, Ana's not here to stop me! She promised me she'd never let me be a shitty father, and now she isn't here to protect them! God, help them! Please, God help me!_

"Christian!"

_What? Ana? Is that my Ana? Could that really be Ana calling me?_

"Christian, listen to me! I need you to wake up for me! Christian, can you hear me? I need you, please wake up! "

_Ana! Oh, god! She sounds like she's afraid. She needs me! Where is she? I need to go to her. I promised I wouldn't leave her!_

I sit up and instinctively begin to grope for Ana; finding her, I pull her tightly to my chest as I wrap my arms around her. She puts her arms around my neck as she lays her head on my shoulder and sobs. I need to find out what is wrong as I gasp for breath; my heart's pounding in my chest.

Slowly my vision begins to clear. We're sitting in the big bed at Escala, bright morning sunshine is streaming through the windows. I scan the room and see Mai Lu standing at our door, her expression is one of confusion and fear.

Oh thank god, it was just one of my nightmares. Ana is holding on to me for dear life sobbing, her face buried in my shoulder. She keeps saying,

"It's Ok, Christian. We're Ok. _Please_ wake up!"

Finally, her words reach my conciseness,

"Oh, God! Ana! What's wrong? Are you Ok?"

Remembering my nightmare, I'm immediately worried I hit her.

"Did I hurt you? Dear Lord in heaven, did I hit you?"

I try to pull her away so I can see her face to check, but she just shakes her head no in response to my question and clings to me all the more. I see Mai Lu still standing at our door, her eyes large, frightened.

"It's alright, Ms. Castillo. I apologize for having alarmed you. I just had a bad dream, that's all. That happens to me sometimes. I think we're both Ok now, but if she needs anything, I'll call you, I promise. Thank you for your concern."

Mai Lu nods, still looking uncomfortable, as if she's seen something she shouldn't have, then quietly pulls the door closed.

"Did I frighten you, baby? I'm so sorry. It was just one of my nightmares, that's all. I'm awake now and I know it was just a bad dream. You woke me up and I'm Ok now. Please don't be afraid."

I rub her back and manage to finally get a glimpse of her face.

"It's been so long since I've had one, it was a bit of a shock, wasn't it?"

Ana finally leans back and looks at me. Even tear-stained, she's so beautiful.

"What was it about?"

I remember Ana's body, and the pimp's words. I pull her to me again and hold her tightly, shaking my head no, I didn't want to tell her

"Why were you crying about hitting Ted?"

Panic is threatening to overtake me as I remember what happened yesterday. I try to calm myself down by pulling air deeply into my lungs

"Yesterday, when I was trying to get him out of the bathroom, he kicked and then hit me, and in the moment, I just lost it and I shook him to get his attention. Just once, but he looked at me with such fear and confusion. God! I hurt my child! I swore I'd never do anything to them that would cause them to feel hurt or fear me!"

I sob out, I can't help it.

"I'm becoming the pimp. I hurt my son! Oh, Ana, how could I be so cruel?"

Ana pulls away from me and, kneeling, looks into my face she holds between her hands.

"Christian! Look at me! Look. At. Me!"

I finally focus on her. Her eyes are red and her face is tear-stained, but her expression's determined.

"You. Are not that pimp! Do you hear me? You said you only shook him once! Right? To gain control of him! Right? What did you do after you shook him?"

I look at her, unable to fully focus on her words; I just see her staring hard into my eyes.

"Christian, what did you do then? Did you enjoy it? Did you laugh at him for crying? Did you try to do it again? Tell me! What did you do then?"

I run my hand through my hair and take a deep breath.

"I stopped. I pulled him to me and carried him to his room, then told him how sorry I was for becoming impatient. Then I just held him until both of us were calmer, then I explained to him that I became impatient with him because I needed him to leave you and he was resisting. I apologized, God did I apologize! Then I tried to explain to him why he couldn't be with you right then. Why you were sick and crying."

She runs her hand through my stubble. She is looking at me, and her expression is full of love.

"How did Ted react to what you told him?"

"He told me to work harder to find some medicine to help you feel better."

I begin to tear up.

"But, I even failed at that! You were so sick yesterday."

I am pulled from my thoughts by Ana's kiss. She holds my head and her kiss is trying to pull my pain and loathing from me. I lay her down as I begin to kiss her back. We separate. I am looking into her eyes because they have saved me so many times before, and are saving me now.

"It's Ok." She says. "I'm Ok. You're OK. Ted's a smart, resilient kid. So, I know he's OK! We probably should have tried to better explain things to him before. I was just so upset that the nausea hit despite getting the Zofran, then I almost lost it in the dining room in front of you and the children. It came over me so fast. I had just managed to get upstairs to the toilet when Teddy came in. I shouldn't have yelled at him that way, but I was feeling that everything was spiraling out of control until I saw you come in. I just didn't want him to see me like that. I knew it would upset him. "

Her gaze wanders as she talks.

"Initially, he was. But, we talked I thought he was better, until Nanny came a while later telling me he wouldn't go to sleep until he was sure you were feeling better. So, I brought him in so he could see for himself you were sleeping. He even gave you a kiss. After that, he went right to sleep.

"After everything calmed down, I knew I needed to figure out how to prevent something like that happening again. You were in no shape to help me make any decisions, it was too late to call my Mom and ask for her advice. I just decided to bring you here. I knew Ted would be hyper-vigilant trying to detect any sign of distress on your part, and I just saw no other way to shield him, and you, from that. Ted was to be told I took you to the doctor so he could make your stomach feel better."

I look at Ana, who is studying my face as I continue,

"I probably should have waited until I could discuss it with you, but you were so sick and upset, and I didn't know what you would say. I suspected you wouldn't want to leave the children, so I decided to act then and worry about your reaction later. You know, be the Dom."

I look at her trying to gauge her reaction as I give her a crooked smile. She gives me an amused smile.

"I'm glad you did."

I look at her surprised.

"You are?"

Really? She's agreeing with me? Wow!

"You were right. I wouldn't have agreed to leave the children, but I also would have been worried about Ted. Although I would have argued we could figure something out, ultimately I believe you're right; there was no other way to prevent that from happening again."

"So, you're not mad?"

"Not at you, no. I'm mad circumstances placed us all in that position; Ted upset, me so ill, and you alone trying to deal with it all. I'm sorry you had to do that."

"Oh, Ana, I wish you would stop apologizing! Please! I admit I was feeling overwhelmed for a while last night, and that if felt good to DO something by bringing you here. So much of the time I feel so powerless, and that just kills me to have to just watch you suffer. If only I could be the one, it would be so much easier. "

Ana presses her finger to my lips to silence me.

"It's going to be Ok. Never, ever, wish this on yourself, because I don't know if my heart could handle that. I can do this, and I will do it, but never feel as if you are powerless. You being here make all the difference in the world. I draw strength from you when I have none of my own left. The times I am not able to do anything, including think straight, I know you are here, watching over me and making sure I'm safe. Otherwise, I'd be so afraid all the time."

I kiss her gently.

"You don't need to be afraid. I'm not going anywhere."

"I love you Christian."

"I love you, too"

I kiss her again, deeply.

"How are you feeling? Better, I hope."

She smiles at me.

"Yes, I'm feeling better, a little wrung out, but my head doesn't hurt. I'm still kinda queasy, but that's all."

"Do you think you could eat something? You haven't eaten in over a day, surely you're hungry."

She frowns.

"I don't know. I'm afraid to just yet. Maybe just some tea to start with, Ok?"

I suppress my panic, remembering Marcie pointing out Ana needs to feel in control of something. I muster a smile.

"Ok. Would you like to take a bath?"

"Yes, that would be lovely. I feel filthy."

I give her a sly smile.

"Well, maybe later we can get a little dirty, but I think just a soak in the tub for now."

She smirks at me.

"Ok."

I head into the bathroom and set the tub to fill, then head towards the great room. Mai Lu is kneeling next to Ana taking her blood pressure and temperature. I stop, surprised by the sight of Gail in the kitchen.

"Good morning, Mr. Grey! How is Ana feeling today?"

"Um, she's feeling better now. I'm going to get her in the tub, but was going to make her some tea."

"I'll take care of that for you. Taylor is going a little stir-crazy because neither of you have been out for a run for days. I will stay here with Ms. Castillo and look after Ana while you 2 go for a run. When you get back I'll make you some breakfast."

"What is going on at the house?"

"Oh, don't worry about anything. Teddy just likes cereal for breakfast and I have lunch all ready to go, all Nanny has to do is plate it up. Sawyer brought me to make sure you and Mrs. Grey were comfortable, and I'm glad I came! I'm not sure who put up the things I sent last night, but they were in a mess! I don't think you would have been able to find a thing."

A run sounds good, really good. I'll check on Ana first, though.

I go back to our bedroom and hear Ana talking to Mai Lu in the bathroom. I hear Ana giggle. Oh, what a wonderful sound! I walk into the bathroom and find Ana sitting in the tub's upper shelf. Sitting on the step behind her, Mai Lu is holding a washcloth over the dressing to Ana's port while Ana soaps herself up. She looks up and smiles at me.

"Hello, husband!"

I can't help but smile.

"Hello, Mrs. Grey. You seem to be enjoying your bath!"

"Why, yes I am!"

"I thought I might go out for a run, if that's alright with you. Gail is here with Sawyer and she thinks Taylor and I need to get out and work up a sweat."

For a brief moment I see a look of guilt in her face, but it's quickly replaced with her smile.

"Yes, I think you and Taylor need to go pound the pavement. I'll be fine. Mai Lu is right here, and Gail and Sawyer are near-by. Go, run!"

I look at Mai Lu.

"I'll have my phone. Call me if she needs me."

Mai Lu nods.

"Go! I'll be fine!"

Ana fusses.

I kiss her briefly on the lips and head into my closet to change.


	21. Chapter 21

Ana and Mai Lu are still happily chatting in the bathroom as I head into the great room where Taylor is waiting at the entrance. We head downstairs and on to the street.

Since I'm normally with the family at the big house where the property has multiple running paths of various distances and terrains, it's been quite awhile since we've run in the city and I start reflecting on my life when I lived here. Initially, I was alone, other than the Subs on the weekends, which suited me. When my financial success and its enviable notoriety required I take on an Assistant/ Personal Protection Operative, namely Taylor, he was with me basically 24/7; then Gail obviously maintained the place during the week. But, I considered them all accessories that went with my status, like my sculptures and artwork, only these moved and did as I told them. The only person I really had any connection with was Elena who was the only person I felt understood me.

I look back on those days and how robotic a person I was. From the time I broke off from Elena, I considered myself free to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted; but in reality, I was still Elena's Sub. I was going through the same motions because I knew nothing else, and she in reality, still controlled me. Like an addict, I fully embraced the lifestyle that perpetuated the abuse I had experienced my entire life.

Taylor and I round a corner and start to take a hill, we exchange glances to provoke one another to try to get to top first. We smile when we crest it side by side.

To this day I don't understand why I was so drawn to Ana from the start, and the depth of what I feel for her to this day still overwhelms me at times. But, from the first time I looked into her eyes, I felt the need to be with her. I look up because tears are threatening and I have no idea why. I check my watch, it will only be a few more minutes before we're back at Escala, but I pick up the pace because I feel I've been away from her too long.

Emerging from the elevator, Taylor heads straight to his quarters to shower, as I walk into the great room. Gail is in the kitchen and she smiles warmly at me.

"Breakfast in 10, Mr. Grey?"

I nod, still winded, and needing to go in and check on Ana. I'm initially worried that Mai Lu isn't in her spot outside our door, but remembered she was helping Ana bathe. Surely she's out by now.

I go into our bedroom and find our bed made up, and Ana laying on the couch asleep covered with the duvet I carried her in last night. Her I-Pad must be hooked up as I hear Pachelbel playing softly through the speakers. The bright floral print scarf tied on her head only accentuates the grayish color and the heavy dark circles under Ana's eyes. Maybe it's because the room is bathed in daylight, but I never noticed her looking so sickly and small before. I look at Mai Lu who is sitting in a chair by the windows reading, she gives me a reassuring smile.

"She's Ok. The bath just wore her out, but she didn't want to go back to bed. She had me bring her some manuscripts she wanted to read, but they ended up lying on her lap untouched. I put them away when she dozed off."

I quietly tell her I'm going shower, then go grab clean clothes from my closet before heading into the bathroom. Not having the bedroom to ourselves is a pain in the ass, but I'm glad Mai Lu is sticking so close Ana. Showered, shaved and dressed, I emerge to find Ana still asleep, but alone. The door to our room is open and I see Mai Lu standing in the sitting area talking to Evelyn, who apparently just arrived. They sit down on the ottoman going over the notebook I have seen them both writing in.

They look up and smile at me.

"I'm surprised you are still writing in a notebook. I thought everything these days was computerized."

They exchange knowing glances and smirk at one another. Evelyn finally speaks.

"Well, we have a tablet, but when it's the 2 of us, we use the notebook, and just put the essentials on the tablet."

"We could never find what information we would be looking for on the tablet. You know, our training pre-dates computers."

"We just think having everything written in one notebook allows us to better coordinate care."

They look at me warily, as if I am going to be upset. I don't give a shit, really, as long as they are taking good care of Ana. I give them one of my patented (what does Ana call it?) panty dropping smiles?

"Well, if it works for you two, I think that's great."

Heading to eat, I shake my head amused with myself bothering to chat with the help. But, it's because Ana talks to everyone, and I've found myself doing that much more than I ever used to. Just another example of the 'Ana effect'. Gail sets my plate down for me as I sit at the breakfast bar.

"Did Ana take anything while I was out?" I ask.

Gail shakes her head no, looking frustrated and concerned. Shit.

"She had some tea, and said that she thought once she rested from her bath, she'd feel up to trying something. I was going to make her a shake with the Boost."

I take a deep breath because I feel myself starting to panic. I eat quickly, then return to the bedroom where Evelyn has taken Mai Lu's place. Ana is still sound asleep. I lean over and tell Evelyn I'll be just a few steps away in my office, and for her to call me when Ana wakes up.

I'm going to have to do something about Ana not eating because she doesn't look good! My efforts to stem my panic are not really working. I don't feel like I've just run 7 miles. Instead, my heart feels like it's going to explode out of my chest. I sit down at my desk and pick up the office phone to dial Mom's mobile number, wanting to keep my mobile free for Evelyn's call.

I look at the time thinking Mom's probably rounding at the hospital, but then again, maybe not. Now that Dad's retired, she's cut her hours back and has spent her mornings with him instead of hurrying out the door before dawn. It rings 3 times and, I don't want to leave a voice mail, so I'm about to hang up when she answers.

"Christian?"

"Hi, Mom."

"Is something wrong with Ana? Why are you calling from Escala?"

I take a deep breath and run my hand through my still damp hair trying to keep my composure.

"It's a long story Mom, I'll tell you later. Listen. Mom, I'm about to lose my mind because Ana hasn't eaten a thing since dinner Sunday evening! How long can someone go without eating?"

I'm trying to keep the panic out of my voice, but I'm sure I'm failing.

"Well, is she at least drinking so that she's hydrated?"

"No, but she's been on IV fluids since she came home from the clinic yesterday afternoon. Remember I told you I was having nurses here with Ana so she could get fluids and Zofran around the clock to try to control the nausea, but it really wasn't working yesterday; or last night, for that matter. She woke up about 9:30 this morning and was feeling pretty good, so she took a bath. But, that wore her out so much that she fell asleep. All she's had is some tea, which you know she doesn't even add sugar to. Mom, she's wasting away in front of me!"

I sob. God, this is so hard. I take a deep breath and try to pull my shit together. Mom is silent for a moment or two, to the point I think we've lost our connection; but she finally speaks.

"Christian, let me make some calls to shift some things in my schedule around and stop by on my way in. Then I can see Ana for myself, and you and I can talk. Ok? Ana is not at risk of passing away in the next 12 hours if she doesn't eat, so try to get some perspective and calm down. Ok? You know Ana can see right through you, and if she sees you like this anxious, it will just upset her. "

I take a deep breath. She's right. I know she's right, but I'm just so worried.

"I know you're right Mom. It's just... you should see her, she so small and looks so ill."

"What are the nurses telling you?"

I close my eyes trying to concentrate.

"They are reassuring me she's doing Ok. Her vitals are good, no fever, and the fluids are keeping her hydrated, but she keeps waking up sick. Then they have to give her stuff that knocks her out, which means she's not vomiting, but she's not awake to eat either."

"I understand, Christian. I will be there as soon as I can. I love you son."

We hang up and I turn to look out the window trying to get control over my scattered emotions. I used to be so good at keeping my exterior demeanor completely detached from the internal dialogue constantly running through my mind. I try to muster that ability now and quickly realize where Ana is concerned, I can't do it.

When my birth mother killed herself and I stopped talking, my thoughts were mine and mine alone. I would watch everything and take it all in, but what I thought or felt about any of it was mine. When I started talking, I only would say what needed to be said, but never about how I felt. When I became Elena's Sub, she made sure that I shut down. I did what she said; I spoke only when I was granted permission. I quickly learned not to cry out when she punished me, or when she granted me the rare opportunity to be pleasured to climax, to cry out, because that would result in another, harsher punishment. I learned, and learned quickly.

When I became a Dom on my own, the only emotions I allowed to be observed were those of power, dominance, displeasure or outright anger. Even if a Sub pleased me, the reward was totally measured; calculated to illicit the exact emotion from her I desired. In business, I knew how to exploit my looks and ability to charm to my advantage, only to turn and go in for the kill. It was business, and as such, I had no need for any emotions except the high I would achieve every time another deal went through, consequences to the board members or employees be damned. I did what I needed to do to get what I wanted. It was easy for me, just a game really.

But, Ana, she blew all of my control away. Her ability to seemingly stare straight into my soul and know whether I was hiding or not, then demanding nothing but my honest feelings was both terrifying and intoxicating. She never accepted anything less from me and was so persistent, that finally, all my defenses were torn down and scattered to the wind. To this day I don't know why I was drawn to her so strongly, although Ana openly says she believes it was God's doing. I sometimes wonder whether it was because deep down I wanted to break out of the emotional prison I was in. No matter, the good thing is it happened.

Then, after almost losing Ana, I realized that I had a wife, and soon to be child, who needed me to be as emotionally healthy as I was able, and Flynn and I really went to work. By the time Teddy was born, I had clawed my way through the mountain of hurt and disappointment of my early life. That was by far, the hardest thing I've ever done, and Ana was there for me every step of the way.

Although my night terrors seldom occurred when Ana slept with me, the occasional nights we were apart I would still awaken screaming, the memory just as fresh as when it first happened. Ana wanted me to undergo hypnosis, which Flynn had proposed for the longest time, and I was terrified to try, reasoning the memories I had blocked out were blocked out for a reason. Ana finally convinced me to try, promising to be in the sessions no matter what. She believed Flynn was right-that until the entire ugly reality was exposed and dealt with, I was doomed to suffer from the night terrors forever. The thought of awakening my slumbering children with my screams made me understand that, hard as it may be, I had to exorcise those ghosts once and for all.

I think those sessions were much harder on Ana than I because I not only lived in the hell I described under hypnosis, but had revisited it in vivid detail very time I dreamed it. It was nothing new to me, but it raked my sweet, innocent Ana's heart. By the time Flynn would bring me out I would feel light and free, but Ana would have her legs pulled up to her chest in a protective ball, tears streaming down her beautiful face. Flynn would have to take an hour to debrief Ana each time, but she insisted being with me the next time. Ana and I do agree, however, that her sharing those sessions with me only deepened the bond between us, because, in a way, she lived through that hell with me, and despite the horror that left me so scarred and emotionally broken, she was still with me and loved me all the more.

Then, finally, my time with Elena and my years as a Dom, making peace with the knowledge that, by engaging in that behavior, I just perpetuated the abuse from my early childhood. The only redeeming quality of that time, if you could call it such, was that the abuse was inflicted either on myself as a willing victim, or on a female who willingly consented to receive it. Finding peace, to rid myself of my feelings of self-loathing, and to begin to have a small amount of love for myself is still something I struggle with. I just try every day to be a person deserving of my wife and family's love. With Flynn out of the country, I've found myself drawn to Brian Holly for guidance. Although we do meet privately, we've mostly corresponded by e-mail, and he has provided me with sound counsel, asking questions that have prompted me to have to really think about my feelings and find answers for myself. Those answers are often not faith-based, but logical conclusions, which appeal to my more logical nature, although he often manages to tie faith into it, which I find interesting.

Ana's love, on occasions when I'm feeling inadequate and unworthy of her selfless gift, still can overwhelm me. But, as she, Flynn, and Father Holly have told me countless times, I don't get to decide whether I am loved by her or not. Ana just tells me that I'm stuck with her loving me; because it's her choice, not mine... Even the love of my parents, siblings and children, while I may not think I'm worthy, but I have to accept. To do otherwise denigrates the gift, and I would never intentionally do that to any of them.

I am torn from my thoughts by my mobile ringing


	22. Chapter 22

I don't recognize the number calling me, but suspect its Evelyn and answer.

"Hello?"

No one initially speaks, and I hear sounds that suggest someone pocket dialed my number, followed by Evelyn's voice in the background.

"Mrs. Grey, let me get you into the bed under the covers. It's really too cold in here for you, you're shivering."

I hear Ana say something, but can't make out what.

"Don't worry; I have the basin right here that we can take with us. After you're safely in the bed, then I can get you the Phenergan."

I am out of my office in a flash, entering our bedroom to find Ana's no longer on the couch; instead the duvet's been thrown aside. I go into the bathroom where Ana is on all fours with her head over the toilet, her eyes tightly squeezed shut, taking slow deep breaths, obviously fighting the need to retch.

I kneel next to Ana and look at Evelyn, nodding my head towards the bedroom to let her know she can safely leave and get the Phenergan. I turn my attention to Ana.

"Ana?"

She takes a gulp of air.

"I'm really nauseated. I afraid I'm going to throw up."

I rub her back as I look towards the door waiting for Evelyn to return. She's only wearing a short gown, her bare legs showing goose-flesh.

"Baby, it's freezing in here, let me get you in bed under the covers."

Ana lets out a sob.

"No! I'll mess the sheets up. Gail just changed them!"

I suppress my impulse to just pick her up and carry her. Instead, I angle my head so she can see my face.

"It's Ok. The basin is right here. Ok? You won't mess up the sheets."

"NO! I don't want…"

She stops and lets out a sob, then takes a few deep breaths, obviously fighting the nausea again. Evelyn slips to Ana's other side and begins to work on finding the place on the IV tubing to give her the Phenergan.

"What, baby? Tell me? What can I do for you?"

I try keeping my voice calm and soothing. Ana begins to sob heavily.

"I. I…don't know. I. I…"

She chokes on a sob. I throw Evelyn a glance because we can tell she's starting to get overwrought again and that has just lead to more vomiting. I take a deep breath and try to decide how best to handle this. After a beat, I place my hands on Ana's shoulders, gently pulling her upright and turning her to face me.

"Ana, look at me. Just this morning, you told me that you're glad I'm here with you because when you are feeling really terrible and can't think clearly for yourself, I will take care of you and make sure you're safe. Isn't that right? Didn't you tell me that?"

She gives me a small nod as she lets out a small sob, tears running down her cheeks.

"Will you let me take care of you now? Can you allow me to do that for you, please? Let me worry about the bed. Ok? Evelyn has the basin right here, I promise I won't let you won't mess up the sheets. I'm going to pick you up and we're going to get under the covers and get warm. Alright? "

She closes her eyes and nods.

I guide Ana's arms around my neck and I pick her up, grasping the IV bag Evelyn hands me as Ana buries her head into my shoulder. I turn to go back into the bedroom and see my Mother standing at the door, she steps back to allow us out. Evelyn pulls the duvet back and I sit, then pivot to get into the bed. I angle in further while Evelyn guides Ana's bare legs before covering her up with the duvet. Once we're somewhat situated, I wrap my arms around Ana's body and pull her closer to me to try to warm her up. I look quickly at my Mom who is still standing, watching us.

"Ok, baby? That's a little better, isn't it? Don't worry, the basin is right here. Ok?"

She nods, but then sobs.

"I hate being sick. I just hate it!"

Ana starts to sob again. I see Evelyn slowly shaking her head. I know exactly what she means. Ana is starting to get herself worked up and it will lead to her vomiting just because she's so upset. Then, she'll have to have some Ativan, which knocks her out and then she won't eat. I rub Ana's back as I rock her gently, just like I did Teddy yesterday.

"I know you do. I hate it too, baby. Evelyn just gave you the Phenergan and it should start working in a minute. Ok? Just hold on to me and take some slow breaths until it does. Ok? I've got you."

Ana lets out another sob. I begin to make gently shushing sounds as I continue to rub and rock her.

"It's Ok. I've got you. Just hold on to me. I promise I'll keep you safe. Ok? That's it. That's better. So…much…better."

I'm not sure how much time goes by. I have my eyes closed, just trying to pass on strength and calm to Ana as I hold her. I feel her heartbeat begin to moderate as her breathing slows down. I look up and my Mom has perched on the arm of the couch, still watching. Her face shows that she is hurting for Ana as well, but when our eyes meet, I see the kind, gentle gaze that first greeted me that horrible night so long ago. They were an island of peace when my entire world had imploded, just as its being shaken now.

Evelyn puts the cuff on Ana's arm and checks her blood pressure, then holds her wrist to count her pulse. She straightens up, and gently grasps Ana by the shoulders.

"Here, let's lay you down, Ok?"

I shift over slightly and we guide Ana down to lay on her side, positioning her head on the pillow. I'm now sitting in the center of the bed with Ana next to me on her side facing away from me. I make sure that I am pressing my hip and leg against her back so that she can feel that I'm still here. Evelyn is kneeling on the floor; she has Ana's hands in hers.

I look at my Mom, I'm sure she sees in my eyes total loss, because I am. I then look over at Evelyn who gives me a nod to let me know Ana's drifted off. I slowly begin to shift away from her towards the opposite side of the bed until I can slowly get out. I walk over to see for myself Ana's relaxed face, then go retrieve the chair from the other part of the room, sitting it next to Evelyn. She gets up and settles herself on the chair, nodding her thanks. I motion to her that I'm stepping outside with Mom. Shit, I didn't even introduce them. I'm sure I'll be forgiven.

I follow Mom out for the bedroom. Once we're out of hearing of the partly open door, she turns and wraps her arms around me. I stand, motionless and mute as she kisses my cheek. I finally wrap my arms around her and bury my head on her shoulder; and sob. I'm no longer an adult, but Grace's lost boy, and I'm doing what I never dared allow myself to do before. I cry.

Eventually, she guides me over to the couch and hands me several tissues.

"I'm sorry for losing it, Mom."

I say embarrassed, and uncomfortable; but all I see in my Mom's eyes is the gentle, unconditional love she's always had for me. I don't know why I was so fortunate for her to have rescued me, but I'm happy she did.

"Don't apologize, Christian. Never apologize for sharing what you're feeling with me. In fact, I'm honored you did. There were so many times when all I wanted to do was hold you while you released your pain and anguish, but back then you couldn't. I'm just glad you can now, although it is so painful to see you and Ana struggling so. I'm sorry. I really am."

I take a deep breath, then shake my head.

"Ana's had it rougher and she keep's apologizing!"

I run my hand though my hair. When I look up, Gail is quietly standing nearby.

"Mr. Grey. Would you and your mother like something? Some tea, perhaps?"

Mom answers before I've even fully processed the question.

"Yes, that would nice, Gail, thank you. And, if you don't mind, could you check with Ana's nurse to see if she would like some."

"Of course, Grace. I'll be back in a minute."

Mom takes my hand and squeezes it.

"Tell me why you're here. Why did you leave the children at the house?"

I sigh trying to release the tightness in my chest. I've not even taken the time to call and check on the children, selfish bastard I am!

"Yesterday we were so hopeful having the nurses there, giving Ana the Zofran and fluids would mean she'd do a lot better with the nausea. At dinner, although she didn't feel like eating, Ana sat with us while we ate and all of a sudden the nausea hit, she made it out of the dining room just in time, then ran up to our bathroom where she was sick again. I didn't realize it, but Teddy apparently followed her. Ana was upset, trying to get Ted to leave, but she couldn't to stop vomiting, and he was hanging on to her for dear life. She was crying and yelling at me get him out, all the while Teddy was screaming no, it was pure bedlam.

"I pulled Teddy free of Ana and he kicked me, I know it wasn't intentional, but I picked him up and slung him over my shoulder to get him out of the room. Then he started hitting me, screaming all the while. It was just too much, I just lost it and pulled him off my shoulder and shook him once; you know, just to get his attention. He stopped, but the look of fear and surprise on his face. I have never done anything that has ever caused Teddy to be afraid of me, but in that instance he was, and I was just overwhelmed with guilt and remorse!

"I just held him close to me until we had both calmed down a little, then I explained to him the best I could that he had just chosen a bad time to go in to see Ana, and I think he finally understood, but then he was so worried about Ana he couldn't go to sleep. By then Evelyn, Ana's nurse, had essentially sedated her and she was sleeping, so I took Ted in to see for himself she was better and resting, then he was able to go to sleep."

Gail sets a tray in front of us, and Mother thanks her warmly, then takes the pot and pours the tea into our cups. I never really drank tea until I married Ana. Once in a while I enjoy it. Right now, I'm finding it soothing. Ana would tell me tea was Ray's remedy for all manner of problems. Perhaps he's on to something.

"When everything had calmed down, I needed to make sense of it all. About 11:00 I decided that Ana needed rest without the constant worry of upsetting Teddy again, so brought her here about midnight. I don't know if it was the right thing to do, but I knew if Ana stayed, Teddy would be hyervigulant about what was going on in our bedroom. I just saw no way to prevent that awful scene from happening again."

We sit quietly for a few minutes, drinking the tea, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Then, Mom speaks,

"I'm not sure this degree of nausea is typical. Oncology obviously is not my area of expertise, but I was under the impression the medications were pretty effective these days."

"I don't know, Mom. I know nothing of it."

"What are the nurses telling you? Surely they have some idea."

A thought strikes me and I look over at Gail in the kitchen.

"Gail."

She crosses over towards us.

"Yes, Mr. Grey?"

"Could you to go in and ask Evelyn to come here to talk to us for a few minutes, and, while she's doing that, would you mind sitting with Ana in case she wakes up and needs something?"

"Not at all, Mr. Grey."

Gail turns to head to our bedroom, so I call after her.

"And ask Evelyn to bring that notebook with her, if you don't mind. Thank you, Gail."

Mom looks at me, obviously curious as to what I'm doing.

Evelyn comes over, carrying the notebook and a mug, presumably with tea in it. I stand, as does Mom.

"Mom, I'd like you to meet Evelyn. I'm sorry, I don't believe I ever asked you last name…"

That's unusual for me. Evelyn smiles at me and turns to Mom.

"It's Powell. Evelyn Powell."

"Evelyn, I'd like you to meet my mother, Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey."

They shake hands. Evelyn smiles warmly at Mom.

"I can see the family resemblance in the eyes."

Mom smirks, then gives me a quick glance and a wink. She remains silent; I guess not wanting to embarrass the lady. Evelyn continues,

"I also wanted to let you know that your son has to be the best husband in the world. He has been so loving and supportive of his wife. She's quite lucky to have him."

I shake my head because I know I'm the lucky one by far. Mom looks at me, pride evident in her face, as she sits back down. Evelyn and I follow suit.

"Well, Ms. Powell, you are very observant. I'm proud of how he's been handling all of this as well.'

She shoots me another wink. I suddenly remember why I asked Evelyn to come talk to us. I turn to Mom,

"Mom, Evelyn worked Oncology for over 30 years at the VA and just recently started working private duty."

"Evelyn, I obviously know nothing about any chemotherapy or dealing with the side effects, but Mother was just saying she didn't think the degree of Ana's nausea was typical, and I wanted to ask you, based on your experience, what your thoughts were."

Evelyn looks into her mug before she takes a drink. I can see her debating with herself. She finally looks up, first at me, then Mom. Before she can say anything, Mom speaks up.

"Evelyn, we greatly value your experience and opinion, and promise whatever you say to us will be held in the strictest confidence. So, please don't worry about anything getting back to either your agency or Dr. Sellers. You have our word on that."

Mom looks at me and I nod, not fully comprehending her need to say that, but agreeing with her just the same. Evelyn takes a breath, then looks at each of us.

"Thank you Dr. Trevelyan-Grey…"

Mom interrupts.

"Please, call me Grace. After all, I call you Evelyn."

"As I was saying-Grace. Since I worked at the VA I don't know many Oncologists in private practice, including Dr. Sellers, although his reputation is excellent. Having said that, I don't know how approachable he is to suggestions coming from nursing about things, especially medications. I don't really have a problem with the medications he's ordered for Mrs. Gray, but how they've been ordered is my issue.

"Usually, we are given a fair amount of flexibility as to how we administer each med, which allows us to basically tailor the treatment to each individual patient based on how they are responding. Dr. Sellers' orders allow none of that."

Evelyn opens the notebook and, in order to see its contents, I move to Evelyn's' left side as mother sits on her right. She shows us a computer print out, most of which makes no sense to me, although I recognize the word "morphine". Mom takes a moment to study it before Evelyn continues.

"As you can see, we are giving the Zofran scheduled, then if she has breakthrough nausea, we are to give the promethiazine, followed by the Ativan. We also can give her morphine and Vicodin for pain. But, we have to do A, then B, then C. I'm used to having the drugs ordered PRN so many hours apart, which allows me to decide perhaps drug C would be a better choice at a particular point in time than B. Additionally, I'm used to being given a dosage range, but Mrs. Grey's dosages are set, I can't deviate from what has been ordered.

"The Zofran dosage is pretty low, in fact, outside of Pediatrics, I don't think I've seen another as low. It's almost as if whoever ordered it wasn't familiar with the drug's usual dosage range, which is pretty wide. Granted, Mrs. Grey is petite, but the dosing perimeters for this drug aren't usually affected by weight. That's the first thing. As for the Ativan, it's the exact opposite. This is a dosage for your average 200 pound adult male, and while it's a safe dose and obviously effective, a dose this large basically sedates Mrs. Grey for a good 8-10 hours. Ativan is generally given in a smaller dosage to decrease anxiety and nausea, not all out sedation. Now, Phenergan is an excellent choice for breakthrough nausea, but again, a full dose such as is ordered, while effective, is a little too large, so also sedates her."

Mom sits back and looks directly at Evelyn.

"So, Evelyn, tell us what you would be doing if you had the flexibility you're used to."

Evelyn studies the print out, then glances at Mom and me.

"First, I believe Mrs. Grey would benefit greatly from a much smaller dose of the Ativan. I'd start with a forth of what's ordered here, and I'd give it to her every 6 to 8 hours, not automatically, but pretty close to that. She's told me multiple times she hates to vomit, and when she does, or feels nauseated, her anxiety level sky rockets, which feeds the nausea. A small, consistent dose would help take the edge off her anxiety, which will help with the nausea.

"I would try to alternate a _half_ dose of the Phenergan with the increased dose Zofran, so that she is receiving either one or the other every 3 hours, with the other half dose of Phenergan available as needed for breakthrough nausea, which I believe would be less likely to happen if the other medications are being given on schedule.

I see Mom nodding her head in agreement, but I'm puzzled.

"Why do you want to half the dose of the Phenergan? Will just half a dose work?"

Evelyn shakes her head.

"The way Mrs. Grey's medications are ordered now we are forced to either let her vomit, or heavily sedate her. Either way, we can't get any nourishment in her, which is not good for anybody who is undergoing chemotherapy, but your wife basically has no reserves to draw from, so we need to be able to coax calories into her pretty much around the clock. Plus, I suspect if we could just keep a little something on her stomach most of the time she'd probably wouldn't become nauseated so quickly."

I know precious little, but everything the woman has said, makes sense to me. I'm also relieved to hear she's just as concerned that Ana isn't taking any nourishment as I am.

"Lastly, I would check her labs today. Usually, the first set of labs are drawn the 3rd day post infusion, but between her vomiting and having not taken anything by mouth for over 24 hours, I suspect her potassium is low and in need of replacement. Her heart rate has already climbed slightly since my initial assessment yesterday afternoon."

"Potassium. Isn't that what was so low on Ana last time and she had to have those running bags in the hospital? It can cause heart problems when that gets too low! Right?"

Mom looks at me, then nods. Shit. Does Ana need to be in the hospital?

"Do I need to take her back to the hospital? You said yourself Evelyn how Ana's meds are ordered for her here are all messed up."

Mom lays her hand on my arm.

"I don't think so Christian. At least, not yet. Would you agree Evelyn?"

"No, I think we can handle things here if Dr. Sellers is willing to make some modifications to his initial orders. Whether that's possible, I don't have a clue. I was trying to think of colleagues to call who knows him to try to gain some insight into how best to approach him."

My Mom speaks out.

"I don't really know the man, but I'll more than willing to call him and raise your concerns. Everything you're proposing is appropriate and would ultimately result in Ana receiving less medications with better outcomes."

I pull my phone out.

"Dr. Seller's nurse, Marcie, has been very helpful. I wish I had a hundred people like her for my company. I think that if you talk to her, she can get Sellers to approve the changes. If not, I'll have a word with him!"

Evelyn looks unsure, but doesn't say anything. Mom is nodding thoughtfully in agreement.

"Christian, take Evelyn into your office or Ana's study and make the call. I'll go and sit with Ana."

We all stand. Mom heads towards our bedroom and I usher Evelyn into my office where I offer her my chair. She opens the notebook to a blank page and lays the computer print out on the desk next to it. I pick up my office phone and dial Sellers' number. I punch through the phone tree until Marcie answers.

"This is Marcie. How can I help you?"

"Marcie, Christian Grey."

"Oh! Mr. Grey, how can I help you? How is the home care working for Ana's nausea?"

I take a breath because I feel as if I'm going to lose it again.

"Um, that's why I'm calling. It hasn't been going well at all."

"Oh, no! Is there a problem with the nursing care being sent out?"

I look at Evelyn who is studying my face as I react to what Marcie is saying.

"No. The nursing care has been exceptional, really exceptional. But, the nurses are telling me that they can't adequately treat Ana's nausea because of how all her meds were ordered. Either Ana is nauseated and vomiting, or she's so sedated that all she does is sleep and as a result she hasn't had anything to eat or drink since yesterday morning."

"Oh, dear. That's not good at all! Let me pull up her file, can you hang on for a minute?"

"Certainly."

I hear Marcie typing on a keyboard and clicking a mouse.

"Marcie, can I put you on the phone with Ana's day nurse? Her name is Evelyn Powell and she's retired from working Oncology at the VA for over 30 years. I suspect the discussion will get clinical, and I'm sure you would rather speak to her."

"Of course, Mr. Grey, I'd be happy to."

I nod at Evelyn who takes the receiver from me.

"Hello? Yes, this is Evelyn Powell. Yes, I had several questions about Mrs. Grey's orders."

Evelyn listens, then looks on the print out before responding.

"Of course, it's September 10, 1989. Do you have the orders there?"

Another pause, then she smiles.

"Exactly, I just looked at them and wondered who put these in! They almost look as if they were pulled out of an old Oncology protocol book!"

She silently listens to Marcie's answer, then rolls her eyes.

"Oh, really? Well, that would certainly explain it! Don't get me started on PA's!"

Evelyn laughs, then looks up at me and gives me thumbs up.

"Exactly! Ok. So, let's start with the Zofran. The dose obviously needs to be doubled..."

I head out of the office wanting to go check on Ana, Mom was right I don't need to stand there and listen to them talk shop. It sounds as though Marcie and Evelyn are going to sort things out.


	23. Chapter 23

I find Mom and Gail sitting quietly on the couch, they pull their heads apart when I open the door.

Mom looks at me expectantly,

"Well?"

"Evelyn is talking to Marcie now. I don't know the specifics, but I got the impression Marcie hadn't seen Ana's orders until I called and, she was agreeing with Evelyn that they weren't well written. The 2 of them are going through them now."

I walk over to look at Ana. She has rolled on her back and her jaw is slack. God! She almost looks like she did in my nightmare this morning! I throw a panicked look over at Mom who is watching me. Gail stands up to leave as I go and take her place next to Mom. I stretch my legs out on front of me as I lay my head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling trying to compose myself. Mom who grabs my hand and squeezes it as she talks.

"I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier, but after you called this morning, I suggested your Dad go over and spend the day with the grandchildren. And, because my meetings will be running into the evening, I told Gail not to worry about rushing back to cook because Carrick's planning to treat them all by ordering pizza for dinner. You know how much Teddy loves pizza."

"That's great Mom. I appreciate Dad taking the time to go over and I'm sorry I'm pulling you away from your work, but I was feeling so overwhelmed this morning and I…"

"Christian, please don't apologize. Your father and I are happy we can help. So much of what is happening with Ana we are powerless to do anything about, so it's nice when we _can_ actually help out. Besides, since your father retired, he's been driving me a little batty interrupting my work, calling me about minor things. I try not to be annoyed because I know he's just lonely and bored! So, sending him off to spend time with Teddy and Phoebe will be a huge treat for him-_and_ me!"

She gives me a wink. My Mom and Dad are the most wonderful people in the world. I think Ana and Father Holly were right, that God made sure I was brought to her on that horrible night all those years ago. I lean over and kiss her cheek, then stare into her warm, loving eyes.

"Have I told you recently how much I love you and Dad?"

She chuckles before she kisses me back.

"Well, actually, no; but, we know you do. We've always been here for you Christian, and we're proud you finally are able to reach out and ask for our help. I'm just sorry it's under these circumstances. Let's go see what Evelyn found out."

We rise and walk out to the sitting area, leaving the door ajar to allow me to watch Ana's sleeping form from my chair. Evelyn is on the love seat, her brow furrowed, typing on the tablet, referring the notebook as she does.

"Well?" I prompt.

She looks up and smiles.

"I really like Dr. Seller's nurse. She and I think a lot alike! Seems that when the agency called the office for Mrs. Grey's home care orders their part-time PA took the call, and, as I suspected, he's clueless! In fact, Marcie said she wishes the guy would retire because he creates more work for her than when is he's not around! Apparently, when Dr. Seller's partner retired, the practice retained his PA; but everyone is regretting it!"

Ok, lady, enough with the gossip! What the fuck did they decide about my wife's medicines? I throw her a look conveying my impatience.

"But, that's beside the point. Everything I wanted to change was readily approved. A courier will be here shortly to pick up blood samples to take to the lab and Marcie intends to check the results herself before she heads home. If the potassium is low, the pharmacy will make a delivery of the K-runs this evening.

"As soon as I have everything entered into our computer, and Dr. Seller's office confirms it, I can begin the new dosages and schedule. I'm hoping by supper time Mrs. Grey will feel up to taking something!"

Oh, God, I hope so! I throw my eyes heavenward as I let out a huge sigh of relief.

"I really hope so. Thank you so much, Evelyn. Thank you, Mom."

My Mom stands up and I follow suit.

"Christian, you know if you need to, you can call me anytime; otherwise I'll plan to come by and see how Ana's doing tomorrow on my way into work, but I promise to call first. It was nice meeting you, Evelyn. Thank you for taking such good care of my daughter-in-law. Christian, give Ana my love."

She offers me her cheek to kiss and heads towards the elevator. I casually follow her, feeling hopeful for once. Once she has disappeared, I return to Evelyn's side. She begins to unwrap several small syringes, laying them on a towel she laid out on the coffee table, before she pulls a couple of vials of medicine from a bag. She cleaned each stopper with alcohol before uncapping a syringe and pulling a small amount of liquid into each one. She notices me watching.

"I've drawn up the larger dose of Zofran to give her because she's due a dose now. I also have a smaller dose of the Ativan. She hasn't had any since last night, but this shouldn't knock her out. I'm hoping it'll just take the edge off her anxiety. Let's go get her up to the potty and then I'll explain to her what we're doing differently before I give her any of it."

I don't know if I like that idea.

"Can't you just give it and then explain it to her? What if she decides to refuse it?"

Evelyn looks squarely at me.

"That's her right, Mr. Grey. We may not like it, but she still has that right. I won't deny her that."

I don't like that at all. She's not thinking straight right now! Before I can say anything, Evelyn continues,

"In fact, once we have her back from the bathroom, I'd like you to step out, maybe tell her you need to make a phone call, and allow me to explain everything to her."

No, fucking way lady!

"No! I'm not doing that! She's not thinking clearly right now and I'm not leaving her alone with you so you can try to talk her out of anything! No fucking way!"

Evelyn's eyes blaze and I note her drawing herself up.

"Mis-ter Grey, I have absolutely NO intention of talking your wife into or out of anything! I am here to care for her and to be _HER _advocate! I will simply explain to her what I explained to your mother and you earlier, so that she understands why our earlier interventions weren't optimal, and how the changes should help. After I've done that, I will ask if she's Ok with trying the new regimen. If, and only, if, she says she wants you to help her decide, will I come get you. Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?"

She is staring at me without the slightest hint of discomfort or uncertainty in her eyes. I wonder if the woman is a Dom because right now she really reminds me of Elena. It's unnerving. Really unnerving.

She continues to wordlessly stare at me, and I blink; then nod my acquiescence. Only then does she collect her supplies and strides towards our bedroom door with me in tow.

I sit on the edge of the bed and rub Ana's back and she begins to stir. I start giving feathery kisses behind her ear and along her jaw, and am rewarded with a small smile. That's my girl!

"Wake up, Mrs. Grey. I want to see your beautiful eyes."

I kiss each eye lid, then the small furrow on her brow.

"You get that little furrow on your brow and it's so soft to kiss. But, I want to see your eyes open, baby. Come on, wake up for me."

Evelyn stands by patiently, perhaps a hint of amusement on her face. Ana finally opens her eyes, but she's scowling, _and _pouting. So cute!

"Hi, beautiful." I murmur.

I'm rewarded with a smile.

"Are you feeling a little better?"

"Um-hm."

She stretches.

"Let's get you up to pee, Ok?"

"Ok."

Ana stretches her arms and wraps them around my neck as I easily lift her. I know she can walk, and I probably should encourage her to do so, but I need this closeness, and the small satisfaction that at least I can do this for her. I set her on the toilet and kiss the top of her head. She leans against hip, not for support, but more to just keep some degree of physical contact between us.

She finishes and I flush, but before I can pick her up again, she stands.

"I'll walk. Ok?"

"As you wish, Mrs. Grey."

I peck her on the lips.

I follow her back into the bedroom and watch as she moves her pillows to allow herself to sit up in the bed. I wait until she's under the covers and go to resume my spot on the bed when Evelyn catches my eye and gives me a meaningful look.

Shit.

I was going to try to ignore the woman, but for some reason, the look she shoots me makes me change my mind. I awkwardly step back from the bed and look down at Ana, who is watching me, obviously noticing my odd movements.

"Um, I need to go make a phone call. I'll be right back, baby. Ok?"

Ana mutely nods at me and I head out of the room. I close the door, but leave it slightly ajar before moving away from it slightly. I position myself so that I can't be seen, but can hear what is going on. I hear Ana say to Evelyn,

"That was odd."

Evelyn apparently doesn't reply, but I hear the Velcro of the blood pressure cuff being ripped apart, then noises that suggest it is being wrapped around Ana's arm. Evelyn pumps the cuff up, and I hear the hiss as she releases the air.

"Ninety eight over 56"

Long pause.

"Heart rate is still a little on the high side, 102. Here, under the tongue, please Mrs. Grey."

"Could you call me Ana? Please? I know my husband prefers formality, but I don't. Would it bother you?"

Evelyn gives a chuckle,

"No, not at all. I'd be happy to call you by your first name is that is what you would prefer. Now, under the tongue-Ana."

Ana giggles. Oh, I love her giggle!

"Ninety eight point seven. No temp. Good. Very good!"

There a pause as I hear Evelyn open the notebook, I assume to write all the information down.

"Now, Ana. I wanted to talk to you about the nausea."

"It's Ok now. I just hope I'm done with it. I can't stand being so nauseous, and to keep trying to throw up nothing is terrible! My morning sickness was nothing compared to this."

I hear a hint of anxiety in Ana's voice.

"Well, I'm glad it's better at the moment, but the last 24 hours have not been pleasant for you at all and nothing frustrates us nurses more than to have a miserable patient we feel powerless to help feel better…"

Ana interrupts her,

"I know it's not your fault! I don't blame you, or Mai Lu at all! Did Christian say something?"

Again, Ana is starting to sound apprehensive.

"No, dear. Mr. Grey has shared our frustration, but hasn't given us the slightest indication he felt what was happening was our fault in the slightest.

"Our frustration is we know we can do a better job controlling your symptoms, but have been ham strung by the orders we were given yesterday. You see, Ana, yesterday we didn't get good orders from Dr. Sellers' office, but had no choice other than to follow them and hope they would work. You and I, and your husband and Mai Lu, all know they didn't work because you were either nauseated or vomiting, or sound asleep because we ended up sedating you just to stop the vomiting.

"I have taken care of countless patients who received all manner of chemotherapy and I've learned what works and what doesn't when it comes to treating nausea. The orders we received yesterday were an example of the right medications being ordered the wrong way. So, today your husband called Marcie and we talked about it."

"I really like Marcie. She's been such a huge help to me and Christian throughout this entire thing."

"I like her too, because she and I agreed that the orders written yesterday were terrible. It upsets both of us because you, dear girl, suffered as a result. So, we suggested several minor adjustments to the dosage and timing of the medications you've received and Dr. Sellers approved them all. Marcie and I think by bedtime tonight you'll be feeling better, maybe not 100%, but better.

"What I'd like to do now is explain to you what you were receiving, and then what we had changed, and why. After all, even though these medications are ordered, it is your right to refuse any of them…"

Ana interrupts her,

"You mean like the morphine?"

"Well, yes. You did refuse the morphine, which is your right. It's how we can give the Zofran, Phenergan and Ativan that we asked to have changed."

" Can we wait until Christian is back? He's been keeping up with this a lot more than I have."

I hear a long pause before Evelyn answers.

"Um, I'm not sure how long he'll be and I'd like to start…"

Ana cuts her off.

"Did you ask my husband not be present while you spoke to me?"

I hear that familiar edge in Ana's voice when she suspects something isn't right. Evelyn doesn't answer right away.

"Mrs. Gr…Ana, I just want to make sure you understand your…"

"I'm not sure what you think, but I'm getting the impression you are think that my husband is somehow forcing me to do things I don't want to do! Is it because he made the unilateral decision to bring me here last night when I was unable to voice an opinion?!"

I hear Ana's voice rise as she begins to figure out where this woman is coming from.

"Well, you have it all wrong! Not that it's any of your business! My husband decided to bring me here because he was worried sick about the emotional well-being of our son after what happened yesterday! He also knows his wife, me! He knew I would resist leaving my children, but decided it was best for both my son and myself! AND, this morning, when I was awake and feeling well enough, _we_ discussed it! And, I'll have you know, I agreed with his logic!

"Now, I don't know why you think my husband would somehow negatively influence me to refuse to accept the changes in my medications, but I'm basically refusing to take anything else until he is present and _WE_ have discussed it!"

Oh, that's my Ana!

"Now, before you say another word, please go and get my husband, now!"

I move quickly to the great room to sit on the couch, assuming a posture of rejection and boredom, my elbows on my knees, head hanging down. Good thing I've mastered the art of not overtly revealing my inner thoughts and emotions because I really want to do a jig! This woman obviously hadn't figured out my wife only does what she wants to do!

I hear Evelyn approaching and look up at her. I give her a look of a child called into the principal's office. All of this, obviously, is a total load of bull shit because, despite being ill, my beautiful, perceptive, intelligent wife immediately saw through Evelyn's ruse and demanded I be allowed to return to her side. Like I said, that's my Ana!

"Mr. Grey, your wife wants you."

I give the woman a look of mild confusion (after all, she told me she wanted to make sure Ana fully understood the changes and that would obviously take more time than the few minutes that have elapsed), and gratitude (she came and got me, how kind!) when I meet her eyes. She has the look of displeasure and annoyance.

Christian and Ana Grey: One.

Nurse Evelyn: Zip!

Mental fist pump. Yessss!

Seemingly confused, I innocently ask her as she leads me back into the bedroom.

"Is she Ok?"

Don't over play this, Grey.

"Yes, she is. She just wanted to have you there with her."

I nod and follow her into the room. Ana is sitting bolt upright in the bed with her arms crossed, despite her pale coloring and dark circles under her eyes, her mouth set and her eyes flashing. But, when our eyes meet I see relief and triumph. Me too, baby! I sit down and take her hand.

"Is everything all right?"

Ana's throws Evelyn a look, then speaks.

"Evelyn wanted to explain how my medicines were being changed and I wanted you here because my mind's been sorta foggy these past few days. Some of what she's talking about doesn't make sense to me."

She looks at me with her big, beautiful eyes. Will I ever tire of looking into them? No time soon, I know that for a fact. I give her a reassuring smile before I look up at the nurse.

"Ok. That's fine. Evelyn went over all this when Mom was here this morning and we both thought the changes she wanted to make made sense and would hopefully help you feel better."

Ana looks at me surprised.

"Your Mom was here? When? How come I didn't see her?"

"Because you were too ill and upset at the time. I had called her after the night we had and she stopped by on her way into the hospital, but she was present when Evelyn was sharing what she thought could be done with your medications to make you more comfortable. Why don't you let Evelyn tell you about that now, Ok?"

Ana is looking at me oddly, as if she suspects there is more to the story than she's been told, but has no overt reason to question us. No baby, it's on the up and up. This woman just thought you didn't need me here, and we both know that's wrong. After a beat, Ana nods and turns her attention to Evelyn.

Evelyn proceeds to explain to Ana that the doses of Zofran were going to be doubled because it was really too low before, which is why she was getting sick despite getting it around the clock. Then Evelyn started to explain how she wanted to alternate the Zofran with a smaller dose of Phenergan when Ana interrupts.

"If the problem was the Zofran dose was too small, why give the Phenergan automatically? Can't we wait and see if I really need it? That Phenergan makes my mouth dry and I get so sleepy. I'd rather not take it if I don't have to."

I look at Evelyn. Ok, woman. You thought I was going to talk her out of doing this? You obviously weren't counting on my wife refusing!

Evelyn looks at Ana, then at me. Don't look at me lady. I haven't said or done a thing!

"Well, Mrs. Grey…"

"Ana, please."

"Um, Ana. Well, you have a good point, but the odds of you becoming nauseated will be all but eliminated if you are receiving both medications. We…"

"I'd rather wait and see if just the bigger dose of Zofran's enough. Is that all right with you, Christian?"

Ana looks at me, her eyes searching mine. I don't really like the idea of skipping the Phenergan, but she has a point.

"I don't know, baby. You've been so miserable and have had nothing to eat for the longest time; I'm leaning towards Evelyn's idea. If you don't start getting some nutrition in you, I don't know what I'm going to do. You know how crazy I get when you don't eat."

I try to give her a look encouraging her to find humor on my remarks, but she's staring down into her lap knotting her fingers. Not a good sign. She sighs, then looks at me before turning her attention back to the nurse.

"Can you just give me the bigger dose of Zofran now and let me think about the other?"

Evelyn shoots me a look, but I don't give her a thing. Your call, woman.

"Ok. We can try that. Now, the third medication you've been getting is the Ativan, which has really been our drug of last resort when the other two haven't worked. I would like to give you a much smaller dose of Ativan on a set schedule…"

Ana begins to shake her head before Evelyn finishes.

"No! I don't want to take the Ativan automatically! It makes me fall asleep. I feel like all I've done these last 2 days is sleep."

"…and here's why: it has been my observation that you become very apprehensive and upset, especially when you become nauseated, which makes you feel worse. It's a vicious cycle. By giving you a dose a forth the amount you had been receiving, it will just take the edge of your anxiety, which should help keep the nausea at bay better."

Ana's eyes get wide and I sense her rising panic. She's stop listening to what Evelyn's saying.

"Why? I don't want to sleep all the time! I…"

Tears well up in her eyes and her lip begins to tremble. She looks over to me.

"Christian. I don't have to do this, do I? Please don't make me!"

Shit. This isn't going well. I throw Evelyn a look hoping she'll figure out not to push Ana right now. I speak up hoping to salvage the situation.

"Ok, Ana. Listen, why don't we just start with the higher dose of Zofran? Is that Ok? Just the higher dose of Zofran right now. Ok? We can think about the other things later."

Ana looks at me, then Evelyn, and nods. Evelyn shoots me a look, then picks up one of the syringes she laid on the bedside table. After opening an alcohol swab and cleaning the side port on Ana's IV tubing, she injects the medication.

Ana watches Evelyn as she holds my hand. Once it's in, Evelyn stands up and gives us a smile I suspect isn't genuine, but Ana doesn't seem to notice. I look at the nurse and throw my eyes towards the door. Leave, woman, now! She seems to understand and awkwardly leaves without another word, closing the door behind her.

I reach for Ana, pulling her into my lap, wrapping my arms around her. She's initially tense, but settles quickly once she's in my embrace. I kiss her behind her ear, then rest my chin on the top of her head. We sit quietly for a few minutes before Ana speaks.

"Thank you."

I look at her and ask,

"For what?"

She ducks her head under my chin before she murmurs into my shoulder,

"Actually, the list is pretty long, but this time it's for helping me figure out what to do about the medicine. I don't know why, but my thinking was getting all jumbled. Evelyn was trying to tell me all this stuff and I just felt like my brain was going to explode because it was too much, I couldn't make myself understand any of it. She said she didn't want you here when she was talking so I got to choose and not you! That just pissed me off and I finally told her I wasn't going to agree to anything until you were here!"

I can't help but grin as she's talking, mainly because I already know what she said, and that I'm finding her reaction to Evelyn's well intended, but misguided attempts amusing. She was sounding just like my Ana Grey!

I rub Ana's back and try to figure out how best to explain what Evelyn wants to do.

"Ana, I think what Evelyn is suggesting we do with the Ativan is a good idea. I think you should try it."

Ana looks at me, tears well up and she looks as if she's starting to panic again.

"Shhh. Ana, listen to me, Ok? Just listen for a minute. The amount of Ativan she wants to give you will be 75% _less_ than what you've been receiving. It's been that big dose that makes you sleep, and, sometimes that's good, but we agree with you, not all the time."

Ana sniffs, but continues to look at me.

"Baby, since you had the chemo this time you've been, you know, anxious and when you begin to feel nauseous, you panic."

"I don't like how I feel when I'm nauseated, and I hate being sick! I just can't stand it! "

Her lip trembles.

"I know, baby, truly I do, but your nerves are just really raw right now. It's completely understandable as to why, but it's just making you feel worse when you begin to panic. All this tiny, tiny dose of Ativan is going to do is soothe you nerves a little, relieve that feeling of panic you get, but not put you to sleep. Do you understand the difference?"

Ana searches my face.

"So you think I should try it?"

"Yes, I do, I know Evelyn pissed you off when she decided to talk to you alone, but she has the most noble of intentions, which is to help you feel better. She has many years of experience taking care of cancer patients and everything she's proposed is intended to help you feel better."

"So, I won't fall asleep?"

"Well, I don't know about that. After all, you need to sleep; you just don't need to be sedated. Can you understand the difference?"

"I guess so. If I try it and I sleep all the time, will you promise me you'll tell them not to give me any more?"

"If that's what you want me to do, I promise. After all, I don't want you to sleep all the time because you can't eat, and you need to eat. I really think one reason your thinking is so jumbled is because you have not had any nutrition in days. That's bound to have something to do with it."

"O.k. I'll try it and see. But, you promise if I sleep all the time you'll tell them to stop?"

I kiss her as I reassure her I will, then pull my phone out. I know it's the height of laziness to phone someone in the adjoining room, but I don't want to move. Ana and I are comfortable, so I dial Evelyn's number. Annoyingly, instead of picking up, she strides back into the room holding her ringing phone until she's standing by the side of the bed looking at Ana expectantly.

I'll try the Ativan."

Evelyn nods and places her now silent phone (I hung up when I saw her walk in) in her pocket, retrieves the remaining syringe on the bedside table, and injects it after cleaning the port off. She straightens up from her task and gives Ana a genuine smile.

O.k., we'll see how that helps. I'll be right back. I need to put a new bag of fluids on your pump and draw the blood for the lab. I received a text message that the courier will be here shortly."

She heads out and Ana snuggles into my arms again. I know we're both tired, because neither of us overtly responds to Evelyn as she pulls the blood out of Ana's port, then changes the IV bag, reprogramming the pump when she's done. She carefully writes on the label of each tube before placing them both in a bag marked, "Biohazard", then leaves again, I tilt Ana's head up and look at her. She smiles at me.

"Are you doing Ok, Mrs. Grey? Could I entice you to take something? Gail wanted to make you a milkshake."

She searches my eyes, maybe hoping I'm not bringing the subject of something to eat up, but decides I'm serious. Her mouth set in a thin line, but she murmurs,

"Actually, I think I'd like some chicken soup. I want something warm right now."

"That's great!"

I'm over the moon! She wants to eat something! I kiss her, then dial Gail.

"Mr. Grey?"

"Yes, Gail. Mrs. Grey would love to have some chicken soup, if you would be so kind!"

"Oh! I'd be delighted! Tell her I'll have it to her shortly. Can I bring you anything, Sir?"

"No, not right now, but thank you. Oh, bring her some tea."

I look at Ana for confirmation that she's take the tea.

"Very good Sir, warm chicken soup for the lady! I'll get right on it!"

I'm not sure I've ever heard Gail, so, delighted. More of the Ana effect.'

I look at Ana and smile at her.

"While I've got the phone out, let's call the house and check on the children."

"Oh, yes! I've been wondering."

I dial Nanny's number and she picks up before I hear the ring.

"Mr. Grey! How is Mrs. Grey?"

"Better, Nanny. We wanted to check on the children."

I hold the phone to allow Ana to listen to Nanny with me.

"Well, Ted just went down for his nap. He was so delighted his Grand Pa was here that he was determined to stay awake because he didn't want to miss anything. Well, your Dad finally told him one of the unbreakable rules of retirement is that Grand Pa's must nap every day, then headed straight to his & Dr. Trevelyan's room! And, as soon as Ted was denied his Grand Pa's company, he was out for the count!

"Lucky for us, Teddy was out of ear shot when your Dad told me his thoughts for dinner tonight and I suggested he save that news until after the naps or we'd never have heard the last of it!"

Nanny chuckles, then Ana giggles, as I kiss her temple.

"Mrs. Grey! Ana! How are you?!"

Nanny asks eagerly. Ana looks at me and smiles before answering.

"Better. It's been a rough couple of days, but I'm hopefully done with the worst of it."

"Oh, I certainly hope so, Ana. I know last night was so hard on you."

I see Ana's brow furrow with concern.

"Nanny, tell me, did Ted say anything about what happened last night?"

"Well, he told Mr. Grey you had a bad tummy ache and were crying, then that Dad…, I mean Mr. Gr…, I mean your husband, took you to the doctor for medicine."

Ana and I exchange glances.

O.k., then what?"

Ana prompts.

"That was it, I swear! I was expecting him to say more about it, but after he said that he started telling his Grand Pa about his newest solar-powered locomotive. Or as Teddy calls it, his "Lo-co-mo-tow."! That's why I love working with children, especially ones as bright as your Theodore, because I'm always blown away by their natural optimism and resilience. If you both were worried, don't be, he's fine.

Ana shoots me a 'told you so' look and smirks.

"How's my baby girl?

"Oh, Ana, she's such a dream baby! She took a bottle and a little cereal with pears, then happily sat on her grandfather's lap mesmerized by the train circling the track. She been gnawing on her finger, so I think another tooth is trying to come in, but she hasn't been fussy at all. She's such an angel."

I look at Ana and see her smiling wistfully as we listen to Nanny's report. I rub her back and she gives me a loving smile. But, I decide I don't want Ana to get too upset, so I try to steer the conversation to a happy close.

"Nanny, it sounds as though the children are doing well despite our nocturnal departure. I know Ana and I have been concerned."

Ana looks at me and bites her lip. She knows what I'm doing and obviously is trying to decide how she feels about it. I mentally cross my fingers that Nanny knows what to say to ease Ana's worry, not to mention Ana reacting well to it.

"Mr. Grey, Ana, they are both doing great. Please don't worry. Even if their grandfather hadn't come for the day, everything is fine. When Teddy woke up this morning he wanted to check on you Ana, and had to see for himself you were no longer in bed, but seemed satisfied when Gail explained how Mr. Grey took you to the doctor. All he really said was he hoped you were getting better medicine. Just concentrate on feeling better, Ok?"

Ana's eyes are shining as tears threaten, but she's smiling.

"Ok, I'm working on it. And, Nanny? Please let Christian know immediately if either of them becomes distressed because we're gone? I won't rest unless you promise me. "

A lone tear runs down her cheek and I brush it off.

"You have my word, Ana. Take care, Ok?"

"O.k." Ana sniffs.

I hang up and watch Ana warily. Lord I hope the Ativan has done its job. I kiss her gently and she reaches up and caresses my cheek.

"Ok, Mrs. Grey? Ready for some soup? Would you like to come out to the great room to eat on the couch? I noticed you were listening to your I-pad and thought perhaps you'd like me to play for you awhile. You know, dinner music!"

Ana's face brightens.

"Oh, that would be lovely! Will you play some rag time?"

"I'll try, I don't have the music here and I've not memorized many pieces, but I'll try."

I get a long, fluffy robe out of the closet and help Ana on with it, then sling her IV pouch over one of her shoulders. She turns around and stares into my eyes.

"I remember when you helped me with my jacket the day we met, that feeling I got. I know now what that was, but back then it was just exhilarating and confusing."

I rub her nose with mine.

"You still exhilarate me, Mrs. Grey. Now, time for you to eat something!"

With that I sweep her off her feet and carry her, squealing into the great room, laying her on the couch facing the piano. She giggles at me and I kneel on the floor to be able to face her.

"I'm so happy you're feeling well enough to giggle. I love you Ana Grey."

I don't think I really have words to convey my love for her, but those 3 will have to do.


	24. Chapter 24

I hear the steady clink of Ana's spoon in her bowl as I play, basking in the calm after all the angst of the last 24 hours. Has it only been 24 hours? Good god! I'm convinced I've aged a year!

I had never played Rag Time before, but wanting to play music that would engage the children other than that damn purple dinosaur song, I opted to try it and am enjoying it, many pieces are technically pretty challenging. I'm only able to remember snippets of various pieces, but Ana doesn't seem to mind. I don't hear her spoon, but look over to see her eating a cracker. Thank God! I know it's just a bowl of chicken soup, not a 12 course meal, but it's a start. I smile at her, and she gives me an affectionate smirk as she drinks some tea.

"Can you play the Bach for me? I know it's a melancholy piece, but I do love it."

I stop and reposition my hands.

"As you wish, Mrs. Grey."

I start the Marcello and about half way through Ana comes and sits on the bench next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. I lean over and kiss her head. I finish and look at her.

"Again?"

"Yes, please."

So, I start again. I am so relieved and thankful right now that I feel my heart will burst with love. I know we have a long way to go before Ana's done, but if the nurses have finally figured out how to best manage Ana's symptoms I hope; no, pray that we have seen the worst. I feel Ana's head getting heavy, so I stop and gather her into my lap and nuzzle her neck.

"I think someone could use a nap."

She gives me cute little pout, but doesn't object. I pick her up and, under the watchful eyes of Gail and Evelyn, I carry her back to our bedroom. I stand by the bed for a moment.

"Bathroom and teeth brush first?"

"Um-hm. Please, Sir."

I stand her by the toilet and step back.

"Would you like some privacy?"

"A long as you promise to be waiting outside for me."

I kiss her then head for the door.

"I promise."

I go and arrange the covers of the bed for Ana's return as I hear the faucet running.

She opens the door smiling when she sees me waiting for her. She walks up and wraps her arms around my waist, pressing her head into my chest as I pull her closer.

"How are you feeling, Mrs. Grey?"

She looks up at me and gives me a small smile.

"Ok. You're right; my mind seems a little clearer since I ate something. Those cookie-cracker things I had been good, too."

"Are you a little less anxious?"

She furrows her brow as she reflects on my question.

"I don't really know, I just feel better, but I'm also sleepy. I don't understand why, all I've done is sleep these last 2 days."

"No, you have been sedated most of these last 2 days, which isn't sleep; or at least not restful sleep. Right now I believe you want to sleep for the sake of resting, not because the medicines knocked you out to stop the vomiting."

"I suppose you're right. Will you lay down with me for awhile? I need you next to me right now."

I smile at her, then kiss her swiftly on the lips.

"Ok, but let me speak to Evelyn for a minute, Ok?"

Ana eyes me suspiciously.

"About what?"

"Just to let her know and to ask her to not bother you with blood pressures and stuff while you're resting."

Ana get a glint in her eye and has a sly smile on her lips.

"Why? Did you have something in mind, Mr. Grey?"

I shake my head slowly, but return her mischievous smile.

"Not that! Although the thought is quite appealing, as always. I just want you to rest."

Ana smirks at my answer but says nothing as she sits on the edge of the bed. I walk out and address Evelyn.

"Mrs. Grey is feeling much better, especially since she ate a little, but she wants to nap and asked me to stay with her while she does. I wanted to ask if there was anything you have to do to her coming up?"

"No, Mr. Grey. I've not heard back about her lab results, unless she wants the Phenergan, nothing is due to be given, and I just changed her IV bag."

"Excellent. So, since I'll be there with her I'm going to close our door. If she needs something I'll contact you, is that acceptable?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey, I have no objection to that."

I softly close the bedroom door behind me, debating as to whether to lock it or not, and opt against. I stand and drop my jeans on the floor as I pull my tee-shirt off. Ana watches me as she takes her IV bag off her shoulder and holds it as she unties her robe. I step closer to her and take it off her shoulders, then lay it at the foot of the bed. I get into the bed, lying on my side while holding the covers up for her to join me. She gets in on her side and shifts over until we are spooning. I wrap my arm around her as I kiss her scarf.

She sighs content.

"Ana, I need you to promise me that you'll let me or the nurses know right away you feel the slightest bit queasy. You remember Marcie telling us the nausea is easier to knock down earlier instead of waiting when you are already being sick. Do you promise?"

Ana angles her head and kisses my hand before answering.

"Yes, I promise."

Ana sighs again and we lie quietly for a few minutes to the point I think she's drifted off, but she suddenly shifts onto her back to allow her to look at me.

"If I do well tonight, can we go home tomorrow? That is, if I'm eating."

She gives me a little smirk.

I act as if I'm really having to consider her idea, even though that had been my plan all along, then I look sternly at her.

"IF you eat! And that means more than a bowl of soup, Mrs. Grey. Then, yes, we'll go home tomorrow."

She gives me an award-winning smile before she turns back on her side and presses herself into my chest.

"Yes, Sir. I'll eat. Promise."

We return to a comfortable silence, I trying to gauge when Ana goes to sleep, because it was my intention to get up and call Roz once she was asleep, but I apparently doze off and am awakened by a close by electronic beep.

"Beep, beep, beep…..Beep, beep, beep…Beep, beep, beep."

I see Evelyn slowly open our door and peek in. I can't tell if Ana's awake, I sure as hell am, so I look at Evelyn to let her know I see her and apparently have no objection to her entering. Just shut the fucking thing off. What an annoying noise!

Evelyn crosses the room and unzips the pouch, picking up the machine, then begins to push buttons, each time a small "chirp" sounds. She notices me silently watching.

"Low battery."

I roll my eyes. For fuck's sake! Why couldn't that have been changed when she put that new bag on? She straightens up and hastily walks out the room, presumably to get a new battery.

Oh, no matter, I should get up. But, when I try, Ana has her arms wrapped over mine and is hanging on to me for dear life. When Evelyn returns, I mouth to her,

"Is she sleeping?"

Evelyn examines Ana's face closely, then looks at me with a shrug.

"I think so." She mouths.

I just have to grin. I sigh and shift position slightly. I am pretty comfortable, and tired. I hear the door being closed again, I allow myself to drift and fall asleep.

"Christ-ian, love. Wake up. I need to go pee."

I open my eyes and Ana is looking at me. Her eyes bright.

"You need to get up, baby?"

She bites her lower lip and nods. Oh, I want to bite her lip. Maybe when she's done. Yes, I will nibble on that lip for sure!

"Do you need me to carry you?"

"No, I just need you to release me. You're, kinda squeezing me."

I roll her on her back and partially lay on top so my erection is pressing against her hip, then I look at her, before I kiss her deeply.

"Maybe you can squeeze me later."

I give her a meaningful look. She gasps, then grins.

"Why, Mr. Grey! A girl could get some unwholesome ideas from you!"

I kiss her again.

"Oh, I hope so, baby! I certainly hope so! "

I pull off of her and whip the covers back.

"There you go. Free to run and potty."

She giggles as she works her way upright. She starts to stand up, but twists and falls back on to the bed. I'm upright in a flash as my hands go for her shoulders. I look at her face and she looks confused, and very pale.

"Ana?"

Holding her upright, she struggles to sit up on the edge of the bed.

"I'm Ok. I guess I just moved too fast."

I move until I'm sitting next to her with my arm around her shoulders.

"Did you get dizzy?"

She has a look of puzzlement, then answers.

"I guess so. I don't really know. I stood up, and then I was like, falling on the mattress. But, whatever it was, it's passed. I'm Ok."

I pull her onto my lap and stand up.

"Until someone other than you says you're Ok, You get carried."

I throw her a look that tells her I'm not to be questioned; she wraps her arms around my neck looking annoyed. I deposit her on the commode and stand there.

"Christian!"

She throws me a withering look, but I shake my head no while I hold on to her shoulders.

"No. Sorry. Not budging. Go!"

Ana crosses her arm across her chest and goes, a cute little pout on her lips. She snatches some paper off the roll.

"I wish I could cut a big, stinky fart right now! Serve you right, Mr. Overly Protective, Control Freak, kinky Bastard!"

I pick her back up and carry her towards the bed. As I do I gently bite her bottom lip, then kiss her. She's so funny when she's this way.

"Yes, I am! Guilty on all counts, but you're still staying in the bed until Evelyn checks you out!"

After she's back in the bed and covered up, I head to the door. When I get to it, I turn and wag my finger at her.

"Stay put! Or, I'll spank you!"

She tries to look annoyed, but there is mirth in her eyes.

"Promises, promises, Mr. Grey!"

I open the door and go to Evelyn, who is in her spot reading. She looks up and smiles as I approach.

"I hope you both had a good rest. I'm sorry about the battery."

"Evelyn, just now Anastasia stood up, but immediately fell back onto the mattress. She thinks she just stood up too fast, but she looked out of it for a second or two, like maybe she fainted. I carried her to the bathroom and back to bed. Can you please come check her out?"

Evelyn is out of her chair and picking up her supply bag before I finish speaking. She heads into our room with me right behind her.

Ana is still sitting up in the bed, her arms crossed and a look of murder on her face. When she sees Evelyn hurrying in she rolls her eyes at me.

"Mrs. Grey…"

"Ana!"

"Ana. Tell me what happened."

Evelyn sits on the edge of the bed and pulls the blood pressure cuff and stethoscope out of her bag.

"I'm sure my husband has already told you, so why ask me?"

Her tone of voice is sarcastic and my amusement leaves.

"Mrs. Grey, my palm is twitching. Please, NICELY tell Evelyn what you remember."

Ana looks appropriately chastised and lowers her head slightly. I sit near the foot of the bed watching.

"Um, I woke Christian up because he had his arm around me and I couldn't move to get up. So, I finally was able to swing my legs off the bed, and I had to go so badly I stood up quickly, and the next thing I knew I was falling into the mattress. One second I was facing the bathroom door, and the next I was falling face first onto the bed. I guess I just moved too fast and got dizzy."

Evelyn wraps the cuff around Ana's arm, then positions the bell of the stethoscope at the bend of her arm, before pumping it up followed by it slowly hissing down. She then, oddly, pumps it up again, and this time the hiss lasts even longer. She takes the stethoscope and places it on Ana's chest, she hold it there for a long time while she looks at her watch. Her face is one of concentration, and maybe concern, but I can't really tell. She takes out the thermometer and Ana obediently opens her mouth. It beeps and Evelyn looks at the display.

I can't stand it any longer.

"Well?"

She opens the notebook and begins to write. I am getting pretty pissed because I'm not used to being ignored, which is what I think she's doing. Ana, knowing me all too well, looks over me and speaks up.

"Christian, will you give her a minute to write it all down before she forgets!"

I throw Ana a look. She looks squarely back. 'Ok. Ok, I'll behave-for you.' I say with another look. If this wasn't so potentially serious I'd find the humor in the amount of non-verbal communication we manage these days.

Evelyn finishes writing, then begins to look back in the notebook, turning and studying several pages before she speaks.

"Her blood pressure is low, 84 over 46, but she's had readings near that before. Still, it's pretty low. More concerning, however, is her heart rate is 142, which is pretty fast. She has no fever, which can elevate a heart rate, so I'm not sure why it's so high."

Evelyn looks at Ana.

"Are you in any sort of pain?"

Ana shakes her head no. Evelyn's look gets harder. She stands up, and looks at Ana.

"I need to call the doctor. Obviously, they need to know about what is going on, plus I want to know if those lab results are back. Mrs. Grey, please, stay in the bed."

She turns and looks at me.

"I'll phone the doctor from your office, if you have no objection, Mr. Grey. I'll leave you here to insure she stays put"

I just nod, because I feel like my Dom just issued me orders. I wonder again; whether she's in the scene, then immediately dismiss it. I no longer move in those circles, and really shouldn't give a shit if she is. She heads out of the room and I move up to sit near Ana on the bed. She still has her arms crossed across her chest, and she continues to look peeved.

"Christian. Really, I think you both are over-reacting! You drive me nuts! I'm finally feeling better, but I get a little dizzy and you're practically calling 911!"

Her eyes look away from me like she's some sullen teenager and she makes an audible huffing sound. I'm really frustrated, and worried, but have no choice but to wait. I study Ana and the thought crosses my mind that right now I'd love to flip her over and swat her fantastic ass a few times for her being so…so cheeky!

I already am getting a pretty substantial hard on. Perfect. I stand up and pull my jeans on over the PJ bottoms before Ana notes my 'interest'. I sit back down and look into her face, studying it. I see her irritation, but I also see a hint of fear and anxiety. It occurs to me just then that part of her irritation is that she wasn't able to hide this from us because she knew we'd be worried. Oh, Ana, I know, it's just one more thing. And, if this postpones her return home, she's going to be really upset. Is she due more Ativan yet?

"Are you Ok?"

She shoot me sideways glance.

"Why bother asking me? You two are the ones seeing things, not me!"

Ok, that's it. Tantrums from 3 year old can be expected, but not my adult wife! I move a little closer and gently grasp Ana's shoulders.

"Anastasia! Stop this now! Do you hear me?"

She is still looking away. I place my hand under her chin and force her to look up at me. Yep, she's scared. All of a sudden her eyes fill and her chin trembles.

"All this crap will mean I won't go home to my babies tomorrow."

The tears stream down her cheeks. I pull her to me.

"We don't know that, baby. Try not to give up hope so soon, Ok? Let's just wait and see what the doctor has to say. Ok? Please, try not to go straight to the worst case scenario."

I kiss her forehead. She takes a few breaths, fighting to regain her composure.

"Ok." She whispers.

"You know what you can do right now that will help get you home tomorrow?"

She looks at me bewildered.

"Have that chocolate milkshake Gail's wanted to make you. Remember, you can't go home unless you're eating. A shake will help your case significantly."

She's drawing patterns on the duvet with her finger, overtly ignoring me, but she does speak up.

"All right. I'll have a chocolate milkshake. And, can I have a few more of those cookie/ cracker things I had with my soup? I liked those."

I take out my phone and call Gail, giving her Ana's request. Ana looks up at me.

"Shouldn't Gail be heading back to the big house to feed the children and Nanny soon? It's getting pretty late."

It just then dawns on me that I never told her about my Dad.

"No, Gail's fine. I forgot to tell you my Dad went over there late this morning to spend the day with Ted and Phoebe. He's treating them by ordering pizza for dinner, so Gail is off kitchen duty tonight."

I'm happy to see Ana showing genuine pleasure at my news.

"Oh, how nice! Ted will be over the moon, delivery pizza for dinner! Then it's just as well Gail is still here. The last time your Dad did that, Gail mumbled the entire day complaining that Ted preferred that greasy, tasteless piece of cardboard with bad sauce and cheese on it over her handmade authentic Italian pies. 'After all, my husband and I were stationed in Rome for 3 years! I know how to make a decent pie!'"

I chuckle and Ana giggles at her impression of Gail, which is pretty spot on. I kiss her nose.

"As for you, my love, whatever is going on may not prevent you going home, but not eating will. So, concentrate on that. Ok?"

I receive a whispered promise to try.

A few minutes later Evelyn comes to the door.

"Mr. Grey, Marcie would like to speak to you on the phone, if you don't mind."

Exchanging glances, Ana and I both frown at this request. I move Ana off my lap and stand up to follow Evelyn to my office.

"I don't like being talked about as if I'm incapable of making any of my own decisions! I'm not a child and I presently am not so infirmed as to be unable to think!"

I go and sit down next to her and take her hands. She is angry and hurt, but I can see a flash of panic as well.

"Baby, I completely understand what you're saying, and I respect that, and I'd take the call in here except they're on my office phone. Let me speak to them on your behalf, then I promise I'll come back and discuss everything with you before anything is done. Ok?"

"Ok. I'm holding you to that!"

I swiftly kiss her on the lips and stand up again. Once we're out of the bedroom I ask Evelyn,

"Can anxiety make ones heart rate go up?"

Evelyn nods.

"It can, more so if the person has a panic attack, which I've not seen happen to Mrs. Grey. But, if the heart rate is already up, anxiety certainly doesn't help."

"When Ana is supposed to receive the next dose of Ativan because I'm seeing her anxiety is increasing. What do they want?"

By then I'm at my desk. I sit down and take the phone off hold.

"Grey."

"Mr. Grey, its Marcie. Evelyn has given us a full report, plus the labs she drew earlier today are back. Based on Ana's symptoms and her lab work, Dr. Sellers wants her back in the hospital at least overnight to monitor her."

Shit! I run my hand through my hair. I take a deep breath.

"Why? What does he think is going on?"

"Well, to be honest, we're not sure, which is why he wants to get her in where we can watch her. Her potassium is a little low, it's far from being so low as to be a dangerous, but still, it being low may be contributing to the high heart rate. Plus, she's slightly anemic. Again, nothing like she was last time, but low enough that, given her symptoms, he wants to give her a unit of blood. You see, Mr. Grey, anemia can cause the heart rate to go up. So, the high heart rate could be due to a combination of things, we just don't know. She needs an EKG and Dr. Sellers wants her to be back on the heart monitor so we can keep a constant watch on her to see if anything shows over time that we need to know about and treat.

"Hopefully, a unit of blood and replacing her potassium will get it down. Otherwise, Ana may need to be placed on medication to slow the heart down, but Dr. Sellers is really reluctant to do that."

"I mean, is she in danger?"

"Oh, no, Mr. Grey! Not really, but as you saw, she can get dizzy; even pass out because when the heart rate is that high the heart isn't really able to pump efficiently. It has to have a chance to fill with her blood to pump it out into her body, which it doesn't get a chance to do when the rate is that high, so the result is low blood pressure and dizziness."

I sigh. Ana's going to hate this.

"Marcie, Ana's had a rough couple of days and I'm pretty sure she's going to really be upset about this. She's really feeling out of control right now. You see, last night our son followed her into our bathroom when she was ill, which upset both of them horribly. She didn't want him to see her ill, and he was confused and scared to see her that way. It took a dose of Ativan to calm Ana down, and considerable time to reassure our son so he could get to sleep.

Later last night I brought Ana to our apartment in the city to separate her from the children because that was the only way I could insure that didn't happen again. Obviously, that was a decision I had to make on my own because Ana was in no condition to discuss it, and although she ultimately agreed with my logic, I did move her without her input. And, now that her nausea seems to be under control, she was hoping to get home to be with the children tomorrow.

"Is there any way we can do all of this here? Expense is no issue."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Grey. I really am, but no. She needs to be admitted, but I understand what you're saying about her feeling out of control. I tell you what. Let me talk to her and explain the situation to her. That way she won't feel we're plotting behind her back, if you know what I mean."

"What if she refuses to go? I wouldn't put it past her."

"Let me worry about that. It sounds as if she's feeling well enough to be active in deciding her care, so I think the best plan is to get you out of the middle right now and allow her to make the call. I think I can successfully persuade her to agree to this.

"Mr. Grey, you are every woman's dream of a husband and Ana's very lucky to have you to help take care of her, but right now let's give some of the control back to her, shall we? Let me give you the number to our back line, and when you're back with Ana, call me and hand her the phone. How does that sound?"

I don't know, but it seems as if Ana can't catch a break. What choice do I have? None.

"I guess. What is the number?"

I write the number down and hang up. I just sit there for a minute trying to compose myself. I feel my chest tighten. My poor Ana. God, how I hate that's she's going through this. I look at the clock, debating whether to call Mom or not, but suspect she's still in meetings. I've already screwed up her day as it is. I'll call later.

Then, it occurs to me about Ana's meds! Shit, I don't want any of that fucked up by the nurses at the hospital. I pick the phone up and dial the number Marcie just gave me.

"Hello?"

"Marcie, Christian Grey again. Listen, I want to make sure nothing get fucked up with my wife's medications while she's in the hospital. What happened yesterday put her through hell last night and I will not tolerate her suffering anymore because your staff can't get their shit together! Am I clear on that? I want this process to be seamless.

"We walk into the hospital and things get going. No confusion over orders, no delays because something was overlooked and not ordered! We'll be getting to the floor soon enough that they should be done with that one unit of blood before bedtime so she can get some rest. Last time she was exhausted because they were in there constantly the entire night. I don't know how much more my wife can take. Have I made myself clear?"

I know I have an edge in my voice, which is entirely conscience. I've been more than understand about the fuck up yesterday. Personally the person who screwed up Ana's orders should have been out on the street before noon, but I decided to let that go. But, this time, if there's a fuck up I'm raising holy hell.

"Mr. Grey, believe me when I tell you I want everything to go smoothly for your wife. I understand completely your frustration and anger because we all share it, so let me tell you what is being set in place.

"I've already spoken to Evelyn, we have gone over the orders she received earlier this morning, and what your wife has received thus far. Evelyn wants to give her another small dose of Ativan a little early to help her deal with this turn of events. All those orders are already in the system for the nurses at the hospital to follow. Additionally, Evelyn intends to accompany your wife to the hospital so she can personally report off to the nurse assuming Ana's care there.

"All you will have to do is go up to the floor. I believe the room she was in before is open and they are planning to put her back there. All the paperwork will be accomplished there and all the testing Dr. Sellers wants done is ordered stat, so that all should happen pretty quickly once she's there."

Tests?

"What tests are you doing?"

"Well, the EKG, and he also wants to do a sonogram of her heart, just to look at its structure and how it's functioning. That will happen at the bedside, she'll not need to go anywhere. The same with the CXR, they'll come to the room. The nurses will pull the clot for the blood bank as soon as she's there so they can start doing the cross matching necessary to get the blood ready."

"Don't they already know her blood type, why do you have to check it again?"

"Mr. Grey, every unit of blood has to be physically matched with the potential recipient to insure there is no adverse reaction. Since Ana has received blood in the past, her body can make new antibodies which we need to make sure don't react with the donor unit we hope to give her. It just takes awhile to do, so the sooner it gets started the sooner the blood can be given.

"Doctor Sellers intends to see your wife once he's done in clinic this afternoon, so you can talk to him at that time. Does all of that sound acceptable to you?"

It better not be a fairy tale woman.

"If it goes off the way you describe, yes."

"We know your wife is in a fragile state, that's one reason we want to admit her, just to be on the safe side. I'll be waiting for her call."

I hang up, then dial Taylor.

"Yes sir."

"Taylor, Ana is being admitted again. I think we can be ready to leave within the hour. Please make sure everything is arranged by then."

"Of course, Sir. I'll get right on it. Everything will be in place whenever you and Mrs. Grey are ready to depart."

I stand up. I've put this off as long as I dare. Shit, this just sucks. I head to the bedroom. Evelyn in her spot typing on the tablet. She briefly looks up at me. The look we exchange says it all. This sucks.

I walk into our room and find Ana is still sitting up, nibbling on a cookie. Gail is sitting on the edge of the bed, she and Ana obviously have been chatting. The glass with the milkshake is ¾ empty. Good. Gail stands when I enter and excuses herself.

I sit down and smile at her, trying to convey non-chalice and optimism.

"How is your shake?"

Ana is looking warily at me, but answers.

"It's good, and I like these cookies. Gail says they are high protein biscuits from Europe. You know, they call cookies biscuits over there. I going to try and snack on these because they have lots of good stuff in them, but taste like a regular cookie."

"That's great, baby. I'm so relieved you feel like taking something. I've been really worried."

She picks up the glass to drink more of the shake. Maybe I should wait until she's finished it. Admit it Grey, you're being a coward! Just get Marcie on the phone and let her disappoint your wife. Ana gives me a pointed look.

"Tell me what's going on. You're hiding something and whatever it is, you're scaring me. Spit it out, Christian."

"Well, I told Marcie you were upset that we were talking without you and she thought it best that she talk to you directly about what's going on. So, I'm going to call her so you can talk to her."

I hold up my phone and pull up Marcie's number.

"Christian. What's wrong?"

I look up and see panic in her eyes. Shit.

"Nothing awful. I promise. Here, let me get Marcie on the phone so she can talk directly to you."

I press send, then hand it to Ana. I see tears threatening in her eyes. She looks at me again trying to gain some insight from me, but I'm really trying not to project anything right now.

"Marcie? It's Ana Grey. What's wrong? Christian won't tell me anything, but I can tell something's not right. He has me scared."

She listens, and after a few moments tears spring into her eyes and she shoots me a panicked look. She starts to shake her head no.

"No! I don't want to go back right now! I don't feel that bad! Can't we just see if it gets better on its own? I promise that Christian or a nurse will stay with me so I don't fall."

She's looking at me, her expression pleading for me to agree with her as she continues to listen to Marcie. A small sob escapes her as she holds her free hand to her face. The tears are flowing unchecked. I feel like shit.

She continues to listen, and then apparently answers a question Marcie has asked her.

"No. I don't want that to happen."

She throws me a look and has a pained expression on her face. What's that about?

As she continues to listen she looks at the ceiling, then closes her eyes.

"I know, I know if there was any other way."

She bows her head and holds her hand to her face again.

"It's just so hard this time Marcie. I'm just tired!"

Another sob escapes, then she takes a deep breath. Marcie continues to talk. Ana straightens up and squares her small shoulders as she continues to listen, nodding a few times, then looks directly at me.

"Ok. I can do this. I just hope you're right. I don't want to spend a minute longer than necessary in there! I will walk out if I decide I don't need to be there anymore. I want to go home and hold my children! So, I'm holding you to that promise, Marcie!"

She listens a moment longer, then wordlessly hands the phone to me. She looks as if the weight of the entire world is on her tiny shoulders.

"Grey."

"Ok. I think I've been successful. I'm sorry, but I had to play the guilt card. I told her you were sick with worry about this and that she needed to come in so we can monitor her, partially for your peace of mind. I know it was dirty, but I needed to get her on board and I was pretty sure she wouldn't unless she understood the toll it was taking on you."

I study Ana's face. She looks defeated. Shit. This just really sucks. I wonder if Evelyn has given her the Ativan yet. I nod as Marcie speaks.

"Um, what about her medication schedule? Did Evelyn already take care of that?"

I know that was a pretty cryptic question, but luckily Margie figures out what I'm referring to.

"Yes, I told her Dr. Sellers ordered the dose of Ativan be given a bit early and she was to take it, no if's, ands or, buts'."

"Ok."

I look at the bedside clock.

"We should be there by 5. Luckily, we're in the city, so it's not a long drive."

"All right Mr. Grey. Once we hang up I'm calling Evelyn and telling her to give Ana the Ativan. You have that back number. I'll be her until about 6:30, so if anything, I mean anything, isn't going the way it should, call me, and I'll take care of it."

"I will. Thank you Marcie."

I end the call and look at Ana. She's staring at her twisted fingers.

"I'm sorry, baby."

She looks up at me, fresh tears brimming from her eyes. She moves and climbs into my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck, then begins to sob into my neck. I just hold her, fighting my own tears.

All of a sudden Evelyn is standing by the bed. She gives me a look of regret and empathy, as she gives Ana the Ativan, then quietly exits the room. Ana doesn't even notice her. A few minutes later Ana has quieted down. I reach over and grab a couple of tissues from the box next to the bed. Handing them to her, I say,

"Here"

She takes them; turning so that her back is to my front as blows her nose. She leans back heavily, and takes a deep breath. I kiss her temple. I have no idea what to say, so I don't try. I just hold her and watch as she mentally works her way towards going. I get a text on my phone from Taylor stating they are ready to depart whenever we desire.

A minute later Gail enters the room. She quietly walks up to us, and caresses Ana's cheek.

"I'm going to pack a few things for you to take with. Ok? Anything in particular you want to bring?"

Ana is looking at nothing in particular, without shifting her gaze she shakes her head no.

"Gail, pack the heavy robe. Last time she got cold getting up to the bathroom so often."

"_Please!"_

Ana throws me an angry look. She periodically gets on me for being so abrupt with the staff.

"Please, Gail. Thank you for taking care of that for us."

I look at Ana expecting acknowledgement that I did what she told me to do. Her expression is still guarded and angry, but she gives me a curt nod.

"What do you want to wear there?" I ask her.

She wordlessly shakes her head. Under normal circumstances I would be angry at her childish response, but let it slide. She's going, so I'll let her behave this way for now.

Gail comes out of the closet carrying clothes and Ana's small wheeled suitcase, which she lays on the couch. She goes to Ana's dresser and opens several drawers, carrying what she's removed over to the couch as well. She then picks up a few items and walks over to us.

"Ana, I picked out some yoga pants and your favorite fleece top to wear. Ok?"

She sets everything in a neat pile at the foot of the bed. Ana stares at it impassively, then watches Gail as she goes into the bathroom. A few moments later she emerges with Ana's make up bag carrying it over to the couch, where she begins to pack it all in the case.

"Gail, can you pack her I-pad and its cord, please?"

I give Ana a look telling her I behaved and asked Gail nicely. She's still watching Gail. I move her off my lap so that she's propped up on the pillows and stand up.

I go into the closet and grab clothes, heading into the bathroom where I quickly dress. When I come out, Gail has managed to get Ana out of her gown and into the top and pants. Ana sits on the edge of the bed allowing Gail to change her socks from the fuzzy ones she prefers to wear to bed, to a pair she can wear with shoes. Her moccasins are on the floor ready for her to step into.

I go back into my closet and grab an extra shirt, socks and boxers to throw in with Ana's things. I take another pair of socks and grab my moccasins. Ana bought them for us last year, and we've both fallen in love with them. They are comfortable, easier to get into and out of that our tennis shoes. We've just about worn them out.

I sit on the bed pulling the socks on then stand up and step into the shoes. I look at Gail who is zipping up the case, and have a thought.

"Gail, why don't you pack some of those biscuits Ana likes in there in case she feels like having one."

"Good idea, Mr. Grey!"

Gail answers brightly and heads to the kitchen. Ana continues to watch us impassively. I step out to the sitting area to speak to Evelyn.

"I would appreciate it if you would ride with us to the hospital. Give Taylor your keys and he'll make sure your car is there by 8. Did someone call Mai Lu?"

She looks up from packing her briefcase to answer.

"Yes, I did. She will be on call if Mrs. Grey is discharged tomorrow. I have an appointment, so will be here with her throughout the night tomorrow night should I be needed. Also, do you think I will need to be at the hospital until 8?"

Her tone is neutral; I pick up no displeasure behind her last question.

"Probably not, but I would like you to stay past their shift change at 7 to make sure the oncoming staff is up to speed. I don't want anything to get screwed up. Ana's in no shape to cope with fucks ups. She's already threatened to check out early as it is."

Evelyn nods in agreement.

"I agree. I think Dr. Sellers may need to consider putting your wife on a mild antidepressant. She looks as if she's shutting down emotionally, and although I've known her for a short time, I strongly suspect she will quit eating. Am I right?"

I nod, throwing an anxious glance towards the bedroom, before I look at Evelyn again.

"I'm hoping she can just gut her way through the hospitalization and I can get her home to the children tomorrow. If I can get her home, her mood should improve."

Evelyn nods, and then straightens up.

"Ready whenever you are."

I look over to the entrance to the great room and see Sawyer silently standing there.

"Sawyer, is Taylor in the car?"

He nods. He's always been a man of few words, and despite never having said a word to me, I can tell Ana's illness has upset him, as it has the entire staff. But, ever since Ana was injured by Jack Hyde, his attachment to Ana has only deepened and, other than Gail, he has felt her illness the most acutely.

"Ok. Sawyer, please come get the case, I'm going to get Mrs. Grey."

I go into the bedroom and Ana is still sitting on the edge of the bed resting her head on Gail's shoulder, who has her arm around Ana's shoulder. Ana obviously had been crying, and she working tissues in her hands. Gail leans over and kisses Ana on the temple. I hear her murmur,

"If you want to eat anything I make, just call and I bring it. I know they have a fancy chef there to cook for you, but I know what you like. Ok?"

Ana leans over and hugs Gail, and quietly thanks her for everything. She then looks up at me, as Gail gets up. Ana goes to stand and I just shake my head no. Fresh tears threaten, but she reaches up to put her arms around my neck. I pick her up as she buries her face in my shoulder.

Gail follows us into the great room, murmuring her good bye. I carry Ana into the elevator, where Evelyn and Sawyer join us. Half way to the garage, the car stops and a man I don't recognize gets on. Shit. That's the only thing about this place I've never liked, I don't have a private elevator. Sawyer and Evelyn close protectively in front of us as the man throws us sideways glances. I finally meet his gaze and hold it, conveying my silent challenge to him saying anything.

The car stops and he exits into the lobby, before we descend to the garage. Taylor has the large SUV pulled up to the elevator lobby entrance with the back door open. I get in and sit Ana on the seat, long enough to belt myself in. I pull her back into my lap.

Evelyn gets in the front passenger seat while Taylor belts himself in behind the wheel. Sawyer has already taken off in the smaller SUV for the hospital intending to do a final security sweep of Ana's suite as we make our more leisurely way there.

All the way down to the car I debate with myself whether I should insist she belt in, but know my decision to hold her is the right one when she tightly clings to me when I pull her back into my lap.

"I'm sorry, baby. If there was any other way we'd be doing that, you know that, don't you?"

I choke on my words, and for a moment I have to bury my face in her shoulder. She hugs me tighter, then whispers,

"It's Ok. I can do this as long as you're here."

She kisses my neck.

"I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

She looks up, into my eyes.

"Then, I can do this. I love you so much."

She caresses my face. I can't help it, tears come.

"Ana, you have to. I can't live without you! Please don't give up!"

She hugs me tightly.

"I won't I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

We hold on to one another as if our lives depend on the other as Taylor works his way to the hospital through the congestion of rush hour.


	25. Chapter 25

The traffic congestion around the hospital slows Taylor considerably, but he finally pulls up to the main entrance where Sawyer emerges pushing a wheelchair. I step out and place Ana in it, then reach down to release the brakes. Taylor, Sawyer and I are scanning the area, which is busy with people heading in and out of the building, although quite a few are just milling about. Taylor and I exchange glances and know we are both are regretting having chosen this entrance because it is too public, with too much foot traffic. We look for the tell-tail signs of a professional camera lens favored by the paparazzi pointing our way, but see nothing. Once I get Ana to the entrance, Taylor returns to the car while Sawyer leads the way and Evelyn follows closely behind.

Again, the lobby is full and I just decide to drop my head hoping we can pass through it unnoticed. Ana is slouched down in the chair with her scarfed head bowed, supported by her hand essentially hiding her face, but I know it has nothing to do with a fear of being recognized. I'm sure now she doesn't give a shit tight now. The wait for the elevator is eternal, and stops at almost every floor before opening into the lobby of the unit on the top floor. The unit doors gracefully open, apparently activated by the security officer monitoring it. I approach the desk where the smiling secretary greets us.

"Same room as last time?" I ask, not stopping.

"If that is acceptable to you Mr. Grey, Mrs. Grey?"

I head off without a word. The old room was fine, but either one at the end of the hall would do. The bed is already lowered, the head raised slightly, and the covers folded back. I stop and put the brakes on, Ana begins to rise, but I step in front of her essentially blocking her. She looks up resigned, then reaches up to put her arms around my neck. I effortlessly pick her up and deposit her on the bed while Evelyn reaches over, pulling the IV pouch off Ana's shoulder, then grabs the moccasins from her feet. I realize now she probably could have left her heavy socks on and not even bothered with the shoes because I had no intention of letting her stand or walk anywhere.

Evelyn unzips the pouch, apparently to check the IV bag, then zips it back up. That thing has been attached to Ana for so long we hardly notice it anymore; it just automatically goes wherever she does.

Ana turns on her side facing the picture window. She looks so small and fragile curled up. I heart wrenches. I sit down next to her and take her hand; she turns and looks at me, her expression showing no emotion at all. Maybe Evelyn's right. Maybe she is shutting down emotionally. I look into her eyes deeply, and still see nothing; not fear, anger, love. Nothing. Shit.

"Are you Ok? Do you hurt, are your nauseated?"

She focuses on my face as if she just now became aware of my presence. She licks her lips and closes her eyes.

"I'm queasy and my head hurts."

I nod and squeeze her hand, then look over to the door. Evelyn has disappeared, although Sawyer is standing just inside.

"Sawyer, have Evelyn come in."

He nods and walks out. Evelyn enters shortly with a floor nurse I vaguely recognize following behind her.

"She's nauseated and has a headache. Can you give her the Phenergan before it gets worse?"

Evelyn throws the nurse a look, then looks nervously at me.

"Um, Mr. Grey, now that she's here I can't give her anything because she's no longer my patient. The nurses have to."

I look at the nurse with an expression that clearly expresses my expectation she take care of this now.

"Mr. Grey, Mrs. Grey, my name is Cora and I'll be your nurse until 7. We are waiting for the admitting clerk to come and get Mrs. Grey's paperwork done so she can be put into the system. As soon as that is done I can give her something."

I'm losing it. I release Ana's hand, stand up and stride out of the room, fully expecting those people to follow me. Once everyone is outside, Sawyer gently closes the door. I pull out my phone and dial Marcie's number. She quickly answers.

"Hello?"

"Christian Grey. I just got Ana to her room. She's nauseated and has a headache and I'm being told NO ONE CAN GIVE HER ANYTHING! I expect her to be medicated in less than FIVE MINUTES, I don't give a fuck WHO does it, but it needs to happen NOW! AM I making myself clear?"

"Perfectly, Mr. Grey, let me speak to Evelyn and I'll fix this."

I hand the phone to Evelyn; I am shaking in rage, barely keeping myself in check. Sawyer is standing by the door watching, although his expression overtly neutral, his eyes blaze, sharing my rage.

I hear Evelyn explain the circumstances to Marcie, then listen to her reply. She makes a pained expression, but finally speaks.

"Well, yes, technically, since she isn't in the hospital's system she's still my patient, but…"

She's obviously interrupted and listens, throwing a look towards the door, and then nods, her expression worried.

"I know, I know... That's not my intention at all, no, of course not! But, we're in muddy waters here, and you know that!... Well, I want _explicit _orders placed in the system immediately, just to cover me! Ok? All right. Yes, I'll take care of her right now... Ok."

She wordlessly hands me the phone and goes back into the room. I look at Sawyer.

"Go in and just keep watch. Let me know if she needs me."

I speak into the phone as I watch Sawyer disappear into the room.

"Grey."

"Mr. Grey, thank you for calling me. I don't want your wife to be uncomfortable a second longer than necessary. Technically, Evelyn is still caring for her until she is officially admitted to the hospital; so she can medicate Ana now, which is what I've instructed her to do."

"Good."

I hang up without another word. I'm still on edge and need to calm down before I head back into the room. I'll only upset Ana right now.

I run my hand through my hair and turn away from the astonished nurse and walk down the hall to the guests' conference room/business center, which is empty, to get my head together. I look out the window and take a deep breath. I realize I need to call my Mom, so I pull up her number and hit send. It flips over to her voice mail; she must still be in meetings. I wait for her brief greeting to play before I leave a message.

"Mom, Ana's being admitted again. This time her heart rate's really high and they don't know why. They want to monitor her more closely, so we're in the same room as last time. Um, I'd appreciate it if you could come by or at least call me. Thanks."

I stare out of the window for a couple of minutes, then decide to call Brian Holly. I think Ana and I both could use a visit from him. I hope he can come this evening.

His phone rings a couple of times and my heart begins to sink, when he answers.

"Christian! It's good to hear from you! How is Ana doing?"

Tears threaten and I take a deep breath to tamp my emotions down.

"Not too well. I just had to bring her to the hospital because her heart rate is too high. She fainted, or got dizzy, or something this afternoon, and they're pretty sure it's because of the fast heart rate, but they don't know why its so fast. She's really discouraged, in fact we both are."

I sit on the arm of the couch as I continue.

"She's been ill almost constantly since she came home from the clinic yesterday, then yesterday evening there was a scene when Teddy followed Ana into the bathroom while she was being sick. Both of them were traumatized by that, to the point I decided to bring Ana to our apartment downtown to make sure it couldn't happen again. It's just been a mess this whole time. Ana looks as though she's shutting down emotionally, like it all is too much for her. I'm really worried."

"Oh, Christian, I'm so sorry for the both of you. Tell you what, would you mind if I came to see her later this evening? I have a vestry meeting until 8, but will come over straight from there. I assume you are at the same hospital."

"Yes, same room, actually."

"I see. I'll see you both in a few hours, Christian. Please know we are praying for you both."

I hang up and, feeling a little calmer and in control. I turn around and see a clerk standing at the door holding a clip board.

"Mr. Grey, my name is Dorcas and I'm from admitting. I just need your signature on a few forms and your wife's admission will be completed."

I sit down at the conference table and look at the forms she lies on the table.

"This is consent for treatment. Sign here. Now, does your wife have Medical Power of Attorney and a Living Will?"

Living Will? Like, organ donation and whether she goes on machines? I gape at the woman.

"Why do you need to know that?"

"We have to ask every patient, no matter how healthy they are. It's Federal Law. Does your wife have a will?"

"Yes, but…"

"Then the odds are she has the Power of Attorney and Living Will. Just initial here that she has it. I'm sure it's not going to be an issue for her, but we have to ask."

I numbly initial where she is pointing.

"Now, this is assuming financial responsibility for all charges not covered by her insurance, just sign here. I will need a deposit of $6400 now, would you like to put that on a credit card?"

I have no memory of having done any of this in the past, but I reach for my wallet and hand her a card. She pulls a smart phone out of her pocket and swipes the card through a cube attached. She hands me the phone.

"Just sign here with your finger. I know that's difficult to do accurately, but they accept it just the same. Great! Now, can you look at this bracelet and tell me if all the information is correct?"

I look at it and see Ana's name and birth date, along with several other numbers and a bar code.

"It looks fine to me, but my wife needs to confirm it, she's the patient."

"Of, course, Mr. Grey. I'll go give this to the nurses now. Thank you."

I stand up to follow her out of the room wanting to check on Ana now that I'm calmer, when my phone rings, it's Mom.

" Mom."

"Oh, Christian! I'm sorry to hear Ana's back in. I'm almost done for the day. I need to go by my office and finish a few things up, and then I'll be up to see her. Is there anything you need?"

"No, not that I can think of. But, to be honest, I'm not thinking too clearly, so who knows. I'll see you when you get here. There's no need to rush, we've already disrupted your day too much as it is."

"Nonsense, Christian! You have done no such thing. I'll see you in about an hour, son. Hang in there."

I have been slowly walking towards Ana's room as I talked and finish as I reach Sawyer, who is standing outside of her door, which is open half-way.

"Did they take care of her?"

He nods.

"Yes, Sir. Evelyn medicated her for the nausea, and is supposed to bring Mrs. Grey some pain pills about 30 minutes later; that is if she wasn't in the system by then and the floor nurses were still unable. That should happen any time now. The floor staff has been in and out several times. No one is in there presently, Evelyn told me she was going to finish reporting off to the nurse here. Mrs. Grey has been quiet; she had no requests just now when I checked on her."

I think that's the most I've heard Sawyer speak in ages, but I appreciate how thorough his report is.

"Thank you Sawyer. Have someone find you a chair."

He nods. I guess he's used all his spoken words for the day. Ana likes him, but she's constantly trying to get him to talk more. It's amusing to see because it's so against his nature, but she continues to try.

I walk in to find Ana still on her side with her back to me. I sit on the edge of the bed and rub her shoulder as I kiss her behind her ear.

"Is your nausea any better, baby?"

She shrugs her shoulder, but otherwise doesn't move or speak. I sigh and run my hand through my head, trying to decide whether I should object to her sullen behavior or not. It's so unlike her; I'm stumped as to what to do. Desperate, I lean against her, reaching over to gently embrace her, resting my forehead against her shoulder.

"Ana, please don't shut me out. I know you're upset and discouraged; but I'm trying to help you and make this as easy for you as I humanly can, but I need you to help me, by talking to me."

Silence.

"Ana, please!"

Tears threaten and I take a deep breath, because she doesn't need to worry about me right now. She slowly rolls over to look at me, her face expressionless, but she reaches up and caresses my cheek.

"It's better. Evelyn gave me some Phenergan. My head still hurts and I'm supposed to get some Narco soon. She wanted to make sure my stomach was settled enough that I would keep them down."

I nod, then peck her on the lips, gazing into her eyes trying to connect to her and thus far failing.

"Thank you. Is there anything I can do for you? Do you need to get up and pee?"

I continue to search her face as she continues to look at me, then shakes her head no. Then I see a hint of my old Ana in her eyes.

"I'm fine. I really am. Thank you for being here and taking care of everything. I heard you outside. My master of the universe."

I'm rewarded with a small smile and her eyes shine as she caresses my cheek, but too quickly, she turns away from me again. But, she keeps talking,

"I was thinking I could never be that way towards other people, but it occurred to me if it was one of the children or you, I would be screaming too. How did you manage to compel Evelyn to give me the Phenergan? She said I was no longer her patient."

"I called Marcie and she instructed her to, reasoning that, since you weren't officially admitted, you were still her patient and she had the obligation to take care of you. I just now finished the paperwork, so you'll probably be in the system shortly."

She nods, and her gaze drifts out the window again.

"I called Father Holly, he's going to come see you this evening; and, I spoke to Mom, and she'll be by in about an hour."

She's still gazing out the window. I reach over and grasp her hand, kissing the palm.

"Is is Ok if I just sit here with you, or would you like me to leave you alone?"

She rolls over and gives me a panicked look.

"No! I don't want you to leave, please stay!"

Tears threaten. I kiss her on the lips.

"I wasn't going to leave-leave. I was just going to go sit in the other part of the room, you know, to give you some space."

She plays with my fingers, then gazes at me.

"No, it would be nice if you just sat here. I just really don't feel like talking right now."

I squeeze her hand.

"Ok, let's just stay here and not talk."

She studies my face and nods, then returns to look out the window.

I haven't really paid attention to what she's been watching. I was assuming she wasn't watching anything in particular, but as I look I see a playground where several children are engaged on various pieces of equipment. There are several of those spring-mounted animals that you ride by rocking on them. I used to love those, although not as much as the swings. I would feel as if I was flying, when I was on a swing. An early attempt to soar, I suppose. A little girl, not much older than Teddy is being pushed on the swing by an adult, presumably her dad the way they're interacting. She's apparently enjoying herself because both her and her Dad have huge smiles on their faces, and she keeps opening her mouth, I'm guessing to squeal. It took us awhile to tech Ted he couldn't make that noise in the house because it was ear splitting. I smile at the memory.

There a little boy toddling near a bench where a woman is watching him closely. Based on the number of times he sits down leads me to guess he's just learned to walk. I think idly that Phoebe will be doing that soon, she's already trying to pull herself up.

Ana speaks, I guess to me, but perhaps to no one in particular.

"Phoebe should be walking soon. She pulls herself up but hasn't had to nerve to let go. I hope she doesn't figure out how before I get home."

I decide not to answer as I can't think of anything positive to say, plus her comment didn't really require an answer. But, as usual, our thoughts are on the same wavelength, something that comforts me, especially right now.

The door from the hall opens and the nurse Cora walks in pulling a computer cart behind her.

Ana doesn't bother to turn over or look, and I'm not really in the talkative mood, so I wait for Cora to say something.

"Mrs. Grey, I need to place the heart monitor on you. How is your nausea?"

Ana doesn't move or reply, so I tug on the hand I'm holding and she softly answers without moving.

"Better, but my head still hurts."

"Well, I brought you the Narco for that. On a scale of 1 to 10, how badly does your head hurt?"

Again, Ana makes no move to answer. Cora is busily clicking on the computer, and when Ana doesn't answer right away, she looks up expectantly. I'm momentarily at a loss as what to do.

"Ana." I warn.

She takes a deep breath, but still not moving.

"Um, I don't know, a 5 maybe."

"Ok. Good. Can you describe the of pain, where is it?" Cora asks cheerfully, typing.

This time Ana rolls over and looks at the woman hard.

"I don't know! It just hurts! Can't that be enough? "

She turns back over, the nurse looks shocked. The number of times Ana's been on this floor, she's always been kind, considerate and easy to work with. Cora throws me a look, and I shrug. I'm just as lost as she is.

Cora leaves the computer and walks over to the other side of the bed where she crouches down until she is on the same level as Ana. In one hand she is carrying a pill cup and she reaches up and places her hand on Ana's hip with the other.

"Mrs. Grey… Ana, I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, and I hope by the time I leave you will be feeling a little better. Here are the Narco. Would you like some water or something else to take them with?"

"Water's fine." Ana whispers. I reach over to the bedside table and hand Cora the glass of water with a straw sitting there. Cora holds the glass and the pills while Ana pushes herself up on her elbow and takes the pill cup; she dumps the 2 pills into her mouth and holds the straw to drink. She lies back down and Cora stands.

"Thank you, Cora. I'm sorry I'm being such a bitch. It's not your fault I'm here. Please accept my apology."

I can't tell, but it looks as though Cora's eyes are watering. She grasps Ana's hand before she speaks.

"No apology necessary, Ana. Now, let me get you on the monitor. The monitor tech is having a fit because your orders very distinctly stated you were to be placed on the monitor as soon as you hit the floor and he swears it's been close to an hour."

I move to the foot of the bed to allow Cora to work.

Cora untangles the leads to the monitor box, then raises Ana's top, placing the buttons in various locations on her chest, working around the camisole she has on, before separating each lead by color and attaching it to a button. She then picks up Ana's room phone and dials a number.

"John? Hi, it's Cora again. How is that picking up? Good! What is the rate and rhythm right now? Hmm. Ok and rhythm? Right got it. I'm in the room and haven't gone to the desk to look at it myself. Great. Thank you!"

She hangs up and places the phone back on the bedside table, then returns to the computer starting to type and click again.

"What's her heart rate?"

Cora looks up at me,

"148, but it's sinus tach, meaning it's a normal rhythm, but it's faster than normal."

"What's a normal rate?"

I know what my heart rate is when I run, but I have only an inkling of what would be normal for someone like Ana.

"Usually around 60-80. There's no "normal" reading like, say, a temperature. But, 90 is high, 148 is really high."

Cora takes the scanner and turns Ana's bracelet to where the bar code is showing, then there's a "beep". She begins to type and click again before she picks the scanner up again and points it at 2 small packages , followed 2 beeps.

"Now, this should go without saying, you are not to get out of the bed without assistance, because right now with your blood pressure this low, being upright is not likely too feel very good. I need to quickly check you out if that's Ok?"

Ana looks at her and rolls onto her back. Cora places her stethoscope in her ears and listens to Ana's chest, while holding her watch where she can see it. She then pulls Ana's top up slightly, pressing lightly on Ana's stomach, which is concave, her hip bones noticeably protruding.

"When was your last bowel movement?"

Ana blushes, throwing me an embarrassed look.

"Um, yesterday, I think. The days sort have run together. Ask Evelyn, she and Mai Lu were writing all that stuff down in the notebook."

Cora nods as she looks at Ana's slender ankles, feeling for pulses.

"Any burning or difficulty urinating?"

Ana shakes her head no, throwing me a look because I'm present most times she goes.

"Lastly, your port. When was this needle put in?"

"Monday morning at Dr. Sellers' clinic."

Ana looks at me seeking confirmation. I nod in agreement. Cora straightens up, and throws her stethoscope around her neck, before returning to her computer.

"I need to plug this computer in because the battery is going. I'd rather do that at the station, so I will be back in a bit. Is there anything else I can get for you right now? "

Ana has rolled back on to her side, but she turns her head to address the nurse.

"Not right now, thank you for the Narco."

"My pleasure. Call if you need anything."

Cora smiles warmly at Ana, then me, before she pushes the computer out of the room.

I decide it's time to start pressing Ana to eat something. I stand up and walk over to the coffee table and pick up a heavy leather portfolio. I carry it over to the other side of the bed and sit, forcing Ana to acknowledge my presence.

"Let's look at the menu and find something that interests you to eat."

She frowns, but makes no comment, nor moves to take the menu from me. I flip through the glossy pages looking at the possibilities. Nothing sounds good to ME, I'm sure she's not going to like anything. I flip to the back where the kids menu is. There are few children as patients up here, but patients have children and grandchildren up here all the time, and the menu caters to them just as any restaurant does.

"How about a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup?"

Ana studies my face trying to gauge how far she can push back and I guess my expression says it all because she doesn't even try.

"Ok. That sounds good."

I nod and look some more.

"I'll order some ice cream and a Boost, which can be made into a milkshake later."

She looks at me and nods. I go to stand up and she reaches out to stop me.

"What are you going to have?"

She's searching my face. I decide to try something.

"I don't know. I'm not really hungry and nothing is looking good to me."

She takes the book from me and begins to look through it. I watch hoping she'll take an interest in making sure I eat since she's not interested in anything that has to do with her right now.

"You have had the grilled salmon before and always said it was really good. Why don't you have that with the rice pilaf and a salad?"

She looks up at me and I see a glimpse of my Ana. I bend down and kiss her.

"Ok. That sounds good."

She hands me the menu and looks towards the door.

"Let Sawyer look at it and pick something out. I'm sure he's not eaten. Tell him I insist…Please."

"Ok, you're probably right."

I walk over and open door. Sawyer seated just outside, reading a paperback. He likes old westerns and keeps several of them in his bag. He looks up at me expectantly.

"Is Mrs. Grey OK?"

He's concerned. I have to smile because his devotion to my wife is so gratifying.

"Yes, although, she's worried you won't eat, so she wants you to order something from the kitchen."

I see him trying to figure out how to decline the offer, so I stop him cold.

"She insists."

I raise my eyebrows and make my look more meaningful. He looks Ana's way and smiles, shaking his head.

"I'll have a club sandwich on rye and coffee, black."

I nod and walk back in.

Ana turns to look in my direction. Well, that's a small improvement.

"What does he want?"

"Club sandwich and coffee."

She lies back down, staring at the ceiling.

"Order him carrot sticks with ranch dressing, he never eats enough vegetables and he'll eat carrots if they're there. He's as bad as Teddy. Oh, and a couple of their oatmeal raisin cookies. Then, tell him to go down to that conference room to eat. After all, you're here, so I'm safe enough. I sometimes wonder if people see him or Ryan sitting out there and think I'm under guard so I won't escape, which right now is a distinct possibility.

I shake my head amused by her concern of Sawyer and the return, somewhat, of her sense of humor.

I call the kitchen from the phone in the sitting area. As I wait for them to answer, I see the door gently swing open and my Mom peek into the room. She sees me and smiles as she enters. The kitchen answers, so I turn my attention to ordering the food, but I sense my Mom has headed over to Ana.

I hang up and look over towards the bed; Mom is sitting on the window side, holding Ana's hand, while rubbing her back with the other. They are in quiet conversation and Mom looks up at me when I start to make my way over to ask if I can order food for her, and subtly shakes her head telling me not to come closer. I stop and sit down on the couch, watching the 2 of them.

The 2 most important women in my life, well, actually, now with my beautiful daughter I have 3. But, Mom and Ana have, in their own ways, saved me and the depth of my feelings for them brings tears. As Mom continues to talk, she reaches over and grabs a tissue from the box on the bedside table, handing it to Ana. She listens to what Ana is saying, then leans forward shaking her head, looking directly into Ana's eyes

My Mom has such a magical way with people, with Ana, with me. She always has. They must have finished their conversation, because I hear Ana chuckle at something she just said, and Mom looks up at me, smiling.

"Mom, we just ordered dinner, can we order something for you? It's not too late to add something."

She smiles, but shakes her head no before looking again at Ana.

"No, dear, but thank you. My last meeting included food. It's the only way we can get half of the junior staff to show up! They're always hungry!"

Ana speaks up.

"You're sure, Grace? Would you at least have some tea?"

Mom smiles at Ana, her eyes shining as she looks at her.

"If you'll join me, dear."

"Ok."

Mom's magic is working again, at least Ana's talking! I walk past Sawyer out to the desk and ask the staff to bring a pot of English breakfast tea with service for 3 to the room. I head back in, resuming my spot on the opposite side of the bed, which gives me an opportunity to watch Ana's face since she's been talking to Mom. Her eyes are open and she looks more relaxed. That's the 'Grace' effect, I smile to myself.

"How's your head, baby? Any better?"

She rolls on her back and takes my hand and looks into my eyes. I see my Ana looking at me, and it's nice to see her. She's been AWOL for the last few hours, not that I blame her, but I'm glad to have her back.

"Better, thank you."

I smile back at her hoping she's come around to accept her present circumstances, or maybe her head isn't hurting as much. Sawyer opens the door and allows Wanda to walk in carrying a tray before closing it behind her, she sets the tray down on the coffee table. I stand up and head over to her as I speak,

"Thank you, Wanda."

Ana softly echo's my thanks, which prompts Wanda to cross over closer to her, grasping her free hand.

"Miss Ana, are you feeling any better? You looked as if you were feeling very poorly when I was in here earlier taking your vitals."

Ana gives her a little smile.

"Yes, Wanda, I do. If I was abrupt with you earlier, I'm sorry."

"Oh, Miss Ana, don't you worry one bit about earlier today! You were not feeling good, and I understand that. I'm just glad you're a little better now!"

She looks over to me and asks,

"Did you need anything else, Mr. Grey? Have you ordered any food yet?"

I can't help but smile, her southern drawl is so refreshing.

"Yes, I just ordered something, but the tea is great for now, thank you."

She looks down at the tray and points to a small pot sitting next to the regular tea pot.

"I remember Miss Ana is very particular about how her tea is made, so that little pot of hot water is for her. I already have the tea steeping in the big pot for you."

Ana, smiling, speaks to Wanda from across the room.

"That is very sweet of you to remember, Wanda. Thank you!"

I echo my thanks as I take the small pot and saucer holding a cup and tea bag over to the bedside table for Ana.

"Do you want to do this, or can I help you?"

"If you put the bag in, I'm sure Grace can pull it out for me while you pour some from the other pot for her."

"Of course I will, dear. Just leave it there Christian."

I open the bag and drop it into the water, and go to pour Mom and me a cup.

"Mom, I never can remember if it's you or Dad who like milk and sugar in their tea."

"That's me, Christian. Thank you."

I add the milk and sugar to the steaming cup, and carry the saucer with a spoon to the bedside table. Mom is pulling the tea bag out of Ana's pot, then pours some of it into her cup, before she picks up her own cup and stirs.

"This is perfect, thank you for thinking of this, Ana. I think the British are on to something about a cup of tea in the late afternoon, it's somehow dignified and relaxing."

She's smiling at Ana. My Mom is so great. I lean against the window sill sipping on my tea studying Ana. She has rolled the head of the bed up and blowing on her tea. She looks more relaxed and more engaged than she's been since we found out she needed to come in. I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding, at least mentally.

Ana looks at Grace, placing her cup back on the table. I don't think she even took a sip.

"Grace, what do you think is going on with me?"

Mom replaces her up on the saucer she's holding and sighs.

"Ana, I don't know. I think the theories Dr. Sellers' team have are sound. Sometimes there's no real explanation or obvious cause. Getting the heart rate down is the ultimate goal, hopefully without medication, but that may be necessary."

Ana pouts before speaking,

"I'm already tired of taking pills, and, as Christian knows, I'm terrible about remembering to take them."

She gives me a sly look, both us of knowing her poor birth control pill compliance.

"Don't worry, I'll remind you."

I give her a knowing smile. Ana makes a face indicating her displeasure at the whole idea as she sips her tea.

There's a knock on the door and Cora comes in pushing an IV pole and pulling her computer. These poor nurses are turning into pack horses. Evelyn is behind her. "We need to switch you to our IV fluids, this bag has potassium, but I'm still going to give you a couple of bags of K-runs, that's the extra potassium infusions. I can, hopefully get one in before your blood is ready. How is your head?"

"Better, thank you Cora. I'm sorry I was being so childish earlier. I don't know what got into me.'

"We already covered that territory, Ana. Don't worry at all about it. I'm delighted your head's better."

Evelyn opens the pouch and begins to push buttons on the pump, the distinctive "chirp" sounding each time, then she sets about disconnecting the home IV tubing. Cora brings the pole next to the bed, taking an alcohol, wipes the end of the port tubing and screws the tubing connected to the bag on the pole, then begins to program the pump clamped to the pole. After she checks clamps along the tubing, she starts the pump and it begins to flash numbers on its small screen.

Evelyn looks at Ana, and grasps her hand.

"The next shift is due any minute. Cora and I will report off to her, then I'm heading home. I sincerely hope to see you at your house tomorrow night, but you need to stay here until your heart rate is down, which leads me to believe I won't. But, whenever you go home, just know Mai Lu and I will do our best to come if you still need us."

Evelyn gives me a reassuring look before releasing Ana's hand. Ana is looking at her,

"Thank you, Evelyn, for everything. You've done so much for me today; I really can't thank you enough."

My Mom echo's Ana,

"Yes, thank you. We greatly appreciate your expertise. It's made all the difference in the world!"

I follow Evelyn out into the hall because I have just made a decision.

"Evelyn, I'm going to contact the agency because I want to keep you and Mai Lu on the payroll, to be on call, so to speak, so you're available whenever Ana goes home. Right now I don't know if she's going to need nursing care when she's released, but I really don't want anyone else except the two of you taking care of her if I can avoid it. Ana and I trust the both of you, and so much has been screwed up recently, I want to keep in place what is working. In fact, consider yourself under my employ until Ana's done with her entire treatment. I hope it will mean you have a lot of free time, but I suspect you won't mind that at all."

Evelyn has a blank expression on her face for a moment, then collects herself. I see tears threatening and I believe I've managed get past this Dom's facade.

"That's very generous of you Mr. Grey, really generous. Thank you. I'm honored you think so highly of my skills that you to want to retain me in this manner, and I'm sure Mai Lu feels the same way. In the short time I've been working with your wife I've really come to cherish her. She's had such a rough time of it these past few days, my heart hurts for her, and you. Working at the VA I seldom cared for women Ana's age, and she reminds me of my own daughter, who's a little older. Hopefully, Ana will get to go home tomorrow and have need no for myself, or Mai Lu. But, is she does, rest assured we'll be there for her. Thank you. Thank you very much."

"I'll have Taylor contact the agency and set everything up as soon as possible. I don't want either of you sent to another patient. Taylor will work with the agency and the two of you to agree on mutually agreeable terms."

I shake her hand and she heads to the nurses' station. That was a snap decision on my part, but a sound one because it insures Ana is well cared for at home. I pull out my phone and call Taylor.

"Mr. Grey."

"I've decided to retain the two nurses from the agency full-time until Mrs. Grey is completely done with her treatments to insure they are available when and if they're needed. Call the agency and make the necessary arrangements. I'm not talking about them being paid the lower on-call rate, but the rate they make when they are here with Ana. Let me know if you encounter any problems setting that up."

"Yes, sir. I doubt there will be any difficulties. Just to double check, sir, I have down that Mrs. Grey is slated to receive 4 more treatments 3 weeks apart… Factoring in, say, an additional 2 weeks after that, we would be contracting to retain them for a total of…14 weeks, does that sound about right to you, sir? Although, I'm sure the contract can be amended later if need be."

"Add an additional 2 weeks to that and make it 16 weeks for now. I hope to God we will have no need for them that long after Ana's last treatment, but I want a cushion just in case."

"Of course sir, consider it done. I'll contact the agency right now, although I suspect it will have to be in the morning to finalize the contact. I'm sure the woman I've been dealing with has left for the day."

"That's no problem. I know both nurses are contracted to be available to Ana until the end of the week, so there's time. I just don't want them tied up elsewhere if Ana needs them."

"Understood, sir."

"Are you still at Escala?"

"Yes sir. Gail wanted to finish up a few things before heading out."

"Take Gail and go home. I'll be staying here tonight. When is Ryan supposed to relieve Sawyer?"

I know Ana's going to ask.

"At 2300, sir. I've retained a room for Sawyer at the hotel across the street."

"And who will be covering the house?"

"Holmes and Stewart. I decided, since they are relatively new, to have them both on duty at the same time. Although Welch vetted each of them personally, I think this will keep both of them on their toes. Holmes, so far has been performing his duties well, but it's only been a few weeks. I don't, however, anticipate any difficulties. Plus, I intend to round several times during the night, and will take each of them with me on a sweep of the perimeter; they both need to be better acquainted with the property at night. As you know, sir, Stewart is former Navy Seal, and Holmes was in the British Special Forces, so please don't be concerned. We'll take care of the children and Nanny."

"And Gail."

"That goes without saying sir."

Taylor answers with a slight edge in his voice. I shake my head at his reply because he's sometimes hard to read. I wasn't implying he was forgetting her, but wanted to make sure he knew her welfare is as important as the others. Oh, well. Too much psychoanalysis, Grey.

Ana has told me countless times how lucky I was to find Taylor, and Gail. When we were first married, she'd accuse me of taking them both for granted and that I needed to do a better job conveying my appreciation for a job well done, and she's right. Before I met her, my attitude was that I pay them really well to do their jobs, and that was all that was necessary. But, as she has pointed out, all the money in the world won't matter if either of them felt they are unappreciated or mistreated.

"I have every confidence that you will, Taylor. Thank you."

As I hang up I see the valet approaching with our food trolley, so head back into the room. Sawyer will quickly check everything, then bring it into the room himself. It's a sad, but necessary procedure to protect Ana's privacy by limiting the number of people who enter the room, especially auxiliary personnel such as valets and housekeepers. There are several full-time staff who are allowed in, but I don't recognize the man approaching, so will allow Sawyer to deal with him.

I leave the door ajar to make it easier for Sawyer to maneuver the trolley in and hear him speak in a low and threatening tone.

"I don't know who the hell you are, but that's not your picture on that ID badge! Stand still!"

I hear a click as Sawyer takes the man's picture.

"I'll keep this. Now, I suggest you turn around and get the hell out of here before security gets up here! And, whatever rag you're working for better be careful! GO!"

Shit. The fucking paparazzi!


	26. Chapter 26

Readers have no worries, Ana & Christian's story will continue. I'm writing as quickly as I can. I have enjoyed reading reviews of my story because I am still marveling how far the internet has spread my little story. Having said that, I need to take a moment to state a few things:

This is a work of fiction. Period.

While the subject matter, sadly, is true to life, I have taken artistic liberties here and there. To the other nurses who are enjoying this work of fiction, I hope you will forgive the occasional lapse of complete accuracy. Most of you who have posted reviews, have kindly understood. There is one "nurse", however, who has posted occasionally who has decided my work of fiction is horrible, inaccurate and an abomination against all that is scared! To this individual, I politely ask you to stop. If my writing is so horrible, move on. Many of the stories posted on this blog I have found be not to my liking, I've not wasted any more of my time to bother reading them, let alone take the time to post a review, pointing out all the aspects of the story I do not like.

I have worked at several large teaching hospitals in my 30+ year nursing career. ALL of them have a VIP nursing units, which provides nursing care for all clinical areas, many including post-partum when the baby rooms in with their mothers. I have worked on them; therefore know if which I speak. In fact, the unit I have Ana on is basically the VIP unit of the hospital I presently work at. Trust me, individuals, such as Warren Buffet, or George Clooney, when they have to be hospitalized, don't end up on the regular floor! Privacy laws prevent me from name dropping, but I have met and cared for high profile individuals pay to stay on these units all the time. I encourage the writer to go on the web site of any large hospital and research its accommodations and you will find these units mentioned.

Lastly, in my long nursing career, when patients are directly admitted to the hospital, especially if they are Oncology patients who are taking pain medications not normally stocked on the unit, and the patient was in pain, they were permitted to take their own supply of that drug, sometimes with official sanction of the admitting physician, others with a wink from the nursing staff. I will admit it is not normal practice, but it occurs.

Again, this is fiction; therefore, a private duty agency nurse probably would not have acted as Evelyn did. Having said that, did I point out this is a work of fiction? If I want Evelyn to give Ana a drug while she's lying in a hospital bed, but not in the system, then I get to write that. When you write your story, you can do as you please.

I have decided to leave the unfavorable review up a few days to allow other readers to see what I am responding to. I ask, however, that other reviewers not to respond to the angry reviewer, as I don't want this thread to turn into some sort of war of words.

I am a nurse; I deal with ill people every day. My actions can help, or potentially kill; a person and I take that duty very seriously. On this web site I am writing this fictional story about fictional characters for the fun of it. I want no money, no glory, and if you notice my pen name, no real recognition. Those of you who are enjoying it, I'm delighted. Those of you who aren't. Write your own or move on.

Thank you,

Liza Dreamer, RN


	27. Chapter 27

I look over to Ana hoping she missed all of that, but she's staring wide-eyed at the door. Shit!

I step out and close the door. Sawyer is just finishing lifting various plate covers checking the trolley's contents.

"It's clean. I suspect he had a hidden camera on. I didn't like the looks of him the second I laid eyes on him, he looked like an eager pup, not a fucking valet! I confiscated the ID tag he had on and took a picture. I'm sorry sir. I hope Mrs. Grey didn't hear any that."

He studies my expression.

"Shit. I'm sorry, sir. Please apologize to her. I tried to keep it down. Next time I'll make sure the door is closed completely and will intercept them further down the hall."

"The door is my fault; I was trying to make it easier for you to get in. Get your food, which includes carrots and a couple of cookies, as directed by my wife, and go to the conference room to eat. Her orders also."

"No, sir. I'll eat right here. I don't want anyone else trying to get in. The word is obviously out that one of you is here. Please apologize to Mrs. Grey for refusing to follow her request that I eat away from my station, but thank her for the carrots."

As if this day couldn't get any worse, the fucking press knows we're here, and she knows they know. She hates being the center of attention, especially with something like this. The paparazzi were a constant worry after the birth of both children to the point there was a rumored one million bounty for any photo of our newborn. I almost had to book the entire floor to make sure Ana and the baby weren't disturbed. That's why her room is at the end of the hall.

We were really lucky when she had her surgery. We checked into a suite before dawn the day of surgery under an alias until they were ready for her back in the OR. Instead of walking down with her, I stayed behind with the family in her room, knowing I would be recognized if I ventured out. I hated that. Then having to spend agonizing hours in the suite waiting for the surgeons to come up talk to us just about killed me. I just about wore the carpet out waiting for her release from the Recovery Room because one family member is usually allowed back for a brief visit while patients wake up. I would have caved if Mom hadn't intervened. With written consent from Ana granting Mom complete access to her and her records, she went down to check on Ana, reporting back she was doing well. To be separated during those long hours was hell for me. Ana arrived at her room cranky and in pain, which upset me, I was also overjoyed, however, to finally see her and hold her hand again.

I knew it was only a matter of time before the press started asking questions. Just as she did when Ted was born, Phoebe was 6 weeks old when Ana returned to the office mornings 2 to 3 days a week. She had told the employees at Grey Publishing she was working towards getting back at it full-time after the holidays and, initially, she did, but her diagnosis resulted in time away for doctor's appointments, various scans, and time to grieve. She was out, sometimes, several days at a time.

Her surgery and its requisite recovery time, absent any details, was announced last-minute, mainly because it WAS last-minute. Ana returned to work as promised, but in my opinion earlier than she should have. We battled royally over that, and I, of course, was unsuccessful trying to persuade her to give herself another week or 2. She would come home exhausted and in pain, but refused to slow down because she knew she'd be out a great deal of the time once she started the chemo and wanted to have everything in order. Eight weeks after her surgery the surgeons cleared her and she received her 1st course of chemo the following Monday. She's been absent from work ever since, although she worked from home early in the process. All press inquiries asking why Ana was still absent were answered that she was away working on "independent projects". Only Roach and Hannah know the truth, but only after signing a new NDA.

Those murmurs only intensified because I've greatly curtailed my hours at the office as well. Despite Ana's repeated urgings, most days I didn't think she was well enough for me to leave the house; and if I was persuaded to go in, I couldn't concentrate and Roz finally told me to go home and stay there. She and Sam in PR have taken over the public appearances of GEH's public events, such as the groundbreaking of the new solar panel manufacturing plant GEH is building in Arizona, something I would normally attend and promote myself. I also declined to attend any of the charity functions I've faithfully attended for years, because I couldn't stand going without Ana by my side. I never liked the mindless chit-chat that goes on at those functions, but she'd always find a way to make it fun. It all became meaningless to me when she got sick.

I even skipped my parent's annual gala despite Ana urging me to go without her. It was only the second time I've skipped it, the first time being the year Teddy was born. He and Ana were barely home and I understandably wanted to spend time with my wife and new son, but, our absence was joyfully explained to all the attendees. This year, no explanation was given. The family was repeatedly asked, and the answer universally was that we were "regrettably unavailable". Even Mia managed to stick to the script. The tabloids hinted at marital problems which we were content to let them mull over, preferring not to comment at all.

I know Sawyer will notify hospital security, as well as apprise Taylor and Welch of the situation; and, I want to speak to them as well, but don't want to make calls in Ana's presence, and I need to be here now. What a fucking mess!

Sawyer opens the door and I push in the food trolley. Mom is holding Ana's hand, who has obviously been crying again. When she looks at me I see panic in her eyes. Shit. I go sit on the bed and I pull her upright to wrap her in my arms, as she begins to sob into my neck. I look at Mom whose expression is grim. Poor Ana, she never wanted any of this, and, especially now, being my wife really sucks. Holding Ana, I lean forward and mouth to Mom to go ask for Ativan. She nods and quietly gets up, crossing to the door.

I hold Ana and periodically kiss her as I gently rock her.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I know you didn't bargain for this, and all of this sucks. But, don't worry, baby, you're safe, you know that, right? That's why Sawyer's out there now, and Ryan will be there later. You're safe, I promise you. Ok?"

She pulls back to look at me, her expression distraught.

"Why? Why can't they just leave us in peace? The jackals! I feel like a hunted animal."

She begins to sob heavily and I pull her to me again gently rocking her. A few moments later the door opens, Mom appears, followed by Cora and her ever-present computer. She looks at us and opens her mouth to speak, but I stop her with a look and quietly ask,

"Can you just give it? Quietly, please?"

In other words, don't start talking about what you're giving her-which will only distress her all the more, just give her the fucking drug! She nods, thankfully comprehending what I'm asking of her. I look over at Mom who is standing at the foot of the bed watching Cora inject the medication into the tubing and depositing the syringe in the box on the wall. Ana's small body shakes as she continues to sob. I roll my eyes in frustration while Cora taps and clicks on the computer, eventually scanning Ana's bracelet and a small medicine vial. That accomplished, she scans a small IV bag that already has tubing on it, then hangs it on the pole. After attaching it to the big bag's tubing, she messes with the pump, then as quietly as she's able, she pushes the computer out of the room.

Mom clears her throat and leans over to quietly tell me she's going to go. I nod, thanking her. She blows me a kiss and walks out. The food sits, untouched. Crap. I hope to God I can still get her to take something, if it's even hot by then.

Slowly Ana quiets. She looks up at me, her eyes unfocused.

"I don't feel too good. I'm really dizzy."

Crap. I lay her back down and press the call button. Ana's face is white, her eyes glassy. Shit! I shake her shoulders.

"Ana? Can you hear me?"

Her gaze shifts to my face and after a beat, focuses on me.

"Yes. I just feel really odd."

Wanda comes in.

"She's feeling odd, dizzy. Can the nurse come back in?"

Wanda nods and immediately goes out. A moment later she reappears with the vital sign machine.

"Cora and Michael are on their way in. Miss Ana, let me check your blood pressure."

She wraps the cuff around Ana's arm, pressing the start button. The cuff automatically inflates and incrementally deflates, before beeping the reading on the screen. Wanda frowns at the screen, then removes the cuff. She unscrews the cuff from the machine's tubing and pulls a smaller cuff out of the basket. Once attached, she pulls the sleeve of Ana's top up and wraps it on, firing the machine up again. Her expression still reflects concern.

"Is it too low? What's her heart rate doing?"

Wanda looks up at me.

"Well, the machine is saying her heart rate is 154, but it's not as accurate as the monitor and I don't know what it's showing. Her blood pressure is 72/35. I'm sure that's why she's feeling odd. Miss Ana, I'm just going to put the head of your bed down a little, it that all right with you?"

Ana wordlessly nods. Her color is better and she looks more alert.

"Any better?"

I ask. She looks at me and nods, then frowns slightly.

"I, just sort of felt like I was going to float up to the ceiling. It was a really weird sensation."

Wanda pulls a paper out of her pocket and begins to copy the numbers off the machine.

"Miss Ana, I'm going to leave that cuff on for now because I want to check your pressure here in a few minutes."

I sit next to Ana holding her hand, studying her face. She looks calmer, thank god, but I don't like how she's feeling right now.

"Any better now that you're laying down, baby?"

She looks at me and nods.

"Yes, I do. It was just for a moment. What did Cora give me just now?"

"Ativan."

She frowns.

"That stuff does bad things to me; I don't think I want any more of it"

I'm not sure that would be a good idea because it has helped soothe her ragged nerves today. I decide not to argue with her about that now. She's calmed down, and needs to eat something here soon.

"We'll see what Dr. Sellers says. Marcie told me he was coming to see you after he's done at the clinic."

She frowns again, but our attention's diverted when the door opens and Cora enters, accompanied by a man in the same colored scrubs. Cora looks at the display on the vital machine, then pushes the button to start it again. The cuff inflates and deflates quickly and the machine lets out a "boop", apparently to display the reading. Cora exchanges glances with the other nurse, then looks at Ana.

"That's a little better! 82/44. Are you still feeling dizzy?"

Ana shakes her head no.

"As soon as I lay down I started feeling better."

Cora's eyebrows shoot up.

"Were you out of bed?"

She looks at me as if I did something wrong. Ana frowns at the question.

"No! I haven't left this bed! You saw me! I was just sitting up, Christian was holding me. That's all. I think that Ativan made me dizzy. That stuff is too strong for me; I'm not taking any more of it!"

Cora looks annoyed, and shoots me a look, for what I've not a clue. She's by far my least favorite nurse we've encountered here, except for that nurse Nora. Cora doesn't reply to Ana's declaration, instead she turns towards the other nurse.

"Ana, Mr. Grey, this is Michael and he'll be here with you until 7 tomorrow morning."

Michael murmurs a hello, which Ana quietly answers. I give him a nod. He's close to my height and weight, about 20 years older, with salt and pepper hair. Ana's never had a male nurse, which gives me pause, briefly, until I decide I like the idea. He can't be as bitchy as Cora's been!

Cora turns her attention to Wanda who has been quietly standing by the bed.

"Let's set it to check her every 5 minutes and see if her pressure will come up any more. Mrs. Grey, I see you have food here and you certainly need to eat, but I want you to stay basically flat for now, so Wanda may have to help you with your tray."

No fucking way, lady! I'll feed her! I look at Ana and she looks annoyed as I speak up, making my voice light.

"There's no need for Wanda to do that. I'll take care of it."

I look over at Ana and her face is neutral. She knows I absolutely love to feed her, it almost rates up there with sex, but she's less enthusiastic because I always make her eat more than she would, left to her own devices.

Wanda and Michael nod, both seemingly pleased I want to do that for Ana. Michael addresses us both.

"Dr. Sellers is on page. As soon as I've spoken to him and have him up to speed about what is going on, I'll let you know what he says. Also, the Blood Bank called to tell us your blood is ready. As soon as that potassium piggyback is done, we'll get that up, which hopefully means, with the exception of vital signs, we can let you sleep tonight. I'll be back."

I like him. He seems competent and kind. Cora looks at Ana,

"I'm going. I hope you feel better soon, Mrs. Grey."

"Are you back tomorrow?" Ana innocently asks, god I hope not!

"No. I only work a few days a month. It's been a pleasure caring for you. I'm glad you're feeling better than when you arrived. Good night."

"Thank you, Cora. Good night."

Ana and I echo as the two of them leave the room. Wanda has fired up the machine again, and after it "boops", she proceeds to push buttons, creating a series of softer "boops". She writes down the last set of numbers.

"I'll be back shortly to check on you. Ok?"

We watch her close the door. I reach over and turn the machine around to see the readings.

85/46

148

That's still plenty high. What the fuck is going on? I decide I'm going to have to wait for the doctor to call back, so decide it's time to force feed my wife. I stand up and go into the bathroom to retrieve a large, fluffy towel from the stack, then go to the trolley and find her soup and sandwich. Thank goodness, they're still pretty warm. Guess the fake valet was eager to get in here, I muse. The sandwich she can pretty well manage without help. And, if the soup went in a cup she could use a straw, but I'm not going to suggest that. I'd rather feed it to her.

I spy the cream on the tea-tray and decide to spike the soup with some extra fat and calories by stirring in a few tablespoons. Why not? After all, there's cream of tomato soup. I place the soup bowl on the plate with the sandwich and carry it over to the bedside table. Ana's watching me and her mouth is already set to refuse. Too bad, baby.

I lay the towel across her chest and sit down on the bed. I pick up half of the sandwich and tear it in half, handing one piece to her. She looks at it, then me, and I raise my eyebrows. She knows she has to do this, and I'm going to try to get her to eat without drama, but she knows I'm ready to rumble with her over this. My expression says it all. She rolls her eyes, grabbing the piece and takes a bite. I watch her as she chews, then takes another bite.

Good start.

"Good?" I ask.

She nods and reaches for the other piece I'm holding. The machine fires up and she has to transfer the food to her other hand to straighten that arm out. The read-out shows basically the same numbers. Stable, but heart rate too high and blood pressure too low. Shit.

I stir the soup with a spoon and wait until she's done with the sandwich.

"Open up."

She throws me an annoyed look, but obediently opens up and allows me to spoon the soup into her mouth. I quickly spoon in another, a trick I learned feeding Teddy. Get a rhythm going and they can't seem to stop, although we've almost never had to coax that boy to eat. He loves to eat, like his dad. I smile at the thought.

"What?" Ana asks.

I look at her as I spoon in more soup. No distracting me, you're going to eat this!

"I was just thinking about feeding Teddy, how different he is from his Mom. You couldn't keep up with that boy he swallowed so quickly. You'd think we never fed him the way he's carry on before he started feeding himself."

Ana giggles.

"If you call what he's doing these days feeding himself? I'm never really sure how much food actually makes it IN him they way he slings that spoon around."

I spoon more soup in as I grin. Then I come to the boy's defense.

"He's doing better. At least we've managed to get him to hold the spoon correctly so most of the food stays on it while he gets it to his mouth!"

Ana grins as she points to the other half of the sandwich.

"True! You don't have to tear that in half, just hand me the whole thing."

I'm over the moon as I hand her the food. She's chewing and glances up at me. Right now she looks like my Ana, which is a balm to my worried soul. I use a corner of the towel to dab the side of her mouth. Then I feed her more soup. More than half of it is already gone.

"It looks as if you were hungry Mrs. Grey. I'm delighted!"

She smirks at me as she takes another bite of the sandwich.

"I guess I am. But, grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato soup were one of our staple meals when it was just Ray and I. When I started cooking for the 2 of us, I starting using real sharp cheddar cheese instead of the god-awful brick cheese that had been on a shelf for 50 years, and Ray absolutely loved them. He would manage to make them for me when I was sick, although he'd warm up chicken soup instead."

I tilt the bowl to fill the spoon again.

"He's a good man. I'll always be grateful for raising my extraordinary wife. He did a great job."

Ana swallows the soup and I see tears threaten.

"Yes, he's the best."

She puts the last piece of sandwich in her mouth and wipes her fingers on the towel. When she's through chewing, I hold the spoon up, which she tries to wave away as she shakes her head no.

"I'm stuffed. No more!"

"One last bite, come on. It's just one spoon full of soup. Open up."

She scowls, but opens and accepts the last of the soup. Halleluiah! I happily kiss her nose.

"Good job, you!"

She smirks at me.

"You sound like you just finished a scene with me."

I bend down and rub my nose against hers, then swiftly kiss her.

"Getting you to do scenes with me is a hell of a lot easier than getting you to eat these days! Thank you."

She pretends to pout, but as I pick the plate and bowl up she breaks into a grin.

"You're welcome, Mr. Grey. When are you going to eat?"

I place the dishes on the trolley. My food remains under the lids, hopefully staying somewhat warm.

"As soon as I feed my wife some ice cream."

She shakes her head vigorously.

"Not right now, please! I need that food to settle first. You go eat."

As if on cue the door opens slightly and Sawyer looks in. I look at him expectantly.

"Sir, they are here to do Mrs. Grey's EKG and x-ray. I've already checked their ID's and Wanda has vouched for both of them."

I nod and he holds the door open while an older African-American woman pushes a small machine into the room. She smiles at us as she approaches the bed.

"Mrs. Grey? My name is Dorothy and I've been asked to do an EKG. Have you had one before?"

"Yes."

Ana quietly answers as I stand up to get out of the way.

"Then you know this doesn't hurt. My friend, André, from Radiology, is kindly waiting outside until I'm done because I have to lift your top up and he doesn't need to be here for that!"

She winks at Ana as she pulls a large box with a wad of cables attached off the cart and places it next to Ana, then raises the bed. She takes a card and, after pulling Ana's top and camisole up, starts to pull postage stamp sized pieces off the card, sticking them on her chest. Several under the left breast, and others near the buttons already there hooked up to the unit's monitor. She pulls Ana's yoga pants up to her knees and placed a stamp on each leg, then each arm.

She picks up the box and untangle the wires. Holy cow! How many wires are there?

"How do you keep all those straight? I mean, organized? How many of those things are there?"

"There are 12."

Well, of course, it's a 12 lead EKG! Duh!

"I start on one end of this and work my way from there. There's a set pattern the leads are placed. One you have it down, it's really not that difficult."

All the time she's talking she is attaching alligator clips on the wires' end to one side of each postage stamp. She turns her attention to the small machine, picking up a scanner she scans Ana's bracelet. Then punches a few buttons, then looks at Ana.

"Mrs. Grey, just lie still and relax, this only takes a moment."

A few seconds later the machine spits out an 8 by 11 sheet of paper. She looks at it and smiles at Ana, then begins to unplug the wires.

"That's it!"

"What does it show?"

She doesn't look up from her task, but she gives a Mona Lisa smile.

"Mr. Grey, I just run the tracings. The physician interprets them."

Oh, this bull shit again! I'm about to spout off when Ana speaks up looking at me, her eyes blazing.

"Christian! Don't even THINK of bullying the poor woman! If she can't tell you, she can't tell you! Leave. Her. Alone!"

Oh my! Ana turns to the woman.

"I'm so sorry Dorothy. He doesn't like having to wait for anything."

She looks up and smiles at me.

"No worries, Mrs. Grey. You husband isn't the first person to try to wheedle information out of me. I'm a master of avoiding a straight answer."

She winks at Ana, then pushes the machine towards the door. Sawyer must have kept an eye out for her approach to the door, because it swings open. A moment later a large machine rolls in, pushed by a large African-American man who cheerfully introduces himself.

"Hello, Mrs. Grey! My name is André and I am going to do a chest x-ray. This will only take a minute."

He stops the machine near the bed and pulls a board out and reaches for Ana's arm.

"I'll help you sit up…"

I jump up.

"No!"

He stops and gapes at me.

"Her blood pressure's really low; she's not supposed to sit up!"

His eyebrows shoot up, then he smiles.

"Oh, Ok. No problem! You can just roll over and I'll just lay the board on the bed, then you roll back on to it. How's that sound?"

I walk to the opposite side of the bed and offer Ana my hand, which she takes. I reach over with my other hand and place it on her opposite hip, which just feels like bone through her clothes. I take a deep breath, because I feel my panic rising. I consciously arrange my face into a benign smile as I help her turn towards me. André lays the board high, the top edge near the base of her skull, then she rolls back on to it. André studies the position of the plate now under Ana, and makes a face.

"Um, Mrs. Grey, can you scoot to your left a little?"

No, she won't.

"I'll do it, baby. You lie still."

I grasp each of her hips and move them to the center of the board, then bring her shoulders over as well. I try to think of the task at hand instead of how much her hip bones protrude. I look up at André, who smiles broadly.

"That's great! Ok, Now, Mr. Grey I need you to step out into the hall for a minute while I shoot this film."

As he talks her raises a large arm that has a box on its end from the machine and swings it over the bed.

"I'm not leaving." I matter of flatly state. Again, Andre's eyebrows shoot up. I give him my most impassive stare.

"Christian! For god's sake, it is so you aren't exposed to the radiation!"

I look at Ana, she hot. I give her the same stare, and she rolls her eyes.

"Um, that's Ok, Mr. Grey. If you step over to the sitting area near the window, you'll be safe enough."

I nod and do as he suggests which places a wall between the machine and me. Andres then grabs a button attached to a long white telephone cord and moves 4 feet back and partly behind a corner.

"Ok, Mrs. Grey, Take a deep breath in, then blow it out…Now another deep breath in and hold it!"

The machine beeps and I step back into the room and go to Ana's side. Again helping her roll over as André removes the board, then Ana rolls back. She smiles at the man.

"Thank you, André."

"No problem! Mrs. Grey, Mr. Grey! Thank you!"

He backs the machine out as Sawyer opens the door.

She looks at me, scowling.

"Why are you so stubborn?"

I sit down and take her hand.

"Because I can't stand to be away from you even for a minute."

I give her my award-winning smile. She squeezes my hand and smiles.

"Go eat."

I shake my head no.

"Not yet."

She frowns.

"Why?"

I give her a knowing smile.

"Because I need to feed you some ice cream. You're too thin and I need to feed you when I'm able, which is now."

I raise my eyebrows and give her my best Ben and Jerry's smile. She gives me a Cheshire cat grin.

"Well, if you insist, Mr. Grey."

Good! I get up and go to the door. I crack it and Sawyer gets up from his chair looking at me expectantly.

"The nurses have ice cream put away for Mrs. Grey. Can you ask them to bring it for her? Thank you."

He nods and heads down the hall. I close the door and go back to Ana.

"Surely, you need to pee. It's been awhile."

She looks at me.

"I do, but how do we manage if I'm supposed to stay in the bed with my head down?"

Oh!

"Good point, well made, Mrs. Grey."

I rub my chin. She has a point.

There's a gentle knock on the door and Wanda comes in with the ice cream. Ana grins at her.

"Wanda! I thought you would be going home. Why are you still here?"

She stops at the trolley and finds a spoon, then comes to the bed smiling.

"I go to school in the morning, so come and help out 3 until 11."

Ana's intrigued.

"What are you in school for?"

Wanda looks down, seemingly embarrassed.

"Nursing. I received a scholarship from the hospital, and they allow me to order my work schedule around my schooling."

Ana's eyes get wide and she grins.

"Oh, that's wonderful, Wanda!"

I interrupt.

"She needs to use the bathroom. I'd ordinarily carry her, but she's supposed to stay flat in bed."

Wanda just smiles.

"Well, we have the tried and true bed pan, I'm afraid."

Ana's eyes get huge.

"Oh, no! I'll just hold it!"

"Ana!" I scold.

Just then there is a knock at the door, and it opens. Dr. Sellers walks in, followed by Michael with a computer. Wanda steps back.

"I'll just put this back in the freezer for now."

I nod as Wanda walks out. Michael is typing on the computer.

Sellers approaches the bed and looks at the vital machine's reading. It's essentially the same. It's reading now: 86/54 with a heart rate of 147.

I shake Sellers' hand.

"Thank you for coming."

"Mr. Grey."

He turns to look at Ana as I go to the other side of the bed and take her hand.

"Mrs. Grey…"

"Ana, please."

"Oh, yes! Ana."

He pronounces her name distinctly, but he's smiling at her.

"I don't know what is going on with you, young lady. You are quite a puzzle."

He turns to the nurse,

"Where are we with things?"

Michael looks up.

"The first K-run is up, and her blood goes up next. I have her EKG here and am pulling her chest film up in the system right now. It's not reported, but the image is here."

"What about the echo?"

Michael scowls.

"I'll have to call them. It's ordered 'STAT' and days called to make sure they had the order. They were arguing since she wasn't in the ICU she needed to come down, that there was no need for them to do it at the bedside. Cora spoke to the supervisor and thought she had it all sorted out."

"Call them again. They better not be gone for the day with this echo pending! I asked Curt Wilson to read it for me, which he kindly agreed to do, but he's waiting! If they aren't on their way by now, get their supervisor on the phone for me."

Michael leaves the computer and walks out the door. Sellers pulls his stethoscope out of the pocket of his lab coat and places the tips in his ears.

"Let me have a listen to you."

He places the bell on Ana's chest for a long moment, then moves it under her top to her left side. He goes to sit her up and I speak up.

"The nurses were keeping her flat because she gets really light-headed if she sits up. When they did her x-ray she just rolled over."

He nods.

"That'll do."

I help Ana roll over as he sticks the bell under her top to listen. Why haven't we bothered to get her changed?

"Take a deep breath, Ana. Good."

He moves the bell.

"Again…Again. Ok. You can roll back over."

Ana rolls back over as he wraps his stethoscope up and returns it to his pocket and straightens up. He walks over to the computer, pushing his glasses to the end of his nose as he gazes at the screen. He picks up the EKG paper and quickly studies it. Setting it aside, he clicks the mouse a few times, stopping to gaze at things, until he sighs. Pushing his glasses up to their normal position, he walks over and grabs a chair from the small dining table in the other part of the suite, sitting it down near Ana's bed. He sits down and picks his right leg up and crosses it, so that its ankle is on his left thigh. He removes his glasses and rubs his eyes, replacing them before he speaks.

"Like I said, you're a puzzle. Marcie, my Nurse Practitioner, and I are stumped. She was going over your records from your various office and clinic visits, and noted that your BP runs a little low, but that's common in young people, but your heart rate has always been on the high side of normal. Some people are like that. As for why it's so high now, as Marcie told you, we're going to fix the obvious reasons, although neither labs were low enough to normally cause this, and hope that will fix it. If the blood and the K-runs don't do the trick, then I've asked Dr. Curt Wilson to see you in the morning. He's a Cardiologist. I have already spoken to him and he's aware of what the issue is. He's going to pull up your EKG and echo to look at those this evening. If something just jumps out at him as the cause, he'll call me tonight. Otherwise, he will see you in the morning.

"I'm afraid that failure to come down on its own is means we'll have to give you something to get it down. That, obviously, isn't the end of the world, but I hate to see someone so young having to take heart medication. But, you can't continue to have a heart rate this high. As you've discovered, it's hard to maintain a decent blood pressure, plus you feel crummy."

Sellers uncrosses his legs and leans forward, his elbows on his knees. He looks, uncomfortable. He clears his throat then looks at me.

"I wanted to talk to you about what happened yesterday and last night at your residence. Marcie gave me a full account, that, despite being medicated with Zofran you were ill. When you were medicated for breakthrough nausea, you essentially ended up sedated. I wanted to apologize to the both of you, but to you specifically, Ana. You suffered unnecessarily due to a poor response from my office and that should have never have happened. Mr. Grey, I'm glad you called this morning and let Marcie know what was going on, because, once we knew there was a problem, we were able to fix it. From what I've been told, since the dosages and schedule of the meds have been amended you're more comfortable.

Ana just nods. Sellers throws me another look.

"I wanted to let you know the individual responsible for those initial orders is no longer working for my practice. I won't go into specifics, but your hellish experience was not the first time this individual has made poor clinical decisions. I greatly regret it occurred, but am grateful you're more comfortable now.

"Obviously, you are here with us until we can get your heart rate lower than your weight, Ana. If you have to go on medication, you'll have to stay until we are sure the medication is working on you as intended, and that you're tolerating it, which can take several days."

I look at Ana see tears threatening. I squeeze her hand a little harder. She speaks up.

"I want to go home and see my babies."

He gazes at her sympathetically, reaching to hold her other hand.

"I'm sorry, dear, but it's not safe. If your heart rate goes any higher I may have to move you to the ICU to keep a closer eye on you. I'm doing everything I can, that's why we're chasing the echo people around, so we can get this test done tonight instead of tomorrow, so we can hopefully shave some time off your stay here. Ok?

He looks at me.

"Why don't you have the children come here? They're allowed."

I throw Ana a look and see her eyes widen because we both know why that can't happen, especially now.

"Unfortunately, that's not a possibility, especially now because of the press. There already was one member of the paparazzi who attempted to get into the room just a while ago. I'm sure they are camped out at the entrance to our house, and then trying to get the children safely up here would be a logistical nightmare, and more importantly, upsetting to our children. So, as much as I'd love to let Ana see them, it's not possible."

Sellers shakes his head.

"I'm sorry. With everything you've had to deal with in terms of Ana's illness, to have the added stress of the press. To be honest, I had thought having a guard at the door checking my ID was a little paranoid, but I guess I'm naïve."

I look at Ana before speaking.

"Unfortunately, it comes with the money and notoriety. Poor Ana never asked for this and to be at the center of it has always been an uncomfortable position for her. My security people and I try our best to protect her and the children, but it's hard. We're fortunate, however, because we have top-notch security personnel, such as Sawyer outside, who take their job of protecting her seriously. He's been Ana's PPO for over 3 years and would take a bullet for her if need be."

Ana looks towards the door, then back to me and nods.

"Well, that explains why Marcie ordered all the testing be done at the bedside. I saw she had, but know her well enough to figure she did so for a reason. I hadn't had a chance to ask her as to why."

Ana speaks up,

"Marcie has been very understanding."

I look at Ana with regret.

"Yes, for now on, it's going to be a lot harder moving around without being noticed. The press obviously knows something is going on and will be dogging our every move."

Sellers shakes his head, then asks.

"Is there anything else you need?"

"They need to let Christian carry me to the bathroom because I'm NOT using a bedpan!"

He looks at her mildly surprised, then over at me.

"Why won't they let him do that for you?'

"Because when she sat up earlier, her got faint and felt as if she was going to pass out."

His face shows he finally understood why the bedpan was being spoken of.

"Oh, that's simple enough. We'll put a catheter in until you're able to safely get up."

Ana's eyes get huge.

"Oh, no, no, no! I don't like those things, they're gross! I've had too many of them!"

Sellers smiles at Ana, but there's a glint to it.

"Well, Mrs. Grey, your call: bedpan or catheter. Until your heart rate is down and your blood pressure is up, you're not getting up to the bathroom."

Ana narrows her eyes.

"How low and, how high?"

I smile, she's negotiating! That's my Ana!

Sellers' eyebrows pop up, then he looks at her amused.

"Ok, I'll write parameters. If you meet those goals, AND they stay that way for at least an hour, the catheter can come out and you can get up to pee."

Ana tries to measure him up.

"Give me numbers I can work with."

Sellers chuckles and slowly shakes his head.

"You'll just have to wait and see. AND, they're NOT open to negotiation! I'm the one with MD behind my name, and I get to decide! One of the few perks of this job! Is there anything else you need?"

Ana initially says nothing, then her eyes widen and she looks directly at the doctor.

"I'm not taking any more Ativan!"

Sellers looks at her with a bemused expression on his face.

"You're not? Why?"

"I think that's what made me dizzy just now, not sitting up! I don't like how it makes me feel and I won't take any more of it!"

Her face is one of defiance and her arms crossed.

He goes back to the computer and grabs the mouse, then curses under his breath about the thing logging him out. He types and clicks, them types some more. He pushes his glasses to the end of his nose again, clicking the mouse.

"Well, you received such a small dose I'm quite surprised it had any effect on you at all, let alone make you dizzy."

She scowls.

"All I know is Cora gave me some then I go dizzy!"

Wait a minute Ana! I look her way, then remind her,

"Yes, but you also had been upright as well. It could have easily been because you weren't lying down."

She sets he face in a way I know, and mostly love, that says she's not budging.

"No, it was the drug, but it doesn't matter. I can refuse anything I want, and I'm refusing that stuff!"

Sellers sizes Ana up before he speaks.

"Ok, no more for now. Ok? Ativan is a very safe and effective tool in my tool kit for managing the side-effects of the chemotherapy. You don't have to take it right now, but I WILL use it on you again, young lady. But, like I said, you don't have to take it now if you don't want to. Deal?"

She sizes him up trying to outstare him, then rolls her eyes.

"I don't have a choice. Deal."

He smiles good-naturedly at her.

"Good!"

He winks at me, stands up and moves the chair back over to the table as he speaks.

"I'm leaving Marcie's number with the nurses. If there are any problems, they have instructions not to phone the service, but to call her directly."

"Would you provide me with that number as well? I promise not to abuse the privilege."

He throws Ana a look, then nods.

"Come out here and I'll get it for you."

I look over at Ana who is watching us closely.

"Baby, I'll be right back. Ok? Would you like Sawyer to be in here while I'm out?"

She nods. I thought so. Sellers opens the door as Sawyer rises from his seat.

"I need to speak to the doctor out here, can you just stay inside? She's nervous about being alone right now."

He nods and waits until I have stepped fully into the hall out of his way before he walks in and closes the door. I follow the doctor down the hall, entering behind the nurses' station and into a small room with counters running on either side of the wall holding 4 computers. He motions for me to sit in one of the chairs as he pulls out another and sits down facing me.

"I first want to apologize again for our poor care yesterday and I appreciate you and you your wife's gracious response because, to be honest, you had every right to be extremely upset."

I was unusually gracious about that, wasn't I?

"To be honest, so much of what is happening is new to both of us; I think we tend to be more confused than angry most of the time. Now, when we showed up here and she was nauseated and no one would do anything! I had reached it by then."

I say sitting back in my chair. Sellers frowns.

"I didn't hear about this. What happened?"

"I brought Ana directly to the room and she was nauseated with a headache. I asked she be medicated and everyone told me they couldn't. The nurse who came with us from the house said she was no longer her patient now that she was in the hospital. The hospital told me she wasn't in the system, therefore had no orders, or any way to act on them. They both basically said Ana would just have to wait, and I wasn't standing for that! She's been through hell as it was! I called Marcie who convinced the home nurse to medicate Ana. If Margie hadn't intervened, I don't know what I would have done."

I run my hand through my hair.

"Oh, what a mess. I'm glad Marcie was able to take care of it. True, private duty nurses can't administer meds to hospitalized patients, but as far as the hospital was concerned she wasn't here yet, so what she did was appropriate. As far as the hospital's concerned your wife was still in your car when the nurse medicated her. I'm assuming she gave a full report to the staff before she left."

"That was one of the reasons she was here. Ana had received several meds recently and obviously the nurses here needed to know about all of it. I wasn't bothering to note the exact times because I had someone there to do that. The nurse even stayed to be here when care was handed over to the night shift, just to make sure nothing was missed."

He nods.

"Now, let's talk about what is going on with your wife. I know you haven't asked directly, but I know the question is there, so I want to address it here and now. Ana is not dying. She's sick and we need to treat her, but she's going to be fine. I promise you, that if that time comes, I will be honest to both you and Ana. But, that time isn't now. Ok? I wanted to get that off the table so you can relax a little."

Was I worried she was dying? Maybe. He's right, the question was there, but I didn't want to think about it. I nod.

"Thank you. I didn't realize I was worried, but I guess I was."

"I know. Every family member is."

I remember why I wanted to talk to him away from Ana.

"Listen, I don't think Ana thinking is straight now. She's decided she doesn't need any Ativan, and I know she does. So much as happened these last 2 days,and her nerves are shot. It's normally not a problem because she's tough, but what happened yesterday just sapped what little ability to cope she had right out of her."

"Do you mean her being so ill because of the inappropriate Zofran dosage?"

"Well, no; actually, yes."

He looks at me confused.

"You see, last night Ana was sitting with me and the children at dinner when she had to suddenly leave to vomit. She rushed up to our bathroom and somehow, our son, who is almost 4, followed her in there. He was upset, and she was upset AND sick. It traumatized both of them, which is why I decided to bring her to our apartment in town, to make sure that didn't happen again. Then her having to be hospitalized, followed by finding out the press knows she's here. She, understandably, has had emotional meltdowns. The Ativan has helped so much. Last night, she got the large dose, which sedated her, and that wasn't good, but before they gave her that she was so upset she was making herself sick.

"Today, even after Marcie convinced her, I don't think she would have gone through coming here if she hadn't received the small dose of Ativan to calm her down. Just now, finding out the press is after her left her an emotional mess. If she hadn't received the Ativan, she wouldn't have eaten, but I managed to get her to eat a sandwich and soup because she was calm.

"I don't know what happened this last time. She sat up to hold on to me because she was so distraught, and she was given the Ativan, then felt funny. So, I guess it made her feel faint, but…"

"But, her blood pressure's already too low. I'm sure the Ativan didn't help, but I think it was the combination of the two, not the drug alone. But, I get where she's coming from. Let me ask you this. Do you think she's depressed?"

Is she? Evelyn said she thought she was, but is she?

"To be honest, I don't know."

"Well, let me tell you what my experience has been. Your wife is half way through her course of chemo. It's common for patients to look back at their experience thus far, and realize they still have to get through the rest. It's daunting, and frequently depressing. I think Ana's depression is manifesting itself more in her inability to roll with the punches, if you will, than her being sad and withdrawn."

"She was that way this afternoon. Withdrawn. She just sort of, you know, shut down. She even snapped at the nurses, which is totally not my wife ordinarily."

He looks thoughtful, then nods.

"I think I'm going to start her on a mild antidepressant. I think it's going to help her. I frequently put my patients on one about this stage of their treatment, and then taper them off a month or so after they're done. I think it's especially important we do this for your wife because she's so small. Depression can result in a loss of appetite, and she HAS to keep eating."

Ana's going to fight that for sure.

"If you tell her you're giving her an antidepressant, she's going to flatly refuse. Now, if you tell her it's a vitamin or something like…"

"Oh, I'll tell her, and she'll take it. I do not lie to my patients, no matter how well-intentioned is may be."

"Then be ready for a fight. I know her and she isn't keen on taking as much as an aspirin, an antidepressant is way up there in terms of stuff she won't take!"

He smiles knowingly.

"Let us deal with it. I'll just unleash my secret weapon."

I look at him confused.

His smile gets broader. Secret weapon? Oh!

"Marcie?"

He nods.

"You already witnessed her in action today. I'll have her round on Ana before she gets to office in the morning and talk to her about it. If Ana agrees, she'll order it then. But, Marcie is usually successful. As for the Ativan, I'm leaving the order as is. I believe you're right, she's been benefiting from it. I'll just place a blood pressure minimum for its administration so she won't have that experience again."

Sellers stand up and extends his hand, which I stand and shake.

"Thank you."

"My pleasure."

I just remember.

"I still need Marcie's number."

"Oh, that's right!"

He pulls out a card and quickly writes a number on the back, then hands it to me.

"There you go."

I walk out as he sits down at one of the computers. I take the card and quickly add the number to my phone contacts, along with the back number to their office and head back to Ana's room.


	28. Chapter 28

Oddly, Sawyer is sitting outside, he stands at my approach.

"Why aren't you in there?"

"They are doing the heart test and have to perform it with her top off. The little aide is in there with her."

I open the door and find the room essentially dark except for the small lamp on the desk in the sitting area. A large machine is next to Ana's bed with a woman seated behind it holding a probe on Ana's chest. She pushes and clicks various buttons as she gazes at the fan-shaped image on the screen. Ana is on her right side facing me, but I can't see her because the machine's in the way. Wanda is standing on the other side and smiles at me.

"Miss Ana, you're husband's back. Mr. Grey, she'll be done in a few minutes. Why don't you eat your dinner? If it needs warming up, I can run and do that for you."

I walk around the machine needing to see Ana's face. She looks up, our eyes meet and I see relief in hers. Me too. Ana is naked from the waist up with the covers pulled over her abdomen.

"You Ok?"

She nods, closing her eyes. I see she's tightly squeezing Wanda's hand. She opens her eyes again. I can see she's uncomfortable and watch as the woman takes the probe that has a tip about the size of a disposable lighter and angles it between Ana's ribs. It's way too big for her small frame.

"Does it hurt?"

"A little. She has to get that thing between my ribs to see stuff and that sorta smarts. But, I'm Ok Christian. Please go eat."

I don't like seeing how hard she's pressing that thing. Ana bites her lip then gives me a hard look

"Don't they have smaller ones to use on people like her?"

"Christian, I'll be Ok! She's almost done. Go. Eat!"

I study her face and see determination. She raises her eyebrows giving me a dismissive look before she closes her eyes again. Shit. I don't like that they are hurting her, but she's decided to put up with it, so I reluctantly walk over to the food trolley which has been moved over near the side board. I lift the lid of my food and hold my hand over it. It's not hot, but it'll do.

I pick up the plate and the silverware next to it and sit down at the table facing the bed. I take a bite of the fish. It's warm enough. The fan-shaped image on the screen now shows vivid red and blue, then I hear a loud, fast whooshing sound. It continues, then a faint clicking noise joins it. After a minute or so, it stops and the image disappears.

The woman takes the probe and returns it to its holder on the machine, then takes a towel to wipe the gel off Ana's chest. Wanda holds up one of Ana's gowns while Ana raises her arms into the sleeves. Ana rolls away from Wanda who pulls the gown down on the exposed side, then they repeat the process once she's rolled over to the other side. Once again flat, Wanda picks the covers up and situates the bottom of the gown.

I quickly finish the food, standing up and replacing everything on the trolley. I pick up a bottle of water, open it and down half of it watching the woman unplug the machine and back it towards the door. Wanda comes over and checks the trolley.

"You didn't want your salad Mr. Grey?'

I shake my head no as I walk over to check on Ana now that I can reach her. I hear Wanda moving the trolley towards the door, following the machine and woman out. I sit on the bed and lean down to kiss her, studying her face.

"You sure you're Ok? That looked painful."

She reaches up and caresses my cheek.

"It wasn't the most comfortable feeling in the world, but she didn't have to do that very much. You just walked in when she started. Before that it wasn't bad at all."

I take her hand. I study her, feeling as if I've been away from her too long and need to reassure myself she's Ok.

"Otherwise, how are you feeling?"

She studies me, doing the same thing, I guess.

"I really have to pee, but the catheter is apparently next. Can't you just carry me? Please?"

I shake my head.

"Nope."

Then it occurs to me.

"Who is putting it in?"

She looks at me confused.

"I don't know, I guess my nurse."

"No he fucking isn't! No man other than me has ever seen you down there and that's not changing!"

"Christian! He's a nurse, for god's sake!"

"A male nurse! No way! Someone else, a FEMALE someone else, will just have to do it! No fucking way!"

Just then the door opens and Wanda returns holding a good-sized wrapped package. She briefly hesitates as she approaches the bed and sees my expression, but Ana speaks up.

"What's next Wanda? Don't worry about him, he's being unreasonable."

Wanda's eyes quickly go to me, then back to Ana.

"I'm going to put your catheter it."

Oh thank God! Ana squeezes my hand and gives me an amused grin before looking back at Wanda.

"Good! I'm about to burst!"

Wanda looks uncomfortably at me.

"Um, Mr. Grey, ladies usually prefer privacy when this is done."

I look at Ana who smirks.

"No, Mr. Grey, you can't stay. Go over to the couch and wait until she's done."

I open my mouth to argue and she stops me by placing her hand over my lips.

"I'm Ok. I'll be fine, really. Go over there and get out of Wanda's way."

I hesitate.

"Go!"

She urges. I reluctantly stand up and walk over to the sitting area. Just as I'm about to sit down Ana instructs,

"Further towards the window. You're not watching you kinky bastard!"

She half giggles the last part and I give her an amused look. Shaking my head, I move down until I can no longer see the bed. I hear Wanda raise the bed as Ana talks to her.

"Christian was worried Michael was going to do this!"

I hear mirth in her voice. Wanda chuckles in response.

"We sorta figured that wouldn't be popular, which is fine. I place Foley's all the time."

"Even though you're not a nurse?"

"Here, lift your hips up and let me place this pad under you. Great. Yes, there are 2 levels of aides and us upper level ones can draw blood from the vein, put in catheters, give enemas."

"Oh, I hate those. They made me have one before both my children were born. How gross!"

"I'm going to touch you right here, Ms. Ana. Now, this is cold. I do it three times, Ok. Yes, we don't do many enemas anymore. I spend most the time drawing blood. Ok, now I want you to take a deep breath and relax. That's it."

I head Ana grunt, then Wanda doing something. I peek around and my view is obstructed by Wanda, but she's holding the bag and hangs it on the bed frame. I see it filling with yellow liquid.

Ana groans in relief.

Wanda goes to the sink and begins to run the water, taking a wash cloth and wetting it. Ana is lying with her knees up and legs basically together so I'm still denied a peek. Yes, I admit it; I'm a kinky bastard when it comes to my wife.

"Oh, my that's feeling so much better already! I really had to go! Thanks, Wanda."

Wanda goes back and blocks my view again.

"You're welcome Miss Ana. Here, let me clean all that gel and betadine off. Ok, Pick up your hips again. Now, I need to stick this anchor on your leg, so lay them back down. There. "

I hear something snap, then Wanda gathers the left over supplies off the bed and lowers the bed as I step out and go to Ana's side. After, Wanda deposits everything in the trash and removes her gloves she looks at the bag.

"Yep! No doubt about it, you needed to go!"

I look down and the bottom is already full. Well, she's not dehydrated, thank god. Wanda washes her hands and looks at me.

"I seem to recall you were going to feed your wife some ice cream earlier. Would you like me to bring it in now?'

I almost forgot!

"Yes, please Wanda, and the Boost."

"The Boost is here in your little fridge. There are several of them of different flavors. I stocked it earlier today. I'll go get the ice cream and a spoon."

Wanda walks to the door drying her hands and begins to open it, only to be assisted by Sawyer. After the door closes behind her, I look at Ana who has an amused look on her face.

"You peeked, didn't you?"

I raise my eyebrows and give her my most innocent look.

"Moi?"

She grins.

"Yes! Moi! Kinky bastard."

I sit and grasp her hand.

"Well, I didn't get to see anything. Wanda was blocking my view."

Ana rolls her eyes.

"I know of no other man who wants to be in the room, let alone watch something like that. Why are you so bizarre?"

I smile, but just shrug. I lean down and kiss her deeply. She reaches up with her free hand and starts pulling on my hair. Oh, my! Tongues are now involved and I'm starting to get aroused. She groans, and I hold her head enjoying this.

There's a rap on the door and it begins to open. Shit. I pull away, but continue to hover over her face as I run my finger down her cheek.

"I love you Mrs. Grey. So much."

She whispers back as she looks at me with her beautiful blue eyes that I love to get lost in.

"I love you too, Christian."

She reaches down and grabs my hand smiling.

I turn to look who's coming in this time, and see Michael pushing the fucking computer ahead of him followed by Nurse Nora. Oh, no! Not her! I look at Ana shocked and she giggles.

"Why look! It's your favorite nurse Christian!"

She whispers, then arranges her face to that of pleasant welcome, although she shoots me a knowing look and smirks, unable to help herself. I roll my eyes, then shake my head amused, mainly of her. I'm so happy she's feeling good right now.

Michael stops the computer near the bed and begins the endless typing and clicking.

"Mrs. Grey, we're going to hang your blood. This is Nora, she's going to check the blood with me."

Before either Ana or I can speak, Nora does. She gives me a bemused look, then smiles at Ana.

"We've met already. It's good to see you Mrs. Grey…Mr. Grey."

Michael takes the scanner and scans Ana's bracelet.

"Oh, really?"

He starts to type, then picks up a plastic bag holding a unit of blood arranging it to allow him to pick up the scanner and scan it.

"Yes, I took care of Mrs. Grey a few years ago downstairs. I'm sorry to see you are in need of our services again."

She shoots me a look, but says nothing else. Michael finishes scanning the blood, then steps to the side to allow Nurse Nora to see the computer, then looks at us.

"We'd appreciate of you would allow us to check the blood together without interruption, please."

I remember this from the last time. Ana and I nod, understanding, as they proceed to carefully go over everything, seemingly twice, if not 3 times. Nora types on the computer, then click the mouse a few times before stepping back. She gives Ana a big smile and me a curt nod.

"I hope you both have a good night."

Ana thanks her as Nora opens the door just as Wanda wheels the vital machine in holding something in her other hand, which she places on the table. She moves the computer back to allow her to get to Ana, and proceeds to screw the smaller cuff back on before wrapping it around Ana's arm. Michael is busy with tubing and such at the pole as Wanda places the thermometer under her tongue. The machine "boops".

"86/ 50, heart rate 147. Temp's 98.6"

Ana scowls at the news. Wanda goes to the computer.

"I'll put the vitals in, Michael. Ok?'

"Great! Thanks, Wanda."

He continues with his task, reaching over to pull a pair of gloves out of a box before he lifts the bag of blood out of its bag. He carefully peels back a tab on the bottom of the bag and carries it to the pole. Wanda finishes and goes to the table carrying the ice cream and a spoon, which she hands to me as she smiles. She then goes into the bathroom and returns with a towel, which she lays on Ana's chest.

Ana grins at Wanda. Michael is messing with the tubing on Ana's port, switching to the blood, I guess.

"Thank you, Wanda."

I nod and open the ice cream. At least this is a local brand that's good, even if it's not Ben & Jerry's. Ana is watching me, then looks up at my face.

"Didn't you have Gail put some of my biscuits in my bag?"

I look at her.

"Yes! Do you want some?"

She nods. I place the ice cream and spoon on the over the bed table and go to Ana's bag, which is lying open on the couch. I grab a couple of packages and come back to the bed as Ana watches.

"I don't think I can eat 2 of them, Christian! One is enough!"

I pick up the ice cream and spoon. It's a small cup of ice cream, far less than what I would be feeding her, so, we'll see. I spoon up some and place it in her waiting mouth. She swallows and points.

"Biscuit, please."

I put the ice cream down and open the package handing her one, placing the other back down before retrieving the ice cream. I feed her another spoon full, which she follows immediately with a bite of the biscuit.

I watch her chewing happily. I hear Michael messing with the pump, then step back to the computer. Shortly the tubing begins to turn red. I'm distracted when my wife taps my knee.

"More!"

I grin down at her as I feed her more.

"I think you're enjoying this way too much, Mrs. Grey."

She takes another bite, chewing. Once she's swallowed, she smirks.

"As if you aren't, Mr. Grey. If I recall, feeding me is second on your list of favorite things to do to me!"

I pretend to ponder that before I give her a dirty look.

"I don't know, it maybe 3rd."

Her eyebrows shoot up, then she shoots at look over at Wanda and Michael who are checking their watches and talking.

"Oh, really, Mr. Grey? Exactly what has bumped it down a notch?"

I lean down next to her ear to whisper,

"Spanking."

She pretends to be shocked, then gives me a dirty look.

"Um, Ok. I guess that's fair. But, maybe they could be tied for second and there just be no 3rd."

I grin as I spoon the last of the ice cream in.

"I'll think about it. Obviously, I can do either one or the other, but seldom both at once, so maybe."

She bites off more biscuit. Wanda gets close to the bed and smiles.

"I'll just check your temp under your arm for now since you've just had the ice cream. In a little bit, I'll check it orally. Ok"

Michael looks up from the computer.

"How are you feeling Mrs. Grey?"

"A little sleepy. You gave me Benadryl in my IV didn't you?"

He nods.

"Yes, that's a pre-med for the blood, so you probably do feel a bit sleepy. How's your pain and nausea?"

Ana looks at Michael then back at me.

"It's Ok right now. I always seem to feel better after I've eaten something."

Michael smiles.

"Great. The blood should take 3-4 hours, which puts it a little late for you, but I didn't want to run it too fast. Let me know if you need anything."

He pushes the computer out as Wanda writes down Ana's latest vitals.

"How's it now, Wanda?"

I ask worried.

"87/ 50, heart rate 149."

Shit, no real change. I look at Ana concerned. She's scowling.

"You feel Ok?"

Her expression softens and she nods.

"Sleepy."

I nod and stand up.

"Well, you've been a good girl and had your ice cream, so why don't you rest while. Ok? Would you like me to plug your I-pad in and play some music?"

I lean down and kiss her as she turns on her side towards the window.

"Ok."

She answers sleepily. I go and turn most of the lights out around and over her bed and walk over to the sitting room, pulling her I-pad out and taking it to the docking station on the desk.

Music begins to play softly in the background as I sit down. I scrub my face and look at the clock. It's just 9:10! This has been the longest fucking day! Then I snort because the last 2 days have been eternal. I look over at Ana who is quiet. She's so small, but I guess she's doing Ok despite the shit that's going on. At least she's eating, thank you, Lord.

I lean my head back and close my eyes for a minute to gather my thoughts. So much of these past two days I've just been reacting to stuff. There's been no real plan, which is really unusual for me. I've got to call Welch; I need to know how bad this press thing is. Hopefully, that kid was a loner and not connected to any tabloid.

He, Taylor and I need to meet. Tomorrow, hopefully, Ana will be feeling well enough that I'll be able to leave her for awhile. We can meet in that room down the hall. Sam needs to be there, too. Maybe I should step out and call them now.

I get up and quietly go to the door and open it. Sawyer as always stands and looks at me expectantly.

"I need to make some phone calls, can you sit in there? She's sleeping. They gave her some Benadryl."

He nods and silently goes inside as I close the door. I turn to head to the conference room and see Brian Holly walking towards me. I walk and meet him half way with my hand out. He grabs it and shakes it firmly.

"Christian. How's Ana doing?"

"Sleeping. She's getting blood and they give Benadryl before hand, not that she needs help. She really hasn't had a chance to rest since early afternoon. Look, let's go down here, there's a room where we can talk."

I lead him back into the room I was in earlier and gesture for him to choose one of the comfortable chairs situated around an electric fireplace. Other than a lamp on an end table, the room is dark and feeling more like a study than a conference room despite the table on the other side of the room. I sit and face him.

He's sitting forward, his elbows on the chair's arm and his hands grasped in front of him studying me.

"You look tired Christian. It seems you two have had a rough couple of days. I'm so sorry."

"It seems like a lifetime since we saw you at church Sunday, but I'm a little more hopeful now that I've talked to the doctor, although nothing has changed. Her heart rate is still high, which means her blood pressure is too low. She got faint again earlier when she sat up, so now has to remain flat, so a whole different set of problems have cropped up. And, to add insult to injury, the paparazzi attempted to get in her room. Sawyer fortunately stopped him, but not without Ana finding out."

Holly sighs and looks at me sympathetically.

"I'm sorry Christian. You told me Ana's discouraged, since she's settled in, is she any better?"

Good question.

"I don't know. This time everything has been harder on Ana all the way around, even though I was led to believe some of the chemo drugs' dosages were moderated. I guess I misunderstood. After she was hospitalized with dehydration last time I arranged for nurses to come in to give her fluids and nausea medicine at the house to make sure that didn't happen again, but, apparently, the dosage of the nausea medicine was too small to be effective. As I told you, Teddy followed Ana into the bathroom and saw her ill, which is one of her biggest fears, and all hell broke loose. He was upset and confused, and she was so distraught the nurse finally had to sedate her. I decided she needed rest and quiet, so brought her to our apartment in the city last night. I know she hates being separated from the children, although she agrees that it's the only way to insure that scene doesn't happen again.

"Thank goodness the nurse caring for Ana today has 30 years of experience in Oncology. She pointed out the problems with the meds' dosages to the doctor's staff and they fixed everything. I guess the guy responsible for the initial orders was fired over it, but I really don't care. Ana went through hell last night, and to know it could have been avoided, he deserved it.

"When Ana received a decent dose of the nausea medicine, she was so much better! She ate, was able to sleep and was acting like her old self again, but she sort of passed out when she started to get up to the bathroom. Fortunately, I was there and she didn't injure herself, but I immediately had the nurse check her and that's when the high heart rate and low blood pressure were found. Her nurse had drawn some labs and sent them off earlier in the day, and those showed she was anemic and her potassium was low, both potential reasons for her problems. So, they decided to admit her, which she was really upset about.

"You understand, when the nausea stopped, she was planning on being able to return home to the children in the morning. The admission sort of came at her out of left field. Actually, for both of us. Things were going in the wrong direction and she just sort of, I guess, shut down emotionally, she even snapped at the nurses, which, you know, just isn't her! Then, that low life tried to get into the room by posing as a valet delivering our food, Ana was so upset. She hates the press and doesn't understand why anything we do would be of interest to anybody. But, it's a reality of my life and sometimes she isn't as understanding as usual. I can't really blame her.

"Her doctor wants to start her on an anti-depressant, but they're going to talk to her about it in the morning and get her to agree before they do. I don't think she will, she's really opposed to taking anything. But, like me, he's worried she's not eating and she has to. She's lost more weight already. I could tell when I was helping her move for the x-ray. Her hip bones are sticking out."

Holly has been listening to me, occasionally nodding, but not interrupting as I speak, but when I finish he leans forward and touches my knee.

"How are YOU doing?"

How am I doing?

"To be honest, I've not really thought about it because I've been so focused on Ana. Ok, I guess. When I talked to Ana's doctor just now he told me flat out she wasn't dying. That she's sick, but that she'll get better. I hadn't really formed that question in my mind, but I guess I was worried because it was a huge relief to hear. I'm understandably worried about her, but if she's Ok, I'm Ok. It's as simple as that."

Holly thoughtfully nods.

"Is it?"

"After my birth mother died, I emotionally walled myself off from everyone, even my mother Grace, although she by far was the most important person in my life until I met Ana. She still is, but Ana and I, we were two halves until we came together. At first I thought the reason we were so "in" to each other was because this was both of our 1st real love. But, now, I know there's so much more to what we have. She needs me as much as I need her; otherwise we both cease to exist. So, as long as she and I are together, I'm alright. That's why I have to believe she is going to survive, because without her I'm just an empty shell. She's helped me be so much more, and now that we have children, I need her to help me be a good father to them, which I'm not very good at right now."

Father Holly gazes at me perplexed.

"Why do you say that, Christian? Why do you think you're not a good father?"

My quilt over Teddy threatens to overwhelm me again. I take a deep breath and pull myself together.

"I hurt Ted yesterday."

There, I said it. I feel like a monster right now. I feel tears threaten. Get it together, Grey! I see shock on Holly's face. Yes, it's shocking. No big surprise because of where I came from, but Ana has to be here to help me. Otherwise, I'm crap at this father thing.

"Hurt him? How?"

I'm losing it. Crap. I gasp and look up to stop the tears from spilling out. Get. It. Together. Grey! I look down at my hands, the hands that grabbed my son and shook him! Deep breath, now. I finally am able to look at the man. He is sitting patiently for me to be able to say something.

"Um, yesterday, when Ted was in the bathroom with Ana, he had his arms wrapped around her wailing, while Ana was on all fours vomiting into the toilet. She's crying and begging to me to get Ted out because she didn't want him to see her that way. Teddy wouldn't leave. He was hanging on the Ana for dear life even though she was trying to push him away, so I grabbed him and pulled him off her. Somehow he managed to kick me, which sort of set me off, so I threw him over my shoulder and carried him out of the room. Then he was hitting me with his fists, screaming he wanted his Mom, and I just lost it. I…I pulled him off my shoulder and took him by the shoulders and shook him-hard! But, just once, you know, to get his attention. And, it did. He stopped crying, but he was looking at me with shock and fear in his eyes.

"I've never done anything remotely like that before, especially, out of anger. It was so automatic. I know it's because of my childhood. You hear it again and again, of abused children growing up to be abusers themselves. Ana helps keep my anger in check, and without her I'll just suck at being Teddy and Phoebe's dad."

I look at him and he's slowly shaking his head, then leans forward and takes my hand.

"Christian, look at me, please."

I look into his eyes and see only kindness and acceptance. I'm confused.

"You were in a difficult situation with a toddler, a very strong-willed toddler, I may add. You had to get his attention and did so my giving him a shake. I'm assuming it wasn't hard enough to make his head snap back."

My eyes get huge. No! I'd never do that!

"No! It was just a jostle because he wasn't listening to me and I needed to get him to look at me!"

"Exactly, I used to pick my son up and pop him on his rear, through how many layers of clothes? He felt it for sure, but it wasn't painful. Neither, I suspect, was what you did to Theodore. Tell me, what happened next?"

"I stopped and apologized to him. I picked him up and carried him to his room and just held on to him until we both had calmed down, then I was able to talk to him and explain that Ana was sick and she didn't want him to see her that way, which is why I took him out. I apologized to him, and finally he understood, well as much as a child that age is able to. I eventually had to take him in to see for himself Ana was sleeping, that she wasn't sick anymore, so that he'd be able to go to sleep."

Holly squeezes my hand and smiles warmly at me.

"Christian, I think given the circumstances, you handled that extraordinarily well. Yes, Ted was surprised and initially afraid when you gave him that jostle, which I think is a more accurate word for what happened, because you needed to control him until he could again control himself. He's a toddler, and they are usually hell-bent to do things, which you have to stop once in awhile. He was hitting you, a behavior I'm sure you do not allow under any circumstances. I don't believe for an instant that Ted was adversely affected by what you did. Parents struggle to get through to children that age, because until you have their attention you aren't able to talk to them.

"How's Ted today?"

"We spoke to Nanny this afternoon, and he initially was worried about his mom. She had to take him into our bedroom to show him that she wasn't there. He was told I took her to the doctor for her stomach ache. We sort of told him a similar story when she had to come on for the blood transfusions, and he seems to accept that. My Dad went over to spend the day and he told Dad Ana had a bad stomach ache and was crying, but said nothing else."

Father Holly chuckles.

"That's why I love children! They're so in the moment! I would think hearing what happened this morning would have been enough to reassure you that no lasting harm was done yesterday. Can you see that?"

I think about it. Yes, I suppose he's right. That's what Ana told me, too. I slowly nod.

"I guess so. I'm just so afraid of, you know, losing it. I don't want my children to grow up like I did, hurt and afraid."

He smiles at me again.

"And, they aren't Christian. From what I've seen, you're a wonderful, loving father. And, I believe you will continue to do so because you, of all people, are motivated to make sure they don't. Adults, who abuse because they were themselves abused, frequently do so because they know no other way, and have managed to convince themselves there is nothing wrong with the behavior. You know it's wrong to hurt a child, and you also know how else to behave. Can you do a better job the next time? I'm sure you can. As parents we always are trying to do a better job. So, the next time Teddy has a tantrum of that magnitude, and that's what it was, no matter what prompted it, you'll do a better job of controlling him.

"Don't keep beating yourself up over this Christian. Take Teddy's lead and move on. Learn from it, but move on, son."

My phone vibrates and I see a text from Sawyer saying Ana's awake. I stand up.

"Ana's awake. I know she wants to see you. Let's go down and I'll see if she still does."

He stands and follows me down to hall. Sawyer is standing by the door, which is partially open.

"They're checking her vitals, sir."

He nods at Father Holly in greeting, to which Holly says,

"It's good to see you Sawyer."

I go in and the lights are on over the bed. Wanda is writing on her piece of paper initially obstructing my ability to see Ana. I get closer and she's looking at me. Her color seems a little better. I glance at the blood bag and see it's about half empty. I go to the other side of the bed and grasp Ana's hand, then kiss her.

"How are you feeling? Did you sleep for awhile?"

She nods.

"I'm Ok. A little queasy. Wanda is going to ask Michael for some Phenergan."

I nod and glance at the vital machine.

89/51, heart rate 140

Wanda smiles up at me as she removes the cuff from Ana's arm.

"A little better, Miss Ana. At least it's heading in the right direction. Do you need anything?"

Ana squeezes my hand as she smiles at Wanda.

"No Wanda. If you could just ask Michael for the nausea medicine, that all. Thank you."

She glances at the clock.

"You're about done, aren't you?'

Wanda is in the process of emptying what is in Ana's catheter bag. I spy the container as she carries it to the bathroom and am happy to see it's a lot and not too dark, which I learned means she's hydrated. I look at Ana who has been watching as well, and she makes a face.

Wanda pulls her gloves off and washes her hands as she answers.

"Yes, ma'am. But, I'm back tomorrow after class. Pearlene will be here with you the rest of the night, so don't hesitate to call if she can do anything for you. She'll have to come check your vitals when the blood is done, then again around 4, just to warn you."

"I know, I remember last time."

Ana smiles warmly.

"Thank you for all your help today Wanda. I really appreciate it."

I murmur my thanks as well. Wanda grabs the machine and pulls it towards the door.

"It's been my pleasure. Have a good night."

She exits and I catch a glimpse of Father Holly patiently standing in the hall. I look at Ana.

"Are you up for a brief visit from Father Holly? He's outside and wanted to just say hello."

Her face brightens.

"Of course! Is he out there?"

I go open the door and hold it open for him to walk in. He has a peaceful, kind expression on his face as he approaches the bed.

"Ana. How are you? I'm sorry to see you back here, but am glad they are working on getting you feeling better."

He grasps her hand and holds it in both of his. She's beaming.

"I'm Ok. Feeling better than I was. Thank you for coming to see us, that is really sweet of you."

"Nonsense, I glad Christian phoned me. I'm not going to stay long because Christian has told me it's been an exhausting 2 days for you both, so am sure you need to rest. But, I just wanted to check on you and perhaps say a quick prayer with you both."

He looks over at me standing by the bed.

"Of course!"

Ana answers right away. Holly reaches over and I give him my free hand. We bow our heads. I watch Ana who has her eyes closed with a slight smile on her face.

"Heavenly Father, please send your light on your servants Ana and Christian as they pass through this latest trial. Bring them courage, strength, comfort and the knowledge that they are never alone and always loved. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Amen."

He squeezes my hand as Ana and I squeeze one another's. Ana opens her eyes, which are brimmed with tears.

"Thank you, Father Holly. Thank you so much. I'm going to be Ok. This is just a bump in the road, but I'll be home soon I hope."

Holly has Ana's hand in both of his again as he kindly gazes at her.

"I look forward to that. I'll make sure they bring you communion Sunday. Ok?"

Ana tears up again, but smiles.

"That'd be great. Thank you."

I follow Holly to the door and open it. Michael is approaching with his computer; Ryan is standing off to the side quietly talking to Sawyer. I shake the priest's hand and watch him head down the hall. Michael heads in to medicate Ana as I step over to the 2 men.

"Ryan. What are Taylor and Welch finding out? How bad is this leak?"

He looks at me with a combination of anger and regret.

"Bad, I'm afraid. One of the local stations has some guy they interviewed in shadow who is claiming to have intimate knowledge of Mrs. Grey's medical problems. He's telling the press she's on her death-bed and you are on suicide watch."

Oh. My. God.


	29. Chapter 29

I stand in the hall, stunned at Ryan's news.

It takes me a few moments to gather my thoughts, but finally look at the 2 men, then direct Ryan to tell Ana I need to make a phone call.

"Reassure her you are there and she's safe. She hasn't been comfortable being left alone in the room, so ask her if she wants you in there with her, or to stay outside. Sawyer, go get some rest."

They acknowledge my instructions and head out, Sawyer down the hall, Ryan into Ana's room. I call Welch, who picks up on the 1st ring.

"Mr. Grey. I'm glad you called. I was reluctant to phone you."

"I understand. Tell me what the fuck is going on!"

I walk down the hall back to the room I was just in with Holly. I close the door because I'm pretty sure I'm going to be saying things I don't want anyone else to hear.

"Well, sir, we're in the preliminary stages of our investigation as we were just apprised of the attempted security breach a few hours ago, followed by the television interview."

"I understand, but you know something. Tell me what the fuck you DO know!"

"Well, sir, Channel 4 had an exclusive on their 10 o'clock news, an interview with an unknown male who stated he had detailed knowledge of Mrs. Grey's medical history. He stated she was undergoing treatment for breast cancer, but was tolerating it poorly which has resulted in her being hospitalized. He went on to claim that you were at her side, but was becoming unhinged because of her illness and poor prognosis. Although the individual was in shadow and his voice was electronically altered, we have a basic profile on him. White, 45-55 years of age, approximately 260#. We are in the process of determining whether he is a former GEH or Grey Publishing employee."

"I have a hunch I know who this bastard is. I need you to check with Dr. Sellers' office. They fired a male Physician's Assistant today. I think you'll be able to figure out where to find him easily enough. Also, today, as we were leaving the apartment for the hospital a man I didn't recognize boarded the elevator around the 17th floor. Check with Sawyer, he probably knows precisely which floor."

"Sawyer had already reported that incident and stated he boarded on the 18th floor. We're working on that as well, although we have to wait until the leasing office opens in the morning."

"What about the guy here?"

"The badge Sawyer confiscated belongs to a long time member of the kitchen staff named Cam Nguyen. He stocks the unit's dietary station each morning therefore his badge allows him to gain entry by way of the staff entrance, which is not monitored by the security personnel."

"Have you tracked him down?"

"Yes, sir. We found him at his residence. He comes in at 0500 and leaves around 1330. His locker downstairs had been broken into; his combination lock had been cut, presumably with bolt cutters. We dusted it for prints, but were unable to lift anything usable. Unfortunately, there are no security cameras in that area, although odds are it was our fake valet.

"The photo Sawyer took we sent on to Barney in the hopes we could get an ID using facial recognition. All of the CPP's have his photo on their phones and I have some men canvassing the hospital trying to find anyone who saw him prior to the time he was intercepted upstairs. I also have Barney trolling tabloids' websites; chances are he has some earlier dealings with at least one of them."

"What else is out there?"

"The other local stations are running stories as well, but they are basically rehashing what the mystery man said in his interview. Apparently, he's stating he has much more specific details about your wife's condition and treatment, including copies of medical records, but only for a price no one apparently has been willing to meet. As to how much more this is going to blow up we won't know until morning when print media and the television morning shows are active. Interesting as this story is, these outlets aren't going to share any new information until they can gain the most capital from it, which is in the morning."

I rub my eyes. This is just fucking perfect. I sigh, looking at the clock on the wall, 11:15.

"Have everyone on-call tomorrow for a meeting to devise a response. I will have to let you know what time because it all depends upon how my wife is doing as to when I'll be able to meet with you all. There's a conference room available down the hall from her room where we can meet. I'll need you, Taylor, Sam, Barney-although we can include him using Skype-and Roz, if she can make it.

"I also want people in place at my parent's home to keep an eye on things. I don't know how desperate the tabloids are, but I want to make sure they aren't harassing my parents or my sister. What is the situation at the big house?"

"There is press hanging around outside the gate. Taylor felt strongly that a CPP accompany your father off the property and get him safely to his residence, so advised your father he needed to stay the night because there wasn't a CPP available. Apparently, he wasn't pleased, but reluctantly agreed when he saw the news vans and satellite trucks amassed outside the gate."

"What is Sam telling everyone?"

"No comment", but he's afraid that some sort of official response will have to be released soon; otherwise this could turn into a complete media circus. Unfortunately, it's been a slow news cycle and the press is really trolling for a story. This mystery man has chummed the waters."

"Well, fucking find this guy! Have Barney hack into the clinic's system is he has to, but this guy needs to be shut down-soon! Not only do I not want my wife's entire medical history splashed in the tabloids, but the more media attention, the higher the chance I'm not going to be able to shield her from finding out. It's been absolute hell for her these last 2 days, a great deal of it due to this idiot on the news. Find him and serve him up to the Feds because he's broken I don't know how many privacy laws!"

"Yes, sir."

"Have you spoken to the hospital administration yet?"

"Yes, sir. They, understandably, are very defensive over the attempted breach, especially once we determined the imposter had stolen a hospital ID, stating federal privacy laws and the penalties for breaking them are such no employee would risk jail time helping the press. As for the press asking whether Mrs. Grey is actually a patient, they are claiming privacy laws prevent them for confirming or denying the presence of any patient."

I scrub my face with my hand, thinking.

"It sounds as if things have gone about as far as they can until morning."

"Yes, sir. I believe you're right, Sir. Barney is monitoring the social media sites and has already planted some rebuttal information on social media. He and I will be working on this throughout the night. Anything important we will convey to Taylor immediately. My suggestion to you sir is not to worry about this anymore tonight. You and Mrs. Grey get some rest. We will be prepared to meet with you whenever Mrs. Grey's condition allows you to do so."

Sleep. I hope to God Ana can sleep.

"Agreed. I'll call you in the morning. If there is anything in immediate need of my attention. Notify Ryan. He can come get me, hopefully without disturbing Mrs. Grey."

"Don't worry, Mr. Grey, we'll handle it. Give our best to Mrs. Grey. Good night."

I hang up and walk towards Ana's room. Ryan is outside, but the door is open. I look at him expectantly.

"They are checking Mrs. Grey's vital signs. Apparently the unit of blood has just completed."

I walk in to find Michael bending over the bed using a large syringe to flush something. Ana is lying with her eyes closed. She's obviously awake because she is holding her arm up for the older African-American woman to wrap the BP cuff around. Except, the woman has the regular sized cuff. That's not the right size!

"Wanda was using the smaller cuff. Won't the reading be off with that larger one?"

I am looking at Michael as I speak. He looks at the aide as he throws something in the box on the wall.

"He's right Pearlene. Use the smaller cuff. The larger one gives us too low a reading and she doesn't need any help with that! Thank you for catching that Mr. Grey."

He finishes messing with her tubing and I see drops falling from a small IV bag hanging higher than the larger one.

"This is her second K-run, the potassium replacement. I'll draw labs about an hour after this is done. How's your nausea now, Mrs. Grey?"

Ana opens her eyes, but I can tell she's really sleepy. I go to the opposite side of the bed and take Ana's hand as I bend down and kiss her on the forehead.

"Better, thank you."

The machine "boops" and I look at the display,

90/53 142

Shit! Her heart rate hasn't really dropped at all. Shit. Shit. Shit. What the fuck is going on? I look at Ana and see she hasn't bothered to open her eyes to see the reading, nor ask what it is. She's probably exhausted. I watch as Michael washes his hands, obviously preparing to leave.

"Ana, baby, are you in any pain? How's your head?"

She opens her sleepy eyes and looks at me, then gives me a contented smile before she closes them again.

"My head is fine. Nothing hurts. I'm good, I promise."

Michael nods, then turns the lights off, leaving again just the lamp in the desk to light the room. It's dim, but adequate for us to safely move about the room. He closes the door, leaving us alone.

I squeeze Ana's hand again and kiss her softly on the lips. She opens her eyes and reaches up to caress my cheek.

"Come to bed. I need you next to me."

I wanted to get a Boost in her and intended to check e-mails. E-mails can wait, but she needs the Boost. I take her hand and kiss its palm.

"Ok, but I want you to drink a Boost, then I'll help you brush your teeth."

She frowns.

"Michael already helped me brush my teeth."

She opens her eyes amused.

"I'm assuming you had no objection to him doing that!"

She's so funny. But, no matter, she can brush them again.

"No trying to divert my attention. Boost. What flavor? Wanda said all the choices were there."

She throws me a look.

"Passion fruit."

Her eyes show a mischievous glint. There's no passion fruit, but I don't take the bait. Instead I go open the little refrigerator and take a chocolate out, shaking it as I grab a straw off the fridge's top. I return to her side and open the bottle, unwrap the straw and place it in the bottle.

"Here you go. Passion fruit that sort of tastes like chocolate. I want you to drink this while I change."

She opens one eye, scowling, then adds a pronounced pout to the look. She really is cute. I love her so.

"You can give me all the pouty looks you want, drink!"

I give her a pointed look before I pick up her hand and place the bottle in it. I stand and wait until she gives a sigh and moves to straw to her mouth. She begins to drink, opening her eyes to give me a pointed stare.

"Good girl. I'd like you to drink it all, please."

I grab my clothes and head in to change and brush my teeth. I pull the cord to my phone out of my lap top case and plug it in to charge. I hear the tell-tale sound of her getting to the bottom of the can. I put a dab of toothpaste on her brush; grab the small pan and a wash cloth, carrying it all over to the bed. I take the empty can and hand her the water. She dutifully takes a swig before taking the toothbrush. As she brushes I toss the empty can. She holds her hand out to exchange the toothbrush for the pan. She rises up slightly on her elbow to rinse and spit. She hands the glass and pan back to me as she makes happy smacking noises. I quickly clean the pan and put everything back.

I pad over to the other side of the bed and gently slide in. She's already turned on her side, which allows me to wrap my arms around her, pulling her to me. I miss burying my nose in her hair, but she still smells like my Ana. I nuzzle her neck.

"This is where I'm the happiest, holding you."

I sigh, contented.

"Me too. I'm so glad you're here. I couldn't have done this if you hadn't."

"Don't worry, baby. I'll be here. Sleep."

I close my eyes.

"What are you going to do about the press?"

My eyes fly open. Why is she asking? I decide to play it safe.

"What about the press?"

"You know, them knowing I'm here."

Thank God! I thought she found out about that television interview!

"Tonight? Nothing. There are no credible reports saying you're here. The press is fishing and Welch is working on tracking down the guy who was up here, he'll update me tomorrow. So, relax, baby. Rest. That's all you need to worry about. Ok?"

She presses her small body closer to mine.

"Ok."

I awaken immediately because Ana moves. The door from the bathroom is open and its light illuminates the bed. I hear the distinctive rip of Velcro being pulled apart, followed by the vital machine firing up. A moment later it "boops". I look over at the display, but it's angled away from me. I consider asking, but decide against it, not wishing to disturb Ana in case she manages to fall back asleep.

I shift slightly, which allows her to roll onto her back, my arm lying protectively across her abdomen. I kiss her temple and am rewarded with a small smile. I whisper in her ear,

"You Ok, baby? Anything bothering you?"

Without opening here eyes she sleepily shakes her head no. I kiss her again and settle again. She sighs apparently contented.

I awake aware of the door opening and someone approaching the bed, the door to the bathroom is cracked, allowing light to fall over the lower half of the bed. I see it's the aide, Pearlene.

"Can I have something for my head? It's hurting."

I look at Ana who is on her back, she has pulled the scarf off and her eyes closed a slight frown on her sweet face. Poor baby. I give her a gentle squeeze with my arm.

"Are you nauseated?" I ask worried.

She shakes her head no. I have a thought.

"Will you take your pills with some Boost instead of water?"

She opens her eyes and looks at me, reaching up to caress my cheek. My beautiful Ana. I kiss her temple.

"Ok."

I start to ask her and she answers our special connection apparently in play.

"Vanilla this time, I think."

I nod and prepare to get up, but she shakes her head her eyes closed again.

"Michael can get it for me when he brings the pills. Stay with me."

"Ok, baby."

I lay my head back onto the pillow.

"Your head woke you up?"

She nods.

"I'm sorry, baby. Were you sleeping well before that?"

"Yes."

She answers without opening her eyes. We lay quietly for a few minutes before the door opens and Michael comes in with his computer. He turns the light over the sink on, then scans Ana's bracelet.

"Mrs. Grey, I have your pills for your head. Are you having any nausea?"

He begins to click the mouse as Ana quietly answers.

"No, my stomach's good. Michael, could I please have a vanilla Boost to take them with? It's in the little refrigerator there. If you don't mind, please."

I hear him scan the 2 pills, then they rattle into the small plastic cup.

"Not at all, Mrs. Grey."

I hear him get the Boost, which he shakes as he returns to the bedside. I rise up and hold my hand out indicating to him that I'll deal with the Boost. He hands me the bottle and straw. I open the bottle, reaching over Ana to set it on the over-the-bed table as I unwrap the straw, placing it in the bottle.

Ana rises up and accepts the pill cup, tossing the pills into her mouth then trades the cup for the Boost, which she takes several swallows from. She starts to place the Boost on the table, but Michael takes it from her and sets it down.

I can't stand not knowing any longer.

"Michael, how is her heart rate and blood pressure?"

He clicks on the computer a few times before answering.

"This last time her heart rate was 138, BP 92/ 55. Better, for sure."

"Does that mean the catheter can come out?"

Ana asks hopefully. Michael smiles at her, a kind expression on his face,

"No, I'm afraid not, Mrs. Grey. Your heart rate has to be below 125, although your blood pressure is good enough."

Ana scowls, her eyes still closed.

"Can you check it in an hour or so, you know when my headache is better? Evelyn told me pain can make the heart rate go up and my head really does hurt."

"Ok, Mrs. Grey. I'll have Pearlene check it again when she comes to empty your catheter. I wanted to get the pills in you so they can start working, but need to ask for a number and a description of your headache, please."

Ana quietly lays still for a few beats and I'm thinking she's going to object to being asked again, but she apparently was just thinking.

"Um, it's about a 7, I guess. Its tightness, I first thought my scarf was on too tight, but it wasn't the scarf."

"Anything make it better or worse?'

"Opening my eyes hurts more."

"Ok. Good. I'll check on you in a little while to see how the pills worked. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Ana shakes her head no, eyes closed. I kiss Ana's temple as Michael heads out the door after turning the sink light out again.

"I'm sorry your head hurts, baby."

She looks up at me and gives me a small smile.

"Don't worry; the pills will work here soon."

We both settle down and I apparently fall back to sleep. What seems to be a few moments later I hear the Velcro rip. Ana has turned on to her side, her back pressed against me. She sleepily stirs, holding her arm out for the cuff. I rise up and look at the machine's display, which this time I can see. It finishes.

94/ 50 130

Ana lifts her head and looks at the machine expectantly, then throws her head back on the pillow, her eyes closed. She opens them again to look at me, tears threatening. Oh, baby, please don't let this upset you! It's getting better.

"It's getting better, baby. Please don't get upset."

Her eyes leave my face and look at the ceiling. She bites her lip and takes a deep breath, then closes them. I can't tell, but am afraid she's going to have another meltdown.

"Ana, please look at me."

She looks at me, her eyes searching my face.

"I know you don't like taking the Ativan, which is fine, but that means you have to work harder to not let things upset you so much. Ok? You understand?"

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, then nods, biting her lip.

"I know. I just want to be done and go home."

"I know, baby. You will."

I kiss the corner of her mouth. Pearlene has removed the cuff, then empties the catheter bag. She looks kindly at Ana.

"Michael wanted me to ask you how your head feels now."

Ana doesn't open her eyes, but answers,

"Better. It's still hurting, but it's better."

"Ok, Mrs. Grey, I'll tell him. Anything else you need?"

Ana shakes her head no, but she's still obviously pouting. Pearlene quietly exits the room. I study Ana's face.

"Ana?"

My tone prompts her to open her eyes and look at me. She frowns because she knows what I am saying with just a word. Her eyes narrow, then she rolls them. My eyebrows shoot up.

"Mrs. Grey. Are you tempting my palm?"

She studies my face, obviously noting the hint of amusement, but choosing to ignore it-mostly. She lets out a pronounced sigh.

"I know. I'm Ok. I'm just frustrated."

Well, better frustrated than emotionally overwrought. I kiss her.

"I know you are. I am as well, but only to a point. You're getting better. Ok? Now, drink a little more of that Boost for me, please."

She scowls, to which I raise my eyebrows. She reaches over and picks the bottle up.

The door opens and Michael enters with his computer. He seems a little taken aback we're awake, but Pearlene was just in here, so I'm not sure why he's surprised.

"I am going to give you your scheduled dose of Zofran and draw some labs. I understand your head is a little better."

Ana nods. I look at the clock and decide to get up and shower. I nuzzle Ana briefly, whispering that I'm showering, before I get up and pull my dop kit and clothes out of Ana's bag and go into the bathroom.


	30. Chapter 30

Author's Note:

For convenience's sake I named the Nanny, "Nanny". An idea I stole from the authors of, "The Nanny Diaries", in which the main character's name was Nanny. It is not intended to be derogatory in any way towards the character or the occupation.

And, just to clarify, Father Holly is an Episcopalian priest, and all Christians are welcome to take communion in that denomination.

Thanks for your continued interest!


	31. Chapter 31

Showered, shaved, and dressed I hear Ana speaking as I open the bathroom door.

"…you really think I need to take it?"

Marcie is sitting on the bed holding Ana's hand.

"Yes, honey, we do. But, I tell you what, you and Christian talk about it and let me know. Ok? And, if you want, you can talk to Dr. Sellers about it when he sees you this evening after clinic."

"You mean I'm not going home today?"

I go to Ana's side and see tears spring up in her eyes. I take her free hand, squeezing it.

"No, honey. Your heart rate has come down, but not enough and we really need to figure out what is causing it before we send you home. Your blood pressure, however, has come up sufficiently that the catheter can come out and you can sit up, but no standing or walking yet. Christian can carry you to the bathroom, if you want. But, we want Dr. Wilson to see you, plus monitor you at least one more day. I'm sorry."

I squeeze her hand again to reassure her. Although I know she's anxious to go home, I'm relieved to hear she's staying. Ana looks at me.

"Marcie and Dr. Sellers think I need to start taking an anti-depressant."

I glance briefly at Marcie before I look into Ana's eyes.

"What do you think about that?"

Ana looks lost to me, and before she can answer, Marcie stands up.

"I need to get in to the clinic, so you 2 talk about it and let me know."

Marcie gives me a warm smile.

"Good to see you Christian."

I smile at her,

"Good to see you as well Marcie. Thank you for stopping by."

I follow Marcie out into the hall and as soon as the door's closed she hands me a business card.

"On the back is the name of the PA we let go yesterday. I saw the interview last night and I'm certain it's him. I've not spoken to Sellers yet, but I know he would want you to have this information as quickly as possible. I'm so sorry for any hardship or distress this man's actions have caused you or your wife."

I turn it over and see a name, address, and phone number written on it. I study it trying to discern, what? I have no idea. I look at Marcie and see embarrassment and apprehension in her eyes.

"Fortunately, my wife is unaware of any of this because, right now, that is the last thing she needs and my staff and I are working diligently to insure she doesn't find out. I'll get this information to my security personnel right away. May I give them your number if they need to contact you directly? Sellers shared it with me last night in case Ana needed anything."

She places her hand on my arm and gently squeezes it.

"By all means, Mr. Grey. Let them know we'll help them any way we can."

"Thank you. How did Ana react to your suggestion she take an anti-depressant?"

Marcie gives me a knowing smile.

"Initially, not well at all, but people seldom do! Then, I started listing individual symptoms, and asking her to –honestly-decide if each one applied to her. She admitted many of them did. I believe Ana is pretty self-aware and extremely intelligent, so I believe on an intellectual level she knows she would benefit from the drug; it's the emotional level that has her hesitating. I'm going to leave that part up to you. I believe you're up for the job!"

I can't help but smile because she has obviously figured both Ana and I out.

"What about her labs?"

"Well, only the blood count is back and everything was acceptable. Her counts haven't started dropping and the unit of blood she had last night means she's not at all anemic. If anything else is off, or of concern, I'll let you know. I really need to run."

With that Marcie heads down the hall and I hand the card to Ryan.

"Get this information to Welch right away. Odds are this is the mystery man on television."

Ryan looks at the card, then pulls his phone out. I go back in the room, grabbing the menu book on my way over to Ana's side. She is on her side gazing at the early morning tableau of the park as dawn breaks. I reach down and twine the fingers of my free hand with one of hers, bend down and kiss her.

"What are you thinking about?"

Without averting her gaze she slowly shakes her head no. I sit on the bed.

"Won't you tell me?"

Without looking at me she asks,

"Do you think I'm depressed?"

"What do you think?"

She looks at me, again her eyes show me she's lost. She searches my face, trying to find her answer there. I do my best not to give her anything.

"I don't know."

She whispers, tears welling. A single tear falls down her cheek and I brush it away with my thumb. I look at her, so beautiful, so lost.

"I think you do. I think you're afraid to admit it because you think it means you're weak, and that couldn't be further from the truth. To admit that you need help is to understand you are strong enough to ask for it, which I feel, makes you strong. Very strong."

She searches my face as I speak.

"You do?"

I nod.

"So you think I should take the medicine?"

I nod again. Her eyes well again, so I explain myself.

"The way Sellers explained it to me is that, at this stage of your treatment, it's common for you to feel overwhelmed. Everyone's different, but with you the depression is causing you to not be able to, as he put it, 'roll with the punches' as well as you normally do. And, I believe he's right about that. They believe this medicine will help. Is that what Marcie explained to you?"

Her gaze wanders back towards the window where it continues to get lighter. She nods yes.

"She said depression happens because my brain chemistry gets off, and that it's understandable because of everything that has happened to me recently. She pointed out that within this past year I was pregnant, had a baby, who I just weaned, then I underwent major surgery, and now I'm being given all the drugs, many which make me pretty sick. She reassured me this drug will help get my chemistry back in balance."

I smile at her because Marcie is right, intellectually, Ana knows she'll benefit from it. So, I just need to close the deal.

"I looked it up and the medicine they wants to give you is very mild and well tolerated."

I wait a few moments, then ask her,

"So, you'll take it?"

She looks at me, biting her lip. She whispers.

"Yes."

Thank God! I kiss her deeply.

"Ana Grey, you are the most extraordinary woman I've ever known, I'm so proud of you and I love you so much."

I'm rewarded with a smile despite her tears.

So, one deal closed. Now, next item on the list: Food.

"Let's order breakfast. I'm hungry."

She scowls, but doesn't say anything. I look through the book, but pretty well know what I'll order.

"Do you want your yogurt with berries and granola?"

She nods.

"And, tea?"

"Yes, please."

I kiss her nose, head over to the sitting area to phone the order in.

That in progress, I go to next item on my list: Time to meet with the staff.

I sit down on the side of her bed again and take her hand. She looks at me expectantly.

"How are you feeling this morning, Mrs. Grey?"

I receive a small smile as she twines her fingers into mine,

"Ok. Better, I think."

"Good! While we wait for breakfast to come, I need to go make some phone calls; do you want Sawyer in here with you while I'm out? I'll just be down the hall."

She's gazing into my eyes; they are such a wonderful shade of blue.

"No. I'm Ok today. I want to call the nurses to come and take this catheter out."

Shit! If the catheter is out, when she needs to pee she can only get up if she carried. I need some time! I give her my best lost puppy dog face.

"Can I ask you a huge, HUGE favor?"

She frowns, I seldom ask her for anything, then her eyes narrow. Oh, no! She may not budge on this. I lay on the charm.

"What?"

She's suspicious. I make my eyes huge and give her an imploring expression.

"Well, once the catheter is out, I want to be here to carry you when you need to go to the bathroom, but I also desperately need to meet with Roz today. Will you keep the catheter until I'm done? I know that's asking a lot of you, but I don't want you needing me and I not be here. I don't want anybody else taking you. Would you wait until I'm done? Please?"

I give her my most endearing look. She gazes at me for a beat, then rolls her eyes.

"Ok, Mr. Grey. Since you seldom ask me for anything, I'll wait. But, she better be coming soon!"

I give her my megawatt smile, then swiftly kiss her on the lips.

"I was going to call her now and set up a time. I'll see that we meet, hopefully, right after breakfast! I'll be right back!"

I stand and go outside, Sawyer has replaced Ryan and rises as I step out.

"Good morning, Sawyer. Did you get enough of a break?"

"Yes, sir. Do you or Mrs. Grey need anything?"

"No, I just need to make a few phone calls."

"How is Mrs. Grey feeling today?"

I'm touched at his concern.

"A little better. She's disappointed she's not going home today, but she's not quite ready. A Cardiologist, someone named Wilson is supposed to see her sometime today."

"I'll make note of that sir. They are changing shift right now, and the day charge nurse has already reassured me Mrs. Grey will only be seeing members of the unit's regular staff. I reiterated that Mrs. Grey is unaware of the television reports and that no one is to speak to her about it."

"Very good, Sawyer. I'm sure the staff will be careful. They've always been protective of our privacy before."

I walk down the hall to the conference room as I call Roz.

"Christian. How's Ana?"

"A little better. Her blood pressure's better, and her heart rate is lower, but still too high, so she's staying another night and will be seen by a cardiologist. I want to meet here as soon as everyone can make it over here."

"Well…it's a little after 7 now. Shall we say 9?"

"Nine will be good. When you arrive, have Sawyer direct you to the conference room."

Once I've disconnected with Roz, I dial Mom's number. She answers after the 2nd ring.

"Good morning, Christian! How's Ana doing this morning?"

"A little better. Her blood pressure is basically back to normal, but her heart rate is still up in the 130's. They're sending a Cardiologist, a Dr. Wilson, to see her today."

"Great! Curt Wilson is the head of Cardiology. I'm glad he's been called in. Listen, Christian, I'm glad you called because I wanted to talk to you about an idea I had last night when your Dad and I were talking…"

"Did he get home last night?"

"No, dear, but I ran this idea past him last night over the phone. He, in turn, ran it past Taylor, who thought it very well may work."

WTF? What? I'm getting nervous.

"What idea, Mother?"

"Well, this is the plan, provided you approve. I come to the house to get Phoebe and Taylor brings the 2 of us in the Sprinter van to my garage. When we get out of the van I'll already have Phoebe in her stroller, covered with a blanket over its top. If there is any press around to see us, they won't get any photos worth publishing. Taylor escorts us up to the unit. Then, reverse the process when we leave.

"I, obviously, had hoped we could bring both children, but Teddy would be a problem. It's so much harder to keep him quiet and under wraps! But, we figure the press pretty well knows Ana's there, so bringing the baby up to see her isn't not going to be a huge surprise. We just keep her covered to insure no photos of her and I think it would do Ana a world of good to see her!"

I hadn't even thought of that. I was always thinking in terms of trying to deal with Ted.

"Well, if Taylor believes it's doable and safe, I think it'd be a huge boost to Ana's mood, and she certainly could use it. I'm meeting my team up here at 9 to formulate a response for the media. Do you think you could be here around then to keep Ana occupied?"

"That should work. I'll call Taylor now."

"That's great Mom. Ana will be so happy to see Phoebe, but I'm not going to say anything to her ahead of time in case something prevents you 2 from getting here."

"That's probably a good idea, Christian. We hopefully will see you in a few hours!"

I hang up encouraged, then decide to turn the television on to see what is airing on the AM shows.

Immediately, the photo of Ana and I at my parent's gala last year when she was pregnant with Phoebe appears on the screen. She's in a blue chiffon gown with an empire waist above her pregnant belly, her beautiful hair cascading down her shoulders, held back by diamond studded combs. The 2nd chance earrings I gave her glint in the light, while a diamond and pearl pendant necklace I gave her for our 1st anniversary glitters above her cleavage. She is the picture of health and beauty. We are both obviously happy as we clasp hands pose for the photo. The voice-over finally registers.

"...marriage in July 2011 after a whirlwind courtship to Anastasia Steele, an unknown recent WSU graduate with a degree in English, the reclusive Grey's private life was virtually unknown, but speculation abounded. It had been widely rumoured he was a closeted…"

I hit the button on the remote. Enough of that shit.

The next channel has a reporter standing with the hospital in the background, pointing at Ana's corner room.

"On the top floor in an exclusive hospital suite it is reported Anastasia Grey, wife of billionaire Christian Grey, is on her death…"

I press the remote again. More shit.

A reporter seated at a desk is speaking to someone wearing a lab coast on the screen behind them.

"...my understanding doctor is that the type of breast cancer commonly seen in young women who have recently given birth is very agressive it's almost always fatal…"

I turn it off. I don't know what I expected, compassion, maybe? Respect of our need to deal with this privately? What did Ana call them? Jackals. Yep, pretty much.

Shit.

I take a breath and get my head straight. I'll deal with that shit later when I have my team around me. Breakfast should be here soon and I need to get Ana to eat. I head back to her room. Sawyer is standing and the door is ajar. I give him a questioning look.

"Day shift nurse, sir, named Martha. She's cared for Mrs. Grey before."

I nod and go in. I recognize Martha who is listening to Ana's heart. She stands up, taking the ear pieces out.

"Ok, nice and strong, at about 132. So, better! How are you feeling otherwise?"

Ana sees me and our eyes lock. I still get a feeling of relief and joy when I see her. I hope that never changes. I smile at her. She smiles back. Martha turns to see me standing me by the door, and smiles.

"Good morning, Mr. Grey. I was hoping you would show up. She explained she's keeping the catheter for now, which is fine, but we decided she'll sit up in the chair for breakfast.

Sit up in the chair? Yes, that's probably a good idea. I look at Ana.

"You interested in getting up?"

She bites her lip and nods. Oh, that lip. Steady Grey! Martha smiles as she heads out the door.

"Let me get something to cover the recliner. I'll be right back."

I lean down and gently bite her lip.

"You know what biting that lip does to me, Mrs. Grey."

I whisper as Martha returns. Ana gives me a knowing smile.

After the chair is covered with a blanket, Ana reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck. Martha grabs the catheter bag and I carry her to few feet to the recliner. Martha places a pillow behind her back and Ana settles into the chair smiling.

"It feels so good to be up. I was getting tired of lying down."

Martha moves the IV pole closer to the chair.

"Breakfast should be here shortly. How are you feeling now that you're up? Dizzy or anything."

Ana smiles at Martha then me.

"No. Like I said, it feels good to get up. I wish I could take a shower."

Martha tucks a blanket on Ana's lap as she answers.

"We'll see how you do in the chair, then see if that is possible. Ok?"

She looks at me as she begins to strip the bed.

"Let me know if she needs anything, Mr. Grey."

I smile and tell her I will. Martha heads out the door with the dirty linen. I'm surprised a nurse is doing that because I thought the aides did that sort of thing. I go to the little fridge and open it, but Ana knows what I'm up to and speaks up.

"Not right now, Christian. I want to eat my yogurt."

I give her a pronounced pout, which prompts a big smile from her.

"Don't pout, Mr. Grey! I drank 2 whole bottles since dinner last night! I want to enjoy my yogurt and tea, please."

I shake my head amused.

"As you wish, Mrs. Grey."

I give her a bow and am rewarded by a giggle. Oh! What a wonderful sound!

There's a knock at the door and the trolley is pushed in by an elderly Asian man. I walk over and grasp the other end of the trolley, thanking him as he turns to leave.

I push the over-the-bed table in front of Ana and adjust it before I retrieve the small tray holding her breakfast and set down. I check and find the covered plate that has several strips of bacon I added to her breakfast order-a little extra protein, which I set in front of her and uncover with a flourish. Her eyes light up and she eagerly reaches for a piece.

"Mrs. Grey, I was hoping that would be your response!"

She swallows happily as she reaches for another piece. I move her pot of water, cup, saucer and tea bag over. She's watching me

"If you hadn't become a megalomaniac billionaire, you would have been a good waiter!"

I smile at her as I grab a chair from the dining set and place it facing her on the other side of the small table before I set my plate down. I pour myself a cup of coffee and grab the silverware, placing a spoon on Ana's side. I sit and uncover my omelet as Ana spoons yogurt over the blueberries in the bowl as she happily tells me,

"This is so nice and…normal!"

I smile as I take a bite. Yes, it is!

"It is, isn't it? I'm glad you're feeling better today, baby."

She mixes the granola in, then opens the tea bag, placing it in the pot. Her expression is a contented one, and while she still looks ill, her color is good.

"I feel pretty washed out, but better. I still think that Ativan was the problem."

I decide not to get into a discussion over that, so change the subject. In case Mom makes it here with Phoebe, I don't want her worn out, so have to figure out how to stall her shower. She'll probably start agitating for that as soon as she's through eating.

"Well, don't overdo it, Ok? It's barely 8 in the morning. You have a whole day to deal with, so try and pace yourself."

She smirks at me as she pulls the tea bag out.

"Yes. Sir."

"Eat!" I growl. "All you've done so far is play with your food!"

She intentionally rolls her eyes at me before she takes a spoonful and pops it in her mouth. I give her a curt nod, which makes her grin up at me. Oh, thank you God for my wife's appetite and good mood!

The door opens and Martha appears with the computer.

"I brought you your dose of steroid and the anti-acid pill which I believe is part of your post-chemo regimen. How are you feeling now that you've been up for a bit? Any headache or nausea?"

Ana looks up at Martha as she pours tea into her cup.

"I think I'm Ok. I mean, I'm not dizzy or anything like that, and when I'm not nauseated, I always feel better when I eat a little something. I still have that headache, but it's not too bad right now."

Martha clicks her mouse then picks up the scanner, which prompts Ana to automatically hold her arm up. Martha scans her bracelet, then the pills. As she empties then into the cup she keeps talking.

"But, you still have the headache? How long have you had it, and has it ever completely gone away?"

Ana frowns briefly as she considers Martha's question.

"Um, no, I don't remember when it started, sometime yesterday I guess. You know, the last few days are a blur, but it just sorta waxes and wanes. The pain pills help."

Martha gets a glass of water from Ana's bedside table and sets it down with the pill cup.

"Well, you can have another dose of the pain pills, would you like me to bring you some now."

Ana shakes her head no as she sucks water through the straw.

"It's not too bad and the pills make me sleepy, so I would rather wait. I am enjoying not feeling all drugged up."

Martha nods as she checks the IV pump, then she smiles at Ana and I.

"Ok. Just let me know if you want them later."

With that she pushes the computer out of the room, a few minutes later an older Hispanic woman pushes the vital machine in. Ana looks up and grins at the woman.

"Hello Mrs. Grey, my name is Consuelo and I'm your PCA today. I need to check your vitals."

Ana holds her arm out and, seeing the large cuff in the woman's hand speaks up.

"I guess you have to use the little cuff on me. I'm sorry to be a bother."

I want to tell her it's the woman's job and she shouldn't apologize, but Consuelo smiles warmly at Ana.

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Grey! Pearlene told me that in report. Thank you for reminding me!"

She goes about changing cuffs, and pulls the thermometer probe out.

"Oh, and I've been eating so you can't take my temperature! I'm messing you all up, aren't I? I'm sorry!"

I decide not to say anything because the aide is giving no indication she's put out as she places the probe under Ana's arm. The vital machine lets out it's, "Boop".

I ask anxiously,

"What is it?"

"91/ 58 blood pressure, heart rate is 132. No temperature."

I smile at Ana, wanting to reassure her it's better, even though it isn't ideal, yet. She gives me a pout.

I tell her, "I'm delighted!"

She just throws me a look of frustration, as she quietly takes another bite of yogurt, and I notice she's almost done. I watch the aide push the machine out of the room. We both finish our food and quietly sip our hot drinks.

I stand up and move the table to the side to allow her to reach her tea. I stack the empty plates and place the covers on top, depositing them on the trolley.

I lean down; supporting myself by placing my hands on the recliner's arm rests, and kiss her on the forehead.

"Thank you for eating so well! Do you mind if I check my e-mails?"

She smiles up at me.

"No, Mr. Grey, go right ahead. I am going to enjoy looking out the window."

I happily pull my lap top out and sit down at the desk. I log on and start scanning my in-box, which is crammed. Shit. I start going through and clicking, then deleting the ones I have no intention of reading.

I look over at Ana. She has her eyes closed with a look of exhaustion on her face, her bald head tilted slightly to one side, and my heart lurches. As "normal" as things seem, they're not.

Far from it. She has that odd pallor with dark circles under her eyes, and just the act of sitting up and eating breakfast has obviously worn her out. I stop and gaze at her, then take a deep breath and look up to prevent the tears from falling. My wife is sick, very sick, and I feel as if I can't breathe. Until I remember that she's still here, and I have to focus on that! She is still here with me. I close my eyes and pray to God he doesn't take her from me, from our children. I sit quietly with my eyes shut and when I open them, I see Ana staring at me. Shit. I smile at her hoping she wasn't able to read my thoughts just now.

"Hi, Mrs. Grey. How are you doing? Are you getting tired of sitting up?"

She looks at me a beat longer before she answers.

"Yes, I'm a little tired, but they haven't made the bed up yet."

I go and crouch in front of her debating whether to go get them or not, then it occurs to me the chair reclines.

"Why don't I just tilt the chair back? You think that would be comfortable for a while until the bed has fresh sheets on it?"

She nods, still studying my face. After a moment she asks,

"What's the matter, Christian? Something's wrong."

She looks directly at me, her blue eyes seeing too much in mine.

Shit.

I kneel and take her small hands in mine, smiling.

"Nothing is wrong, baby."

Please believe me! Please don't see my apprehension!

She continues to stare at me, then shakes her head ever so slightly, her gaze never leaving mine.

"No. Your expression just then, you're hurting. I can tell. What is it Christian? Please tell me."

She squeezes my hand. Shit.

We stare at one another, her trying to see deeper into my soul, me debating what I can do to get out of my dilemma!

Finally, I decide I need to tell her something, and it has to be something that's truthful, or she'll know it's bull shit. So, I decide to bear a small sliver of the pain I'm feeling. I don't want to, but better this than all the other shit that's going on. I close my eyes and take a deep breath because it really does hurt to even say this much to her. I open them and squeeze her hands again.

"Ana, I was just looking at you, and to see you so weak, so vulnerable, so sick: it wounds me deeply."

I feel my composure start to slip. I have to look away from her for a moment to pull myself together. I take a deep breath and look back at her.

"It hurts me so much because I feel so helpless, and I love you so much, it is just is so…painful…I...can't..."

I lose it and a sob escapes. I take a deep breath and just try to keep talking,

"I love you Ana Grey and it is so hard to watch you go through this. It's just so unfair! Because you don't deserve this, and sometimes it is too much for me to bear. That's all. It's nothing either of us can control, so please don't worry about it, or me. Please?"

I smile through my tears and look into her tear filled eyes.

"Please, Ana. Please don't worry about me."

"I'm so sorry, Christian." She sobs, but I put my finger to her lips.

"No, baby. No! It's Ok. I'M Ok, really! PLEASE believe me! Remember early in our relationship after you left me and I wanted you back, when I told you I'd take you way I can have you? That's still true now. But, I hate seeing you sick, to see you hurting. I see your small body being ravaged and, think, God, I wish it were me because I'm stronger than you! But, I know you've always have been stronger than I think you are, so I know you're going to get through this. That WE'RE going to get through this! But, I just hurt for you because I love you so much."

I am grasping her hands tightly.

"So, PLEASE believe me, Ana Grey! I'm Ok."

I lean forward and kiss her. I rest my head against hers as we both try to regain our composure.

"It's Ok, Christian. I'm going to be Ok."

I open my eyes and look into hers as she reaches up to caress my cheek.

I kiss her. We look into each other's eyes and half-laugh, half-cry at each other.

"Ok."

We say in unison, which makes us laugh again.

I sit back and take a deep breath. I stand up and grab several tissues from the box next the bed and crouch back down to wipe Ana's face. She reaches for the extra tissues I have in my other hand and begins to wipe my tears. We both laugh at each other. She smiles at me, then asks,

"We're going to be Ok. Right?"

I smile back at her and nod.

"Yes. We'll make it. We've made it this far, we'll finish this and it will all be over."

I give her a chaste kiss on the lips as she puts her arms around my neck and kisses me again, deeper this time. I give her a sly look.

"I can't wait to get you home where we can lock the door, Mrs. Grey."

She gives me a dirty look.

"Me, too. It's not just the children I miss."

I clear my throat, and sit back on my heels. Time to change the subject!

"Mrs. Grey, would you like me to tilt the head back so you can rest?"

She gives me a small smile and whispers yes. I stand up and pull the handle while I push the back of the recliner until she is lying back looking up at me. I doubt she had the strength or body mass to accomplish that herself. I adjust the blanket on her lap, pulling it up over her shoulders.

"How's that?"

"Good. Thank you."

I lean down and kiss her on the forehead.

"My head is cold; could you get me my scarf?"

I retrieve it from the bedside table and hand it to her. I watch as she arranges it and ties it on her head, then looks at me.

"Anything else I can do for you, Mrs. Grey?"

She bites her lip and shakes her head no. I throw the tissues I have in my hand away and return to the desk. I steal a look at Ana and see her eyes are already closed, but she looks more comfortable now that she's reclining.

I start going through my messages, the vast majority connected to the shit in the media which I delete after skimming the first paragraph. I get lost in business, periodically stealing a glance at Ana, who continues to doze.

Consuela opens the door with an arm full of linens. I quickly get up and go to the door.

"Mrs. Grey is resting, can you come back later?"

She steals a look past me and sees Ana asleep in the recliner, then backs out smiling. After I reassure myself Ana is still asleep, I return to the desk and turn my attention back to my e-mails.

There's a soft knock on the door, and Sawyer looks in. I look at him expectantly. He opens the door further to reveal our stroller covered with a blanket being pushed by my mother! She pushes the stroller into the room and Sawyer gently closes the door.

Mom is grinning broadly, obviously delighted her scheme has worked, until she sees Ana in the recliner, then her smiles turns bitter-sweet. She gives me a fond look as I lift the blanket off to find Phoebe looking at me with her mother's blue eyes. I smile up at Mom. This is great!

I go to Ana and lean over her, then I kiss her forehead several times in secession. She stirs and opens her eyes to look at me. I'm sure I have the biggest, goofiest grin on my face because she looks at me and frowns in confusion. I straighten up and step aside to allow her to see the stroller. Her eyes get huge, then the tears start as she happily exclaims,

"Phoebe!"


	32. Chapter 32

I up pick Phoebe who smiles at me. I kiss her chubby cheek and set her on Ana's lap. Ana ties to hold her up to kiss her, but obviously can't manage to lift her- I'm not sure why-either she's too heavy or it's a bad angle. My heart lurches when I see the reaction on Ana's face. I quickly pick Phoebe up and ask Mom to place a pillow on Ana's lap before laying her back down. She's now high enough for Ana to reach her face and kiss. Phoebe reaches out to touch Ana's smiling face, which makes Ana laugh and kiss her again.

"Hello there, baby girl! How are you beautiful?"

Mom comes to stand next to me and wraps her arm around my waist, giving me a gentle squeeze. Ana looks up at my mother.

"Grace, how did you manage this with all the press?"

Mom beams with pleasure as she explains how she and Taylor accomplished it.

"I'm sorry I couldn't bring Teddy, but we were too afraid he wouldn't cooperate when it was essential in order to keep his presence here under wraps."

Ana briefly looks up from studying Phoebe's face and gives Mom a smile.

"I understand. He's a handful!"

She returns to cooing and kissing Phoebe, who is happily smiling and gurgling at Ana. I turn and kiss Mom's cheek.

"Thank you for thinking of this. You're the best."

The door cracks and Taylor looks in, giving me a meaningful look. The team must be assembled. I give him a nod, then lean over the chair.

"Baby, I'm going down the hall to meet with Roz, Ok? I'm sure you won't even miss me, but I hope not to be too long. Sawyer can come get me if you need something, alright?"

She looks up at me beaming.

"I'll be great! Take your time."

And with that she turns her attention back to Phoebe. I stand up and kiss Mom on the cheek again.

"If she needs me, send Sawyer. Ok?"

Mom kisses me back and gives me a patient smile.

"Don't worry, we'll be fine."

I grab my phone and lap top then head out the door, telling Sawyer the same thing before I walk to the conference room with Taylor. Everyone, including Barney, is seated at the table. Taylor closes the door and takes his position behind me. Roz is the 1st to speak.

"Good morning, Christian. How's Ana this morning?"

Everyone looks anxiously at me waiting for my reply. I realize that, although they suspect it's not true, the press reports have most of them worried.

"Better, but pretty weak. My mother just brought our daughter here and Ana wasn't able to lift her, but it's a huge boost to her morale to see at least one of the children. Her heart rate is still too high, so a Cardiologist going to be see her sometime today. As much as I'd like to say she'll be able to go home tomorrow, there's no way to tell whether that's a possibility or not."

I turn my attention to the subject at hand.

"Thank you all for coming. Earlier this morning Dr. Sellers' office provided us with the name of a Physician's Assistant who was fired yesterday. He was the staff member in Sellers' office that gave the initial home care medication orders to the nurses for my wife after her latest round of chemo. Most of those dosages were either too low or extremely high, and which resulted in Ana being either violently ill, or heavily sedated for close to 24 hours. Fortunately, one of the home care RN's caught the errors and everything was corrected yesterday afternoon, but the period of time she was ill may have contributed to the problem that has required her most recent hospitalization.

"None of us is surprised the press has been attempting to gain access to my wife's room, which happened yesterday afternoon. The television interview, however, has brought the media attention to a fevered pitch. Welch, why don't you start out by telling what you and Barney have discovered since we spoke last night?"

Welch clears his throat and opens his I-pad before speaking.

"The mystery source, we have been told, is most likely the PA from the Oncologist's office. Mr. Grey was able to obtain his name this morning."

Welch touches the I-pad a few times and a photo of a middle aged white man with a gray mustache and apparently an equally gray pony tail appears in the screen. He briefly holds the I-pad up, then reduces then reduces the photo and reads information from the screen.

"This is Harry Watson, 60, of Seattle. He was employed by the Oncology practice for 30 years until he was terminated yesterday. Interviews of a few staff members who were willing to speak, but only off the record, stated attention to his work, as well as reliability and personal grooming have slipped significantly in the past year, 18 months. There also rumors of gambling debts and excessive alcohol consumption.

"Due to the nature of this man's acts, we turned the information over to the Seattle PD and the Feds, although I have people monitoring his residence to insure he doesn't go to ground before the authorities catch up with him. We have, however, rendered his internet non-functional. His phone line, as well as his cell, is being monitored. Apparently, he is asking $10 million for Mrs. Grey's supposed health records, but has had no serious takers, in part because he is demanding payment up front and has stoutly refused to provide any proof he has anything of worth."

Roz speaks next.

"Our legal team has informed me he is in violation of multiple federal health record and privacy laws just by appearing in that interview. Dr. Sellers' office told us this morning the man would not have had access to the majority of Mrs. Grey's health records due to the system of compartmentalization they have in place to help thwart such electronic breaches. "

I am relieved to hear that! I look at Barney who has been periodically typing on his Mac.

"Barney, tell me what, if anything, you have found on-line."

His face is grim, he hits a few keys and sighs. A large photo pops up on Welch's I-pad; I angle it to see the photo better.

Fuck.

I start swiping through the multiple images, then look up at Barney for an explanation.

"These were all posted within the last hour. As you can see, they are taken at various distances and angles, indicating that least 2, if not 3 photographers were at work simultaneously. They've showed up simultaneously on several sites, indicating a highly coordinated effort was in play. This was not a lucky shot, but an all-out ambush of you and Mrs. Grey meaning they knew well ahead of time of her arrival."

There are photos of me lifting Ana out of the car and placing her in the wheelchair yesterday afternoon. Both of our faces are clearly seen in several shots. Ana looks awful and I appear distracted, looking around, as is Taylor and Sawyer. Several others show us waiting for the elevator, although it is difficult to see Ana's face in those.

It's obvious that scum of a PA must have tipped the tabloids off for that many photographers to be laying in wait for our arrival! I have managed to keep my cool up to this point, but I now slam my hand on the table and stand; everyone at the table except Roz jumps, staring at me in disbelief. I pound the table a couple more times as I gain control over my blinding rage. Roz looks at me expectantly, it's been a long time, but she's seen me this way before. I suspect she already has an inkling of what comes next, but she wisely waits.

A few tense moments pass before I focus on Roz. My voice is ominously quiet as I speak through my clenched jaw.

"I don't care what the fuck you have to do, but I want this piece of shit in handcuffs within an hour. I want every last dime he has, or ever will have, and every stick of furniture his worthless ass owns! If he was paid so much as a fucking dime for this information, I want it!"

I turn to Sam.

"Sam, we go on the offensive starting now! Take all the photos except those that clearly show Ana's face, I don't give a shit if I'm photographed! In fact, make sure those are front and center to drive home the point it's me! Take those shots and show the public how the tabloids are behaving towards a defenseless, ill woman and her distraught husband! Pull every fucking trick in the book to drive that concept home!

"You'll have a written statement from me to read, but you are to make it ABUNDANTLY clear that we deserve a LITTLE fucking respect and privacy!"

I remain standing, sucking in huge breaths of air trying to find a scrap of control, because I'm homicidal right now, and know it. Roz is madly typing on her smart phone, her expression grim, but determined. Early in our business relationship she weathered countless meetings such as this, but that was just business. She knows right now my rage is on an entirely different plain.

Welch is watching me, his body tense, and ready to intervene should I become physically violent. I suspect Taylor is tense as well, although he's still behind me out of my line of sight. Barney and Sam remain frozen in place, trying to gauge what to do by watching the other 3.

I feel the walls are closing in on me and I have this overwhelming desire to pummel something, someone. I finally manage to collect my thoughts sufficiently to speak again.

"Everyone knows what they need to do. Go. Now. Leave."

Everyone quickly stands and files out of the room. Roz throws me an understanding look, but thinks the better of speaking. Welch is the last to leave. The room is empty except for me & Taylor, who hasn't moved from his position by the door. I walk over to the window and look down. Parked in a side street near the hospital are several satellite trucks, including one from fucking Japan!

I brace myself with my hands on the wall on either side of the window, feeling as if I could push the wall down by the sheer degree of my anger and rage. A few minutes elapse before I bother to speak, to no one in particular.

"All I want… is to be able to take care of my wife,…take care of my family. Just…like…any…other… decent… man… in… this… world! That's all. They never asked for this and shouldn't have to suffer because of it!"

I thump the wall again. Taylor hasn't moved, hasn't spoken. He knows I'm expecting no reply, which is why he has worked for me this long.

My anger finally under control, I decide to compose the statement I want Sam to read at the press conference. I return to my seat at the table and open my lap top.

"Taylor, ask the staff to bring me some hot tea."

I never drank the stuff, but started joining Ana when she would have some in the evening. She always would tell me whenever her young life was in turmoil, Ray would make tea, a practice she found extremely annoying at the time, but something she has grown to embrace in her adulthood. I can't explain why, but a cup of tea sounds good to me right now.

I go on-line to the e-mail Barney recently forwarded, and open the attachment of all the pictures that have been posted. I realize I'm just torturing myself, but I begin to go through the photos. There are so many and they were taken so rapidly, if you could manage to flip them in rapidly, one after another, the photos would almost become a movie.

The back door of the SUV opens just as Sawyer brings the wheelchair to the car. I step out and straighten up, holding Ana in my arms, her arms wrapped around my neck. The next shot she's looking up at me, a lost expression on her face, but I'm looking away, obviously trying to see photographers instead of focusing on her. I stare at that one for a long time, feeling incredibly inadequate because, try as I did, I didn't protect her AND I wasn't there for her. She's looking lost and I'm not there to reassure her because I'm worrying about fucking photographers!

I continue to study the photo, looking at Ana and trying to see at her as a detached individual would, but then the photo is too much to take in. Her top is too large, so it's sliding off one shoulder, exposing her collar bone, prominently seen because she's so thin. The hollow at the base of her throat is in shadow in that shot, again because she's so thin, so small.

I hear the door open behind me and a see a tray is set on the table to my left. in my peripheral vision. The individual pours tea into a mug as I continue to stare at the photo. Ana is engulfed by the chair, so as to look more like a child instead of thea mother of 2. My concentration is broken when someone sits down to my left. I look over at Roz who sets a mug in front of me, then quietly stirs a 2nd mug, obviously, hers. She picks her mug up and blows on it before taking a sip, then she looks at me. I reach for a spoon to add some sugar and stir it in. I mirror Roz, blowing, then sipping from the steaming mug.

We sit quietly.. It's a comfortable silence because we've worked together for so long, I know, like Taylor, she understands.

I finally speak.

"I have to figure out what to say."

Roz shakes her head as she sets her mug down on the table.

"Let me."

She's staring directly at me, her expression sincere. I shake my head as I put my mug down and prepare to speak, but she continues to talk.

"Hear me out, Christian. Ok? Just hear me out!"

I swivel the chair to face her more directly and cross my arms, waiting.

"Let us fight this. Let me. Sam is young, hell; he was still in diapers when we started this business together! I know you. Understand you. I can get the message across. Me. Not you. Me. Let ME do this for you. For Ana. For your family."

I rub my finger over my lip as I look at her and consider her proposal. Then ask her,

"What can you say that I won't?"

"That you are a decent man who has done nothing more than be good at business. You never stole, or cheated, or lied, you were just damn good at what you did, and as a result you earned a great deal of money. That you and your family deserve respect, compassion and most of all privacy, and that's all you ask."

"What will be different from my saying the same thing?"

She stares at me, her eyes burning.

"Because it says volumes when someone else who knows and cares about you comes to your defense, so that you and Ana can remain out of the public eye."

I slam the table, standing so quickly that my chair rolls back towards Taylor.

"But, we aren't out of the public eye, are we?"

I glare at her, then spin the lap top towards her, pointing to the screen that allows her to see that photo.

"ARE WE?!"

I roar at her, then stalk over to the window and stare at the satellite trucks again.

"There are photos of my sick wife, so small, looking up to me because she's lost, and instead of me looking back at her to reassure her it's Ok, that I'm there to take care of her, I'm trying to find the fucking press hiding in the crowds! Privacy is a myth! For anyone, but especially for us!"

I slam the wall, then rest my head against the wall as well. I finally ask.

"What would you say?"

Roz doesn't reply immediately, but she finally speaks.

"What do you want said?"

I turn around and lean against the wall, staring at the ceiling as I think. How much should we tell? I walk back to the table and pick up my tea mug.

"Might as confirm its breast cancer, the photos show Ana's lost her hair, so it's obvious it's cancer of some sort. Also, we can acknowledge she's hospitalized. The pictures don't lie, but emphasize she's NOT at death's door. She's just so small that the chemo's whipping her butt. Wait. No! Obviously, don't say that last part!

"That being a young mother undergoing cancer treatment is hard on everyone, especially since the press is preventing our children from being able to visit, which other families get to do. Cancer doesn't give a shit about income, education, race, social class. None of that matters. A beautiful young mother who just had her second child gets breast cancer. Instead of celebrating her children's developmental milestones, she's bald, puking. She has no fucking family history, no known risk. Just, "Bam!", and life is turned on its fucking head… No fucking sense…"

I throw Taylor a glance, then look down at Roz. She's sitting back in her chair with her arms crossed, studying me. I finish, and she nods. I check the clock.

"I need to get back to Ana."

Roz stands up and watches me fold my lap top up and tuck it under my arm, before I pick up my phone. Taylor opens the door and holds it as I follow Roz out, but she keeps walking towards the unit's exit and I turn towards Ana's room. I call after her.

"Roz."

She stops and turns to look at me.

"Thanks."

She nods, and turns to leave. I approach Ana's door, Sawyer stands at our approach. I ask him,

"Anything happen?"

He shakes his head no, then looks over at Taylor. I head inside where it's quiet. Mom is sitting on the couch reading the morning issue of the New York Times. The bed has been made, but it is empty because Ana is still in the recliner, asleep with Phoebe lying on her chest, equally sound asleep. My 2 beautiful girls, at peace, asleep. Tears threaten again.

I sit down next to Mom who grabs my hand and squeezes it, then she leans over and whispers in my ear that they fell asleep about 20 minutes ago after Ana fed Phoebe a bottle. I lean back and stare at them. My mind has been in a whirl over the press coverage and how to handle it, but right now all I want to do is sit here and enjoy the quiet and tranquility, even if it's an illusion. It's a nice one and I need that right now.

Phoebe is sucking in her dream, her little lips drawn together while her cheeks vacillate with each suck. Ana has one arm protectively over Phoebe's back, her slender wrist exposed, reminding me how small she is. Until she was ill, while I was concerned that she was too thin when she was carrying both the children, I never felt her small size as problematic. In fact, I found her size arousing, and she constantly amazed me by her strength, both physical and emotional, that she always possessed. And her temper, when provoked, usually had me back on my heels! But, now, she looks too small and so frail, especially with the baby there.

Phoebe is a healthy baby, her rosy complexion contrasts with Ana's pallor. Although, she's by no means large, Phoebe doesn't share Ana's petite frame, so in contrast, her Mother looks frailer. Ana was upset because, unlike Teddy, Phoebe was a small baby which Ana claimed she could have pushed out naturally if someone had given her a chance. No one would, and I have a tinge of guilt these days that she was denied that experience. It was just after the hell she went through trying to deliver Ted, I didn't want to risk losing her or the baby by trying again, especially given the real, although remote, risk of uterine rupture from the prior c-section; a good sized incision, we were told, because Teddy was such a bruiser of a baby.

Now, we may never have any more children, although Ana's determined to do IVF with the few eggs harvested prior to the start of her treatment. What am I talking about? More babies? Let's just focus on Ana surviving before we go there, Grey!

Jeez!

Mom leans her head on my shoulder and beams up at me. She leans over and whispers a suggestion that we step out in the hall to talk while the girls are napping. I stand, then on a whim; I pull out my phone and snap a few shots of the two. I want to keep this image with me.

We quietly go out and I ask Sawyer to go in and sit, in case Phoebe wakes up and Ana doesn't. He quietly goes in and closes the door. I hug my mom, hard.

"Thanks, Mom. This was brilliant!"

She's beaming with love and pride.

"You're welcome. Ana was her old self while we were in there, eagerly chatting away about nothing in particular. Phoebe is about the age Mia was when we brought her home, so it's nice to be able to compare notes about the two!

I shake my head amused as we stroll arm in arm down the hall.

"I don't really remember all that much when Mia first came, but I can't imagine she was as easy a baby as Phoebe is! But, maybe that's not a fair comparison."

Mom chuckles.

"Well, no, it's not a fair comparison because Mia is one of a kind, even back then!"

I stop and look at Mom.

"I was thinking in terms of what Mia potentially experienced before she came home with you and Dad. I never really knew the circumstances behind her adoption. I sorta, I guess, was always afraid to ask for fear her story might mirror my own, and figured no one would want to talk about it."

Mom's eyes look at me with so much love and understanding. A look I have known from the start and the one that makes me love her all the more. She smiles and gently shakes her head.

"No, fortunately, no such drama in Mia's young life. Her Mom was a teenage runaway who lived in a group home until Mia was born. She willingly signed her parental rights away when Mia was just a day old, when Mia was placed with a wonderful foster family that had loads of experience fostering newborns and infants. Towards the end of the pregnancy her birth mother had already chosen us. Specifically, because of you, I might add, but it took close to 6 months for everything to be finalized. We had the misfortune of being assigned a judge who demanded the courts try to convince the girl to name the father so his parental rights weren't ignored, but she never did. In the end, Mia came to us when she was about Phoebe's age now."

"You said Mia's birth mother chose you and Dad because of me. I've never heard that before. What about me?"

"The girl had an autistic brother, and although you were only non-verbal, not autistic, she said she was reassured that we would love Mia, and more importantly, keep Mia, no matter what, because we not only kept you, but eagerly adopted you despite all of your issues. And, as you know, Mia returned the favor by helping bring you out of your shell."

Mom's face reflects her memories of how my first words were either to or about Mia. Father Holly's words come back to me and I grin at Mom. She looks at me and grins as well.

"You look as if you know a secret, Christian. What is it?"

I shake my head, embarrassed, but I decide to tell her anyway.

"I was just thinking of Father Holly, our pastor, because he has suggested God was responsible for you being the doctor I was brought to that night, as well as why Ana ended up coming to interview me instead of Kate. Now, he has me thinking Mia came into our lives because God wanted it to happen that way as well!"

Mom's grin gets larger.

"Maybe so, Christian. Maybe so. One of these Sundays your father and I are going to make it to church with you two because your Father Holly must be a remarkable man to have you talking like this!"

I quickly change the subject.

"How do you think Ana is looking? You know, since you saw her yesterday morning?" She takes my hand and squeezes it as we turn and head back towards Ana's room.

"All things considered? Not too bad. She told me she hasn't been sick to her stomach since the Zofran dose was upped yesterday, which is wonderful; plus, she says she's been able to eat. As for the elevated heart rate, we'll just have to wait for Curt Wilson to see her and see what he says."

I nod, but need to press her.

"I know, but how is she, really?"

Mom's mouth sets in a thin line.

"Christian. You're asking a question no one can really answer! I'm sorry; son, but I can't help you there. She's hanging in there, and that's about as good as it's going to get! She did tell me about starting an anti-depressant, and I told her I thought it was an excellent idea."

"How did she react to that? Although she agreed to take it, she wasn't 100% sold on the idea."

"Well enough, I think. When I asked her, she listed every symptom she has that is consistent with depression. She knows she needs to try it, and is eager to, how did she put it? 'Regain her emotional footing'. She told me she feels she's been too dependent on you for practically everything, which is making her feel guilty."

We stop in front of Ana's door where Taylor is quietly standing. I roll my eyes when Mom mentions Ana's unwarranted guilt.

"I don't know what I can do to convince her she has no reason to feel guilty."

Martha approaches us pushing her computer. I look at her questionably.

"She called because her headache is worse and she's a little nauseated. I'm going to medicate her for both."

Taylor opens the door for us and we follow Martha into the room. Sawyer quickly exits. He's not really comfortable being present in Ana's hospital room, feeling it's too intrusive. But, he understands its necessity upon occasion.

Ana is sitting up; the recliner repositioned upright, holding Phoebe who is trying to stand with Ana's help. Mother and infant are happily engrossed with one another. I walk over to the side opposite Martha, who is typing on her computer.

"Here, let me have some time with my beautiful girl."

I grin at the two of them as I reach down and pick Phoebe up. Her face lights up even more when she's facing me as she reaches out to touch my face with her hand, which I notice is her left hand.

"I think we may have a south paw here!"

Mom comes to coo at Phoebe.

"Really! Aren't you a clever girl?"

Mom takes her left hand and kisses it. I look over at Ana who has her head bowed, supported by her hand and hear her tell Martha her headache is an 8. Poor baby. Time to get her back to the bed. Mom and I exchange glances, knowing it's probably time for her and Phoebe to leave.

Mom reaches to take her.

"Let me change her before we go."

I wash my hands and quickly go over and pull a Boost out, shaking it as I come over to Ana's chair.

"I've been having her take the pain pills with this, hoping it prevents any stomach upset, plus the nutrition."

Martha smiles as she draws up the nausea medicine.

"I think that's an excellent idea!"

I crouch down in front of Ana as I open the bottle.

"I brought you chocolate, if that's Ok."

She looks at me, her brow furrowed.

"Can I lie back down first?"

I'm slightly taken aback because her demeanor has changed completely since I took the baby from her a minute ago. I stand up.

"Of course, baby."

I look at Martha who smiles and moves her computer out of the way, then goes to the bed and raises the head. She gives me a go ahead nod, so I pull the blanket off Ana's lap and lean down to allow her to put her arms around my neck. I easily stand and pivot to the bed where I gently lie her down. She makes a small sound of pleasure.

"Oh, that feels better. My head is pounding."

I give Martha a worried look. She retrieves the medicine cup containing the pills as I pick up the Boost bottle. In the background I hear Mom talking quietly to Phoebe, who is happily replying gurgling noises.

Martha draws Ana's attention to the pill cup she's holding by rattling them. Ana looks up and takes the cup, tossing both of them into her mouth. She hands the cup back to Martha and takes the Boost from me, drinking directly from the bottle.

Mom comes to the foot of the bed holding Phoebe.

"We need to go."

As I feared, Ana immediately tears up. I lean down and take her hand. Grinning, I ask her,

"Wasn't great my mom managed to pull this off?"

I'm rewarded with a smile despite her tears.

"Yes. Yes it was. I've missed my baby so much!"

Mom goes to place Phoebe in the stroller when Ana speaks up.

"Oh, Christian. Grab my I-pad; I want a few pictures of her on it!"

I unplug Ana's I-pad and go stand at the foot of the bed as Mom hands Ana the baby. I pull up the camera app and snap several shots, then place it on the table beside her. Ana is kissing Phoebe's cheek repeatedly, whispering to her in-between each kiss until Mom takes Phoebe back. Phoebe begins to cry, until Mom places her on to her shoulder and begins to rub her back.

Tears are streaming down Ana's face, but she's telling Phoebe that everything is Ok. I retrieve the Binky from the stroller and hold it up to Phoebe, who accepts it and immediately quiets. After a few moments, Mom lays her in the stroller and places the blanket over its top. Mom leans down and kisses Ana's cheek, then heads to the door where Taylor is waiting.

"Grace, thank you so much for bringing her." Ana calls after Mom as the door softly closes.

I sit on the edge of the bed and lean down, kissing Ana's forehead. She looks up at me, still teary-eyed, but smiling.

"That was a nice surprise. Thank you."

I peck her on the lips,

"You're welcome, Mrs. Grey. Why don't you rest for awhile, then we'll talk about lunch."

She frowns slightly, but searching my face decides not to say anything about my mention of food. Instead, she nods and turns on her side towards me. I arrange the covers, pulling them over her small shoulder, and stand up. Her eyes are closed, but I hear her softly murmur,

"I love you, Christian Grey."

I lean down and kiss her on her special spot behind her pretty ear.

"I love you more, Ana. Sleep, baby."


	33. Chapter 33

I'm restless. Ana appears to be sleeping, so I check my phone for text messages again.

Nothing. I shoot a message to Roz.

-"_What's going on?"_

I stare at the screen waiting for a reply. Finally a tone. I open the message.

ROZ: _"Seattle PD picked Watson up at his house about 30 minutes ago. He, obviously, was expecting them because he was on live television being escorted out of his house. Yelling he was set up, that it was a plot to discredit him and get him fired. When asked who was plotting, he said, "Obamacare". Something about he was getting old and the office didn't want to pay his insurance anymore. He sounds pretty unhinged. Seattle PD told me no health records were found. All he had were credit card receipts from the office with your signature on them, and a few phone messages from you or Ana written down on the office pad." _

Thank God for that!

-_ "Are you planning to go forward with the press conference?"_

Again, I wait. Another tone.

ROZ:_ "Yes. I decided it'd be best to have it at the hospital's media center because that's where the press expects you to be. I let it be known you were making a statement at 4. No one asked, and I didn't say, that YOU were personally speaking, although it was certainly inferred! __I'm still working on a draft, if you want to clear it beforehand."_

I think about it, and decide, no, I don't.

-_"Say whatever you're going to say. I don't need to see it." _

I think about a few things, then add to my message.

-_"I know I'm going to look like a hard-ass, but go ahead and file a defamation lawsuit against this Watson loser. I don't give a shit about monetary rewards, although ANY income derived from this whole debacle I want forfeited. But, I want a cease-and-desist slapped on him! He's not to talk to anyone, but a shrink about any knowledge he has about my wife, her illness or her treatment!" _

I hit send, and a few moments later, a reply appears.

ROZ: _"I'm already ahead of you big guy. Don't worry, we have your back. All that will have been filed by the time I get up to speak. I'm also sweet talking a detective from the Seattle PD to come and give a statement about their investigation, arrest and probable charges at my press conference as well. Kid just made Sergeant, wants to make an impression. I'm spreading the charm on nice and thick!"_

I smile at Roz's mention of her charm. She's really a rattlesnake, but few men realize it until their shorts are around their ankles, then she goes for the balls. Not that this detective will find himself in such a situation, but she's that good. I reply to her.

-_"Let him know I'll write a letter of commendation if he helps us out. That should seal the deal."_

A few minutes later she replies.

ROZ:_ "Lol! Will do!"_

I log on to my lap-top to check my e-mails. As I skim down the messages, none of are demanding my immediate attention. The absence of anything from Welch or Sam leads me to believe they are keeping things pretty close to the vest. I'm considering stepping out to call Taylor when I notice Ana rolling on to her back and stretching her arms above her head.

I get up and stand next to the bed watching her awake up. I love waking up with her, and right now she has that sexy kitten look of contentment and happiness. She opens her beautiful blue eyes, and when she sees me standing here watching her, she smiles and shyly murmurs,

"Hi."

I can't help but smile back at her. She's always so sexy when she first wakes up, even now I'm aroused!

"Hi, yourself."

I sit on the edge of the bed and lean over her, kissing her gently on the lips.

"How are you feeling? Was that a good nap?"

She gives me a Mona Lisa smile as she nods,

"Um-hm"

"Is your head better?"

She nods again, staring deeply into my eyes, she then asks me,

"Have you ordered lunch yet?"

I look at her surprised. She's asking about food? Really? I look at her shocked.

"You're asking about food?"

I just need to clarify because I think I'm hearing things! She shyly nods as she bites her lip.

"I'm hungry."

My eyebrows spring up in surprise and delight. Oh, thank you, God! This is amazing! She's hungry! I get the biggest, sloppiest grin on my face!

"Well, we can't have that, Mrs. Grey. What, pray tell, are you hungry for?"

She studies my face, her expression amused.

"Another grilled cheese sandwich. That one last night was really good! But, I think I want chicken noodle soup this time, and some grapes, if they have any."

I stand up and go grab the menu book. I quickly flip through it and decide what I'll have, then pick the phone up and dial the kitchen. I tell them what Ana wants, then order a grilled chicken sandwich with cole slaw for myself. As I'm speaking Ana sits up and begins to wave her arms at me.

WTF?

I ask the person on the phone to hold on and cover the mouthpiece with my hand. I look at her expectantly. She giggles and replies,

"You mentioned cole slaw! That sounds really good, and I want you to order some for me too!"

Ok. I'm in 7th heaven. I ask for an additional serving of cole slaw, then hang up smiling at Ana.

"Ok, Mrs. Grey. I ordered you cole slaw, although I'd be all too happy to let you have mine!"

She lays back down and smiles over at me.

"That won't be necessary, Mr. Grey. I have my own coming."

I go back and sit down, taking her hand in mine, then I look at her, really look at her because I want to make sure I'm not imagining this.

"I guess Phoebe's visit did you a world of good, baby. I'm delighted!"

Ana looks up at me, biting her lip, as she nods.

"I woke up a little while ago. My headache was completely gone, I think the first time in a day or more. I was so comfortable and rested, just enjoying lying here thinking about my time with Phoebe. How perfect it was and I started thinking about things. You know, what we talked about this morning, and I remembered Father Holly's sermon about a glass half full of water and the 3 people arguing about it. Do you remember that story? That one said it was totally empty, the second saying it was half empty, but the 3rd saying it was full. That it's all about how each of them was looking at the glass, meaning their perspective made the difference. I realized I needed to try harder to see my glass as full, because, when I think about it, it really is."

She twines her fingers into mine as she looks directly at me.

"I have 2 healthy, beautiful children; one of whom I got to see today. I have you here with me, helping me, loving me, fighting with me. And, I love you and the kids so much that I have to believe that, no matter how shitty things might get along the way, I'm going to survive this and spend the rest of my life cherishing what we have. I know I could easily not survive because a lot of women don't. But, you know what? I know I'm going to be Ok, because my glass is full, overflowing in fact.

"I also feel, you know, relieved, because I found out today there's a concrete reason I've been feeling the way I have."

I look at her confused, thinking she must be talking about how the increased nausea medicine dosage made her feel better. She looks at me amused, and explains,

"That what I've been feeling recently is depressed, but there is a physiological cause as to why and, more importantly, that it's treatable! After I started thinking about what Marcie pointed out, you know, everything that's happened to me this past year, I kinda thought, it'd be a miracle if I wasn't suffering from depression!Before I talked to Marcie, I was upset with myself because, despite trying, I was just couldn't pull myself together. I'm not crazy about taking more medicine, but I just decided it was sort of like the chemo. I need to take the stuff to treat what's wrong with me, and when I'm better, I can stop. And, I want to get better, so I just have to suck it up and do it! It certainly won't be as bad as the chemo, so I can do that."

I look at her and I think my heart is going to just explode because she is just such an amazing person.

"Ana Grey, you are such an amazing person. I'm in awe of you!"

She tugs my hand and smiles at me,

"Why thank you, Mr. Grey."

We kiss, then she pulls back to look at me.

"Would you please go out and let Martha know I'm ready to get this damn catheter out. I assume you plan to be around. After lunch I want to get in the shower. The bath I took yesterday morning seems like a lifetime ago."

Oh, yes. I did ask her to keep the catheter until my meeting was over, which was so shitty I completely forgot about the thing! She, however, obviously didn't. Can't say as I blame her. As for the shower, I don't want her to wear herself out.

"I'll go get Martha so you can get the catheter out, but after lunch I want you to rest before you shower. Remember, you need to pace yourself. Ok?"

She rolls her eyes, and smiles at me.

"Yes, Sir!"

I head out the door and find Martha at the desk.

"Mr. Grey. How is Mrs. Grey feeling?"

I smile at her, I'm sure I look like a goofy guy in love instead of being the CEO of GEH, but right now I don't give a shit! She feels good!

"Much better, thank you. She just woke up and says her headache is gone. She, does, however, want the catheter out now."

Martha smiles back at me,

"Oh, Ok. I'll come take it out."

I look past Martha and see the heart monitors, although they're angled such that I can't see anything on them.

"How's Ana's heart rate doing?"

Martha steps over and looks.

"It's 136, but you know she just woke up, so that might be one reason it's high right now."

Shit.

"But, her blood pressure is Ok?"

Martha frowns as she thinks

"I obviously would have to check in the computer for her last set, but I do know it was above the parameters Dr. Sellers set allowing her to be up."

About her getting up, I have a thought.

"Speaking of getting up, she wants to shower, but I don't want her to overdo it. I think she needs to pace herself or she's going to feel it, so I told her she needed to rest after lunch."

We are walking back to Ana's room.

"Well, Mr. Grey, we can help her shower whenever she's feeling up to it."

We walk in the room and Ana is looking at the pictures of Phoebe on her I-pad, she looks up and smiles at Martha, placing her I-pad aside.

"Martha takes this thing out! Christian, you go sit down in your spot, and NO peeking you kinky bastard!"

Martha shoots me a look, curious, but I innocently shrug as I go sit on the couch. I check my phone as I half listen to Martha and Ana talking. No new messages, I guess that's a good thing. It is unusual for me not to be in the loop, but Roz is right, if I did this press conference I would just lose my cool, which the press would eat up. I hear Ana give a little yelp, then sigh.

"That is the worst feeling, but I'm glad it's out. Ugh! It's so brutal looking."

Now she has my curiosity, I get up and go back in Ana's part of the suite. Margaret is holding the bag in one hand and a towel in the other. She moves her hand to show me what she's holding in the towel, a rubber tube that's huge! That was in my little wife? Wow! I look at Ana impressed; she in turn smirks at me.

"I just hope you never need one. They're NOT fun!"

I nod wide-eyed.

"I'll say!"

Martha is in the bathroom draining the bag, which she then throws it into the trash before removing her gloves and washing her hands.

"You will need to void in the next 6 to 8 hours, but I'm sure you're not going to have any problems with that! How are you feeling? Any pain or nausea right now?"

Ana shakes her head no, biting her lip as she looks at Martha.

"I'm good right now, thank you. In fact, I'm hungry!"

She grins broadly at Martha. Martha gives her an impressed look.

"Very good, Mrs. Grey!"

Just then Sawyer knocks on the door and looks in, seeing Ana sitting up, he opens the door further to allow the food trolley to be pushed in again by the small Asian man, who gives me a slight bow and leaves with Martha right behind him, Sawyer closing the door after the two.

Ana swears under her breath and I look at her wondering why she's upset when we just got the food.

"We didn't order Sawyer any food! Can we take care of that before we eat?"

I look at Ana amused; she's always worries about Sawyer. Usually, I tell her it's not necessary because he's here to take care of HER, but I love that she cares. It's just another example of how she's helped me be a better person in so many ways.

I open the door and tell Sawyer,

"Our boss is upset we didn't order you any lunch, and wants to take care of that before she'll eat."

He looks past me in Ana's general direction, then shakes his head, equally as amused with her as I. I shrug, because we both know she's in charge. Sawyer clears his throat before he speaks,

"That grilled chicken sandwich looked good. Tell her I'd like to have that with a black coffee. She pretty well dictates the rest of the order… Sir."

I give him a knowing nod, and close the door. Ana has raised the head of her bed and is looking at me expectantly.

"He wants a grilled chicken sandwich and black coffee."

I move towards the phone in a leisurely manner knowing full well she will add to the order. I begin to count to myself,

'One…two…three…'

"Go ahead and order him some cole slaw, and a bag of corn chips."

I nod, but wait.

'four… five…six…'

"Oh! And a couple of the oatmeal raisin cookies! He doesn't say anything, but I've noticed he sorta pouts if there aren't any cookies."

Done! I grin at her as I pick up the phone and call the kitchen again. When I hang up she asks me,

"What are you grinning about?"

I move the table over the bed and adjust it as she raises her head before I answer.

"You!"

She scowls at me as she situates herself upright more.

"What about me?"

I find her sandwich and bowl of soup, setting them in front of her, then gathering her silverware and a napkin as well.

"Sawyer just chose the sandwich because he said you always decide what else he's to have."

She looks at me displeased as I sit on the foot of the bed placing my plate on her table as well.

"You two are making fun of me! That's not very nice, making fun of a sick woman."

She pouts as she stirs her soup. I smile at her,

"No, baby, far from it. We're just delighted you're feeling well enough to care. That's all."

She studies me as she takes half of the sandwich.

"I think you're making fun of me."

I look at her and give her a small shake of my head as I take a fork full of cole slaw. She stops, sandwich mid-air as she looks at me.

"No, I'm not. Honest."

I tell her. She takes a bite of sandwich and studies me as she chews. I keep looking at her.

"Honest."

She swallows and we gaze at one another. She looks down and gazes at me through her lashes, a small smile on her face. She's so beautiful.

"Ok. I believe you, Mr. Grey."

"I love you, Ana. I'm so happy you're feeling better. Now, eat!"

She rolls her eyes and takes a spoonful of soup. We eat in silence, I watch as she finishes the sandwich, but only half of the soup and a few bites of slaw.

"Can't you at least finish the soup for me?"

She's looking down at her hands which she's knotting together.

"No. I'm really full."

She looks up at me and I can tell she's tired. I won't push her. I stack the plates and place the bowl on top, carrying them to the trolley. She already has lowered her head and shifts to lie down. I move the table and sit down on the side she's facing, reaching to rub her back. She looks up at me, but doesn't say anything.

"You did well, baby. Thank you. Anything hurt?"

"No.", she whispers.

"You just tired?"

She has closed her eyes and just nods. I lean down and kiss her cheek. I try to stand up quietly as not to disturb Ana.

"Ok. You rest."

I check the time. It's just about 2. Really?

Time to the press conference has just dragged! I scrub my hand over my face and gaze out the window. The weather is gray, threatening rain, so no one is in the little park right now.

I gaze at Ana and see she's sound asleep. I'm so glad she's feeling better, but she obviously wears out easily, which shouldn't surprise me. I think Saturday night was the last night she actually slept all night and she normally needs a good 8- 10 hours. Since then she's only slept in snatches, frequently not even an hour at a time, so I know she's exhausted. Add to that, she basically didn't eat for close to 48 hours when the chemo was at its height bombarding her small body. Well, she can hopefully get a couple of hours sleep in before anything else happens.

I no sooner finish that thought when there is a tap on the door and Sawyer looks in. I walk over and see a short, redheaded man in a lab coat and bow tie standing in the hall.

"Dr. Wilson, Mr. Grey."

I nod and Sawyer steps back into the hall, allowing the physician to enter. Martha is pushing a computer in behind him. She leaves it near the foot of the bed and leaves, closing the door behind her.

"Curt Wilson, Sellers asked me to see your wife."

I shake the physician's hand.

"Christian Grey. As you can see my wife Ana is resting."

He nods as he looks Ana's way, then goes to the computer and proceeds to log in. He studies the screen, moving and clicking the mouse multiple times, occasionally stopping to view a particular screen. Several minutes later he goes to the door and sticks his head out, briefly talking to Sawyer before returning to the computer. He types and clicks a few more times, then looks up at me expectantly. In a low voice he suggests we sit on the couch and talk.

"I'll have bother your wife in a few minutes, but for now we'll just let her sleep."

He smiles in a good natured manner.

As we sit, Martha walks in carrying a long strip of paper, which she hands to Wilson before disappearing back to the hall. He studies it and looks back at Ana.

Finally he leans forward to speak to me in a low voice.

"I understand your wife's heart rate has been up for the last 24 hours, or so. Obviously, everyone wants to know why it's running this high, and more importantly, I suspect what to do about it."

I nod.

"First, the why, and you probably won't like my answer, but, I really don't know. Looking back at her vitals from her previous admissions, she's always run on the high side of normal. During her recovery from her mastectomies and reconstruction, she was between the low 100's, hitting 140 a few times, but it never stayed there, and, she was asymptomatic. I understand it was her feeling faint that clued you into something not being right, is that correct?"

"Yes, yesterday after her nap she started to stand up and fainted, at least I think she did because her eyes went glassy, and she sort of crumpled back onto…"

I'm interrupted by Ana who is sitting up looking at the 2 of us.

"You say I fainted, I say I just got dizzy because I stood up too fast!"

Both Dr. Wilson and I turn our heads and gape at her for a moment, before I manage to get my brain back on-line.

"Ana, this is Dr. Wilson, the Cardiologist we've been expecting. Dr. Wilson, my wife Anastasia Grey."

"Please, call me Ana."

Yes, I know you prefer Ana, but you've just met! I want to roll my eyes!

Wilson stands and walks over to the bed, extending his hand, which Ana takes and shakes. I go sit on the bed next to Ana and take her hand as she lies back in the bed.

"Please forgive our talking about you, we were hoping to allow you to rest a little while longer, but I do promise I was going to ask you your take on everything when you were awake. So, you don't think you actually fainted? But, you were, shall we say, feeling woozy?"

Ana's brow furrows as she considers his choice of terminology.

"Yes, I guess you could say I was woozy."

She looks up at the physician. I jump in to finish my thought, which she interrupted,

"Then yesterday, after she was admitted, she became very lighthearted when she was just sitting up, and had to remain flat for the rest of the night because her blood pressure got so low."

I look at Ana daring her to argue with my accounting of what happened yesterday evening. But, this is Ana, and I should know she wouldn't accept my version!

"I think that was from the Ativan!"

She shifts her gaze from me to the doctor.

"While I was sitting up I was given a dose of Ativan in my IV. That's when I got woozy!"

Yes, but you forgot something, baby!

"Yes, but your blood pressure was low BEFORE you had the Ativan! That's one reason they decided to admit you. Remember? High heart rate and low blood pressure!"

I stare at her, waiting. She narrows her eyes at me, but wisely stays silent. Yep! I'm right, baby. Don't argue. You were really too sick to pay that close attention to what all was going on anyway!

Wilson is watching our exchange, with mild amusement on his face. He tells us smiling.

"Well, I think you both are right."

Ana and I look at him, annoyed. How?

"Ana, your heart rate was so fast you heart can't really pump efficiently and that results in having a low blood pressure. Mr. Grey, Ativan most likely aggravated an already low blood pressure by lowering it a little more, which resulted in her becoming faint."

"Oh."

Ana and I say in unison. We shoot each other glances and smirk. I stand up and retrieve a chair from the dining table and set it next to the doctor, inviting him to sit down, instead he pulls an impressive looking stethoscope out of his pocket.

"While I up, let me have a listen your heart, Ana."

He listens to Ana's chest for a long time, the starts to pull her up, I help, placing my arm across her shoulders to support her. He listens to several different places on her back, then we help her lie back down and he sits as he coils the stethoscope up and returns it to his pocket.

"Have you been up today?"

Ana nods and looks towards me.

"She sat up in the chair for a couple of hours, and was fairly upright for her meals."

"How did that feel?"

"Ok. I didn't feel like I did yesterday, but I won't let them give me anymore Ativan! I'm convinced that was the problem!"

She looks at me her mouth set in that determined face that usually pisses me off, but right now she's making me smile. She's so funny sometimes, even when she's being annoying! I look at the doctor, and his non-committal expression.

"So, does what's going on with Ana have a name?"

Wilson leans back in his chair.

"Well, yes, it's Idiopathic Sinus Ventricular Tachycardia."

That sounds serious, but Ana reacts to the diagnosis first.

"Idiopathic means no known cause, doesn't it?"

"Yes, basically, you have a higher than normal heart rate with no clear cut cause."

Ana smirks at the physician, throwing him a knowing look.

"So, it's a way to make my problem sound serious, and official; but it only means I have a high heart rate that you can't figure out! You're not the fist physician I believed was a charlatan!"

Shit! Ana! I throw her a look. Don't piss the guy off for god's sake! I look at the physician and, thank god, Wilson is amused by my wife's reaction.

"In my defense, Mrs. Grey, SVT CAN serious and you can't dispute your heart rate has been high! But, yes, you're probably right when you say it's an effort by medicine to make the unexplained sound official. But, we have always figured out how to explain everything, in language that makes even the most innocuous thing sound scientific and overly important."

I decide to bring this discussion back on track.

"Ok, so she has this, SVT, what do you do to treat it?"

Wilson looks at me, seeming relieved I've rescued him from my wife's sharp tongue for the moment. That may change depending on what he proposes as the fix.

"Well, initially, what Dr. Sellers did, treat the obvious potential causes; anemia, altered electrolytes, activity in the way of sitting up. Other potential causes were ruled out as well: the EKG was normal, her echocardiogram showed no structural issues of her heart. So, at least for now, the cause is idiopathic. The treatment?"

He looks as Ana before speaking again.

"One could argue do nothing. In the absence of medications such as Ativan, you have managed to maintain a nominally acceptable blood pressure with few notable symptoms. The other option, however, is where I'm leaning, is to treat it with a mild beta-blocker to help keep the heart rate down and eliminate the risk of further unanticipated dizzy spells and fainting. An elevated heart rate also taxes your system, and having just received a course of chemo, your system is already taxed and doesn't need the added stress."

I look over at Ana because she's squeezing my hand and has already begun shaking her head no. Then the tears threaten. I knew she wouldn't be in favor of that, although I suspected that was what needed to be done.

"Doctor, which medicine are you considering? Ana's not crazy about taking any drugs because it seems so many of them have had side effects that have made her feel worse."

I look at Ana making sure she understands I'm trying to explain to him the reason she's upset.

"That's why she's so upset and apprehensive. I'm sure you can appreciate this."

Wilson nods at me and then looks directly at Ana.

"Believe me, Ana, I do! I've treated several young patients, mostly small women, for this problem with this medication and they've all tolerated it well, AND saw an improvement in their symptoms."

Ana asks through her tears.

"Were they getting chemo? THIS chemo?!"

He looks at her with compassion, but answers honestly.

"No, they weren't. But, I already discussed what I was considering prescribing with both Dr. Sellers and Marcie, and neither of them believed it will interact with any of the medications you're already taking. In fact, Marcie did an intensive search and let me know she found nothing to suggest it would do anything other than get your heart rate down. She asked me to share that with you, hoping it would reassure you and your husband that it's a safe choice. Now, understand there are no guarantees, but we'll just have to watch you closely and see how you do."

I look at Ana and she seems calmer, which is a relief. Wilson continues to talk.

"Before I start you on anything, however, I want to place a Holter monitor on you."

Ana eyes him suspiciously.

"A Holter monitor is a small box that records your heart tracing, which allows us to carefully look at and evaluate what your heart is doing during the course of an average day."

"But, aren't they doing that right now?"

Ana asks the same question that occurred to me.

"Not really. The monitoring that is going on right now doesn't record everything. The tracings are monitored, and snippets of that tracing are periodically printed out, but nothing is recorded unless a really notable event happens. The other actually records the entire EKG that we can closely review later to try and find any subtle differences or changes that are important to know about, but missed the scrutiny of the monitor tech, there's a difference."

Ana begins to tear up again.

"Twenty-four hours means I can't go home for another two days!"

She looks at me as if she thinks the world is ending. Wilson shakes his head at her.

"Not at all, in fact, the vast majority of our Holter patients are outpatients, at home doing their usual thing. While we'll probably place you on it while you're still an in-patient, you'd just take it home with you, it's no reason to keep you here."

I squeeze Ana's hand and give her a reassuring look. She nods in acceptance.

"Having said that, I'm not in control of when you go home! I think I'd like to set you up on the monitor as soon as possible in order to get a good 12 hour tracing before I gave you the initial dose of Toprol in the morning. Then, let's leave you on the monitor until the following morning, 24 hours past the initial dose. I'm assuming you would have no objection to that as long as you're home."

Ana looks at him and shakes her head no. He stands up and reaches out to shake Ana's hand.

"Great! I'd like to see you in my office in a month's time to repeat the EKG and see how you're doing. Obviously, if you encounter any problems, let me know immediately."

He pulls a business card out of this pocket and hands it to me. I take the card and shake his hand as he heads to the door.

"I'll most likely see you in the morning, Ana. I realize there will most likely be no real change because you will have just received the initial dose of Toprol, but I like to set eyes on my patients when I can. Oh, and just to give you a heads up, I'm going to get another EKG tomorrow as well. OK?"

I nod and answer for Ana.

"Sure. Thanks', Dr. Wilson."

The door closes behind him and I turn to look at Ana. She's on her side gazing at the door until she looks up at me. She has a look of resignation and sadness. I sit behind her and kiss her temple.

"You Ok?"

She nods.

"I guess so. Just more pills to take, that's all,"

I gently tug on her shoulder and, she rolls on her back to look at me.

"You're the one that told me you needed to just accept these extra medications as a part of your cancer treatment. Most of them will be stopped when you're done with your treatment. True?"

I smile at her, and after a moment of reflection, she gives me a small smile.

"True."

I nod and lean down to kiss her forehead.

"Your nap keeps getting interrupted. Do you want to try and go back to sleep?"

"Probably, but I think I need to pee first."

I arch an eyebrow at her.

"Do you, now? I'm delighted! I have missed being able to carry you around, Mrs. Grey."

I give her a knowing wink and am rewarded with one of her beautiful smiles.

"You do, Mr. Grey?"

I intentionally bite my lower lip and nod. Ana rolls her eyes in mock annoyance.

"Would you like me to take you now?"

"Yes."

She whispers quietly. I go and unplug her IV pump and go to the side of her bed closest to the bathroom door and lean down. She reaches up to wraps her arms around my neck as I pick her up, easily carrying her into the bathroom and depositing her on the toilet by kneeling on the floor, which allows her to keep her arms around my neck and her head resting easily on my shoulder as she goes.

"That burns. I hate those things!"

I nuzzle her neck, kissing her before I reply.

"Well, you had the option of a bed pan."

She sighs in resignation, but doesn't bother to answer. I hand her some paper to use, then reach back to flush, before picking her up again and gently returning her to the bed and covering her up. I kiss her temple again before standing up, looking at the clock again.

2:55.

Agh!

"Sleep baby, Ok?"

Her eyes are already closed, but I'm left to wait.


	34. Chapter 34

I manage to control my excess energy and apprehension until close to 4. I've always loved to watch Ana sleep and right now I can tell she's really sleeping well because her face is relaxed, her respirations slow and easy. I'm happy to see that because she needs it, and I'm hoping I can go watch the press conference without her knowing I'm absent. I open the door and quietly step out as Sawyer stands.

"I'm going down to the conference room to watch the press conference. Please go in and sit with her in case she wakes up, but only after you ask the staff to let her sleep."

He nods and walks off towards the station, a moment later he's back and opening the door as I anxiously head down the hall.

I pick up the television remote and flip through the stations, relieved to see only Channel 4 appeared to have preempted their usual programming to air it live. Guess that makes sense, after all they are trying to salvage the shit they started yesterday. Not going to happen. But, at least I get to watch.

A graphic fills the screen, "Breaking News Special Report", which fades to show an anchor-chic at a news desk with the graphic now projected on the screen behind her.

"This is Amy Willard at the Channel Four Newsroom, waiting to cut to Seattle Hospital for a live press conference where billionaire Christian Grey will make a public statement. As exclusively reported here on Channel 4 last night, Mr. Grey's wife, Anastasia, is dying from breast cancer, information they had managed to suppress until we broke the story last night. Mr. Grey is slated to speak shortly."

She pauses, obviously listening to her ear piece, then nods.

"We go now to Seattle Hospital where Grey Enterprise Holdings executive Roz…"

The anchor chic is cut off as they show Roz already speaking. Smooth work Channel 4.

"…and I am the COO of Grey Enterprise Holdings here to speak in behalf of our CEO Christian Grey. I want to address the reports in the media over the past 24 hours about the health of Mr. Grey's wife, Anastasia. I will confirm she is undergoing chemotherapy for breast cancer, and was admitted here yesterday to treat a medical condition that just arose. I want to make it very clear; however, that Mrs. Grey has been responding appropriately to her treatment regimen and remains on schedule to finish the planned treatments. She is not, I repeat, NOT dying as had been reported! Additionally, while Mr. Grey has constantly been at his wife's side, his mental state is that of a concerned and loving husband. Any reports to the contrary are complete fabrications.

"Christian Grey started his company as a 21 year old college drop-out with a $100,000 loan from a benefactor. Initially, his office was in a storage facility near the airport where he worked close to 20 hours day on various projects across 3 continents and close to 20 different time zones. He slept on an old couch in the office, showering at the fitness club down the road when he took time away to run or work out. I joined Christian soon after he had made his first million. And, at my insistence, we soon moved to a nicer office and hired someone to answer the phones, but Christian continued to work close to 20 hours a day, still grabbing naps on a couch between calls. Despite my constant encouragement, it took well over year to convince him to take even a token salary because everything he made he poured back into his company, even though he insisted on paying all his employees a generous wage, and providing full benefits from the start.

"Today, as many of you know, Grey Enterprise Holdings is valued at 8.6 billion dollars with assets and holdings in 14 different countries and employing over 40,000 people. Each year, 35% of GEH's GROSS income is funneled into charitable causes, the vast majority given anonymously, as Mr. Grey's desire is to help individuals in need, not to benefit from, or draw attention to his giving or himself.

"Christian has come to accept that his financial success has resulted in notoriety he has never liked or sought. He learned, however, that he could capitalize on his high profile status by making public appearances to charitable events to show his support and garner media attention for causes he believed were worthy of promoting. In his personal life, however, Christian has always preferred to maintain a low profile, and is honestly baffled by the media's continued preoccupation about him. But, Christian is a practical man and he's accepted this reality, and has made necessary adjustments that have allowed him to continue to maintain some degree of privacy.

"In 2011, Christian met Anastasia Steele, a remarkable woman who was able to match him in intellect, temperament and personality. Soon after, they married and started a family, their son being born in the spring of 2012, and a beautiful daughter this past fall. After a decade of living for nothing but his company, Christian was able to step back and enjoy the simple joys of marriage and family. But, less than 2 months after the birth of their daughter, Anastasia was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer. After undergoing major surgery, she now is half-way through an extremely rigorous series of chemotherapy treatments. If anyone has seen photos of the Greys, you can see Anastasia is not a big person, and the chemo has taxed her system greatly. She is, by all reports, however, responding as expected, but has another 4 courses of therapy yet to go.

"Yesterday, Mrs. Grey was very ill and had just been admitted to this hospital when a photographer attempted to enter her room with the intention of obtaining photographs of her in bed to sell to the tabloids. Although the photographer was stopped just before entering the room, Mrs. Grey was aware of this attempted breach. I'm sure many of you can understand how upsetting the knowledge of someone wanting to invade your privacy when you are ill would be. Then, yesterday evening, an individual was interviewed by one of the local television stations revealing Mrs. Grey's private health information that, up until then, was known only to the Grey's family members and closest friends."

Sam holds up his I-pad and a slide show of most of the photos that were posted this morning begin to show as Roz continues to speak.

"Lastly, this morning multiple web-sites posted a score of photos of Mrs. Grey's arrival to the hospital yesterday afternoon. I want to reiterate, Mrs. Grey was very ill, and her husband was understandably distraught at the time. I want to show you several of these photos to illustrate how depraved these photographers are! We believe based on the distance and angle of the shots, there were 4 separate individuals shooting simultaneously. Basically, this was a paparazzi feeding frenzy obtaining shots of a young woman so ill she couldn't stand!

"Ana Grey is a 24 year old mother of 2, her daughter is not yet a year old, but this media circus outside prevents her from seeing her children while she is hospitalized, because neither parent wants to submit their children to it! I am sure there are many parents out there who can understand just how painful it is to be separated from their young children while hospitalized, but in Mrs. Grey's case, the intense media attention is the reason.

"And, so I deliver this message from our CEO and my dear friend, Christian Grey."

Roz unfolds a piece of paper.

"My wife, the mother of my children and my best friend is ill. All I ask is please respect our need for privacy while she fights this disease. My wife and children have done nothing to deserve the harsh media attention that presently exists, and this attention is proving to be detrimental to the emotional and physical well being of my wife. While she's hospitalized, our children are being denied access to her, and she to them. I am not asking for pity or special treatment, just some human decency and respect for the people I love. Also, if you are so inclined, I would appreciate your prayers for my wife's return to health. It's signed, Christian Grey."

Not bad Roz. I might have written that myself. I watch Roz fold the paper up and look back out at the cameras.

"As Christians' friend, business associate and godmother to his and Anastasia's children, I would like to add my own request. Anyone who finds the present behavior of the media towards the Grey's as abhorrent as I do, and feel compelled to do something about it, I'd like to offer a few suggestions. Refuse to patronize any organization that has been a party to this travesty. In social media, if anyone sends you anything about this subject, tell the poster you have no desire to be a party to the material's existence or distribution, and then remove it. Although, on the surface, it may be fun to look and judge people the media has labeled as deserving of ridicule and scorn, might I suggest you do a little research and decide if this treatment is fair. It's easy enough to do research these days, to find out on your own whether the individual or individuals have brought this attention upon themselves by their shameless self-promotion, or their illegal or immoral activities, or are they essentially blameless?

"When an ambitious, hard working, overwhelmingly generous entrepreneur is successful, not because he did anything wrong, but because he did a lot of things right, is vilified by the media to the point of invading an ill woman's hospital room. What does that say of us as a society? If anyone out there has known or lost someone with cancer, and watched as they underwent treatment to try and beat it, they know just what hell it can be. Now imagine going through that while being stocked by the paparazzi, and you have a small glimpse of what Mr. Grey's wife has been living through.

"Thank you."

Immediately the reporters jump to their feet and begin to shout questions at Roz.

"Is it true Mr. Grey had the person who revealed his wife's illness to the public fired from his job?"

Roz looks at the reporter with contempt.

"No, this is NOT true! Mr. Grey has been at his wife's bedside constantly since she was admitted yesterday afternoon. He had no knowledge of the individual's existence, his media appearance and revelation, or of his dismissal. I would propose to you that disclosing personal medical information of a private citizen would be reason enough for an employer to immediately terminate him from his job, wouldn't you? And, I suspect his actions may also invite investigation and prosecution for breaking Federal Patient Privacy laws!"

She begins to move away from the podium when another question is shouted at her.

"If they don't have anything to hide, why do the Grey's have full-time bodyguards and why didn't they just make a public statement?"

Roz looks thunderstruck. What an ignorant dick!

"Could you repeat that question?"

She is drilling the guy with her eyes.

"Why do Mr. Grey and his wife have bodyguards, and why didn't they just announce Mrs. Grey's illness instead of allowing speculation to run rampant? After all, much of this media circus, as you call it, is due to their refusal to answer a few questions!"

Roz draws closer to the idiot in the front row until she is 10 inches from his face. The guy is trying to back away from her, but is stopped by the chair he was just sitting in.

"Excuse me, but the Grey's are private citizens and they are entitled to deal with personal matters privately! Unfortunately, bodyguards are necessary, especially for Mrs. Grey, because she was abducted and seriously injured in the past, and I can assure you, the risk to her, Christian and their children's safety is still very, very real! As for "answering a few questions", does the concept of none of your damned business even register? Do not even attempt to blame ANY of what has happened the last 24 hours on the Grey's! You people disgust me!"

More reporters shout questions simultaneously.

"Why doesn't Mr. Grey come and speak to the media himself? If he's not suicidal, surely he could eliminate a great deal of speculation by doing so. Refusing to do so makes it obvious he has something to hide!"

Ok. That's it! I drop the remote and head out the door as I hear Roz reply.

"Mister Grey owes you in the media NOTHING!..."

I stride to the station and ask the secretary where the media center is located, then exit to the elevator. When I reach the 1st floor I head towards the administration wing, and seeing the crowd, I head into the room. I shove people who are standing in my way aside until I break through the crowd and am facing Roz who stops speaking mid-sentence. I don't bother with the podium and ignore the roar of reporter's questions directed at me; instead I turn and face the crowd.

I find myself feeling oddly calm at the moment and in a detached way, I'm surprised with myself. I muse that it's a good thing because I otherwise could easily have half a dozen reporters bloodied by now. Instead, I quietly stand and look at them wearing my most impassive expression on my face, waiting for them to shut the fuck up because I'm going to keep my statement short and to the point. The crowd quickly figures this out, and finally the only sound in the room is the incessant clicking of cameras.

"As most of you know my name is Christian Grey. I am here because my wife is upstairs ill. Is it too much to ask to be left alone? Is it too much to want to be able to focus solely on my wife and children? I am not suicidal, but I am livid that I had to leave my wife's bedside to ask you to please. Leave. Us. Alone! Go away and leave us the hell alone! IS that clear enough of a statement?"

With that I again shove unwilling bodies out of my way, pushing several cameras aside as I leave the room. I hear the crowd yelling questions, but I don't even bother to listen. This entire fiasco has me enraged and drained. I'd give all my money away to be a nobody right now.

I get into the elevator and have push some reporter out as the door closes when he tries to join me, and return to the top floor. I know Welch and Taylor are going to be livid I did that alone, but I don't give a fuck. In fact, I'd love to have a reason to pummel one of those insects into the ground! I wait to be buzzed back into the unit and head to Ana's room. Sawyer is standing outside looking flustered.

"Mr. Grey, um, Mrs. Grey…"

Shit! What happened? Oh, God! What's wrong! I push past Sawyer and rush into the room not waiting for any further explanation. Ana's awake, the head of her bed is up and she's looking wide-eyed at me holding the television remote. I hear from the TV,

"…made a surprise appearance at a press conference just now concluding at Seattle Hospital."

"Christian!"

Oh, shit! How did she find out?

We look at one another equally stunned, but Ana speaks first.

"Christian! Are you Ok?"

What? She's worried about me? I nod.

"Are you?"

I walk over and take the remote from her and turn the set off. She is still looking at me, but then nods.

"What is going on? I went on-line and this story about me popped up with mention of you holding a press conference here."

Shit!

"Oh, I'm so sorry, baby! I didn't want you to know about any of this! You've so much to cope with as it is, you don't need this crap to add to your worries and upset you. Why did you go on-line?"

She looks down at her I-pad that is on her lap before returning her eyes to me.

"I wanted to post the picture of Phoebe and me on my page."

I nod again, and sit on the bed taking her hands in mine.

"Please, please don't let this upset you. It's taken care of."

She bites her lip as a lone tear escapes.

"I saw Roz, and then you."

Crap, crap, crap!

She gives a sweet smile.

"My noble knight, coming to my aid. That was really sweet of you. I hate all the attention, but I know it happens. Do you think that will take care of it?"

"We hope so. I have no idea whether my appearance will accomplish anything, but they kept inferring that I'm to blame for all this. I just decided Roz had taken it as far as she could and I just needed to tell them to leave you alone myself."

She grabs my hand.

"My knight, out to slay the dragons of the media who threaten his fair maiden!"

I take her face into my hands and look deep into her eyes needing to see whether she's upset or not. All I see is amusement and love shining through. I'm relieved, and thoroughly confused!

"Ana Grey, you amaze and bewilder me! I was so worried that this stuff would upset you!"

She too apparently is looking deeply into my eyes trying to gauge how I'm doing.

"Maybe yesterday, or even this morning, but I'm Ok. I mean, I'm pissed, but I think I'm Ok. I'm just sorry you have been dealing with this alone!"

I shake my head no.

"As you can see, my team was on it. They took care of most of it."

She nods, the looks at me.

"And the guy in the news last night?"

She found out about that as well? Shit!

"In jail."

She nods as she twines her fingers in mine.

"Loser."

I smile at her. She has such a way with words sometimes. Thank goodness she's not upset! I've been so worried! Amazing!

"Ana Grey, you are so incredible!"'

She shyly smiles at me, biting that lip.

"You're pretty incredible yourself, Mr. Grey. But, um, I need to go pee again. That was what woke me up. Sawyer explained to me you were down the hall, and, well, I certainly wasn't going to tell him what I needed!"

She bites her lip as she looks at me amused. I shake my head, because that aspect of Ana's life is still periodically a source of discomfort between herself and Sawyer. She reaches down and picks up her I-pad.

"So, I decided to post one of those pictures of Phoebe and me, but when I went on-line the headlines popped up and there was a photo of me outside the hospital yesterday. Well, you know, started looking through stuff. When I read about this press conference you were having, I turned the television on just as Roz was finishing her statement and they started yelling questions at her. Before I know it, you're bursting into the scene."

She is looking at me amused. Amused? I was amusing down there? Surely not!

"You look as if you're amused with me, Mrs. Grey. I can promise you, I was far, far from amused at the time."

She bites her lip and shakes her head.

"Oh, no! I could tell you weren't at all amused. In fact, I was impressed by your self-control. I was sort of expecting bodies to start flying. No, I'm just so grateful you're so protective of me and the kids. "

I kiss her forehead.

"Yes, I am. Now, you need to pee, don't you? Well, let me help you take care of that right now."

I get up and unplug her pump, before leaning down for her to wrap her arms around my neck. Once I have her in my arms, I just stand there and gaze at her. How could I have been so fortunate to find someone like her? She's looking at me, and tilts her head to one side before a smile appears on her lips.

"What are you looking at?"

"You."

A small frown appears on her face, and before she can ask me, I tell her.

"How much I love you, and how fortunate I feel to have you in my life. Even now, with all this shit that's going on, you sick, the press-all of it, I am still so damn grateful that you saved me."

I kiss her gently on the lips, but she pulls herself toward me and reaches up to start running her fingers through me hair. When we come up for air, she is looking at me with a shy smile on her lips.

"You say the sweetest things sometimes. Thank you. I love you too, and I can't imagine my life without you either."


	35. Chapter 35

While Ana's on the toilet, as is my custom of late, I kneel on the floor allowing her to rest her head on my shoulder as I rub her back. In the past, it's because she was unsteady and needed my support, but this time it's because we are enjoying the contact. It may be bizarre, but I don't give a shit. I need to be here with her, like this, and I believe Ana does as well.

She murmurs, "You think I could shower now?"

I look over at the shower, thinking.

"Well, I'll need a little help from the nurses, but do you feel up to it?"

She nods.

"You OK sitting there for a minute?"

"Yes."

"I'll be right back."

I head out and hit the call light, while I pick up her bag of toiletries and a fresh gown from her small case. Consuela walks in.

"Mrs. Grey called, sir?"

"Yes, I want to help her shower, but she's on that heart monitor, plus her IV dressing needs to be covered and I don't know how to do that."

I don't have any other clean clothes, so I have to figure out how to get Ana clean without getting soaked. I decide the best thing to do is strip, so while Consuela takes care of getting Ana ready, I quickly go and pull off my shoes and socks in the bedroom. Once Consuela walks out, I close the bathroom door just in time to step in front of Ana when she starts to stand up. She scowls at me.

"Really, Christian! It's 3 steps for god's sake!"

"Doctor's orders, remember?"

Ana's head is already bare and her gown unbuttoned. I pull it off and toss it onto the counter before I pick her up, setting her on the shower bench already positioned in the shower stall. I swiftly strip, hanging my pants and shirt on the door and throwing my boxers on the counter with her gowns. I gather up shower gel and a wash cloth, and when I turn back, Ana's grinning as she greedily eyes my crotch.

"Oh boy! This is an unexpected surprise!"

She has "that look" on her face and eagerly reaches out, grabbing me. Her hands immediately get busy. Oh my, that feels so good! I mean, really, really good! Ahhh! My eyes roll back into my head as I start to respond to her skilled attention. That is, until the small reasonable scrap of my brain that's still functioning pipes up and reminds me of Ana's limited energy. Right! Damn! Reluctantly I grasp her wrists and gently remove her hands. Her expression sours.

I look at her, "Let's get you clean first, and then we can see if you're up for something dirty."

I lean down and kiss her pouty lip. She arches an eyebrow in response to my declaration.

Grinning broadly as she eyes my erection, she says, "But, it looks as though you're already up for something dirty!"

She leans over to try and grab me again. I playfully swat her hand away.

"No fondling the help. Remember?"

She crosses her arms in front of her.

"Mean husband!"

I look at her and growl,

"Behave!"

My command is met with exaggerated eye rolling. I'm delighted she's interested, but there's business to attend to!

I take the shower wand and turn the water on, and after adjusting the temperature, I aim it at her back. Trying my best to avoid the taped up port dressing I gently spray her all over. After I hang the sprayer on the low hook, I pour gel into the wash cloth and work up a thick lather. I start by washing her back trying to keep myself from panicking because I see every rib and bone down her spine because she's so thin. I close my eyes for a moment and tell myself to quit obsessing over that because right now there's nothing either of us can do about it. I want her to enjoy her shower and pointing out the obvious will only upset her. So, I manage to shove my anxiety to the back of my mind and concentrate on the task at hand, running the cloth under each arm, taking care not to apply too much pressure, especially on her cancerous side, then down and up each arm. I wash the portion of her upper chest not covered with the plastic, then gently wash and caress each breast.

I murmur, "So beautiful."

Ana rolls her eyes, but I choose to ignore her. I know she's not happy with her new tits, but they suit me just fine. Before her surgery I had told her I'd be fine if she didn't have any tits at all, especially when I found out how complicated and painful the reconstruction would be. But, she reasoned she's young enough that she'd be happier if she just did it at the same time as the mastectomies. I tried to tell her to not do it just to please me, but she was determined to go through with it. Afterwards, I hated seeing Ana in so much pain; her C-sections were a piece a cake in comparison. But, the surgeon was skilled and it's healed nicely, but she's been less than pleased with the results. Despite being told to the contrary, she was expecting them to look and feel the same as her old ones and that naturally hasn't been the case.

"They feel nothing like my real ones and don't even look like the real ones ether! I'm really disappointed."

I'm not. I want Ana here, with me and the children for a long, long time, and when she got cancer, her breasts were trying to change that. I'm happy they're gone. To me, the new ones look and feel natural enough, but she still apologizes to me for her "fake" breasts. I just have to keep reminding her how much I like them.

I kneel down and give her feet extra attention before I begin to wash up each beautiful long leg. I set the wash cloth aside and use the sprayer to rinse her off, finally directing her to tilt her head back. Replacing the sprayer to its hook, I squeeze gel into my hands and work it into a rich lather that I spread on her bald head, massaging her scalp as I've always done when she would allow me to wash her hair. She groans with pleasure as I work the knots out of her neck, and then make small, gentle circles at her temples.

"You like?"

I know she does, but I love to hear her tell me.

"Um hmm! It's wonderful!"

I grab the sprayer and carefully rinse her off, then plant a kiss on the top of her wet, clean head. I step to her side and hand her the wash cloth.

Ana fusses at me, "You know Christian I'm really not that unsteady on my feet!"

I ignore her.

"I suspect you want to wash down where the catheter was. Am I right?"

She takes the cloth and stands while I have my arm around her waist.

"You're right about that! I'm so sore down there. Those damn things! You better hope you never have to have one. Nothing short of medieval torture!"

She blusters as she washes. She drops the cloth and accepts the sprayer from me to rinse. I make sure she's seated again before I let go.

I spray her all over one last time to insure all the soap's gone before I turn the shower off and grab a towel, draping it around her shoulders. The hospital doesn't have large bath sheets hanging on a warmer like at home and I'm worried she's going to get cold, so I grab a 2nd towel and begin to dry her feet and legs as she uses the first towel on her head and neck. Throwing my now damp towel aside I take another and wrap it around her torso, drying her chest and underarms. Laying a face towel on the toilet lid, I move her over and hand her the deodorant as I dry off and pull my clothes on. She lifts her arm to apply the DO, a slight grimace on her face as she does.

"It still sore, baby?"

She switches and does her "good side", the one they didn't have to dig into the arm pit to remove lymph nodes.

"Not really sore, just sensitive, like my breasts. Then there's the phantom pain and the numb places. It's all jumbled up still."

Recapping the DO, she hands it to me and smiles.

"It's OK. Promise."

I nod. She always tells me that. I still worry.

I replace the DO on the counter. I work the tape holding the plastic protecting her port off her shoulder and am delighted to see the dressing perfectly dry. I use the corner of the towel to make sure she totally dry.

"Do you want to lotion up?"

She shakes her head no. I can tell she's tired, so I pick up her fresh gown and start to unbutton it.

After Ana's surgery, most arm movement was severely restricted, which has made getting her into regular long-sleeved gowns a big problem. She'd be too cold if the gown was short sleeved or sleeveless, especially since she's lost weight, and we figured a gown that buttoned all the way down the front was the best solution. But, the ones that we found in the stores and on-line were absolutely horrible! Ana called them "granny gowns", which was a pretty accurate description! Instead, we've had long-sleeved night gowns custom made out of soft cotton knit fabrics in various colors and patterns Ana personally selected. They are comfortable, warm, and easy to get on and off, which, we also discovered, also allowed us to deal with the IV tubing when her port was hooked up.

It's taken several months and concentrated exercises for Ana to be able to lift her arms above her head at all. She wants to swim partially to improve her upper extremity range of motion, if we can manage to get the pool warmer. I hold the gown as Ana slides her arms into it. She buttons the gown up.

"Want to brush your teeth?"

"Can that wait?"

I nod. She's beat.

Instead I stand up and lean down so she can put her arms around my neck, picking her up; I grab the IV pole and carry her back to bed. Once settled and covered I kiss her forehead.

"You cold? Want a fresh scarf?"

"Yes, my head's cold. Could I have some tea, please?"

I hand her a scarf and smile at her. I stick my head out and tell Sawyer to ask for tea. I look at the clock and am surprised how late it is.

"I wonder why they haven't come to hook you up to that monitor yet."

Ana is looking out at the park as she adjusts her scarf when she answers.

"They came when you were downstairs. I told them I didn't want to miss the press conference, plus I wouldn't have been allowed to shower if they had hooked me up right then, so I asked them to come back."

She sent them away?!

"You what?! You sent them away? Anastasia! You should NOT have done that! That test's important! Now there's going to several hours of tracings they won't have!"

She crosses her arms and glares at me.

"EXCUSE ME! WHO is the patient here? ME! And, I still have SOME say as to what goes on with ME! I wanted a shower, so that damn monitor could wait! Missing a few hours of tracings is NOT the end of the world, Christian, so calm down and stop yelling!"

Her eyes are blazing and her mouth is set. We're silently glaring at one another when Sawyer taps on the door, then opens it to allow Wanda in with a tray. She stops dead a few paces into the room when she sees our expressions.

"Oh! Um, I can…come back if this isn't a good time."

Ana answers, her gaze not leaving mine.

"No, Wanda. Now is fine, thank you. Why don't you just leave it on the table? Christian can take it from there."

Wanda gingerly sets the tray on the table and begins to back out of the room. Without leaving Ana's gaze, I address Wanda.

"Thank you for bringing that Wanda. Can you please ask Martha to call the Holter monitor people and let them know my wife is ready to be hooked up now?"

"Um, sure, Mr. Grey, I'd be glad to. Is there anything else I can get for you?"

Ana answers this time, again our eyes remain locked, neither of us hardly blinking.

"No, we're great Wanda. Thanks."

The door closes. We still are visually locked on one another.

Irritating woman! Ana is the first to blink. Biting her lip, she lowers her eyes, looking at me through her lashes.

"Could you please bring me my tea, Mr. Grey?"

I can't help it. She totally disarms me!

"Ana Grey, you are the most exasperating woman sometime!"

She just shrugs and settles back onto the pillow as I bring her water, cup, saucer and tea bag, setting it on her bedside table. I move it across her and lower it to a good height when my cell phone rings. As Ana unwraps her tea bag, I pull the phone out and see it's her Mom calling. I look up at Ana, who is dunking the bag in the water.

"It's you Mom."

She frowns.

"Poor Mom, obviously all this media shit made it to Las Vegas!"

I hold the still ringing phone out to her.

"You feel up to answering?"

She shakes her head no as she pours some tea into her cup.

"You start, I don't feel like saying a whole lot, but I'll talk to her once you've calmed her down."

Carla was devastated by Ana's diagnosis, initially so distraught that Bob had to give her a tranquilizer. It hasn't gotten much better since then, half of the time Carla is so upset she already has Ana dead and buried. After her surgery Carla and Bob came to visit to Ana and meet Phoebe, but the visit was cut short several days because all Carla would do in Ana's presence was hang on to her hand and sob. Even a beautiful new granddaughter and a precocious toddler couldn't lift her spirits. Ana was miserable, and so was everyone else. Bob and I decided to just fly them back to Vegas.

I take a deep breath and answer the phone one ring shy of it flipping over to voice mail.

"Carla! How are you?"

Ana is sipping from her cup watching me as she listens to the one-sided conversation.

"Oh, you did, did you...? Please forgive me; the last 2 days have been a blur... No, you're right; it was very inconsiderate of me not to notify you immediately to let you know what was going on. I do apologize."

I look over at Ana wanting to roll my eyes to let her know that her Mom's being annoying, but Ana has placed her cup on the table and is resting with her eyes closed. Conversations with her mother are exhausting for Ana, and I toy with telling Carla Ana is too tired to talk, except, that will wind her up all the more. I go and pour tea from the larger pot into a cup, add my sugar and stir as I listen to Carla go on and on about the poor state of her nerves and how the media reports just about sent her to the ER from a panic attack. Luckily, Bob caught the press conference on-line, so is aware Ana's really not dying, but she needs to know what is going on.

"I'm really sorry, Carla, but I'm sure you can appreciate I've been concentrating on taking care of Ana."

"As you should be Christian. But, surely with all the staff you have someone could have bothered to pick up the phone let us know! I shouldn't have to find out my daughter's seriously ill and in the hospital on the TV news! I'm her mother after all! How is she?"

Finally, she asks about Ana!

"She's doing better Carla, resting right now."

I look over at Ana, but she hasn't moved.

"What's wrong, why is she in the hospital? It must be serious if she had to go to the hospital; I know she hates going there!"

"Her heart rate is too high, it was making light-headed, so they are monitoring her trying to figure out what's going on and deciding how to treat it."

"What about all this on the television that she's dying? Your Roz said she wasn't, but how did that story get started? And, why are they carrying on about this man who was arrested? This all sounds so suspicious!"

I roll my eyes at her. She's always thinking there's more to everything since Jack Hyde hurt Ana.

"It's just the press trying to sell papers, that's all. The man worked for Ana's Oncologist and was fired because he screwed up Ana's home care orders, and decided to tell the press she was sick. As you know we've really not spoken about her illness to anyone other than family and friends. He tipped the press off that Ana was being admitted yesterday and they took a score of pictures when we arrived."

"But, she wasn't even walking Christian! I think you're hiding something! She's really sick, isn't she? You need to tell me! I'm her mother! I deserve to know the truth!"

I close my eyes and take a breath. I know where Ana gets her tenatous streak.

"Carla, Ana was dizzy because her blood pressure was low from the high heart rate. I wouldn't let her walk because she might fall. The elevated heart rate is a problem that has to be addressed, but she's doing OK. She just wears out easily and we just got her back to bed from taking a shower. I promise you if it was serious you would be told!"

I look over at Ana and she's looking at me with her hand out asking for the phone. I nod and walk over to her side.

"Carla, here, talk to Ana."

I hand Ana the phone, who takes a deep breath then plasters a big smile on her face as she puts the phone to her ear.

"Hi, Mom. I promise, I'm OK, really!"

She is silent for a long while listening to Carla, probably listing all her perceived slights and angst. She looks at me and shakes her head in frustration.

"No, Mom. He didn't call, and to be honest, if he had wanted to I would have stopped him. I'm sorry all this media coverage has distressed you, but you know how easy it is for them to blow up over nothing! I was feeling woozy and they decided my heart rate was too high and I'm on a heart monitor while they try and figure out why."

She listens for a moment, then continues.

"Yes, Mom, I got my chemo Monday. No, that went fine. It's all fine, really. I felt like crap for awhile, but I always do. I'm getting over the worst of the nausea and as soon as they finish the testing I'll be going home."

She pauses.

"They are going to give me a little pill to slow it down, then we'll see. Hopefully, once I'm through with the chemo I can stop taking it. But, it's no huge deal, Mom. They just had to do the testing here… No, I'm not in the ICU; I'm in my regular room."

She rolls her eyes again, then closes them. I can tell she's about had as much of Carla as she can handle. She opens them and stares at me as she talks.

"Look Mom, I'm sorry, but I have to go. The nurses are in here and they need to check me out. Please, please don't worry. You know I've told you to ignore what you hear on TV. You know it's always wrong! Yes, I will… Yes, they're both fine... I love you too. OK? Give my love to Bob. Here, speak to Christian, I have to go."

She hands me the phone as she lays her head back and closes her eyes. I take the phone and walk over to the other side of the room.

"OK Carla. All things considered, she's OK. We hope she can go home tomorrow or Friday. Yes, I promise, it something serious…Yes, I promise I will. I have to hang up now. Yes, good bye."

I hit the end button and take a deep breath, running my hand through my hair. Ana has turned on her side, looking out the window.

"I probably should have called her sooner, but I never what is going to be worse, telling her, or hoping she doesn't find out and dealing with the fallout if she does."

She sighs. There's a knock on the door and Wanda peeks in, her looking wary.

"Miss Ana, may I place you back on the heart monitor. The monitor tech keeps calling and saying you have had more than enough time to shower!"

Wanda smiles as she mimics the tech's voice, which prompts a smile out of Ana.

"Sure, Wanda, come on in. We probably should have let you know when I was out. I'm sorry."

Wanda smiles at Ana as she retrieves the monitor box and a package of stick-on buttons.

"Oh, no need to apologize Miss Ana. Oh! And, Mr. Grey, Martha wanted me to tell you the Holter monitor people are on their way up right now."

I nod, thanking her as I pour more tea into my cup.

"Would you like more hot water in your tea pot, baby?"

Wanda is unbuttoning Ana's gown, but Ana looks past her and shakes her head no.

"I'm good, thank you."

OK, let's work on food. I pick up the menu book and flip through looking at the choices, because she needs to have something more substantial than soup and grilled cheese sandwiches!

"Ana, how about steak tonight? I'm craving one, so why don't I order that for both of us?"

Wanda is buttoning up Ana's gown, but my suggestion brings a smile to my bride's face.

"That sounds great! With a baked potato with butter and sour cream?"

I grin back at her.

"If that's what you want, I'm sure that's possible. Anything else sound good?"

She bites her lip and shakes her head. I pick up the phone just as Sawyer opens the door looking for me. I put the phone down and look at him expectantly.

"Dorothy Michaels here to place the Holter monitor on Mrs. Grey."

I nod and look over at Ana who is rolling her eyes at Sawyer's announcement. I give her a questioning look. She is starting to unbutton her gown.

"Button the gown, unbutton the gown! Button, unbutton! That's all."

Wanda emerges from the bathroom with wet towels in her arms.

"I'm sorry, Miss Ana. I could have waited and we could have done both things at the same time."

Ana looks embarrassed as she shakes her head at Wanda.

"Don't worry about it Wanda. I was just thinking my chest has suddenly turned into a busy place! That's all."

The woman who did Ana's EKG yesterday walks in carrying a canvas bag.

"Hi Mrs. Grey, I'm Dorothy and I need to hook you up to a Holter monitor, if that's OK with you."

I jump in; still annoyed she refused it earlier.

"It's more than OK. Thank you for coming."

I give Ana a pointed look. She glares back at me, obviously not the least bit remorseful. I shake my head, she's something else. But, I realize I love her in part because of her stubbornness.

"A man came earlier to hook me up, but I wanted to shower and he said I wouldn't be able to until it's taken off, so I asked if he could come back."

"That was Dwight. He has already gone home for the day, but I'm more than happy to take care of this for you."

I pick the phone up again to call the kitchen. When I'm finished, I walk over to watch. Dorothy has applied 5 new buttons, and is attaching wires to them. I see the colors on the wires are identical to the ones Wanda just placed. She takes tape and covers each button.

"We do that to keep the leads in place."

Now Ana looks a little ridiculous because she has 10 wires coming out between the buttons on her gown attached to 2 different boxes. I grin at her.

"You could be used as a cell tower!"

She grins back at me.

"Halloween costume idea!"

Dorothy checks several things on the box, then closes the cover. She opens a small booklet and writes something in it before placing both the booklet and pen on Ana's table.

"This is your log book. The more information you write down, the better the data can be interpreted. For instance, if you climb a flight of stairs, write that down with the time. Any questions?"

Ana shakes her head no. Dorothy lowers the bed and washes her hands. I hear a knock on the door and Sellers walks in. He sees Ana awake and smiles.

"Well, Ana, you look better. I take it you're feeling better this evening."

Ana grins and squeezes my hand.

"Yes, I just got out of the shower, and it was heaven!"

Sellers goes to Ana's side.

"Well, I checked the monitor on my way in and your heart rate is running about 130. Better, but still high. How are you feeling? Any dizzy or woozy spells?"

Ana shakes her head.

"I've been good. In fact, I am annoyed because my husband hasn't let me set foot on the floor all day! I can walk, dammit!"

Sellers looks over at me smiling.

"Well, you can get up and move around, but only if someone is here to spot you in case you do get dizzy. Dr. Wilson and I talked this afternoon, and I agree with his recommendations. Have they hooked you up to the Holter monitor yet?"

I give Ana an annoyed look before answering.

"They just finished a few minutes ago. My wife had her own agenda this afternoon, which prevented them from hooking her up earlier."

I carefully enunciate each word of my explanation while I look sternly at my wife who just shrugs.

"Oh well, at least it's on now. Your labs all look fine, but remember you counts will begin to drop this weekend hopefully not enough to warrant a transfusion, especially since we topped you off yesterday. Now, Ana, I wanted to ask, what have you decided about the anti-depressant?"

Ana squeezes my hand as she looks at me; I squeeze her hand back and give her an encouraging look. She looks up at Sellers.

"As much as I hate taking pills, I've decided to try it and see if it helps me."

She again looks at me and I radiate my pleasure that she's agreeable to trying. Sellers nods, a small smile on his face.

"Good girl! Now, you must agree to take it at least 6 weeks if you really mean to give it a fair trial. Most people begin to feel better in just a few weeks, but the literature says 6. Deal?"

Looking at Sellers, she agrees to 6 weeks.

"Is there anything else we need to talk about?"

I look at Ana as we both shake our heads no. Sellers clears his throat.

"I want to again apologize for all the turmoil my former PA has caused for you both. I have to admit that other members of my staff, especially Marcie, have been telling me Watson was acting oddly. His wife passed away from a ruptured aneurysm about 3 years ago, and he apparently hasn't coped well with the loss, not that it's any excuse for what he's done, mind you."

Ana nods thoughtfully, then looks up at Sellers, her face radiating curiosity.

"It sounds as if you depend on Marcie a great deal. How long has she worked for you?"

Sellers smiles. Sensing this conversation may take awhile, I go grab the chair and set it down for him before I resume my spot on the side of Ana's bed. He gratefully sits down before answering.

"Marcie and I go way back. I joined this practice as a young physician, having just finished a Fellowship at Sloan Kettering. About the same time my former partner managed to persuade Marcie to leave her position on the Oncology floor to come work for us, mainly because she had kids in school and wanted weekends and holidays off. Although I had trained at a top notch facility, I was still pretty wet behind the ears when it came to actually dealing with patients and families, and Marcie basically raised me!

"Several years ago my partner began to have some health issues and we saw the writing on the wall; that at some point in the not too distant future he would not be able to continue to practice. We were dreading having to bring another physician in and get them up to speed, then Marcie mentioned she was interested in becoming a NP. My partner and I felt it was a perfect solution, so we pitched the idea to Marcie. She whole heartedly agreed, so we paid for her to earn her NP, and she was able to step in when my partner retired. It's been a win-win for all of us. I honestly believe Marcie's worth 2 physicians, just because her experience and abilities are so amazing. It's worked out far better than either of us thought it would."

Ana grins as he talks because she's always liked stories like this one. But, I have a question.

"What's the difference between a regular nurse and a Nurse Practitioner?"

"Well, a NP can diagnose and treat minor aliments and illnesses, including ordering medications, whereas RN's carry out physicians' orders. Granted, RN's assess patients and are expected to identify things such as trouble breathing or an irregular heart beat, but they legally can't render a medical diagnosis, or order medications for that disorder. Marcie can see assess patients, diagnose the problem, then order medications when necessary. If the patient has a problem she deems in need of a higher level of care, she has me see them. And, I've always found her assessment skills to be top notch, better than quite a few of my physician colleagues. So, basically, she can work pretty independently, dealing with the less serious patient issues, which allows me to concentrate on diagnosis and treatment options for patients, as well as concentrate my time caring for our sicker patients."

"That's a great story, and Marcie's great!"

He Smiles back at Ana.

"Yes she is."

"Can I go home tomorrow?"

He shakes his head no.

"Maybe Friday, I want to monitor you one more day. I'd really like to see your heart rate lower than it is presently."

Ana frowns in disappointment, but I had already figured out the odds for tomorrow were small. Sellers stands and fondly rubs Ana's shoulder.

"I need to go. I will order the Lexipro to start tonight. Oh, and just so you know to expect it, I want a few labs done in the morning and Dr. Wilson wants to repeat the EKG as well."

I stand and shake his hand as he turns to go, but he snaps his fingers and quickly turns back to look at Ana.

"I almost forgot, and Marcie would have had my hide if I did! Marcie thinks we should have a nutritional assessment done on you, and I agree. So, a Dietitian will be by some time tomorrow."

Ana narrows her eyes and looks at him suspiciously.

"What exactly is a 'nutritional assessment'?"

Sellers is amused by Ana's obvious mistrust.

"Nothing painful, I can assure you! They just look at you labs, take some measurements and talk to you about how you're eating to determine whether you are eating enough to meet your body's needs, and if not, has suggestions to help you do so. After seeing you this morning, Marcie's concerned that you're a little too thin."

If I had known that could be done, I would have made sure she had been checked out before now! I pipe up.

"She IS too thin! She's had so much trouble eating; I've honestly been worried about how much weight she's lost so far. She's never been big, and now… I didn't know such a thing existed, so I'm glad Marcie thought of it!"

Sellers smiles, although Ana is scowling.

"That's why she and I make such a great team because as a nurse she notices these sorts of things a great deal sooner than I usually do, and then we can intervene earlier and hopefully head off problems in the future. I really must run! I need to get your orders in, then have to meet the Missus at a grandson's tuba recital!"

With that he's gone.

I lean down and kiss Ana, then look into her eyes.

"OK?"

Ana sighs. I sit down next to her.

"No, it's NOT OK, but I obviously have no choice. I want to go home and be with my babies."

"I know, baby. Soon. Tell you what, after supper we'll call and talk to Teddy before he goes to bed. You got to see Phoebe this morning, so we'll check on him, too."

Tears threaten, but she smiles before she leans over and kisses me.

"That'd be great! Have I told you recently how wonderful you are? I love you, Christian."

"I love you, too, Ana. And, I'm proud of you for agreeing to try the anti-depressant."

I look at her and she gives me a sad smile.

"I guess I've been trying to ignore how different I've been feeling. I sorta knew something was wrong, but I just figured it'd pass. I really want to feel better, because I've been much too dependent on you recently..."

"Don't ever feel badly for needing me! That's why I'm here for."

She plays with my wedding band, then gives me a sweet smile.

"I know, but I'm usually able to cope with a lot more shit than this. I don't know, I just keep getting overwhelmed and I really want to feel strong again. If taking this medicine will help, I'm all for it."

I kiss her.

"Good for you!"


End file.
